"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a person of
some sense to know how to lie well."
--Anonymous Chapter 4: BrainshareHermione Granger was walking back to the Gryffindor common room, from the kitchens. Her secret pregnancy had given her the odd craving for chocolate-covered pickles with potato chip crumbs all over it, which seemed pretty natural, considering the err… circumstances.
As she walked, she was deep in thought about her unborn child. Will I keep him? How will I finish school?, hundreds of questions, all bouncing around in her mind, each with an unclear answer. She was concentrating so hard, that she practically bumped right into the portrait of the fat lady, bringing her out of her thoughtful trance.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said to a grumpy portrait, "I wasn't looking where I was going…"
"Of course, dear," replied a half-asleep fat lady, "Password?"
"Jagooglef. " The painting had swung open before Hermione had finished saying the word, since the fat lady wanted to quickly get back to a well-deserved sleep. Hermione took notice of this and went in as quickly as she could. When she was inside the common room, she saw the fire was ablaze, and a figure sitting in one of the better armchairs. When the portrait slammed shut, a pair of eyes darted over the top of the chair, eyes that Hermione recognized as Christine's.
"HI!" Greeted Chris, as she shifted around in her seat so that she was sitting on her knees and her upper body lying on the top of the chair.
"What are you doing up so late?"
"Perfuming the common room."
"… Why?"
"'Cause I want it to smell nice, of course!"
"And what is it that you're using to make the common room 'smell nice'?"
"I think it's a perfume. It was in a green bottle I found while digging in Snapey's office."
"Right… Well, I'm going to bed. G' night." Hermione was far to tired to worry about some silly antic of Christine's, but she should've. She walked to her dormitory and fell into an uneasy sleep as the thoughts of her situation drifted back…
* * *
The sun poured into the windows of the 5th year girls dormitory the next morning, causing the thing that was Christine's body to stir awake. She got out of bed and changed, before going to the bathroom to fix her hair. A few minutes later, a scream came from her in the bathroom she was in. It may have been Christine's body, but it wasn't Christine inside of it. Inside of the body instead was none other then Hermione.
Hermione, inside of Christine's body, ran up to the 6th year Gryffindor girls dormitory where she ran to the third four-poster and awoke her own body. Naturally, inside of her body was Christine.
"What?" Groaned Hermione's voiced.
"Wake up, moron!"
"Is there cheese?"
"No!!!"
"Then there's no point in waking up, is there?" She turned over, so that Hermione's back was facing Christine's face.
"Yes, there is! You're in my body, Chris!"
"… Well, it's actually the other way around. You're the little voice in the back of my head, so you're inside of my body." Hermione couldn't strand it anymore, so she grabbed Chris and made her face her. Hermione's body gasped.
"My twin sister! I knew I was separated at birth!" She hugged her body, and her body growled back.
"No, you retard! I'm Hermione, and I'm in your body! Your Christine, in my body!"
"… Am I?" Hermione grabbed her hand and led Chris in her body to the bathroom. Christine peered into a mirror and saw Hermione's reflection looking back at her.
"Holy catfish brownies! It's true!" Christine whimpered. "So you're really Hermione in my body and not my long lost twin sissy?"
"No, you twit!"
"Well… how did this happen then?" Hermione paused for a moment to think about it.
"I bet it was that supposed "perfume" you used last night. It must've been a potion."
"Hold that thought, you have a craving for pizza covered in salmon, dipped in tomato soup." Hermione became speechless. Christine walked out of the bathroom, still in Hermione's pajamas, and Hermione reluctantly followed. Chris led her into the kitchens, where she got what she had been craving and ate it happily. When she was done, she patted her stomach.
"Umm… Hermione, did you know you've gained some weight?"
"Ya, well you know, it must've been all that cheese…"
"You didn't have any cheese."
"You don't know that!"
"Yes, I do. You only ate that disgusting thing Harry had on his shoe."
"So?"
"That's not enough to make your stomach grow some… 4 centimeters."
"How do you know?"
"'Cause I ate more cheese then you and-… Excuse me, I think you have to throw up…." Christine put Hermione's left hand to Hermione's mouth, and darted to the nearest bathroom, where she did throw up. When she walked back into the kitchen, she had a delightful smile on her face.
"You're prego, aren't you?" Hermione stared blankly, as if Christine was a lunatic.
"No, Chris, I'm not a waffle. I'm a human." She eventually said, before having a deep sigh.
"Prego means 'pregnant', so are you?" Christine's face put on a guilty look.
"Well…. Yes. I am…." Hermione's mouth gasped.
"I'm gonna be an aunty!!!"
"Shhh! Someone will hear you!"
"Right, right, so who's the father?"
"There's only one person it could be: Draco." Hermione's face put on a face of utter confusion.
