"Everybody is somebody else's weirdo."

--- Unknown

Special Guests: Sumo Mama and Myrethia

Chapter 10: The Newbies and Lockhart's Secret

Everything was silent. No one really believed it either. Was Katy telling the truth, or was this just like the time she thought one of the trees in the Forbidden Forest was the leader of a worldwide crime ring? No.

"What was that?" Hermione asked suddenly. She was the first to recover, being use to this kind of thing. It was only natural that her baby shower be interrupted by the revealing of one of her friends homosexual secrets. A typical day.

"I said Ron's gay. And he is. I'm sure of it." Katy answered, still on top of the table holding her pencil over Ron, ready to commit sin.

"No, you're not. I can explain his blanket and the tweedle twiddle!" Kat protested.

"I can too. Low IQ." Hermione said dully.

"No, no, no. This goes beyond simple childish acts." Katy seriously said. "I caught him in the act…"

"Holding his blanket?" Kat asked.

"NO! For the last time, ITS NOT ALL ABOUT THE BLANKET!" Katy yelled angrily. " I caught him kissing Lockhart in a closet!"

"Bitu mushi boo boo?" Mrs. Malfoy said.

"No, it wasn't mistaken identity. It was Professor Lockhart." Katy replied, somehow understanding.

"Lockhart? Gay? No…. A liar and good se-…. never mind." Hermione stopped abruptly. She suddenly remembered that she hadn't been able to seduce the professor. She thought he was just crazy.

"I know where he is too. Follow the Katy!" Katy said, before poking Ron continuously and then hoping off the table and out of the hall. Everyone followed sharply, but Ron who ran.

Katy led the group up to the fifth floor. She opened the door of an empty classroom to reveal Lockhart in Chrissie's Halloween costume, minus the fake cigar.

"I CAN EXPLAIN!" Lockhart blurted.

"CAN NOT!" Katy blurted back. "Because I will explain because I am Antonio, THE IRISH BULLFIGHTER!"

"Bunny thongs…. You outrank me." Lockhart grumbled.

"Yes. I do. NOW BE SILENT I SAY!"

"Yes, sir…"

"That's Danny Popbuster to you, bad man."

"Yes, Danny… Popbuster, sir, ma'am, sir…"

"BE SILENT!" Katy yelled, taking Kats shoe and whapping Lockhart with it. "Now," she continued, putting the show on her pony tail. "Tell them."

"No."

"YES!"

"PATTY CAKE!"

"OOO!" Katy squealed, as she and Lockhart sat on the floor and began playing patty cake.

"KATY!" Kat scolded. Katy suddenly stopped as her eye began to twitch.

"You have interrupted Antonio… you must now pay." She stood up darkly, as her eyes began to glow red. Kat merely blinked. Then she took out a piece of chocolate and stuffed it down Katy's mouth. The glowing stopped.

"As I was saying. TELL THEM!"

"No."

"Yes."

"YES!" shouted a voice from somewhere.

"WHO'S THERE?!" demanded Lockhart.

"'TIS I! SUMO MAMA!" said the voice. Suddenly, a girl was seen somehow swinging in on a vine into the room. She wasn't fat as she had implied, but regular with long red hair, and lovely blue eyes. She was wearing black robes just like the rest of them (Except for Lockhart).

"Who are you?" asked Katy and Kat at the same time.

"Have you no ears? I AM SUMO MAMA! LEADER OF THE SUMOLOUTION!" Sumo Mama yelled, raising her arm and having a pink background with a pattern of red roses appear behind her and then disappear as she lowered her arm. "And who might you be?"

"I am Antonio, the Irish bull fighter." Katy said, taking a bow of respect for the mighty sumo.

"I am Kat uhhh… leader of chocolate." Kat said introducing herself.

"I'm Hermione. The one who will probably end up not liking you because you seem a lot like all those other lunatics." Hermione said flatly, not even looking at Sumo Mama with her arms crossed.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all. I am Sumo Mama."

"Sumo Mama… Sumo Mama… Hmm…. Liar. It's just a title. Tell us your real name, Sumo." Katy said knowingly.

"You are wise, young Antonio… You shall be my special friend I say!" Sumo Mama declared.

"YAY!" cheered Katy before coughing and going back to her normal voice. "I man… yay. Now tell us ye's real name."

"Fine… it's…. Zoe."

"Ooooo… Me likes." Katy replied. "I DECLARE YOU MY SPECIAL FRIEND!"

"WE'RE SPECIAL FRIENDS! YAY!"

"Yes… well…" Katy said, before coughing again. "Back to where we were. TELL THEM, LOCKHART!"

"Noooo."

"TELL THEM, LOCKHART!" Zoe yelled in a god-like voice.

"Yes, Sumo, ma'am…" Lockhart coward.

"Hmm… not bad." Katy approved.

"I'm galifa.dbadjbvjdbjbAJ:B:rb;hbtjbnbnbgvkjfbgs….." Lockhart murmured.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Zoe shouted in her god-like voice again.

"I'm gay."

"That's better."

"It's true?" Kat asked.

"Yes…. I'm gay.

