A/N: I'm sorry, i'll never do it again, but I was in a strange mood and I just had to make him act like an immature moron for a couple of seconds in the story. He's never gonna do it again, in my eyes he's more of the brooding, loner, intelligent type, if you don't know what i'm talking about, you will. read and reveiw.
Disclaimer: No...not even now...
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Intro Music: Sweeter than anything, by PJ Harvey
'The black inside this hallowed whole seems to be fading into a gray'
A small child sits idly on a moss covered stone in a painted green forest. As if it came down from some sacred place, the wings of cherry blossoms come floating down to earth. And the child, he sits there listlessly hanging his head backwards, revealing in the glorious sun, and rays cast down through the clouded forest trees.
'And I lye still.....'
He wears black, and seems strangely out of place, his plae skin greatly contrasting to the darkness in his attire. His long lilac hair seems too pressed, as if the sun had never once had the pleasure to touch. And his lightly glossed blue eyes, seem somehow dull, even in this light.
'Here, inside a picture perfect heaven. I've covered the scars by now with happy thoughts and mislead smiles. I guess that even I had discarded those hateful memories, and anything that reminded me of them.'
And his eyes seemed so silent. Not exactly calm, just... empty? And he sat void of emotion, as if he were falling and holding his gaze to that light, the sun above the forest, resting gently in the sky.
'Why do you insist on taking me to that place in the past when you know that its so painful for me? And why do you insist on being that person who knew me then, and felt the pain right along with me?'
And even without hope, he almost looked just like a child on the outside, he was pale, perhaps, and maybe he even seemd a bit frail, and fragile, in this place.
'Even without words, I could see it in your eyes. You had never left me, and I had just been facing backwards while the world spin outside my head. Can anyone see you?'
Almost violantly he whipped his head forward, catching it half way down, his gaze caught on something of inadiquacy on the ground.
'I know inside this perfect heaven, it's but a delusion, and you were real, and you were the only thing left of what we had been as children. And the hopes and dreams that we had carried back then.'
His expression is so pained, his eyes fixed on forbidden objects, blinded to his own wondering mind. He tilts his head to the side, in curiosity, he seems to find this so forlorn.
'But I never really knew you did I? And still I could always see that you were the same as me, just like him, and even after he had gone, it was like just looking at you, he was still there.'
But there is blood where his gaze has been fixed, red that stained the ground, only captured by his own eyes, yet still he is the only one blind enough to see it. The wind sweeps up against his back, and drys a single tear trailing down his cheek, that could never have been cried from his own eyes.
'You will always be a part of me. But will you cover up that part?
Words could not express...'
!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$$^%$^$%^%&&%&*
Intro Music: Lamb of God, by Marilyn Manson
'All I see is black.'
'And I get this way without you.'
The black fades away, retreiting as a brightness breaks through, a white light, blinding, novel to these eyes that have for so long only looked into darkness. But though I see this light I know that I'm not a part of it, the screams buried underneath a calm surface break through in solitude. And I retreate from the light, as the pain consumes me and I once more see black.
The shady night crept away from the golden rays breaking through the sky. 6 A.M. came around much too soon for some in the city. And still a gloom seemed to hang over a certain inner city apartment. Light broke through the window, shunning out some of its natural dank expression, and causing a stir in its inner core of its life. And he adbrublty awoke...
I slowly open my eyes to only close them quickly once more, as I struggle to shade myself from the bright morning sun as it shines through my steel gray curtains, flashing like a storbe, on and off as the the curtians swing, in rythmatic motion with the cold morning breeze that enters my room.
It's then that I notice the state of fever in which my body does feel. I'm flushed and drenched in sweat, my eyes hazed by my tassled hair, damp also with sweat and caked to my face. My head feels pressured from inside, and suddenly I feel the need to purge this sickness from myself, curling in to hold my stomach, though pushing the sickness back down, I extricate myself from the crumpled gray sheets of my bed and fall forward onto the cold concrete floor.
