"Come along, dear," said Mr. Malfoy as he walked up the stairs of Hogwarts. Mrs. Malfoy had her mouth on the first step and was drooling on it. She stood up and cleaned her mouth on her sleeve.
"Jabu Dirk mofi ma?" she asked.
"Yes, yes, Draco is expecting us."
"Dubi moofoo ga Drato?"
"Of course I meant Draco. I'm sorry. You always have an answer to everything." He stepped into the entrance hall, only to be followed by his wife. They walked into the filled and noisy great hall and saw their son at the Slytherin table.
"Hello!" greeted Mr. Malfoy when he reached the table.
"Umm…. Hi…." Draco replied with a puzzled expression.
"Dad. You never were good with words."
"Oh! Hi…"
"Dad."
"Right. Where's mom?" Mr. Malfoy turned around and saw Mrs. Malfoy facing the wall in the far corner.
"Hunny? Hunny! Over here!" He called to her. She turned around with a smile and walked over.
"Satusi!" she screamed at Draco before giving him a hug.
"MOMMY!" he yelled back. He suddenly heard two obvious coughs from behind him as he hugged his mother. He let go and turned around to see Hermione with her arms crossed and her eyes closed in an annoyed anime fashion.
"Oh…. Mommy…"
"Dad."
"Sure. This is my fiancée Hermione."
"Hmmm?" muttered Mr. Malfoy as he looked up from stuffing some mashed potatoes into his mouth. "Did you say something?"
"Ya. I said 'This is my fiancée Hermione.'"
"Pleasure to meet you, Hermione." He turned suddenly to Draco. "She's a bit on the chubby side, but oh well…"
"Actually, she's not usually this way. She's pregnant."
"… Is that some new kind of disease?"
"Nope. She's gonna have a baby."
"…. Isn't that a disease?"
"No…"
"Oh, ok. As long as she's healthy. Well, goodbye, kids. We're off to poke people." Mr. Malfoy grabbed his wife's hand and began to run, pulling her behind him.
"Are those really your parents?" Hermione suddenly asked as she watched them leave the hall.
"Yep! Why?"
"Why? THEY'RE LUNATICS!!!"
"You're just jealous."
"Sure, ok… whatever. Please tell me that's not the mother that's going to plan my baby shower."
"Nah. That's the one."
"Can't I just plan it myself?"
"It wouldn't be proper."
"It would at least me sane."
"Huh?…"
"Uh… Never mind. It's exactly what I have to deal with anyway… And it's not like it can be worse than the first one… And I'll probably be entertained to…"
"See?" Hermione frowned. Deep down she had been sarcastic. She wanted Draco's mother to leave, but she didn't want to tell him. He wouldn't understand.
She sighed deeply as she yet again realized this was how her life would be from now on when suddenly Katy bumped into her wearing a large sombrero with pineapples all around it, with a suit of aluminum foil around her.
"What are you doing?" asked Hermione.
"I have a business meeting with a client." Katy replied, showing off her suit.
"And who is this poor client?"
"You're husbands mum."
"HE'S NOT MY HUSBAND!"
"He is to…. Fattie…."
"I am NOT fat!"
"Are too!"
"Well…. Not that fat."
"You're 3 months pregnant!"
"Women aren't fat by their 3rd month! Not really anyway…"
"Oh, you just wait until the day when you walk through the halls and everyone yells 'Ah! IT'S THE GIANT BLIMP BALL OF DOOM!'. Then you'll see…." Katy said as she walked away, not taking her eyes off Hermione. "I'M WATCHING YOU GRANGER!"
"What was that?" asked Kat from Hermiones side.
"Ahh!" yelled Hermione, shaking her arms furiously.
"When'd you get here?!?!"
"Kat does not reveal her secrets for she is all mighty."
"Oh, of course! I would never want to disturb that…" said Hermione mockingly.
"Do not mock, or you shall suffer the consequences." Kat answered as a black background suddenly appeared behind her with lighting strikes and then disappeared again.
"What the hell was that?!?!?"
"THE POWER OF WRITING! So, where are the In-Laws?"
"They're not my in-laws…."
"They will be."
"Don't remind me…"
"Are they that bad? To be truthful, I'm kind of fond of Mrs. Malfoy."
"You're kidding, right? She doesn't even speak English!"
"Exactly. Makes good for listening."
"What about Mr. Malfoy?"
"I've never liked him…. He's too nosey." Kat looked around just in time to see a pair of eyes disappear from the nearest doorway.
"See?"
"See what?" Kat patted Hermione's back.
"It's ok. He's a tricky one."
"I still don't want to think about it."
"Ow!" Kat yelled as Monica fell on her.
"How'd you do that?!" question Hermione angrily.
"No time to explain! My stomach senses the opening of a portal into another world willed with cheese!!! ADELE! HARRY! GET DOWN HERE!" In an instant, Adele had fallen gracefully on her two feet, and Harry had landed on Hermione's shoulders, surprisingly lightly. It might've been the fact that he there only for a second, because as soon as the three were on the ground they ran out of the hall.
"Let's follow'em!" Kat declared, as she stood up and began to chase after her friend, forcing Hermione to follow slowly. She caught up with Kat at the entrance, where Kat muttered to her to be quiet and then turned around. Before she could see behind her though, Mr. Malfoy jumped behind a suit of armor.
"Hmmm…"
"What's the problem?"
"Nuffin'."
"Great… the Cheese Queens back." muttered Hermione with complete disgust.
"There's someone with her…"
"The lunatics."
"No… they're over there eating those darling cheese fairies." Kat exclaimed, pointing to a spot by the cheese rainbow where three human figures could be seen gnawing at a few orange figures. "I can't see who it is that's with the Cheese Queen… but it looks like a woman…"
"Is it Chrissie?"
