Silent Eyes

Passing Days

Touya rolled over, cuddling closer to the slim form beside him. It was his favorite way of waking up, and it was Yukito's favorite way of being woken up. Eyes still closed, the two clasped each other closely, Yukito's head pressed against Touya's warm chest while Touya rested his chin protectively on Yukito's head. Yukito smiled, serenaded by the sound of his lover's heart as it began to quicken. "To-ya, thank you."

Touya's eyes threatened to open. This wasn't part of the morning ritual they shared. Speaking wasn't part of it for another five minutes at least. "Hmmm?"

"You've made my life real. Thank you."

"Hush, there's no need for anything like that. I'm not awake enough for that yet." Touya held Yuki closer, tighter, for a brief moment and then soothed him by stroking his back gently. Then last night hit him all over again. "Wait, now I'm awake enough." His eyes opened and he pulled himself away just enough to look into the solemn amber eyes waiting him. "Yuki, you haven't been like this for years. What happened last night?"

"I don't know how to explain it. After you and Yue were done talking, when I came back, he asked me for the first time what happens to me. I had never thought about it before, but it's like I just cease to exist. Then it all came rushing back that I am not the real one here. My entire existence is to be a mask for some magic creature that I don't even know. And then I could feel Yue's loneliness and guilt and it--" He stopped, fighting back the tears again. "There just aren't words for how I feel. To-ya, you are all that's real in my life, and the only thing that keeps me who I am. It's so easy to forget most of the time, but when that blackness comes crashing down upon me again I go so cold. I'm just not real."

Touya lost himself in Yuki's shimmering eyes, knowing that there was nothing he could say that he hadn't said before. Then he wondered if saying those things all over again might just be the comfort his love needed. "I love you. Sakura loves you. You have a job, we have a home, and you have an entire life to live that does not include being some mask for a total stranger. Nothing else matters. You are here, right now, and in the grand scheme of things that's all that counts. Here. Now. Either that or nothing. Ever."

"I don't know. To-ya, I just don't know."

"I don't know either Yuki. I wish I could kiss you and just take away your pain, but...."

"Why don't you?"

