Hi everyone! It's me again! Musha! GAH! Yes I know I've taken ALONG time with this,demo I promise now that I'll try to write faster. I sunk into a bit of a depression for a while there demo, now I'm back to my giddy self!
Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~

Tainted Dream

Chapter Five

~*~*~*~*~

Sparkling, crystal clear and shimmering with the promise of new life in the seasons to come. Lakes in the springtime were always as such, rippling with the life that lay hidden just beneath the surface of the glassy face. There to help support all the creatures that needed its usage to survive. It was always there for them, whenever needed it was there.
Liquid of life.
In the winter however, the water would change. It would no longer be a kind and life giving realm, a place for all those who required it's abilities and safety to come and seek shelter. It would close itself off from those poor innocent lives that needed it and that had come to depend upon it, expect it to always be there. Leaving the souls to freeze and fade away in the harsh season of winter that always followed the life giving spring.
Cruel pools of ice.
Just like Musha's eyes.
She vanished, running away and disappearing into the noonday sun as if she had only been a memory, a spirit come to haunt Tensei of what could have been, what might have been.
What had been.
Together forever, friends forever, sisters forever, from birth until death. Kindred spirits, nothing would drive them apart.
Laughter, singing, laughing while they learned of the unjust ways of the world. There was forever happiness and warmth.
Now, cold, ice, tears and sorrow as everything was torn away from them after the victory. After the wars conclusion, the world ended.
"Tensei?" A soft hand was placed on her shoulder and she slowly tore her eyes away from the spot where Musha and Wufei had vanished from. Quartre's blue eyes peered back at her, half hidden among a mess of blonde hair.
Had his eyes always been so cold? Maybe it wasn't him, maybe it was just the world. The entire world was cold.
"Tensei." His voice was gentle and soothing, sweeping throughout Tensei's head, haunting and torturing her with memories of the past. With memories of what could have been.
"Yes Quartre?" Her voice...was it her voice? Everything was so cold, so bitter. She couldn't even tell anymore.
Did she even care?
He pulled away and nodded outside, towards the still opened door. "Lets go out, I'll buy you a coffee or something." He paused and swallowed as he took a step outside. "We should probably talk."
"About what?" Even as she argued and protested, she felt her feet stepping outside, betraying her as they seemed to follow the same pathway that Musha had traveled down only moments before.
Was it only moments? It felt like hours now.
Quartre stared straight ahead, slowing down so he was walking at the same pace as Tensei. There feet making a pattern on the cement below there feet as they took one step, then another, and another. "About everything. It's, been a long time since you died Tensei."
She stumbled, her body seemed to big for her feet, and her head seemed to far away from the ground. Dead? Death....Tensei was dead. That's right, Tensei had died in a plane crash two year ago, and Renee had been born the same day.
A promise had been broken.
Lives had been spared.
Spirits had shattered.
Death, life, rebirth. Was it all just an endless dream?
No, dreams were suppose to be wonderful. Blissful ways to escape reality deep in unconscious slumber, where nothing matters but the most primitive things, because there is always the promise of a rising sun when a spirit returns to the body.
Returns to reality.
"Careful." His hand moved swiftly to steady her, guided with experience that can only be achieved by soldier of battle. "You're shaking, Tensei." He looked up at her again and slowly let go of her hand, letting his fingers trail across the skin as if trying to prove to himself that she was indeed here, and not just some fantasy of the mind.
She nodded slowly, stepping back and staring hard at him.
He looked the same. Same eyes, perhaps a little wiser; same hair, perhaps a little less kept; same smile, perhaps a little more shaky, a little more forced, a little less sure.
Had she caused that? Had it been Tensei's death that had caused that? He use to be, so sure of himself. So knowing, so positive.
"You tried to kill yourself! You selfish brat! You would kill yourself and leave everyone else to bear this burden!?" His words echoed, rung within her mind. She shut her eyes as the memory assaulted her unsuspecting mind.
Her still healing heart.
For, the words were the truth. Nothing could be farther from a lie. She had done just that, she had killed Tensei Jianio.
She had left Musha without a family.
She had left Quartre without her friendship.