"D- Draco? How did this happen?"
"My period came early this month and, well, the rest you can figure out on your own…"
"Wow… Does he know?"
"No, not yet…" Hermione's mouth gasped again, before her body ran right out of the kitchens to who knows where. Hermione instantly knew Christine was going to tell Draco. She grabbed a pan and through it at her head, stopping Christine.
"No! I don't want him to know yet!"
"Oh, pogo! Fine!"
"Right, now go get dressed, and meet me in the library." Christine did as she was told, and both girls left the room.
The mid-morning sun shone through into the Hogwarts library. Hermione was sitting at a table, skimming down a potions book. Then, Christine popped out from behind a bookcase, with cooking books in her arms. She sat at the same table as Hermione and looked through the books pictures, muttering things like "Yummy" and "Oooohhh". It only took a few moments before Hermione turned up to see what Christine was saying those things at.
"Chr- I mean, Hermione! What are you doing reading a cooking book! You should be looking up on potions!"
"I don't feel like it; you're better at it anyway."
"Grr… fine." Some 3 hours later, Monica, Adele, and Harry, walked into the library and walked over to where Chris and Hermione were sitting.
"Let's go, Chris." Christine stood up from her seat.
"'K." Replied Hermione's body. Hermione stomp her foot under the table and said, "Go where?"
"Our usual trip to the cheese rainbow of course." Replied Harry. Adele was now sitting in Christine's chair, drooling over a picture of a cheese omelet. "We-must-get-cheese-now! Princess Adele commands you!" She said.
"Yes, of course, so, are you coming, Chris?"
"Yes, just give me a sec." She closed the book she had been looking in, and Monica read the title.
"What are you doing reading up on potions?" Hermione thought quickly.
"I'm looking for a potion that'll turn muffins into cheese."
"Oooohhh… tell us when you find one!" Said Harry.
"Alright, let's go, the sun will be setting soon, and I don't want to eat in the dark. Adele yelled and ran right out of the library; at a speed none of them has ever seen her go. Harry, Monica, Hermione, and Christine, all followed her. When they reached the cheese rainbow, Adele was already eating at it like mad. Harry pounced t it, and joined in too, while Monica turned to look at Hermione's face.
"What are you doing here? You hate the cheese rainbow." She said, as if Hermione had said she hated Santa Claus.
"I want to eat some right now actually. You see, I'm p-"
"Participatinginthingsmyfriendsliketodomore!" Hermione quickly interrupted. Christine shrugged and went off to join Harry and Adele, followed closely by a confused Monica. Hermione forced herself to, and joined in.
Hermione spit out all the cheese she had kept in her mouth so as to not have to eat it, in the girls bathroom. Christine watched her do this, tears slowly dripping down Hermione's cheeks.
"Stop!" She cried. "No, no, no! You're body isn't fond of cheese! Mine is! STOP!" She yelled as if her favorite person in the whole world was being murdered, which might've been true of cheese was a person and not a tasty dairy product.
"Too late," Hermione sighed, as she flushed the toilet. "It's all gone down the drain."
"You're a horri-" Christine gave a cry of pain. "My heads burning!" She ran to the nearest stall, opened the door, and threw Hermione's head right into the toilet.
"NO!!! My beautiful curls!" Hermione cried in horrific agony. "You baka! You were just having a hot flash!" Hermione's head bobbed out of the filthy girls toilet, gasping for breath, before shouting, "Liar!" Hermione rolled Christine's eyes. She took a purple ribbon out of Christine's pocket and tied her hair up. Christine made Hermione's body gasp again.
"What da frank is that?!"
"A hair ribbon," Hermione said, in an annoyed tone. Christine began to growl. Without any warning, she pounced Hermione and dragged her into a stall where she shoved her head in the toilet and flushed and flushed until the hair ribbon came loose. Then she grabbed her hair and yanked out her head from the toilet gasping for air again. But the odd thing was, that it was Chris in her body, and Hermione in hers.
"Oh my god!" Shouted Hermione as she saw her own reflection in the mirror. She jumped for joy before quickly running out shouting, "Now to fix my hair!"
"CHEESE! I can have sweet glorious cheese again!" Christine shouted herself, as she too ran out, heading for the cheese rainbow. Along the way, her shoulder bumped into Draco's and almost as if it were a button she shouted, "You got Hermione pregnant! Haha!" He stood there, completely speechless before muttering under his breath, "I need a laxative…"
Chapter 5: Hermione's SecretChapter 6: Dumbledore Throws a Baby Shower
Chapter 7: The Ultra- Sound
Chapter 8: The Malfoys
Chapter 9: False Labor
Chapter 10: Lockhart's Secret
(Titles Pending)