I lye momentarily still, letting my forehead find comfort in the cool salvation of the cold floor to my loft. My palms gaining familiarity of the rough concrete platform, I try to push myself up, ignoring the unpalatable pain growing inside of me. My arms shake as I struggle to gain composure, bearing woes with my own weakness, and aching muscles. Persperation drips from my forehead, trickling a path to the tip of my nose, and falling to the ground. And taken aback, it seems forlorn and unreal, as I watch the liquid fall, I feel myself falling with it. My body begins to go numb, and I feel my mind begin to to drift, falling from reality and finding a home within somber delusions.
'And the leaves being to fall'
'And I can't seem to forget'
'That you came along'
'What deceptions I regret'
And neon green swirls inside of me.... huh?
"Ugh!"
I let out in slight pain. My voice is cracked and I break into hacking coughs, feeling my own saliva drip from my mouth finding its path to the floor.
'This had got to be more than a hang over... I feel sick."
I clumsily gain control of my body, grabbing hold of black crome side table, lifting myself up, only to find myself stumble to the floor once more as the side table tilts with my weight, and falls sideways with my body causing a loud 'thud.'
I can hear the old woman upstairs banging on the floor with her cane, as she did so many times before, though, for me, on much friendlier occassions.
"Some people are trying to sleep!" I hear her hagged voice croak.
But I pay no mind, as I have greater endevers at hand, like actually getting up off the floor. I seek stability once more, this time grabbing hold of the crome bed post to help me to my feet. And this time with a vail. I stagger to my window, once standing, to feel the cool breeze engulf my body, claiming dignity to my ill state, as I feel my persperation deminish. I hang my body further out of my apartment window, clinging to the top of its frame, as I take in the sight of the early, and yet empty city.
"I can't even take another sick day from work.... damn."
Taking my grasp off the window frame, I find myself still with a stagger in my walk, and my head just seems to cluttered to function correctly.
"But work comes first...."
'so its to my preparation of making myself another socially suitable drone.'
:::Fades Out:::
I make my way out of the quant, brick, center city apartment, adjusting my black tie, over my light blue butten down shirt, adjusting my cuff links over the uncomfortable black blazer.
'Ah the corrporate attire.'
Making my way to the curb, with my keys in hand, I look towards the space that is usually reserved for my car, with an unusual curiosity sprung.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!"
I look around, as the old couple taking a morning stroll, who had been holding hands, contently taking in the fine morning, abrubtly stop, gazing at me, startled to no ends. A man in a business suit who was walking across the street, gives me a questioning glance as he hurries on his way. But the attention does not disued my outstated yet alarmed condition.
"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CAR!?!?!"
I start gazing down the street to see if I had parked it somewhere else, and had somehow forgotten the event.
"I HAD A CAR! I KNOW I HAD A CAR, I LEFT IT HERE!!!"
The old couple are still staring at me curiously, so of course I must be polite, and answer their questioning pleas.
"DID YOU TAKE MY CAR!?!?" pointing to the old couple accusingly.
"DID YOU SEE MY CAR? I KNOW I HAD A CAR, IT WAS BLACK AND SHINY AND IT WAS MINE!"
Perhaps the alcohol, the hang over, had still its effect in hazing my mind, because normally, at least I am to the point sure, that I do not go for the dramatics, and am not this eccentric. None the less I am not the type to be shy and regret things like this sudden behavior or especially be ashamed of my stupid and idiotic ways. So without belaboring the subject any further or even trying to prove the slightest notion to the old couple, or other people on the street staring, that my sanity was in fact, still in tact, I waved my arm up to an oncoming cab, to hail it in.
As the yellow taxi pulled its way to side the side of the street, I slowly got in, ignoring that blant stares form the people on the street, and pointing out directions to the cab driver, he then slowly proceeded in pulling out onto the road.
Inside of the cab, the driver made some uninteresting comment about the weather, but I just grunted and waved him off. My mind was still hazed with confusion, and sat bewildered, looking out the window, yet not actually seeing the city outside the cab.
But still my mind wonders of my car, I was sure I had it yesterday, and cars don't disapper. They get stolen, but I would have least remembered driving it home if it had been stolen last night in my sleep.
"Last night....."
And suddenly I begin to feel once more that sickening feeling.
"Last night...i was... she."
And opening the flood gate, it all comes back, like so many times before it had,these memories, but this time it was different. I had a new one to add.
"Her..."
She was there.
"Oh God."
