Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry, Hedwig, Severus (as much as I love him), and everyone else, all belong to JKR and whoever else is in the long list of Harry Potter owners. Tidmag owns the basic plot as he/she (?) gave me the idea for this story. Also, this is another answer for Severitus' challenge. This story has no relation to my other story written partly in answer to Severitus' challenge because there is no Saerry (except for yours truly). I also do not own Linkin Park or their lyrics.
Summary: Fifth year and Harry finds himself changing. But are they for better or for worse? And what secret lurks behind these changes? A secret only Remus Lupin seems to know.
These Dreams-Saerry Snape-
* Cold of the Static *
~*~
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static
And put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
~*~
Morning.
Bright, golden sunlight poured through the sole window in the dormitory and fell upon Harry's face. The teen twitched in his sleep and lifted an arm to cover his eyes.
Someone was watching him…Harry's other arm plunged into his robe pocket (he had not taken them off the night before) for his wand as he moved his arm slightly and opened his eyes to a bare slit. He half-thought it might be Malfoy, come to get back at him for what he'd put the Slytherin through the night before – what the spirit had put him through the night before.
But it wasn't.
It was Ron, standing beside Harry's bed and looking down at him with an emotionless gaze. Harry relaxed his grip on his wand and moved his arm to look up at his friend. They stared at each other for a long moment before Harry said, "Ron."
"Harry," replied the ginger-haired boy in a blank tone. His face then twisted and he grabbed Harry's by the front of his robes, jerking him up.
"What the hell did you do to Hermione last night?"
"Last night…?" gasped Harry. Then he remembered what he'd said to Hermione. She'd shown him her sketch.
Oh God…Harry grabbed Ron's wrists with both his hands and said, "Ron, let me go. I – I didn't mean to say those things to Hermione last night. I swear!"
"I don't believe you," growled Ron.
"Ron!" cried Harry as the other boy's grip tightened, pulling the collar of his robes into a choker about his neck. "Ron, let go."
"Not until you tell me what you did!"
Harry gagged as Ron's grip tightened again. He hissed softly, so none of the other boys could possibly hear if they were awake, "Professor Snape wouldn't take kindly to you killing his son, you know."
Ron's blue eyes widened and he snarled, "Hiding behind him now, are you? Your no better than he is, the Death Eater."
Harry's eyes flew open and his grip on Ron's wrists tightened, his fingernails turning to bury themselves in the other boys flesh.
"He is not a Death Eater. Now…let me go."
"He told you that, did he? I bet he lied."
Harry felt a rage within him at those words. Certainly he had been disgusted to find out his father was really his most hated professor and that his mother had been married to and had truly loved the man and he her, but he also now felt a respect for him that hadn't been there before. Last year he wouldn't have defended Snape one iota. Now…now when he had seen the intense pain in Snape's eyes whenever he spoke of his mother, he had to defend him. He had to.
"LET GO OF ME!"
Harry dug his fingernails deeply into Ron's wrists and the boy let out a cry, letting go. The dark-haired teen threw him backwards, leaping out of his bed as he did so and stalking angrily across the room to where the other boy lay. Ron couldn't help but notice that the stalk was decidedly like Snape's.
Harry knelt down and grabbed Ron's collar, jerking him up and shaking him before hissing in his face, "Do you know what he went through, Ron? Have you seen the pain in his eyes when he talks about my mother? True, he carries the Dark Mark but I know he'd die before he really followed Voldemort." When Ron flinched at the name, Harry laughed, coldly and harshly. His green eyes gleamed as he continued, "Afraid of him, Ron? Afraid of me? I've got part of Him in me, you know? And make no mistake, I can be just as dangerous."
Harry let go of Ron's collar sharply, throwing the red-head's head back slightly, then rose and stormed out of the room. As Ron lay gasping on the floor, Neville sat up and saw him.
"What's going on?"
Ron didn't answer him. He turned his head to look after Harry and reached up to rub at his throat.
~*~
Harry stormed down into the common room and flung himself into a chair by the fire, turning it so it completely faced the grate. As soon as he was settled, he began to tremble. Pulling his legs up and folding them underneath him, he wrapped his arms about his torso, head dropping down so his long hair fell over his face.
He'd felt it again. That spirit. In his anger at Ron it had come out. Or had tried to.
He shivered violently now. If that thing took him over again, he might not be able to fight it. He might hurt Ron! Or Hermione!
No!Harry threw himself bodily out of the chair and onto the floor. His knees hit hard, sending waves up pain up his legs, and his hands stung. But he ignored them. Teeth clenched, he hissed softly, "No. I won't let it do that. I'll die before I let it hurt my friends."
Good show, old boy, said that little voice from earlier.
Harry jerked then queried, Who are you? You…you were fighting Him. That spirit…
I was, said the voice. I'm a part of you. I'm the part of you that's actually James Potter's son.
Harry's eyes flew wide at that statement.
WHAT?Did you not think your – our – mother didn't sleep with James? She did. Of course, you, being the one who was born first, got sole control. But I'm still here…
Harry collapsed onto the floor at this revelation.
Oh God… Oh Merlin… So, so…you're just like me?The voice gave a little sigh. I'm what you would have been had you been James' son. To be blunt, I'm glad of this situation. I'm not you, Harry. I'm as far from it as a cat is from a dog. You're full of courage, full of the will to fight. I'm not. I wouldn't have been able to do half of what you've done.
But, thought Harry, isn't there some way to get you out? To give you a life?
I was never supposed to exist! Harry, don't you see? You've had two souls existing inside you all these years! I'M the reason you're a GRYFFINDOR!
You mean…you mean, without you, I'd've been in Slytherin like the Hat wanted?
Most likely, sighed the voice. And now the other one… He's been awakened. He's been asleep like me but now he's awake. And he wants control.
Harry's hands clenched into fists and his fingernails dug into his palm.
He's not going to get it.
Good show, said the voice as it slowly faded away.
Harry blinked and shook his head, climbing back up into the chair to contemplate over what'd he just found out.
~*~
"Harry?"
A sudden voice from behind him made Harry snap out of his thoughts, turning his face was the fire towards the voice. Hermione stood a few feet behind them, her sketchbook in her hand.
"Hello, Hermione," said Harry, smiling tightly. "A – are you alright?"
The girl looked at him, her fingers tightening about the sketchbook. "No," she whispered.
Harry rose from his seat and moved towards her. She took a step back, eyes wide. The teen looked helplessly at her, remembering the battle of words he'd had with her last night. It hadn't just been that spirit that'd brought them out…
"Herm," he whispered, shoulders slumping. "I'm…I'm sorry." He ducked his head, eyes closed.
Then he heard her approach. Slowly, he looked up into her eyes.
And she slapped him.
Harry closed his eyes as his head snapped to the side, letting the sting in his cheek play out until it was over. When he looked back at Hermione, she had dropped her sketchbook and her hands were over her mouth.
She then suddenly threw her arms around him and began to sob. Harry folded his arms around her shoulders and let her cry. He'd hurt her deeply and he knew it.
As Hermione continued to sob, Harry tilted his head back and looked out the window at the blue sky.
Why do I have to bring such misery?
~*~
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake
Slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
~*~