Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners. Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story. Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge. This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly). I also do not own Lifehouse or their lyrics.
Summary: Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing. But are they for better or for worse? And what secret lurks behind these changes? A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.
These Dreams-Saerry Snape-
* In Your Search to Find *
~*~
Locked inside
The only place
Where you feel sheltered
Where you feel safe
~*~
When Harry arrived back at Gryffindor Tower, he was confronted by Ron. Harry blinked then narrowed his eyes and snapped, "What?"
Ron frowned and replied, "I wanted to apologize. I acted like a git. It doesn't matter who your parents are, you're still you."
Harry wanted to laugh at him but instead found himself saying, "Thanks, Ron."
"Welcome. Friends?"
"Friends."
Ron smiled then headed up into the fifth year boy's dorm. If anyone had been left in the common room they would have seen a shadow cross Harry face, turning it stony and cold.
A cruel smile played across Harry's lips as he whispered, "Friends for now at least."
~*~
In the dungeons, Snape sat in his rooms at a table. Before him sat a shallow bowl filled with a silvery substance. Snape stared at it in fear for a moment then tentatively reached out and touched it and brushed the silver liquid with a long finger. A moment later, he was looking at his own memories.
(note: In Sev's memory I refer to him as Snape and the younger Sev as Severus)
He was in the Slytherin dorms, lying in his bed. Lily, her fiery red hair splayed out across the dark green sheets, lay in his arms. Snape watched his and Lily's younger selves as they woke, Severus smiling and gently kissing Lily. Lily smiled in return, her green eyes dazzling in the dark light of the dungeons.
Snape felt tears on his cheeks at the memory. He remembered this night well. How could he not? It was the first time he and Lily had given themselves to each other. They were fifteen and had been hopelessly falling for each other for two years. Young Severus had only four more years with Lily before his father forced him to join the Death Eaters by threatening to kill Lily.
There was – had been – no choice but to give into the dark and let Lily, his love, his life, slip away.
Right into the arms of James Potter.
Snape frowned at the memory and turned away from the two teens in the bed.
But the memories wouldn't go away.
Instead the room about him shifted, changing into the home he and Lily had shared for two years. Snape closed his eyes as the voices stretched from the past into the present through the pensieve.
"Lily?"
"Sev? Is something wrong?"
Severus nodded and rolled up the left sleeve of his robes. Lily gasped, eyes growing wide, and leapt to her feet, moving to hug her husband.
"Oh, Sev."
"It's okay, Lil."
"No. No, it's not okay, Severus!"
"No, its not."
Lily looked up at Severus and said, "There was something else wasn't there?"
Severus and Snape both turned their faces away from her. Snape remembered her expression and young Severus did not want to see it.
"Sev?"
"You. I – I didn't want to join them, baby."
"I know, I know."
"But I have to. I had to."
Lily leaned against Severus and he wrapped his arms around her. Snape watched them with a longing expression. He wanted to go through this again, even if he knew the outcome. He wanted to have Lily, his Lily, in his arms, feel her hair against his cheek, her skin under his fingertips.
But all he had was this.
The memories.
"Sev –"
"They threatened you. My father said he'd kill you himself if I didn't join them."
Lily's green eyes filled with tears.
"Oh, Sev."
"There's something else, Lil."
Green eyes stared up into black and Snape closed his eyes as Lily cried out "No!" and buried herself in Severus' arms.
"Lily, baby –"
"No! No, Sev! I won't leave you to face this alone!"
Severus' arms tightened about Lily.
"But you have to, baby. You have to be safe. I need you safe."
"What about you?"
"I'll be fine. Don't you worry."
Lily sighed and lay her head against his shoulder.
"What should I do?"
"Go. Leave me."
"What? Sev, no. I won't divorce you just for this! Its what they want!"
Severus grasped Lily's face, tilting it upwards, and said, "You must. They always get what they want, one way or another."
"We could act. We could get a false divorce."
"Lil –"
"I WON'T LEAVE YOU TO FACE THIS ALONE! YOU HEAR ME, SEVERUS SNAPE? I WON'T! I WON'T, I WON'T, I WON'T!"
Lily broke down into sobs and Severus hugged her close, whispering soft, soothing words, running his fingers over her back and through her hair. Snape turned away from them and felt himself being drawn out of the pensieve.
Back in his rooms in the dungeons, Snape howled with grief and rage, sending his chair smashing into the wall in one fluid motion. He howled out curses against the Fates, Voldemort, himself, Potter, Black, Lupin, and even Lily herself. He went on that way for hours. The ghosts avoided the dungeons, even the Bloody Baron, as this went on. The Slytherins abandoned their dormitory for the Great Hall as their Head of House howled out his rage, frustration, and grief, the cries echoing through the dungeons, and then fell silent after nearly three hours non-stop.
And even after that they did not return to the dungeons. They were scared, more so of their Head of House than for him.
~*~
You lost yourself
In your search to find
Something else
To hide behind
~*~
A/N: What do you guys think of the part with Sev? I think it turned out well.