And the sinking feeling inside my stomach grew, and I began to dread the memory, yet somehow it didn't even hold any importance, not enough for it to be so dismissed.
"So cold down there, but it does't change up here either."
This was once my city, the lights though bleak, and my reflection beheld to none within, it was mine, a home that found its way to me. the streets, the cold unwavering night, I followed it into my own personal demise. And it dwindled inside of me, this flame, until there was nothing left.
"And I feel nothing now." I whispered to myself in a hushed tone, as if to justify my thoughts.
'I know it to be a truth, that heartache is better than lacking the feeling of this undertone. For when you find yourself filled with nothing at all, you lose all meaning in life, and find yourself questioning your own existance. All in all, it makes out for one hell of a narcisistic existence. Trying to define our own trials, and triumphs, as actions that define our being, yet it is nothing but delusions that we create around our self to justify our emptiness. And I am no fool to this, I know very well what i'm running from.'
"The past will always find me though... it will always be there in my mind, and she is a part of that past. One of the bigger parts that make it harder and harder to see any thing clearly at all." I gazed remoresfully out of the cab's backseat window.
These thoughts were too much for me to deal with.
"Ugh"
I said as bit too loudly, as I bent my head down, closing my eyes, and rubbing my forehead, I had now gained the attention of the taxi driver.
" Ey, man? Are ye' alright, there?"
He asked in a city slicker slurred tone. Looking back at me through the rear veiw mirror with a curious gaze.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine."
I stated weakly, yet it still seemed to gain the approaval of the nosey cab driver, as he took his gaze off of me, and set it once more on the road before him. And I was thankful when I saw we were nearing my work.
'If it bothers me so much then I shouldn't even deal with it, its not like I was the one who left, and I have no reason to even go back, and try to rekindle a broken and forever empty friendship that was bound only on one dead body.'
Then of course my own stupidity dawned, and realization came to me.
"My car..... It's at that club......ugh!"
!@$#@%#&^$&*%&*^&^$$%@#$!#@@$^%^&$%#%^$&**(&*%^$$%##$@$%#^
A/N: Yeah so thats it for this one, the next chapter is halfway done and should be up within the next few days. R and R. thanx.
Disclaimer: No...not even now...
!$#@%$@#%#@$%#@#@$%#@$%#@%$#@$%#@$%#@$#@#@$#@#@%#@$%#
Intro Music: Sweeter than anything, by PJ Harvey
'The black inside this hallowed whole seems to be fading into a gray'
A small child sits idly on a moss covered stone in a painted green forest. As if it came down from some sacred place, the wings of cherry blossoms come floating down to earth. And the child, he sits there listlessly hanging his head backwards, revealing in the glorious sun, and rays cast down through the clouded forest trees.
'And I lye still.....'
He wears black, and seems strangely out of place, his plae skin greatly contrasting to the darkness in his attire. His long lilac hair seems too pressed, as if the sun had never once had the pleasure to touch. And his lightly glossed blue eyes, seem somehow dull, even in this light.
'Here, inside a picture perfect heaven. I've covered the scars by now with happy thoughts and mislead smiles. I guess that even I had discarded those hateful memories, and anything that reminded me of them.'
And his eyes seemed so silent. Not exactly calm, just... empty? And he sat void of emotion, as if he were falling and holding his gaze to that light, the sun above the forest, resting gently in the sky.
'Why do you insist on taking me to that place in the past when you know that its so painful for me? And why do you insist on being that person who knew me then, and felt the pain right along with me?'
And even without hope, he almost looked just like a child on the outside, he was pale, perhaps, and maybe he even seemd a bit frail, and fragile, in this place.
'Even without words, I could see it in your eyes. You had never left me, and I had just been facing backwards while the world spin outside my head. Can anyone see you?'
Almost violantly he whipped his head forward, catching it half way down, his gaze caught on something of inadiquacy on the ground.
'I know inside this perfect heaven, it's but a delusion, and you were real, and you were the only thing left of what we had been as children. And the hopes and dreams that we had carried back then.'
His expression is so pained, his eyes fixed on forbidden objects, blinded to his own wondering mind. He tilts his head to the side, in curiosity, he seems to find this so forlorn.