"Nope… She's down in Snapes lab again…" Kat replied, trying to get a better look at the mysterious figure.
"Snape's lab?!?! Why is she down there again?!?!"
"Said somethin' about getting more perfumes." The word 'perfumes' suddenly reminded Hermione about her last encounter with Christine and the alleged perfumes she had stolen from the Potion Masters lab. That time the two girls had ended up switching bodies, and had nearly cost Hermione her soft curls. She wasn't going to repeat that anytime soon.
"I MUST STOP HER!" she yelled firmly, but just as she turned she bumped into Professor Flitwick.
"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Hermione yelled again, running right at the small man and knocking him over before running to the dungeons with a firm look on her face.
"Professor Flitwick? Where?" asked the body of the Professor.
"There." Kat replied, while pointing straight at him.
"But I'm right here."
"And who do you think you are?"
"Chrissie."
"Chrissie?"
"I believe that's what I said. GASP! THE CHEESE QUEEN! AND…. CHEESE FAIRIES!" she said, before running to join her friends in eating the fairies.
"Hmm…" Kat muttered to herself suspiciously as she walked over to the Cheese Queen and… the other person. "Hello, your majesty. Whatcha doin' here?" Kat said, before turning to look at the other person. Mrs. Malfoy. "And Hello to you too, Mrs. Malfoy…"
"Hajitaco." Replied Mrs. Malfoy.
"Hello… umm…" the Cheese Queen started.
"Kat."
"Right, hi."
"So what are you doing here?"
"Making business."
"With?…"
"Mrs. Malfoy."
"For what?"
"Cheese."
"For what?"
"Some baby shower… I'm just in it for the money."
"Ah… understandable. I suppose."
"Sacome ti okuni mayolu?" asked Mrs. Malfoy.
"Oh… right. She says if you could make the invitations?" Manda translated as if it were nothing.
"Oh…umm… I don't know… Yes, I suppose. What date is it set for?" Kat asked.
"Tomorrow." Manda answered.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Kat was walking towards the Great Hall town, twiddling around with her fingers. She suddenly bumped into something. Hermione.
"Oh. Hi. I was wrong. I didn't find Chrissie in the dungeon, but I did find some sort of spill on the ground on the stairway…" Hermione said as she identified Kat. Kat ignored to tell Hermione that she was right and that Chrissie had switched bodies again. She'd solve the problem later.
"Oh… Uhhh… Hermione?" She asked nervously.
"What?"
"I have news."
"Oh, do you? Well good for you. Keep it to yourself, if you would."
"No… Your future mother-on-law is giving your baby shower tomorrow. I'm making invitations later tonight." Kat ran away then quickly to some other place, you can't know cause she's hiding so there. Hermione just walked away. She didn't care about the baby shower. She already had one. She didn't have to attend.
Hermione calmly walked around the castle. She skipped dinner and just walked. When it was late, she returned to the Gryffindor dormitory. No sign of Kat. She had probably gone on to the Hufflepuff dormitory to do the invitations. They'd all be sent in the morning.
No one was in the common room, but Hermione didn't feel like staying there. Instead, she walked up to her dormitory and slid into her bed. Then she fell asleep. Duh.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Morning came. Kat woke up in her bed. Then she got dressed and went into the Great Hall. She had sent the invitations last night, unlike Hermione had thought. After breakfast, she locked up the door to the hall when Mrs. Malfoy was inside along with the Cheese Queen. Decoration time.
Kat and the Cheese Queen, Manda, as she said she was called, placed a banner behind the teachers table with a picture of a baby. Mrs. Draco stood in the corner preparing the buffet along with a few cheese faeries. Then they put a tablecloth on one of the tables and set out plates with cheese on them.
Soon it was time for the baby shower and Kat had to open the doors. She watched as a crowd walked in and then thought for a bit. She new Hermione. She'd be hiding, so she went and found her in the most obvious place. The lakeshore. Then she wrapped Draco's collar around her neck and dragged her as she dragged Draco on Halloween Night into the Great Hall. Only this time the dragged thing was kicking and screaming.
When Hermione finally stopped, she began to cry. It was beautiful. A bit overdone on the cheese (ya right) but it was nice. Better then having stolen babies fall on her. And it had all been done by Mrs. Malfoy.
"Oh, Mrs. Malfoy…" Hermione said as she walked over and gave her a hug. "Thank you."
"Matiku mosh posh kanu!" Mrs. Malfoy replied.
"Right. Whatever! PARTY TIME!" Hermione yelled as she began to dance to the music of the Cheese Faerie Orchestra. Then it happened.
Ron came in shouting like a girl, with Katy chasing behind him. They ran right onto the table. Then Ron tripped on a hair, and Katy stood over him with a pencil, holding it like a sword above her head. Meanwhile, while all eyes were on them, ropes came down from the ceiling and fell on the food table. 4 figures dressed completely in black slid down on them and stuffed as much cheese and cheese faeries as they could into large sacks they had brought with them. Then they slid back up on the ropes completely unnoticed. Or so they thought.
Manda felt a strange sensation in her pinky toe. Cheese… stolen… bad, she thought. She slid away into the shadows and disappeared.
"KATY!" scolded Hermione. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"
"I CAUGHT RON DOING SOMETHING BAD!"
"Please, don't tell!" Ron whispered to Katy urgently.
"No! You weirdo!"
"Katy… Please… stop." Kat begged.
"I can't!"
"Why?"
"RON'S GAY!" Katy yelled. Silence fell all over. Except for outside in the deep forest where four bad cheese stealers known as Monica, Adele, Harry, and Chrissie were being beaten up for bad cheese stealingness.
A/n: Meh, me knows that end was boring…. But it gets better.