She'd left the world, with no reason why other than the fact that she was just scared! A coward! To frightened to face reality! To face the truth!
"Tensei?" Quartre turned to her, his eyes reflecting concern now, no longer the cold that they had previously been.
Or the cold that Tensei had seen in her mind.
He stepped forward and looked deep into her eyes, his jaw clenched and his eyebrows set. So much to say, so many words resting on the tip of his tongue, eternity's, lifetimes, so many. Then, he looked away, tearing his gaze apart from the very eyes he had been staring into seconds before. "Come on, we're here."
Her gaze flickered up to the sign, big red letters equipped with an artificial tree next to it read 'Wilderness Cafe, soothe your troubled mind'.
Tentatively, she took a step inside, sighing softly as she was assaulted by the air conditioning that sheltered and comforted her from the grim noonday sun.
Soothe you're troubled mind. Could anything her in such a way anymore?
She watched wordlessly as Quartre stepped inside after her, walking up to the counter and ordering two iced teas.
Tensei, he'd been calling her Tensei. It was true then, she really had no place to run anymore.
She couldn't run from reality no matter how much it sucked, she couldn't go to find herself and discover the secrets that her brown eyes held beneath them.
Who was she?
Hikari had vanished, faded into memories just like the war.
Tensei was dead, died two years ago in a plane crash.
Renee was revealed, no past no purpose.
Who was she?
Perhaps this was a dream, a false world that she would one day wake up from. Laugh and cry as she realized that that's all that it had ever been.
But something was wrong with it, it wasn't blissful, or filled with the satisfying nothingness. No, this wasn't a normal dream.
It was tainted.
**************
"Musha!" He ran up to her, breathing hard, eyes wild. His hand shot out and grasped her wrist, stopping the young woman before him from continuing in her sprint.
Her run. Away from her past, away from her future, away from herself.
The body tensed beneath his grasp, sweat shimmering on the skin from the excretion of her run, and from the rays of the sun pounding down upon them.
"What?" Her voice was cold, blank. As if there was nothing left, and that was all it was, a mere voice. No past, no present, no future.
No identity.
He growled softly and whirled her around, refusing to let go even as she struggled to break free. "What the Hell did you do back there!?"
"Normally it is referred to as the action of running, Wufei." She bit her lower lip and tried once more unsuccessfully to tear away from him. "Feet move at an accelerated pace that results in a person moving rather quickly away from something."
"Damnit! I know what it is Musha!" What was wrong with her? Why was she acting this way? "I want to know why you did it! Why did you run from Tensei!"
"Tensei is dead!" Her eyes flamed and she bit her lower lip hard, nearly drawing blood. "And as for why I ran, I don'T need a reason. I'm the murderer Samantha Ling, remember?"
His eyes widened faintly and he stepped away from Musha, half shocked and half disgusted. Colin Foster, that had been what the weakling in isolation had called her! She was actually listening to him!? He voiced this out loud.
Musha shrugged and shut her eyes. "It's the truth isn't it? That's what I am." She opened them again, her face setting into a scowl. "And the fact that I just ran away from Tensei proves it!"
"Baka Onna!" He didn't call her that much anymore, she'd proved to him on the day Master U had died, on the finally day of the war that she was deserving of a name. That she deserved a name, and it was honorable of him to serve that right. However, at times such as these, when she was acting as a complete fool, that he would forget, forget everything he had seen her do, forget the strong woman that stood before him, and only see a weak little girl.
A woman undeserving of a name.
She raised an eyebrow, her eyes still cold, twin pools of ice. "Well? Are you going to finish that statement, Wufei?"
He growled in frustration, feeling his patients and his anger being stretched to their limits. Tearing apart at the seams. "You're a fool Onna. Tensei is back there, waiting for you! After two years she's there, come out of hiding and you're running away! And why? Because you're two cowardly to face her now! To weak!"
"Hai! That's it Wufei! I'm to weak! I'm to pathetic! Fine, I'll agree to that if it's what you truly believe! If that's the only way you see me as!" Her voice shook and trembled, a fire having ignited deep within her heart, threatening to overcome and destroy all that she held dear.
Wufei shook his head, staring at her. "That's not true and you know it Musha." Why was his voice shaking? Not with sorrow, but with fury.
