Title: Waiting -Part Three-
Author: Hidden Willow
Email: willow4614@hotmail.com
Pairing: L/L, but heavy on the Lana/Whitney for this chapter
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Lex and Lana struggle with their respective decisions.
Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville or the Smallville characters.
Author's note: Press fast forward. This takes place in the thick of "Tempest" so lines come from that episode.
*********
The gravel of the road crackled against the tires as Whitney drove them to the station. It was only a twenty minute drive there and most of that time he had spent looking numbly through the windshield.
She was sure something was supposed to be in the air between them besides the storm that was picking up. But all she felt was the little electrical spark in the air, that soft humming that drilled itself in her head. A warning. A crackle. A protest.
She had felt the little warning inside of her all week. She knew something had been going on with Whitney. It only took a picnic to confirm it. He was leaving.
All day she had clung to Whitney's form, playing for the last time the part of the loyal girlfriend. It felt like a lie to her and she couldn't imagine how it could feel like anything else to him. But now that it really mattered, now that it was almost time for goodbyes, she was as distant as possible. But that didn't feel honest, either.
He had asked her to wait. The inevitable question. Who would she lie to? Herself or to him? How real could they be together, anyway? How real had they ever been? Real enough to hurt.
And she hurt like hell. There it was again. That twisting hole beneath her that threatened to swallow her whole. That's exactly how it had felt when she had told him she couldn't wait for him. She couldn't keep herself swathed in his comfort. She had to escape or they'd both regret it forever.
She hadn't told him that. How could she? But she told him enough. She didn't know if they could survive time. She wasn't sure they would have survived if he had stayed. She had made a decision not unlike the one he had made. She wouldn't keep standing still. She couldn't wait. Not anymore. Maybe, if things had been different...
As the pickup pulled into the station she felt his weight shift as the engine died down. He turned to face her. And even now she saw understanding shine through his eyes. He believed in them in a way she was sure she never could. It almost made it a little easier to let go.
She was determined to make this as easy as she could. She hated goodbyes. She hated losing people. She hated the feel of falling and no one to catch her.
"Do you have everything?" she asked, failing at her attempt to sound upbeat.
"You're only allowed one bag."
"I'd never make it as a Marine," she joked. Her words rushing past her lips with unusual ease.
The warmth of the joke faded and she could see his eyes dim. She turned away from him, her eyes downcast as she felt the sparks in the air crackle once again.
*It wasn't a goodbye* The soft intake of a breath said differently.
This was the right thing to do. She knew that. But there was something about all this that felt so wrong. She didn't want to leave him. And it wasn't because of old habits or having a hand to hold on a hard day that made her feel like hiding.
A lump formed inside her throat as she saw him trying to come up with what to say. The only thing that kept her focused was the suddenly heavy weight of her necklace against her skin. She felt a shadow of an idea stir before a click went off in her head.
Swallowing down her nerves, her hands went up behind her neck searching for that clasp.
She knew he meant so much to her even if she couldn't form it into words. She wouldn't leave him without somehow letting him know. He deserved so much more a compromise when it came to her heart.
"I want you to have this for luck." She couldn't feel anything as she placed the necklace in his palm. It was easier to let the feelings slip away and fall before they could reach her. It was the only way to be strong.
He looked at her with a touch of surprise before the sentiment sank in. They had never been good with words. They were fumbling little things to Whitney and they always made her feel like she was walking through a minefield. That was why she was so careful with her words and he always relied on action to show what he couldn't say.
But now it was her turn to show him. And it was a chance to say goodbye, not only to him, but to everything she should have let go of before. It seemed fitting that she was giving away the thing that had caused her so much pain... death in a fiery ball, loss, fear, missed chances... but had lead to the bits of happiness she had found in life... Nell, Whitney, Clark, Chloe, Lex... If everything could have been compressed any further than a piece of meteorite she just might have cried right then and there.
He closed his palm against the green, shiny piece of her past.
"I won't lose it this time," he promised.
She smiled softly at that. Despite what he thought, he had never really disappointed her. And she knew he never would.
The sinking hole beneath her rumbled. Steady, Lana. But it was too late. The thought was already out there. Was she really going to lose him?
The same thought seemed to go through his mind as he pulled her into an embrace, his eyes tightly shut as he held her. She could feel him breathe in the scent of her hair. The hammering of her heart pounded harder as she felt her throat close in with the threat of tears.
She hated crying almost as much as she hated goodbyes.
"Goodbye, Lana," he said before he let go.
She didn't reply.
*Not a goodbye*
She watched quietly as he got out and took his bag out from the back. She pushed herself into the driver's seat, her eyes fixed on him as he headed towards the bus.
*Not a goodbye*
But everything in her screamed that it was and she could feel the steady wall she always leaned on fall apart. Who was she being strong for now? This wasn't strength. This was fear. This could be regret.
He gave her a final look back at her as he set his bag down on the bus steps.
*This was real*
She quickly pushed the door open and ran to him. He met her half way, her arms instantly wrapping around him as she held him tightly.
She wasn't going to hide from the pain. She couldn't protect herself from every bit that life had to offer. Isn't that what she was trying to move away from?
"I loved you the first moment that I saw you. I'll still love you when I see you again," he told her over the roar of the spiraling air around them. It wasn't a promise or an assurance. It was simple truth.