'But I never really knew you did I? And still I could always see that you were the same as me, just like him, and even after he had gone, it was like just looking at you, he was still there.'
But there is blood where his gaze has been fixed, red that stained the ground, only captured by his own eyes, yet still he is the only one blind enough to see it. The wind sweeps up against his back, and drys a single tear trailing down his cheek, that could never have been cried from his own eyes.
'You will always be a part of me. But will you cover up that part?
Words could not express...'
!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$%$#@!@#$$^%$^$%^%&&%&*
Intro Music: Lamb of God, by Marilyn Manson
'All I see is black.'
'And I get this way without you.'
The black fades away, retreiting as a brightness breaks through, a white light, blinding, novel to these eyes that have for so long only looked into darkness. But though I see this light I know that I'm not a part of it, the screams buried underneath a calm surface break through in solitude. And I retreate from the light, as the pain consumes me and I once more see black.
The shady night crept away from the golden rays breaking through the sky. 6 A.M. came around much too soon for some in the city. And still a gloom seemed to hang over a certain inner city apartment. Light broke through the window, shunning out some of its natural dank expression, and causing a stir in its inner core of its life. And he adbrublty awoke...
I slowly open my eyes to only close them quickly once more, as I struggle to shade myself from the bright morning sun as it shines through my steel gray curtains, flashing like a storbe, on and off as the the curtians swing, in rythmatic motion with the cold morning breeze that enters my room.
It's then that I notice the state of fever in which my body does feel. I'm flushed and drenched in sweat, my eyes hazed by my tassled hair, damp also with sweat and caked to my face. My head feels pressured from inside, and suddenly I feel the need to purge this sickness from myself, curling in to hold my stomach, though pushing the sickness back down, I extricate myself from the crumpled gray sheets of my bed and fall forward onto the cold concrete floor.
I lye momentarily still, letting my forehead find comfort in the cool salvation of the cold floor to my loft. My palms gaining familiarity of the rough concrete platform, I try to push myself up, ignoring the unpalatable pain growing inside of me. My arms shake as I struggle to gain composure, bearing woes with my own weakness, and aching muscles. Persperation drips from my forehead, trickling a path to the tip of my nose, and falling to the ground. And taken aback, it seems forlorn and unreal, as I watch the liquid fall, I feel myself falling with it. My body begins to go numb, and I feel my mind begin to to drift, falling from reality and finding a home within somber delusions.
'And the leaves being to fall'
'And I can't seem to forget'
'That you came along'
'What deceptions I regret'
And neon green swirls inside of me.... huh?
"Ugh!"
I let out in slight pain. My voice is cracked and I break into hacking coughs, feeling my own saliva drip from my mouth finding its path to the floor.
'This had got to be more than a hang over... I feel sick."
I clumsily gain control of my body, grabbing hold of black crome side table, lifting myself up, only to find myself stumble to the floor once more as the side table tilts with my weight, and falls sideways with my body causing a loud 'thud.'
I can hear the old woman upstairs banging on the floor with her cane, as she did so many times before, though, for me, on much friendlier occassions.
"Some people are trying to sleep!" I hear her hagged voice croak.
But I pay no mind, as I have greater endevers at hand, like actually getting up off the floor. I seek stability once more, this time grabbing hold of the crome bed post to help me to my feet. And this time with a vail. I stagger to my window, once standing, to feel the cool breeze engulf my body, claiming dignity to my ill state, as I feel my persperation deminish. I hang my body further out of my apartment window, clinging to the top of its frame, as I take in the sight of the early, and yet empty city.
"I can't even take another sick day from work.... damn."
Taking my grasp off the window frame, I find myself still with a stagger in my walk, and my head just seems to cluttered to function correctly.
"But work comes first...."
'so its to my preparation of making myself another socially suitable drone.'
:::Fades Out:::
I make my way out of the quant, brick, center city apartment, adjusting my black tie, over my light blue butten down shirt, adjusting my cuff links over the uncomfortable black blazer.
'Ah the corrporate attire.'
Making my way to the curb, with my keys in hand, I look towards the space that is usually reserved for my car, with an unusual curiosity sprung.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!"