She stepped back, staring up at him as a few stray tears fell from her eyes. "Then what is true, Wufei? I don'T even know anymore, so tell me. What's true in this insane world?"
The words came to his lips, screamed to fall, but they didn't. Instead, he simply regarded her, watched her. "Integrity, my integrity. When the world goes crazy I'll continue fighting, believing in myself when there's no one else to believe in."
"No one else to believe in." She murmured and took a step back, suddenly beginning to tremble. "I'm not trust worthy then, you don't believe in me?"
"No, not the way you're acting now, like a fool, or a child. How do I know you won't simply leave, abandon me, like you just did Tensei?"
Her head shot up, her eyes wild. "DAMNIT WUFEI! I'm not Merian!"
His fist flew, he didn't even realize it was moving until he heard the sickening thud, and saw the hand shoot towards him to prevent any more of the damage. It wasn't until he saw the first traces of a bruise forming on Musha's cheek, or her hand blocking his just an inch away from the rest of her delicate features, did he feel his actions register upon his brain. Did he allow himself to realize what he had just done.
"Musha..I..."
"Don't say anything, Wufei." She stepped back, a single tear falling from her eye, no longer out of anger. Without a word, she turned away and began to walk, her feet softly hitting the ground and the sounds seemed to ring within Wufei's mind. He knew what was coming next, it couldn't be though...he wouldn't believe it, she hadn't said it yet....maybe....maybe his heart was wrong.
Musha glanced over her shoulder, pausing on the street corner. "If you enjoy being Solitary, why don't you go back to being it Wufei?" Her eyes flickered, and she turned away, almost running again. "Goodbye Wufei, goodbye forever."
**************
"Why did you do it Tensei?"
"Do what?" She didn't look up from her tea cup, as if fascinated by the movement of the warmed liquid in the cup.
Quartre ran his finger through his hair and handed Tensei some sugar, just as she had always requested in Ecuador.
It was ironic, to know exactly how she liked her tea, and yet have no idea what lay beneath her eyes, or under her skin.
"Quartre, listen I..." she trailed off, unable to say anything more.
He simply nodded and watched her again,crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back in his seat. His eyes boring into her flesh, as if he could take one look at her and see all the secrets that she possessed, and everything about her.
"You did the exact same thing to Renee you know." Quartre's eyes flamed with surprise as her soft voice broke the silence. Of all things he'd expected her to say, it hadn't been that.
"On the boat a few days ago." She continued gently, her voice barely above a whisper. "Remember? You were asking her questions about herself, about the war, about who'd she'd lost, what she'd gained." She smiled faintly, but it seemed far away, almost as if Quartre was watching the young woman before him between worlds, between realities. As if he was awake, and she was asleep and dreaming. "She didn't like that. She didn't like the way you looked at her, as if you could know everything about her with that single glance. She thought, that if you looked hard enough, with those eyes you have, that you could see beneath her, beneath all of the blockades and barriers she'd built up around herself, in the last two years of her life."
"Tensei." Quartre placed his hand gently on top of her, trying to stop himself from shaking. "Renee and you are the same person. Stop referring to her as if she's someone else."
Tensei shook her head and slowly pulled her hand away, clutching it close to her chest as if was the only thing that remained real in her life. "No."
"No?"
"You're wrong Quartre." She closed her eyes half way, peering at him from under long, troubled lashes and Quartre felt a chill dash along his spine. Something was wrong, his space heart was warning him and it was all he could to to prevent doubling over and clutching his chest, or perhaps running and grabbing onto Tensei, to somehow make her come back to the way she was before, to the girl he'd cared so much about
She tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. "Tensei, Renee, and Hikari are all different people. All of them."
"No...Tensei, listen to me. You must not be feeling well, perhaps it's shock." Yes, that had to be it. Slowly, he stood up and sat down against next to her, wrapping his arm tenderly around her neck and shoulders. Her smaller frame trembled next, covered in a cold sweat. "Tensei." His voice was soft and soothing, as if comforting a distraught child.
"Iie Tensei." Quartre's voice was soft and gentle, the kind you would use when trying to soothe an angry child. But there was something different to it, a strange sound in it that meant something that not even Quartre himself understood.'