She loved him, too. Not the way he did, but enough for it hurt. There was always enough for that.
They pulled away for a moment only to find themselves drawn into a kiss. She should have felt the warm comfort she always found in his familiar kiss, and she did, but she also felt something new. Underneath the tender kiss, there was a fervor there she had never felt with him before. It was like an explosion of everything they had never openly shared. If she had held back she never would have known.
This was life. So this was life.
*******
A weary hand traveled up to her face as she tried to wipe off her tears without losing control of the car.
She told herself she should have stayed in the station for a bit until she got a hold of her emotions, but there was nothing she wanted more than to get back home.
Home sounded good. Getting out of her dirty clothes, changing into something soft and light, and curling up to read a book. It was an escapist pastime of hers just like a long line of others, but this wasn't one she was ready to give up just yet.
Though, this time it seemed like she'd need more than a good book. Maybe hot chocolate and an old movie, she thought to herself as she felt another trail of tears wind down her face until the salty sting of tears edged into her mouth.
She blinked once. Twice. Three times. Willing the tears to stay in her glossy eyes and not drop anywhere else unless she said so.
She focused on the road again and the rest of her surroundings. It wouldn't do any good by getting into an accident.
The outside world didn't seem to be faring any better than she was. The sky was dark and menacing, lined up with angry clouds that sparked with charged up energy.
Despite that, she didn't feel threatened by the growing ugly weather. It was only with the unexpected peal of thunder to her left that she felt a little spooked.
Her head turned sharply to the left as she looked out of the window, caught up in the lightening and debris outside, before she pulled her eyes back to the road.
She shook her head, commanding herself to get it together. A slightly angry left then right hand tried to comply as her fingers swiped away the tears.
The tears were coming back, though, in full force. It was the sudden fear in her blood that was causing that little bit of control in her to fall to pieces.
She tried blinking back her tears again, but to no avail. Maybe, that was way she couldn't see what was coming right towards here at a startling speed.
Whatever the reason, Lana barely had the chance to identify the row of mailboxes for what they were before they crashed into the car.
A frightened shriek escaped out of her as she felt the impact. She tried to control the car as it swerved across the road, but it was beyond her control.
She felt the tires swing across the pavement violently before the car landed hood first into a ditch. Her head flung forward with the impact, but was held back from colliding into the windshield by her seatbelt. She had been spared from a nasty concussion, but as she lifted her hand to brush away the hair in her face she realized the rest of her body didn't feel so lucky.
All she knew was she wanted out of the damned car. She felt the hysteria inside her rise as her breathing became more erratic. With a blind hand she grappled with the door handle in terror before she felt the open air around her as she stumbled out.
The ground beneath her was almost a welcome comfort as she felt herself fall down. Hands reaching towards the next foot of earth, her legs dragging behind her, she crawled away from the car before she got back up on her feet.
The wind outside was worse than she thought. She couldn't see a thing with the way the wind was wrapping her hair around her face like a mask. Turning her head, the sharp strands fall away enough for her to see.
But she didn't see it at first. She heard it. That sickly sound. Like the roar of a freight train approaching. But it wasn't that at all.
Her mouth gaped in horror as she took in the sight of the three tornado funnels roaming towards her. She was sure there was something she was trying to get out of her suddenly dry mouth, but no noise escaped.
She watched in shock as the tornado picked apart the earth with ease as it tumbled toward her. It was like staring right into the universe. It was unyielding, powerful, and forever. It felt like forever.
The horrible, familiar feeling of death loomed in front of her. Years ago something from the heavens had unexpectedly snatched away her parents. Had it come back for her?
No, this wasn't happening. This wasn't allowed to happen. Not now that she had regained control over her life. Not now that she had a chance. She was supposed to break away from her past, not fall into it.
God, not now. Not in a way that had terrified her since she was little.
She needed more time. She still hadn't gotten out of Smallville. She still didn't know who she was. She needed more time to become closer friends with Chloe. Needed to find out Clark's mysterious little secrets. She needed to thank Lex for believing in her.
She could feel the bile in her throat rising. At the moment there were no assurances. Just the vivid reality twisting ahead of her at 200 mph.
She took a few steps back in blind fear. She looked around frantically for some place to take shelter. But there was nothing there to protect her. *No one* to protect her.
She continued walking backwards until she felt the truck against her back. Dazed, she reached for the car door and got in.
She knew better. A life in Kansas has taught her about tornadoes and emergency procedure. Outside. Ditch. Lie. Flat.
But it was all nonsensical to her right now. Everything was lost in the hazy blur of desperation. She wasn't going to get out of this alive.
The car that only moments before she had inwardly cursed at was the only place in the bleak stretch around her that felt mildly safe.
And right now emotion won over logic.
A distraught laugh erupted from her as she remembered her cell phone. It was an extremely slim chance, but it was all she had. There was no way she could outrun the tornado.
Her fingers frantically punched in the buttons, silently begging for it to work. There wasn't a signal, but she couldn't get herself to give up without trying. The frustration soon caught up to her as she angrily threw the phone at the dashboard.
She watched helplessly as the three tornado funnels merged into one. Crossing the field, it grew dark with debris before it reached the barn behind her. Just as easily as a tide washed away a sandcastle, the tornado swept it away.
All she could see was the twisted expanse of wind and sky. All she could hear was the deafening howl as it got closer.
It wasn't supposed to end like this.