"Good question."

~~~~~@~~~~~

Yue pulled his awareness sharply back. Mask of a total stranger? He wasn't sure what hurt more, being called a total stranger, or listening to sweet Yukito suffer at the thought of being a mere mask. He finally decided that both were equally painful, and both equally his own fault. Yet, he didn't see a way out of the corner he had painted himself into.

The morning went on, the two men made love while Yue tried not to think about it. He always felt awkward at that point, but he wouldn't dream of doing a thing to stop them. Then they smelled food cooking and were met by a happy Sakura who had managed to cook the kind of breakfast Fujitaka would make. It was beautiful and delicious, and she knew to make huge portions. She smiled with a faint blush when Yukito complimented her cooking, but she positively glowed when Touya showed how impressed he was. Yue vicariously enjoyed the meal and the love the Kinomoto family showered upon Yuki, something he would never admit to any of them. It was just easier to enjoy feeling Yukito enjoy these things.

The day slipped in to routine. Touya had work, but Yukito had the day free, so he went home and cleaned while Sakura was at school. Yue didn't let himself drift off as he usually did during the boring day to day routine. He had to keep his mind focused in case Sakura needed him. Staying aware like that was a bit disconcerting though. He felt even more like an intruder into Yukito's life. He almost always felt like an intruder these days though.

Yukito suddenly paused in the middle of cleaning up after his lunch. "Are you there?"

I'm here. I'm always here. The sigh that accompanied the statement went through them both. What do you need?

I don't need anything, but I was hoping for company.

You never have before.

Do you really mind so much if we talk? I don't want you to...I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

No, Yuki, I don't want to intrude more than I already do.

I felt your pain about being a stranger...as intense as my pain was about being a mask. I thought that since there's nothing I can do about one, I could do something about the other. Do we have to be strangers?

Yue thought for a while, silent to Yukito. Yuki shrugged and went back to doing dishes. Finally Yue pressed his own thoughts in on Yukito's again. I don't want us to be strangers, but I'm not one to open up easily. Especially to you.

Yue felt ashamed of the wash of pain that went through Yukito from that statement. Especially me? Why?

I have many reasons. It all comes down to one thing though, I want to protect you.

Protect me from you?

Yes.

Yuki splashed the dish water out of frustration. I'm not a child, you can't protect me from everything all the time! There are things I don't want to be protected from! Do you hear me? Yue?

Yue maintained his silence no matter what Yukito thought at him. He hated himself for it, but it was an emotion he was used to. The rest of the day was slightly more interesting than usual as he heard Yukito use vocabulary he wasn't aware he would ever use. Eventually Yue projected a feeling of amusement, forcing both of them to laugh. Enough! You haven't been angry for hours, you've just been trying to get me to talk. I don't think either of us could take much more of this. Gods, but you're stubborn!

I wonder where I picked that trait up, Yukito asked innocently. His smile had finally brightened his face though, and all would be well.

If it's any consolation, Yuki, you know me better than you think. Better than anyone else. He was scared that it was a dangerous admission to make, but he couldn't hold it in any more.

I had a feeling.

I know.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Sakura and Tomoyo nearly ran to Sakura's house. "They'll all be back tomorrow? Wow! And I'll be able to make you another outfit for you to wear! I have just the design--"

Sakura laughed. "Is that all you think about? You do know that it's because we all have a *bad* feeling, not a 'let's make Sakura dress up' feeling?"

"Do I have to get Kero-chan on my side again? It's all in how you present yourself. When you look magical on the outside, you feel magical on the inside, and that makes it easier to win! Syaoran and Eriol are sure to wear their customary outfits because it helps them to focus, and I would love it if you would do the same."

"And because it makes you feel useful?" As soon as Sakura made the connection the words came out of her mouth without further thought.

Tomoyo gave her best friend a sad smile. "I think so, yes. I never thought about it like that, but filming you and making your outfits made me feel a little magical too."

"All I ever wanted was for you to stay my best friend. You know that, don't you?"

"I know. But I have all these wonderful memories stored where I can see them again and again, and you were so adorable! It was so wonderful to be there the whole time, helping and watching, and making sure you were as cute as you could be. Just by itself, for no other reason, it was so fun!"

Sakura fought off her usual extreme reaction to her best friend's enthusiasm. Instead she just gave her a tight hug and started running home again. "Come on, I want to make a special supper for everyone! It will take a lot of time though, so we have to hurry."

"Okay! I'll be right behind you!" As soon as Tomoyo caught up Sakura grabbed her hand, pulling the other girl to go faster. As soon as they reached the front door they collapsed, panting and giggling, to change their shoes.

~~~~~@~~~~~

The rest of the day passed. Tomoyo was invited to spend the night, and her and Sakura stayed up later than they should have giggling and talking about the guys they knew and speculating about the guys they used to know. The next day was even more routine, with everyone at work or school to pass the time. The first one to arrive was Syaoran, who met Sakura at school that day. When they reunited they fell into each other's arms, holding each other as close as they could while their hearts twined together and their souls spoke of how much they loved each other despite the distance. They barely heard Tomoyo as she made her excuses to run home and give them some time alone.

"I am so glad you're here. I can't begin to tell you how much I missed you Syaoran."

"Silly. You should have known we'd meet again. I could feel it, couldn't you?"

She glared a little, pouted a little, and then smiled sweetly. "Part of me knew, but part of me was terrified of being wrong. And knowing I'll hold you some day is not nearly as fulfilling as actually having you in my arms finally."

"Absence has made the heart grow fonder," he teased slightly, a small smile resting lightly on his lips.

"I don't want to get any fonder of you Li Syaoran. I don't think it's possible. Besides, missing you hurt."

"I know. I was terrified you'd fall in love with someone else and the letters would just stop. I was terrified that if I said I love you over the phone that you'd feel compelled to confess your love of a handsome stranger that I couldn't compete with. I was terrified that I'd lose you, somehow, and that thought kept me awake at night in so much agony."

"No one could compete with you, ever," she assured innocently.

"I'm glad you think so...Mei Lin wasn't so kind."

"Sour grapes."

"You really think so?"

"I'm sure of it."

"So that's why I love you so much."

Sakura smiled her biggest smile. "I love you too."

~~~~~@~~~~~

end note: This one was shorter than I expected, but the next chapter is where they are all together again. I'm writing like a woman possessed here, it's driving me faster than I thought possible and pushing other fics out of the way. Sorry! I hope you enjoy this though!