The memory shifted throughout Quartre's mind, yes, he remembered this, it had happened before, just like this. On the very day he had discovered who Hikari was.
That the girl known as Tensei Jianio and the soldier known only as Hikari were the same person.
"No Quartre. NO!" She pulled away from suddenly, as if his mere touch had burned her spirit beyond repair. She gasped for breath and shook her head violently. "I'm not Tensei! Renee was different from Tensei! She was strong, she was living on her own without a single drop of blood staining her hands!
"Hikari has vanished, faded into the memories of people, just like the war. Tensei is dead, she died two years ago in a plane crash when she tried to run away from reality and Renee doesn't exist anymore, she had no past and now has no purpose. All of them are dead!"
A distinct shattered reached his ears and Quartre quickly looked around, trying to determine the cause of it but none of the other guests looked up, or showed any sign that they had heart it. Perhaps one day, he would discover what the sound was, but right now it wasn't necessary.
Besides, his heart was hurting far to much for him to care. Moving slowly, he rested his head in his hands. "Who are you then?"
"....I don't know anymore." Her fingers absentmindedly tapped out a pattern on the table top and in his mind, Quartre began to place words to it.
'kono mune no kodou wa
anata e to tsudzuite'ru so far away'
Rhythm Emotion, it had been Tensei's favorite song, during the war. He sighed softly, shutting his own eyes.
"If you don't know who you are, how am I suppose to understand either Tensei?" He stood up, placed some money on the counter as he did so, never once looking away from her with those eyes. How could a glance hold so much power? "Hikari was my enemy, it was my job to capture her. Renee was a stranger, someone I was polite to so i wouldn't hurt her. Tensei...Tensei was different. I cared about Tensei with feelings I had believed that a blood stained soldier such as myself should have no right to. I cared for her so much that it scared me." He turned and walked away, the door giving a soft dinging sound as he opened it and let it go behind him. "I think, I even loved Tensei. But she's truly dead now, isn't she? Not in a plane crash, but because you let her die."
**************
His hair lay matted and dirty upon the ground behind him, a few stray strands even going as far as to fall into the salty water next to him, but Duo didn'T so much as flinch. The knots would be Hell later, but he would deal with that then. That was the future. The current present was crap, so all that he had was the past.
The corner of his mouth tugged and he allowed himself to flop back fully onto the grass, water and dirt mixing together in his clothes and hair, upon his skin and in his nails.
It felt rather nice actually, like this he was able to consider himself part of the world, part of nature. Part of the 'great cycle of life'. Death, rebirth, like this he didn't have to worry about anything. He was just part of the world, no emotions, no pain, no choices.
"Oi." He shut his eyes and smiled again, rolling his eyes behind the closed lids. "No emotions, I'm starting to sound like Hiiro." He paused and let his muscles relax against the damp Earth. "Then again, Hiiro the one with the kid, and the wife, and the perfect life now. Maybe he has the right idea."
"Baka na..." she mumbled, before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him right there on the lips.'
Duo sighed again, opening his eyes to try and rid himself of the memories that slammed quickly and violently into his mind.
'Hilde raised an eyebrow, "Duo. Please tell me."'
"Shut up! I don't want to hear it!" she threw her purse back over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes.'
"Duo! How've ya been, hon?" a feminine voice squealed from the other end.'
His eyes widened and he let out a loud annoyed groan. He couldn't even think about how he had betrayed Hilde without seeing Elizabeth's teasing eyes within his mind.
And that could only mean one thing, something that even in the deep recesses of his mind he struggled to disregard even as he accepted it.
He was beyond screwed.
He was lovesick.
"You have GOT to be kidding me!"
"Well." A twinkling feminine voice sounded above him and he looked up, smiling nervously as Elizabeth's smiling face filled his vision. "That depends hon, what are you kidding about."
"Um, nothing, nothing at all."
She laughed and flopped down onto the ground next to him, laying down. Rather than resting her head on the ground however, she placed it on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.
Duo flushed. "Um, Elizabeth..."
"Hmm?"
He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but to his shock as much as surprise, the only sound that came out of a soft squeak.
