~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the time passed, the night sky above seemed to darken even more. But everybody knew it was not the usual darkness of night, it was the darkness of Mordor send to frighten the people.
Eowyn stood there, alone, her gaze wandering over the land below and to the mountains afar, and then in the direction everybody feared but her - she longed to be in the east, sleeping in the shadow of the morannon or cleaning her sword from whatever could have stained it, it did not matter. Just be anywhere but bound to this place.
These houses were said to be Houses of Healing, but they weren't able to cure her.
The people were all so worried about her, asking her if her arm hurt much. Her arm!
She did not care at all for her bloody arm, she could fight with the other one if that was necessary. Perhaps she cared a bit for the pain in it, for that was what proofed her anew everyday that she was alive - her heart did not.
It seemed dead. Cold, broken, cut of from everything it had been feeding on. Even hope was gone. She could hope for the people of middle-earth, but she couldn't hope for herself.
Even if the shadow would be overthrown, it would not revive her heart.
She hardly noticed what beauty was still there and sorrounding her. The people of Minas Tirith had done their very best to create a space around the Houses of Healing in which the ill could forget what they were suffering from: trees had been raised as if they were children, and in this time of year - it would be midsummer's day soon - flowers were blossoming everywhere and giving away their scent as if they had too much of it.
But Eowyn could not forget. Her soul was not with her in this place - it was lingering far in the east, travelling easily all the miles that lay between Minas Tirith and Mordor, trying to find the one that had took all hope that she had kept concerning the rest of her life.
People had called her cold. And she knew they had been right, in a way.
But on the other hand, the unjustice in these words hurt her terrible.
She had so much feelings kept inside her, so much love to give. But if THEY had been captured in a golden cage all their life, serving a king that they loved dearly but watched losing his dignity every day, persecuted by the greedy eyes of a snivelling creature that called himself 'counsellor', denied all the things they were meant to do - fighting, risking her life and therefore gaining honour - and instead being given tasks that were strange to them, nursing, serving, keeping a household...would they have had the strength to show feelings, would they have known anybody to give this love to?
They would not, she decided.
And so she captured all this feelings inside her, waiting for the day to give them away.
But time passed and she had started to lose the belief in this day.
And then...then the one had come in whose hands she had wanted to place everything she had to give, her heart, her whole being.
He had refused to take it.
He had ridden away and left her with the longing for death.
Even death had been denied to her!
The anger she had long felt about that fact had slowly vanished. All her power was used.
And now she was alone, with empty hands, empty heart, nothing but her pride.
Now the people were right when they called her cold.
She said down on a wooden bench. Her heart was wrenching, and she felt tears welling up.
She swallowed them, though.
If she was not able to do anything else but pity herself, then she would at least not show it.
She heard steps, suddenly. Silent steps, but in the silence around even these steps seemed loud.
This stride seemed known to her. When she looked up, she saw Faramir walking towards her.
The ranger of Ithilien had spent many an afternoon with her in this place, but why he was out here in the middle of the night, she could not tell.
Good evening, lady." He greeted her. Or should I rather say good night?"
She smiled in answer, though faintly. You are right, it is pretty late. But I can not find any rest in this houses anymore. You don't seem able to find any, either."
No, I can't. I do not know for sure, why. It may be that...no, I do not know."
She hardly dared to ask, but then she did nevertheless. What did it matter, after all? Is it the thought of your father that troubles you?"
My father...to be honest, I can't stand thinking of my father. I - always knew he loved boromir more than me. His first son was his greatest pride. And the terrible thing with it is..."
He paused, and she kept carefully silent, afraid to destroy what he was just building up.
The terrible thing with it is", he continued, that I know why. Boromir was a wonderful man, a gallant, bold warrior, with a deep love for his country and the people in it. He was willing to sacrifice eveything for something he loved.
He would have done, had he had...the chance.
And it was me who took it from him!"
Eowyn was stunned. Everything but that! You?" She asked unbelievingly.
Yes, it was me! I offered myself to journey to Rivendell to find answers to our questions, but he insisted on going.
I should have tried harder!
If he had not gone, he would now be fighting, doing what he was meant to do - fighting for his land.
But he can't, he can't for me not being able to convince my father!
I should be the one now travelling down Anduin's way." His face was strained.
No!" She exclaimed, surprising herself. No, you definitely should not!"
His gaze on her made her close her eyes.
We all..." She started, breathed deeply, the went on, ...we all have the right to live, we all had from the beginning on, and no one can take this right away from us lest we do ourselves - through our deeds. You definitely have not done anything that can take you the right to live.
Your father is the one who was about to take your live - but at that time, his mind had already fallen in the shadows of madness...
Understand, Boromir's and your father's death were nobody's fault but they were destiny and its consequence!"
She opened her eyes. Don't you torture yourself, Faramir. You have a life - go and live it."
He looked at her, and sadness was hidden behind his smile. And what about yours, lady?"
She looked away, swallowed, but could not keep the bitterness out of her voice. I have none."
I do not think so."
But I do. I know I have none." She turned towards him again, looking defiant. Don't you tell me anything different, you FEEL it when your life is gone - you KNOW it, even if others do not see it."
That may be so. And yet I do think that there is - as you said - life for everyone. Lives may be taken from us, but there are other ones to live. You can live, Eowyn, just as I can!"
He stood up, and offered her his arm.
Let us go now, each one to find rest from this world. Maybe we will somewhen see the dawn again, maybe night will conquer day, but never will life itself be overcome."