"Heroes have an infinite capacity for stupidity. Thus are legends born!"

--Anonymous

Special Guests: The Bad-Cheese Man

Returning Guests: Sumo Mama a.k.a Zoe

Chapter 11: Cheese Again

The group of kids followed the Cheese Queen, Manda, into her castle back at Cheese Land. Adele had managed to get Hermione with some difficulty to come, whereas Draco was easy to lure into Cheese Land. Zoe was in complete awe at the yellow goodness of everything, not having been here for the first adventure into Cheese Land. The one that had changed Ron forever.

Kat had gotten Manda to close the portal, not wanting Ron to get in. Manda agreed, not worried about Ron's health, but of the risk he was to this new fight. They were now entering the room they had come to on their last visit. Kat saw the couch Ron had hid behind and wondered why she hadn't locked him up instead of leaving him to wander off, but she quickly shook that off.

"What's the problem this time, your cheesiness?" Monica asked as she sat down along with the others, accept for Zoe who went to look out the window.

"A new evil." Manda replied distantly.

"So I take it not the Muffinman?" Monica suddenly started to remember how good the Muffinman had tasted, being a muffin and all and began to hope he had a son she could eat now.

"No, not him. The Cheese King." Confused looks suddenly filled the room.

"Cheese King?" Chrissie began. "How can the King of Cheese be evil?"

"He was corrupted. He wasn't my husband or anything, but we were close friends. Now he rules another land filled with bad cheese…" Everyone gasped, including Zoe at the horror of the term bad cheese. Kat stopped her gasp abruptly, not knowing what she was gasping about.

"Would that mean rotten cheese?" she asked. Chrissie whapped her on the back of her head.

"Cheese fondue! Where have you been all this time? Bad cheese is…is… I can't say it…" Chrissie then began to cry. Zoe began to comfort her, knowing herself how evil bad cheese was.

"It's…. fat free." Monica said, before yelling and beginning to cry. Manda looked away from them, tears also falling down her eyes at the thought of fat free cheese.

"Oh… I see." Kat said, not really seeing what was so bad about fat free cheese.

"Your highness?" Zoe asked.

"Yes?"

"I hereby promise to aid you in your battle against the Cheese King."

"Oh, thank you hunny," Manda said as she wiped away a few tears, "but please don't call him that. That was his name before he changed. He is now known as The Bad-Cheese Man." Sounds of lighting were suddenly heard at the mention of the name. Katy looked around to see where they came from and found nothing.

"Commander Monica, what do you say we do?" asked Chrissie.

"I'm not sure, Squire. Manda, have you replaced your cheese army?"

"Yes. But they'll be of no use. Few cheese warrior can bare to touch fat free cheese."

"I see… About how many can bare to?"

"Ummm… 0. But my cheese faeries have magic of their own. They can fly and take the place of my army."

"That's good… We can use our skills to defeat the evil. Katy, where's Adele?"

"She's outside with Harry and Draco. They're drinking from that cheese fountain." Katy said, as she ripped a piece of cheese off the sofa and ate it.

"But I had marked that as my territory!" Chrissie yelled angrily.

"THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT NOW!" scolded Kat, as she lifted a cheese vase and hit Chrissie on the head with it. Oddly enough, Chrissie passed out and fell to the floor. Kat then turned back to the Cheese Queen. "Now, where were we?"

"I believe we were planning how to stop the Bad-Cheese Man." Monica answered as she stood up and put on an army general's hat. She paced along the floor in thought. "Now, according to Manda, her Cheese Faeries can stop the erm… What does the Bad-Cheese Man have for an army exactly?"

"He has human minions who support the fat free cheese, only they use weapons made of fat free cheese. It's madness…" Zoe shivered at the prospect of fat free cheese again, and so did everyone else in the room. Then Monica went back to pacing.

"Hmmm… So the cheese faeries can stop the human minions, and we can use magic. Or our special powers…"

"What special powers?" Katy asked suddenly.

"You know, our SPECIAL powers."

"Umm… huh?"

"YOUR GIFT FROM GOD!"

"Ohhh!" Monica put her forehand in her right hand.

