Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners. Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (which?) gave me the idea for this story. Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge. This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly). I also do not own Heart or their lyrics.
Summary: Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing. But are they for better or for worse? And what secret lurks behind these changes? A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.
These Dreams-Saerry Snape-
* Can't Tell You What You're Feeling Inside *
~*~
You've been hiding – never letting it show
Always trying to keep it under control
You got it down and you're well
On the way to the top
But there's something that you forgot
~*~
Harry's POV
No.
No.
No.
NO!
It can't be true, it can't!
I ran out of Dumbledore's office and down a hall. What hall I don't know. I didn't care where I went as long as it was as far away from Dumbledore's office as I could get.
He couldn't be my father. He couldn't! It's not possible!
It's a trick. Yea, that's it. A trick. Everybody's decided to play a trick on poor ole' Harry Potter, the Boy With No Parents Because Voldemort Killed Them.
I plowed into somebody as I ran but kept going, even when they yelled "HEY!" I couldn't stop, wouldn't stop.
He wasn't my father!
I fell against something, panting heavily. Looking around, I saw that I was at the top of the Astronomy Tower. Moving out onto the little ledge I looked down across the grounds, which were bathed in the light of the moon.
It was peaceful.
Then everything from the night hit me and the sense of peace shattered. I fell back against the tower with a gasp.
'He isn't my father, he isn't my father' was what I repeated over and over in my head like a mantra.
But the truth was there. It had shown itself in the Tessarii Potion and whatever spell Professor Dumbledore had used and in my sudden changes over the summer.
I slumped down to the floor as the words ricocheted around my skull.
Severus Snape is my father.
************************
Snape's POV"HARRY!"
I tried to go after my son but Lupin, that god-be-damned werewolf caught me before I got two paces to the door.
"Let me go, Lupin!"
But the blasted werewolf didn't let me go. Dammit.
"Severus, calm down."
"Calm down? CALM DOWN? DAMMIT, REMUS, HE'S MY SON!"
"I know."
I tried once more to get away from Lupin then finally gave up. Fighting him was useless. He was much stronger than me.
Lupin felt me relax and released me.
Big mistake.
I took off instantly, dashing out the door before he or Dumbledore could react.
Down the stairs, past the gargoyle, and straight down a hall. I had no idea where Harry had gone but I kept on running.
I had to find him.
Before he did something we'd both regret.
Dammit, why didn't Lily tell me? Why? She told that ass, Lupin, but she didn't tell me. Me, her husband.
Perhaps she didn't want to me have anything else to worry about. I had worried constantly about her during those times; her, stuck in the same house with James Potter, the bastard who my son had to live under the shadow of because Lily didn't tell me.
Dammit, why?
I suddenly found myself at the door leading up to the Astronomy Tower.
Could he?
No, he wouldn't have.
Would he?
Oh Merlin.
I flung open the door and dashed up the stairwell, taking the stairs two to three at a time. Dammit, what if Harry had killed himself? I'd never forgive myself if he had.
Ah, the top.
Moonlight, shadows, shape in the shadows.
Wait.
Shape in the shadows?Harry.
It was. It was Harry, sitting on the small ledge at the top of the tower.
I slowly stepped forward and softly said, "Harry?"
He turned to look at me with those eyes, the same eyes that have haunted me in my sleep for fifteen years. Dammit, why did he have to have her eyes?
"Harry?"
Harry looked at me for a long while then turned his head away. I took another step forward and said, "C'mon, Harry. Come down from here."
Silence.
Then . . .
"I'm not going to jump."
I blinked.
"What?"
Harry looked at me and said, in a hollow voice, "I'm not going to jump. That's what you're thinking wasn't it?"
I had to admit it was.
"Yes."
Harry snorted and turned his head away again.
I reached out to touch his shoulder and began, "Harry . . ."
He hissed and jerked away from me. Eyes blazing points of emerald fire, he spat, "Don't touch me."
I felt something close over my heart and give my heartstrings a nice, good tug. Damn, that hurt. But what had I expected? A big hug and then we're a happy family? Pah. Fairy tales.
Fairy tales don't exist.
Not for people like Harry and me at least.
We live in the darker bit of the world, the part no one wants to see.
Me, I was a Death Eater. And Harry, he's the Boy Who Lived.
And my son.
A Death Eater's son.
Dammit, how I wish I could change that. Make life be a fairy tale.
But like I said, fairy tales don't exist for Harry and me.
"Alright, Harry. But at least come down."
"I will when I'm ready."
"Harry . ."
Those emerald eyes blazed at me again and I was forced to relent. That was my glare. Dammit, that was me glaring at me in anger, wanting me to go away.
But it was Lily as well.
I sighed.
"Alright, Harry. Goodnight."
The emerald eyes narrowed and the voice snapped coldly, "Goodnight, professor."
That hurt. I didn't show it on the outside but that little word tugged at my heartstrings again. Dammit, my own son hated me.
But that was to be expected.
What else had I shown him but hate?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
I had given him insult after insult, detention after detention. And I never wondered once if he might actually be my son.
I left the Astronomy Tower. I couldn't stand to be there anymore and Harry didn't want me there.
He didn't want me at all.
A weight settled over my heart as I slowly went down the stairwell.
I retreated to my rooms. My dreary, dark rooms in the dungeons.
My sanctuary.
With a heavy heart and mind, I sank into a chair by the fire.
Where did it all go wrong?
~*~
I can't tell you what you're feeling inside
I can't sell you what you don't want to buy
Something's missing and you got to
Look back on your life
You know something here just ain't right
~*~