Christian sat on the half broken chair in front of the small kitchen table. He was sipping some tea and reading the paper. He had finished the breakfast Jocelyn had left him and sat quietly by himself. He spent most of his life like this. After a while you got used to it and the silence wasn't so bothersome. Christian flipped thorugh the printed papers and something caught his eye. It was a small advertisement at the corner of the page.
Moulin Rouge seeks a Sparkling Diamond.
He sat staring at the advertisment, reading the head line over and over. The words practically burned in his eyes. A new one. A fresh, young life. Someone who could be pliant and willing to do whatever it takes for some money.
"I make men believe what they want to believe…."
"No!" Christian said aloud to himself. No…he wouldn't do this…not now.
"I can't fall in love with anyone…"
Her words echoed in his head as if they had just been spoken. He could picture her standing there that night, beautifully standing, speaking, just breathing. He thought he would go mad if he couldn't kiss her. It wasn't because she was just beautiful…she was different. He couldn't explain it, he just knew what his heart was telling him.
"But what good did that bring?" he asked the empty room angrily.
It was all his fault. He should've been there sooner, should've tried harder, or maybe just listened and stayed out of the way. He remembered himself saying the first thing that came to his mind. Singing his poor heart out and babbling like an idiot. They were so young and niave. But maybe everyone's like that when they're young and they think they know everything. For years he tried to block the memories out of his mind. He even tried to block her out, but it was no use. She would be in his heart forever, as would the wonderful, loving memories of them together. They had Jocelyn to show it. All he had to do was look at his daughter and he could she Satine staring, smiling back at him. He loved his daughter more than life itself and tried to raise her they best way possible. It had been the two of them, Toulouse, and all the other bohemians of the old days. Jocelyn always asked about Satine and Christian tried to answer her, but he could never find the words. She was probably better off not knowing what really happened. It was too painful, too heartbreaking.
Christian hoped Jocelyn would never ask about Moulin Rouge. So far, it had worked. Christian hated the place, never giving a reason to his daughter but making it clear it was something not to deal with. He promised himself the night of the funeral he would never let Jocelyn enter the doors of the Moulin. She would never have to know the pain it could cause or the temptation it surrounds you in.
Christian walked over to his wooden chest next to his bed. He opened it and shuffled through the yellow papers, old clothes, and his old poems. At the bottom was a photograph. Satine was smiling at back at him in one of her elegant gowns. It was the last and only picture Christian had to keep of Satine. The true Sparkling Diamond. They took it the day before `Spectacular, Spectacular.' He felt a warm tear fall slowly down his cheek. Her face had been hidden in his trunk, only resurfacing when Christian had enough courage to look at her beautiul face. He had failed her in so many ways and she was gone because of him, he couldn't even make it up to her. He should've stayed away that night, he didn't even remember why he went back. All he remembered was that he loved her so much that it times it would hurt. Like it hurt when other men would even dare touch her while he could only watch and pretend not to notice or be jealous. He wished he could have protected her, taken her away from that horrible place. Their life would have been wonderful and they could've raised Jocelyn together.
"But life doesn't work that way does it?" Christian asked to himself. He was hoping the picture would somehow talk back, but it still stayed a photograph. Forever smiling and nothing more.
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