Elizabeth laughed again and tilted her head back to look at him. "Ya know, you look even sexier when you're confused." With that said, she pushed herself up slightly and captured her lips with his own in a soft kiss.
Which, much against his will, Duo managed to break and pull back. "Listen Abbie, we need to talk." Oh, this was great. It wasn't bad enough that he was sounding like Hiiro, but now he had to sound like some player right before a break up!
Elizabeth seemed to come to the same conclusion and pulled back as well, crossing her arms as well as her legs and raising an eyebrow. "Spare us all Hon, and don't go into one of those 'break up speeches' I've heard them all and they've always gotten the same result." She flashed him a grin. "And I would really prefer not to main that lovely face of yours."
"Haha. Very funny Abbie, you're getting a great sense of humor."
"Come on, last night couldn'T have been that bad."
"H-hey!" Geez, he must have been going for a world record here. 'The reddest a man's face could get without dying from to much blood rushing to the brain.'
"Duo." Her eyes changed, the mirth drained from their endless depths, and sobered instantly. "Duo...I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have done, what I did last night."
"You were drunk."
"That's true, but I can't put all of the blame upon that."
Duo shrugged, holding up a finger as if stating an obvious fact. "That's always worked for me before Abbie. When in doubt, blame beer!"
She rolled her eyes and laughed, but it was slightly bitter, laced with confusion and doubt. The sound mingled with the waves lapping softly against the shore. "I know. Duo, after you'd left to work for the Preventers, I convinced myself that our 'relationship' if you would call it that, was over. I convinced myself that I was just as happy with you just as my friend. But last night, I just...lost it. I gave into temptation, maybe it was the beer but suddenly, I didn't want you just as my friend....so.." she looked away and sighed. "I don't know why, why it suddenly became so important for you to be with me. I'd known you were going steady with Hilde but....I don't know, I just lost it. I got drunk in hopes you would to, and our relationship would start again. I..don't know why I did what I did."
"You're serious?" He stared at her, his eyes no longer filled with amusement or excitement. No, now they were filled with confusion. At himself, at Elizabeth, and at emotions that he had always simply considered 'hormones' up until this point.
What was suddenly bringing on this sudden change, all this, confusion.
It was almost as if his mind had betrayed him.
"Elizabeth." He threw her a slightly goofy grin, even as it shook. "As much as I would like to place all of the blame upon you, and I really would! Actually, I still could!" She tugged on his ear and he laughed before continuing. " I can't, because...I had the same feelings last night, the same hopes."
She shook her head and rested her head on his shoulder again, sighing. "So, are you saying we should give this a chance Hon?"
Duo shrugged again. "Well, the way I see it. We've already screwed, so what have we got to loose?"
"Hmm, good point."
Suddenly, something seemed to shiver before them, and then there was a horrible sound, as if the very earth beneath them was screaming.
Or tearing apart.
"ELIZABETH!" He couldn't explain it, or how he reacted but it was almost as if he was watching it from outside his body, seeing it through a television screen or watching a movie. He pushed Elizabeth beneath him as the sky seemed to break apart, shattering the building before them in the process and causing the sea to swell horribly.
It was moments later that the dust finally managed to settle and the wails of sirens filled the air. The lakefront that had only seconds before been green and beautiful, was nothing more than a wasteland.
Where nothing stirred.
**************
Relena smiled happily, even her pen strokes as she filled out the paperwork seemed to speak of her joy in earnest.
Peace had finally been achieved, weapons of war were vanishing from existence, she was married to the man who had captured her heat even as he held her at gunpoint, and she had a wonderful son named Odin.
Nope, life truly couldn't get any better.
"I wonder." She murmured quietly, her pen stroke finally flattering slightly. "If this can possibly last."
Blinking, she shook her head. "Relena, you're getting paranoid. You deserve this, all the battles and all the wars, they're all over now. You can finally relax." She absently ran a finger along her shoulder blade, where only two years before she had been shot and sent deep into a coma. "Relax."
Sighing, she once again began to fill out the papers.
Terror! Horrible! Coursing throughout her veins in ultimate fear. It happened so suddenly! So scared, so frightened. No! Crying! NO! NO! What was going on!