"Ok, you can stop saying it now." Katy complained.

"I'm gay… I feel so free…. I could tell the world… I'M GAY!!!!" Lockhart yelled as he stood up on the windowsill and fell.

"Mm… he's come out of his shell. Poor, baby…" Zoe said.

"I agree." Katy agreed. A puff of orange smoke suddenly blew up all around the room. Once it faded away, the Manda could be seen.

"Who's dis?" Zoe asked, walking up to the cheese queen and examining her. Then she sniffed her and said, "Cheese… royalty…. Hmm…. Hold on.. I can figure this out."

"She's the Cheese Queen, Manda, hun." Katy finished.

"Right. And what did I say?" Zoe said.

"Who's the new kid?" Manda asked.

"Sumo Mama. That's her title at least. She says she's called Zoe." Kat informed.

"Zoe?" said another voice. A hand then raised the Cheese Queens dress, to reveal the owner of the voice. Another girl. Zoe gasped.

"MYRI!" she yelled and hugged the girl. She had hair as long as Zoe's, only it was dark brown, almost black, and glasses that covered eyes that matched the color of her hair. She seemed to be wearing the same style robes as Zoe.

"ZOE!" she greeted, hugging Zoe back.

"Do you two know each other?" asked Hermione.

"Nah." Zoe answered, as she stopped hugging the stranger.

"Could've fooled me…" Hermione muttered.

"I am Myri. Princess of Myriness."

"Nice to meet you!" Zoe said, shaking Myri's head. Myri shook Zoe's head back. Kat suddenly gasped as she remembered something and ran out of the room. Everyone followed, including the two newbies.

Kat led them all to the Great Hall and ten out of it and up to the Gryffindor common room. She walked behind the couch and found Ron cuddling his tweedle twaddle.

"Oooo…. Rattle…" Zoe said, snatching it away from Ron and running off to the other side of the room to play with it.

"RON! You're gay?!?!?" Kat yelled.

"Yes, ma'am…"

"Wow…"

"Mmm… bored. I'm gonna go get summat human flesh." Myri said, before going back under the Cheese Queen's dress.

"I can't believe this… for how long, Ron?" Kat asked again.

"Long."

"How long?"

"Since the Muffin War… it was the bunnies."

"I TOLD YOU TO STAY INSIDE THE CASTLE! That's it, no more tweedle twaddle for you. Zoe?"

"Hmm?" Zoe hmmed, not taking her eyes off the rattle.

"You can keep that."

"WOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"BUT IT'S MINE!" Ron protested.

"Not anymore." Kat said, turning and leaving the boy to cry.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

That night, Kat didn't visit the Gryffindor common room. She stayed in the Library all night until the morning when Zoe quietly walked in. She walked through the book cases, not noticing Kat, looking for a book on her.

"Hmmm… Bad library… No Sumo Mama biographies." Zoe said to herself, waking up Kat.

"Who's there?" Kat groggily said. Zoe followed the voice and found Kat.

"Me, heh. Whatcha doin' there?"

"Staying away from Ron." Kat said as she noticed Zoe was wearing Ron's rattle in her hair as a scrungy to hold it up in a long pony tail.

"The gay kid? Eh, he's alright."

"And gay."

"So?"

"He didn't tell me."

"So? He doesn't tell anyone anything but you. You're lucky you have anything. Now let's go. I switched the prego girl's shampoo with fondue…. Bwahaha…. Bad Zoe…."

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Ron? Gay?" Draco asked in the girls bathroom as he watched Hermione have the cheese in her hair be taken out by the cheese faeries.

"Yes, it's true. I should've known… If our baby's a boy he's not holding him."

"Ron wouldn't hold out baby even if he wasn't gay." A hand suddenly reached out from behind the door and snatched a cheese fairy.

"CHRISSIE!" Hermione yelled.

"No. Adele."

"ADELE!"

"That's right." Adele said, swallowing the cheese fairy. Hermione sighed.

"What do you want?"

"Kat told me to tell you we found Lockhart. He's changed out of Chrissie's costume. They're out at the lake."

"Ok. Go away now."

"Ok." Adele said, as she turned away and walked out onto the lake. She found Zoe, Kat, Manda, Monica, Chrissie, and Harry gathered around Ron and Lockhart who were standing close together. She could hear Lockhart say "Yes, we're gay!"

"Uh-huh…" Adele interrupted. "Big whoop. Now lets get back to cheese."

"I agree." Monica said.

"Very vell, Commander." Chrissie said. A cheese fairy suddenly came up and whispered something in Manda's ear.

"Oh, no…" Manda said.

"What is it, your cheesiness?" Zoe asked.

"Cheese Land is in danger. Again."

"We have to go now…. It's urgent. The gayness will have to wait." Monica said, ending the conversation.

"Ron, stay here. You to Lockhart. No more bunnies. Adele, get Draco and Hermione. The rest of you, come with me." Kat said decisively. Adele went. Then the Cheese Queen opened a portal on the Cheese Rainbow. Kat, Zoe, Harry, Monica, Chrissie, and the Cheese Queen herself walked up and through the portal to fight a new evil.