"I can't work like this, but I must… Come on Monica… Ok. I'm back. As I was saying, we have other special powers besides out gifts from god. I can become a dark fairy and use dark fairy stuff, Kat can use… what ever it is she does. Adele can use her light thingy we thought she killed Ron with to scare the soldiers, Chrissie can yell, Harry can head butt, Katy can uhhh…"

"Summon her bull." Katy finished for her.

"Right, and Zoe can…?"

"USE SUMO POWER!" Zoe yelled happily at the thought of using Sumo Power.

"Ok… Well, that sounds powerful… I hope. So what can you do, Cheese Queen?"

"I can get into the Bad-Cheese Palace and speak with the Bad-Cheese Man. Maybe I can prevent a global catastrophy…" Kat coughed.

"Catastrophy?" she began. "I didn't know this could cause a catastrophy!"

"HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION?!" Katy yelled as she stood up in front of Kat. "IF THE BAD-CHEESE MAN BEATS MANDA, FAT FREE CHEESE WILL RULE IN THE REAL WORLD! Think of the children that wont get regular cheese! THINK OF YOUR OWN CHILDREN! Oh, Kat… I thought you knew better." Kat blinked.

"Umm… I'm sorry." She thought quickly of a way to cover it up. "But I was so worried of what would happen to Cheese Land I wasn't think straight… cough, cough…"

"Oh, yes, I understand too. It's a nightmare, but you have to pull yourself together!" Katy said with a smile. She slapped Kat on the back and made her fall over, trying to comfort her.

"Ok… Well. First things first. TIME TO GIVE OUT ORDERS! YAY!" Monica cheered. Chrissie coughed in disapproval.

"Since when do you give orders? I AM SQUIRE!"

"There's the reason. Squire gives us our mission. But you're right… We must start from the top of the order chain. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted." Chrissie suddenly began to take a deep breath that lasted for about 3 minutes. "LISTEN UP EVERYONE! WE'RE GOING TO HELP THE CHEESE QUEEN AND FIGHT THE BAD-CHEESE MAN! LISTEN TO COMMANDER MONICA FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS!"

"That was very good, Squire. Now you get to eat and sit around the palace in safety!" Monica approved.

"YAY! GO ME!"

"My turn! WAHOO! Ok now. Cheese Queen, you send a message to the Bad-Cheese man and inform him on the war. Katy, you go get Harry, Hermione, Draco and Adele. Kat, you go and organize the cheese faeries, and Zoe you fill up on energy."

"Yessir." Zoe replied, and began to gnaw at the floor. She was stopped soon by Manda who came up to her and hit her head with the bottom of her staff.

"BAD SUMO! You may go eat the garden, but not my palace. Not my palace!"

"Zoe, if you're going out into the garden please bring back some food for the rest of us." Monica requested before turning to discuss matters further with the Cheese Queen and Squire Chrissie. Kat starred at how odd the request was, seeing as the whole palace was food. But she shrugged it off and decided to do as Monica said.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Biliru ran down the dark corridors of the Bad-Cheese Palace with a message in his hands. He was sure this message would please his master, having taken the liberty of reading it first. He arrived in his masters chambers with in a few minutes, panting, and quickly gave him the message.

"So… We are going to war. Well, prepare the troops." said the Bad-Cheese Man. He had a brown bearded and cold gray eyes. On his head was a crown of fat free cheese, and his outfit was… normal.

"Yessir. Anything else?"

"No… Just that. Oh, yes, there is something. BRING ME MY PLUSH KITTY!"

"Uhh… he's on your thrown." The Bad-Cheese Man looked over at his thrown.

"Ah, yes, Carry on then." Biliru left the room uncertainly. When the king was sure Biliru was no longer near, he jumped into his thrown and stroked his plush kitty menacingly, with an evil grin on his face. "We'll show Manda, yes, we will my dear Fiona… We shall get her and her cheese bunnies if it's the last thing we stink! BWAHAHA!"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Commander Monica, the cheese faeries are ready." Kat said professionally as she stepped into the room.

"Good, good… What of you? Are you prepared?"

"Umm… yes."

