Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Seifer, the part of FFVIII where Seifer Almasy comes out and sings a silly song. Joining him today are Fujin and Raijin, and together they make up that infamous gang of Final Fantasy bastards- the Villains Who Don't Do Anything!
Seifer, Fujin, Raijin:
We are the villains who don't do anything!
We just stay at home and torture Zell!
And if you ask us to do anything, we'll tell you . . .
Seifer: We don't do anything!
Fujin:
Well, I've never kicked a SeeD grad and I've never killed a Bite Bug
And I've never murdered teachers for the hell of it all
And I've never used full phrases, and I've never Limit Broken
And I've never answered the Commander's call!
All:
'Cuz we're the villains who don't do anything!
We just stay at home and torture Zell!
And if you ask us to do anything, we'll tell you . . .
Raijin:
We don't do anything!
And I've never whacked a recruit and I've never tortured Quistis
And I've never said 'oh screw you' when I torched the Timber mall
And I've never been a moron and I've never cast L4 Death
And I've never answered the Commander's call!
All:
'Cuz we're the villains who don't do anything!
We just stay at home and torture Zell!
And if you ask us to do anything, we'll tell you . . .
We don't do anything!
Seifer:
Well, I've never mastered Blitzball and I've never dyed my hair blue
And I've never taken fifty flights in one long lousy fall
And I've never kissed a gay guy and I've never sang an opera
And I've never answered the Commander's call!
Fujin: WHAT? NONSENSE!
Raijin: Yeah, that's right, ya know? What's villainous about falling downstairs?
Fujin: BLITZBALL, WHAT?
Seifer: You don't know?
Fujin: NOPE.
Seifer: Oh.
Raijin: And who ever sang opera besides that chick in FF6, ya know?
Fujin: YOU. SING SHOWER. HEARD.
Raijin: That's a lie!
Fujin: 'ARIA DE MEZZO' OFF-KEY.
Raijin: Why you . . . I'll kill you, ya know?!
Seifer:
And I've never quilted cotton and I've never hugged a poodle
And I've never written slash-fics 'cause I don't do boys at all
And I've never juggled fruit pies and I've never washed my trenchcoat . . .
Fujin: SMELL, OBVIOUS.
All:
And we've never answered the Commander's call!
Raijin: Hey, it said on the news that Squall's going insane and wants to destroy the world, ya know?
Seifer: Not our problem. WHO THE HELL HAS THE REMOTE?
Fujin: SOFA, UNDER.
Seifer: Get it, would you?
Fujin: FUCK NO.
Seifer: Damn! Raijin?
Raijin: . . . ::snore:: . . .
Seifer: Jerk. Oh well, I guess we'll have to watch the Home Shopping Network.
Fujin: CHANNEL, CHANGE MANUALLY.
Seifer: Yeah, but then I'd have to get up.
Fujin: YUCK.
THE END
Disclaimer: The tune of the song, "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything," is part of the VeggieTales productions and I don't own it. Seifer, Fujin, and Raijin belong to Squaresoft. Please don't sue- I'm just playing with them for my own amusement.
Seifer, Fujin, Raijin:
We are the villains who don't do anything!
We just stay at home and torture Zell!
And if you ask us to do anything, we'll tell you . . .
Seifer: We don't do anything!
Fujin:
Well, I've never kicked a SeeD grad and I've never killed a Bite Bug
And I've never murdered teachers for the hell of it all
And I've never used full phrases, and I've never Limit Broken
And I've never answered the Commander's call!
All:
'Cuz we're the villains who don't do anything!
We just stay at home and torture Zell!
And if you ask us to do anything, we'll tell you . . .
Raijin:
We don't do anything!
And I've never whacked a recruit and I've never tortured Quistis
And I've never said 'oh screw you' when I torched the Timber mall
And I've never been a moron and I've never cast L4 Death
And I've never answered the Commander's call!
All:
'Cuz we're the villains who don't do anything!
We just stay at home and torture Zell!
And if you ask us to do anything, we'll tell you . . .
We don't do anything!
Seifer:
Well, I've never mastered Blitzball and I've never dyed my hair blue
And I've never taken fifty flights in one long lousy fall
And I've never kissed a gay guy and I've never sang an opera
And I've never answered the Commander's call!
Fujin: WHAT? NONSENSE!
Raijin: Yeah, that's right, ya know? What's villainous about falling downstairs?
Fujin: BLITZBALL, WHAT?
Seifer: You don't know?
Fujin: NOPE.
Seifer: Oh.
Raijin: And who ever sang opera besides that chick in FF6, ya know?
Fujin: YOU. SING SHOWER. HEARD.
Raijin: That's a lie!
Fujin: 'ARIA DE MEZZO' OFF-KEY.
Raijin: Why you . . . I'll kill you, ya know?!
Seifer:
And I've never quilted cotton and I've never hugged a poodle
And I've never written slash-fics 'cause I don't do boys at all
And I've never juggled fruit pies and I've never washed my trenchcoat . . .
Fujin: SMELL, OBVIOUS.
All:
And we've never answered the Commander's call!
Raijin: Hey, it said on the news that Squall's going insane and wants to destroy the world, ya know?
Seifer: Not our problem. WHO THE HELL HAS THE REMOTE?
Fujin: SOFA, UNDER.
Seifer: Get it, would you?
Fujin: FUCK NO.
Seifer: Damn! Raijin?
Raijin: . . . ::snore:: . . .
Seifer: Jerk. Oh well, I guess we'll have to watch the Home Shopping Network.
Fujin: CHANNEL, CHANGE MANUALLY.
Seifer: Yeah, but then I'd have to get up.
Fujin: YUCK.
THE END
Disclaimer: The tune of the song, "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything," is part of the VeggieTales productions and I don't own it. Seifer, Fujin, and Raijin belong to Squaresoft. Please don't sue- I'm just playing with them for my own amusement.