Relena gasped and clutched her heart, sliding away from the table as the papers fell onto the floor, scattering like tortured snow flakes.
Odin...
"NO!" She jumped up, barely realizing that she was moving, racing out the door which clanged uselessly behind her, as people stared at her in confusion.
"Hiiro!" Her voice rang out clear as her eyes locked onto a familiar head of messy brown hair before her, racing against something in their blood that they refused to acknowledge.
No words needed to be said.
Somehow, she caught up with him. Running along side a soldier with a speed that only a terror filled mother could possess.
The two of them reached the room at the same time, stopping cold as they did so.
Relena's eyes widened, and she slowly took a step towards the crib. Her finger gently reaching out to touch the empty and cold blankets.
The blankets in which her son should have been curled up in, smiling as he was lost within blissful sleep, dancing with the angels that he had so recently left to come into life.
"No...Gods no..please." She slowly sank to her knee's, not even feeling Hiiro presence behind her as he caught her. "Please...not Odin...please."
Her eyes flickered up again, as if believing that this was all some horrible nightmare and by looking up again she'd realize that her son was still there, resting soundly in the covers.
The empty covers, no sign of life.
"NO!"
*************
Tangled golden hair stuck to the girls head and clothes as she walked through the pouring rain. Sorrowful and angry violet eyes flickered down to a piece of paper clutched in her hand in confusion. A train ticket destined for Canada.
Harsh and ragged breathing filled the small space that the two people found themselves in, gripping one another as they gasped for breath in the nearly airless place. Cuts and bruises decorated their skin in their dark prison.
A man sat on a rooftop, staring blankly at the stars as he twirled a katana around in his grip, paying no mind to the cold evening air. His eyes were empty, confused, angry and sad at the same time. As if he had lost something but was unsure of why.
Sobs filled the air as a man and a women held onto each other. The woman sobbing wildly through the mans shirt, holding onto him as if he was the only thing keeping her sane and alive. The man himself had his eyes shut, even as a few stray tears fell down his face onto the floor below them. An empty cradle in the background.
Blonde hair fell boyishly into a young mans eyes as he stared out on a balcony. Glancing between three pictures. The first, a newspaper article of a gundam pilot, the second of a blonde haired girl with a sad smile, and the final of a girl with brown hair laughing and looking nervous. His eyes seemed to darken and light up again as he was deep within throughout, before he turned and sighed in frustration, leaning heavily against the railing as if surrendering himself to the will of the world.
And above it all, insane brown eyes watched in sickening amusement, before crazy laughter erupted and shattered the dream.
Tensei shot up in bed, gasping. She'd fallen asleep? She hadn't even realized it. Slowly, she stood up and walked over to the digital clock by her bed, narrowing her eyes as she peered at it. 4:25, great, so much for getting back to sleep tonight.
Then again, what was the point of sleep? Her dreams had become tainted, haunted, horrible, she was seeing things she shouldn't see, and shouldn't fill.
"When did my life become so horrible, so shattered." Moving her hand to wipe some sweat from her face, she stopped cold.
There, clutched in her left hand was a crumbled piece of paper.
"What....?" Tentatively, she opened it.
Flying, touching the sky upon silver wings.
Forever soaring where angels sing.
Down to the Earth; into the sea.
Swimming in the blue depths of Eternity.
Fire pours, dances along the skin.
Untamed like there has never been.
Powerful land; upon the rocky shore.
Firm and vast, stretching forever more.
Starlight flutters down to the Earth.
Joy and Laughter; happiness and rebirth.
Darkness; pure black, waiting for those who fall.
All ways clinging, never ceasing in its call.
Wonder, awe; hope and dreams.
Fury, anger; tearing at the seams.
A choice.
A human.
"What...I don't understand."
Her eyes fitted across the paper again, trying to believe everything that was in it, rereading the poem in her mind again, to decipher it. Why was she suddenly so frightened, so nervous?
Besides the fact that her life was falling apart around her.
Suddenly, her mouth opened in a silent gasp. Knowledge that she had so frantically been trying to discover slammed into her mind.
So obvious!
So clear!
It wasn't the actual poem that scared her.
No, it was how the poem was written.
It was done in her own writing!