"Good. Squire Chrissie, let us go down into the garden and await our enemy."

"What garden?" Zoe asked. Her mouth was stained with an orange substance which were all that were left of the garden.

"Umm... The former garden then. Come, Cheese Queen." Monica walked out of the room, and the rest of the girls followed her. Down at the former-garden, Hermione was seen sitting on the last bench with her arms crossed and an agitated look all over.

"KAT! Why'd you bring me here?!" she demanded to know.

"Because you're good at yelling. Where's Adele?"

"She's down at the palace entrance. When she sees the troops coming she'll send a light beam over there to signal the cheese faeries to begin the ambush."

"Great. Do you have your wand ready?"

"Yup. It'll be fun to kick some but."

"Uhh… right." A beam of light suddenly shot overhead and went to the spot where the cheese faeries were waiting. Millions of the little faeries began to fly and head in the direction of the light.

"Hermione, follow the cheese faeries! Zoe, Monica, TRANSFORM!" Kay yelled, as she grabbed Hermione's arm and began to run with her down into the action. Zoe quickly reacted.

"SUMO POWER!" she raised her hand with her fingers outstretched and began to grow in height and in width. By the end of transformation she was one fat Zoe. She began to take slow, yet big movements down into the war zone and stepped on a few Bad-Cheese soldiers.

Meanwhile, back at the palace, a black background fell behind Monica. She put her hands together for concentration and closed her eyes, then she began to chant:

"Hy gododin catann hue

hud a lledrith mal wyddan

gaunce ae bellawn wen cabri

varigal don fincayra

dravia, dravia fincayra!"

A dark cloud of stuff surrounded her and began the transformation. When it was over, Monica looked as if she were in her Halloween costume. Only with real wings. The began to use them and took off into the sky with a determined passion in her eyes. Then she went down and flapped her wings hard. A black wind flew as a few soldiers and blew their weapons out of their hands. The cheese faeries quickly took it from there and used their wands to turn the weapons to normal cheese.

Now it was the Cheese Queen's turn to do her part. She raised her staff with bold hands and then tore an opening in the air that led into the Bad-Cheese Man's chambers. With hesitation, she stepped in.

"Hello…" She said. The Bad-Cheese Man's throne was turned so the back was faced at her. But then it turned around and the Bad-Cheese Man was seen stroking his plush kid diabolically.

"Why, welcome, Manda. Welcome to my home."

"Skip the manners. We need to figure out a deal."

"Ok. How about we just keep fighting?"

"Mmm… Ok. Works for me. Nice seeing ya."

"Likewise." Manda turned around with a final wave at her enemy and walked back through the portal she had created. Then she closed it with her staff and then conjured a bucket of popcorn and watched the battle from an oddly save distance.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Hermione was prancing around trying to show off her breasts, while the cheese faeries she had been given changed the dazzed men's weapons while there attention was off. Chrissie was running around kicking soldiers in the shins and then squishing their weapons in to the ground. Meanwhile, Zoe was just sitting on whoever she could.

Kat was watching as Adele scared a few soldiers with her light thingy and Harry picked up the non-fat free weapons and ate them. She didn't have anything to do.

"Ow…" Hermione muttered. Draco was nearby and had heard her cry.

"What is it, hunny?" he asked.

"It's my stomach… It hurts… I think, I think… I think it's labor!"

"Oh my god, oh my god… WAIT HERE!" he began to run up to the palace and left Hermione in the middle of battle. Suddenly, the Bad-Cheese Mans Bad-Cheese Sumo Warrior Myranda stepped out. She was going to sit on Hermione.

"NUUU!" Kat yelled. She got right in front of Hermione with her arms outstretched. She began to glow, and was shocked by it. Wings sprouted from her back, white ones with feathers that were natural. Then a crystal appeared in front of her. It was orange, and shiny. Adele saw from a far and gasped.

"It's the Golden Emperium Cheese Crystal…" she said to Harry.

"Kat…" Hermione whispered in awe. "Ow… OW!"

"What is it?" Kat asked, not turning from the crystal."

"I'm think I'm in labor!" Kat fell silent. Hermione was finally going to have her baby.