I look around, as the old couple taking a morning stroll, who had been holding hands, contently taking in the fine morning, abrubtly stop, gazing at me, startled to no ends. A man in a business suit who was walking across the street, gives me a questioning glance as he hurries on his way. But the attention does not disued my outstated yet alarmed condition.
"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CAR!?!?!"
I start gazing down the street to see if I had parked it somewhere else, and had somehow forgotten the event.
"I HAD A CAR! I KNOW I HAD A CAR, I LEFT IT HERE!!!"
The old couple are still staring at me curiously, so of course I must be polite, and answer their questioning pleas.
"DID YOU TAKE MY CAR!?!?" pointing to the old couple accusingly.
"DID YOU SEE MY CAR? I KNOW I HAD A CAR, IT WAS BLACK AND SHINY AND IT WAS MINE!"
Perhaps the alcohol, the hang over, had still its effect in hazing my mind, because normally, at least I am to the point sure, that I do not go for the dramatics, and am not this eccentric. None the less I am not the type to be shy and regret things like this sudden behavior or especially be ashamed of my stupid and idiotic ways. So without belaboring the subject any further or even trying to prove the slightest notion to the old couple, or other people on the street staring, that my sanity was in fact, still in tact, I waved my arm up to an oncoming cab, to hail it in.
As the yellow taxi pulled its way to side the side of the street, I slowly got in, ignoring that blant stares form the people on the street, and pointing out directions to the cab driver, he then slowly proceeded in pulling out onto the road.
Inside of the cab, the driver made some uninteresting comment about the weather, but I just grunted and waved him off. My mind was still hazed with confusion, and sat bewildered, looking out the window, yet not actually seeing the city outside the cab.
But still my mind wonders of my car, I was sure I had it yesterday, and cars don't disapper. They get stolen, but I would have least remembered driving it home if it had been stolen last night in my sleep.
"Last night....."
And suddenly I begin to feel once more that sickening feeling.
"Last night...i was... she."
And opening the flood gate, it all comes back, like so many times before it had,these memories, but this time it was different. I had a new one to add.
"Her..."
She was there.
"Oh God."
And the sinking feeling inside my stomach grew, and I began to dread the memory, yet somehow it didn't even hold any importance, not enough for it to be so dismissed.
"So cold down there, but it does't change up here either."
This was once my city, the lights though bleak, and my reflection beheld to none within, it was mine, a home that found its way to me. the streets, the cold unwavering night, I followed it into my own personal demise. And it dwindled inside of me, this flame, until there was nothing left.
"And I feel nothing now." I whispered to myself in a hushed tone, as if to justify my thoughts.
'I know it to be a truth, that heartache is better than lacking the feeling of this undertone. For when you find yourself filled with nothing at all, you lose all meaning in life, and find yourself questioning your own existance. All in all, it makes out for one hell of a narcisistic existence. Trying to define our own trials, and triumphs, as actions that define our being, yet it is nothing but delusions that we create around our self to justify our emptiness. And I am no fool to this, I know very well what i'm running from.'
"The past will always find me though... it will always be there in my mind, and she is a part of that past. One of the bigger parts that make it harder and harder to see any thing clearly at all." I gazed remoresfully out of the cab's backseat window.
These thoughts were too much for me to deal with.
"Ugh"
I said as bit too loudly, as I bent my head down, closing my eyes, and rubbing my forehead, I had now gained the attention of the taxi driver.
" Ey, man? Are ye' alright, there?"
He asked in a city slicker slurred tone. Looking back at me through the rear veiw mirror with a curious gaze.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine."
I stated weakly, yet it still seemed to gain the approaval of the nosey cab driver, as he took his gaze off of me, and set it once more on the road before him. And I was thankful when I saw we were nearing my work.
'If it bothers me so much then I shouldn't even deal with it, its not like I was the one who left, and I have no reason to even go back, and try to rekindle a broken and forever empty friendship that was bound only on one dead body.'
Then of course my own stupidity dawned, and realization came to me.
"My car..... It's at that club......ugh!"
!@$#@%#&^$&*%&*^&^$$%@#$!#@@$^%^&$%#%^$&**(&*%^$$%##$@$%#^
A/N: Yeah so thats it for this one, the next chapter is halfway done and should be up within the next few days. R and R. thanx.