A/N: Let's pause for some fluff. No? Okay, I'll just add a little fluff to the story here and there mingled with the angst and romance. I'm far from done though. You'll see. Okay, I'll let everyone tell me if I should change the Action/Adventure to something else at this point. That's about as action-y as I get. There will be more, don't get me wrong, but if this belongs somewhere else by all means let me know!
L-chan, thank you! I like to do things that other people wouldn't normally do, so I'm glad you like how I've handled using Sonomi. I hardly see anything about her at all, so when the thought came to me I ran with it. It's good to know it's working. (psst...more Yue/Yuki interaction ahead, only face to face now.)
Silvermoon maru, I pride myself in my originality. ~bows~ Glad to see it's been appreciated. ~grins~ Thank you for reviewing!
Thank you Monique, I update as fast as I can write. I'm not sure how well that shows though...does anyone else notice that I post my rough drafts first and don't go back and change things at all usually? Meep!!
Starquestor--yes. Sakura's hand still hurts, and only an ACT OF AUTHOR can change it. ~evil laughter~ You like my kitten-boy? Adorable, isn't he? I refuse to say anything else about him. UPDATE IS HERE!
Silent Eyes
Playful Kitten
Sakura was tired, bloody, in a lot of pain, and her eyes itched from crying, but seeing everyone she loved gathered to rescue her put a smile on her face as genuine as any she had ever worn. Syaoran had been the first to recover from the shock of seeing her again and ran toward her...only to be stopped by the kitten-boy. The child growled at everyone as they approached at first, but stopped himself right away. Sakura just laughed.
"It's okay, Yaku-kun. These are my friends."
The child beamed up at her with total innocence. "I know. I just reacted without thinking when I saw someone run at you. Especially with such a huge sword. You've been cut enough today, Sakura-sama."
She knelt before the child and ruffled his hair fondly. "Thank you, Yaku-kun. Thank you for everything."
An excited cry interrupted their "moment" as Tomoyo approached her best friend. "How adorable! He is so cute!"
Ruby Moon had changed into her false form, Nakuru, and came up to them to fawn over the child also. Sonomi wasn't far behind, and even Eriol and Spinel were grinning at Sakura's companion and approaching to get a closer look. Nearly everyone was enchanted by the young child instantly, just as Sakura and Yukito had been when Yaku had rescued them.
Sakura cheerfully introduced everyone, forgetting her own pain in the thrill of showing off her new friend. She even forgot about being clothed only in Yukito's large pajama top in her distraction until her father had suggested that they all go back to their place so she could get clean and eat something. That's when the weariness finally reached her again and brought her crashing to reality. She wanted to feel the comfort of her dad's arms...or better yet, Syaoran's, but she knew that it would hurt too much right now.
"It has been a--long day. A bath, some food, and a nap. That sounds good to me."
~~~~~@~~~~~
Yue couldn't take his eyes off of Yukito, stunned to see the boy he knew so intimately for the first time. He forced himself to walk over to his false form, feeling strange and empty, but stopped short. Touya got there first, and Yue felt a stab when he saw how the two embraced so warmly. He turned away quickly, unable to face them further.
That's when he noticed Syaoran and Kero were talking seriously, trying to hang back away from everyone else. They kept casting dark looks toward the rest of the group. No, that wasn't exactly right he realized. They were casting dark looks at the boy-kitten that Sakura had found. Yue remembered that Syaoran almost automatically distrusted everyone with magic at first, and the boy reeked with magical energy--but it wasn't like Keroberus to have a strong dislike for someone without reason. Interesting.
"Sakura-san? Who is this, and how did you find him?" Yue kept his voice neutral with some effort, demanding the answer that everyone else wanted.
She beamed, ruffling Yaku-kun's hair. "He found us actually. Korvath had been his master, and when Korvath was missing and didn't use any magic Yaku-kun came to investigate. He was very happy to see Korvath dead because that meant Yaku-kun was free, so he used his magic to get us past the barrier at the door. Then he walked us past all kinds of scary monsters who obeyed him with just a glance, and now we're free! Isn't it wonderful?"
He wanted to ask for all the details that were missing, but Sonomi was taking charge again, ushering everyone in the car. Yue found himself between Touya and Sakura as they sat, and Sakura beamed up at him. "I am so glad you're safe. I was so worried. I would hug you, but it hurts too much right now. I will hug you later, okay?"
He found tears in his eyes at her sweet and innocent words. "Of course, Sakura-chan." He ruffled her hair, wondering at his own actions. Yesterday he had been too bitter to dream of being so familiar with the Mistress. Today he was too happy to see her to hold back. He even graced her with a small smile as everyone else sat down. Syaoran soon captured her attention though, and Touya was talking to Yuki.
Yue was about to fall back on his usual activity of brooding, but without warning Touya put an arm around his shoulders and Yaku-kun curled up on the floor at Yue's feet. The purring sound from the boy completely disarmed Yue. With a sigh he reached down to stroke the child's hair, then leaned back into Touya's arm. It was almost perfect.
~~~~~@~~~~~
Yukito wasn't smiling. Everyone had arrived at the Kinomoto residence with cheer that everything was finally over and it had been accomplished so easily--easy for everyone but Sakura and himself. She was trying to be so cheerful for everyone, reassuring them that they did all they could, but he kept walking in on her with tears streaming down her face and a look of horror in her eyes. Each time he found her like this he wrapped her in his arms and held her until someone else came in. They were the only two who could really understand. Watching it on a video screen couldn't give the others the impact of the true experience. Sakura and Yukito agreed though that they didn't want anyone else to know how terrible it had been. They would keep smiling for everyone else and assuring them that everything would be fine.
Fujitaka and Eriol had disappeared almost totally, occasionally accompanied by others, to look for a way to bring Yukito and Yue back together. The thought filled Yukito with hope...and dread. He felt so empty it was painful, but he was scared to go back to the way things were. No more blacking out without explanation, no more people talking through him, no more strange looks at all--but most of all he wouldn't have to share his painful experience with Yue. He wouldn't have to subject another being to the horrors of what he had been through. The weight of the memories was too much for him...he couldn't imagine burdening someone else with them.
Seeing Yue with his own eyes had solidified that idea. The angelic being was too beautiful and already too sad to spoil with such darkness. Yukito felt especially strange about the magic he had used. He wasn't sure how he really felt about it. On one hand it had made him feel powerful and had given him the ability to save Sakura's life--on the other hand it wasn't his power to have, and he had used it to do something so dark he felt he'd be tainted for eternity.
Touya and Yukito had returned to their home and invited Yue to stay there as well, but all three of them were there only to sleep. Touya and Yuki spend every waking hour either at work or at the Kinomoto house comforting Sakura or at Eriol's helping with research. Yukito had no idea what Yue did with his days. They had been avoiding each other, knowing somehow where the other was and would be. It took three days for Touya to realize what was going on.
Yuki felt arms encircle him from behind as he was fixing dinner. "You have to stop doing that, love."
He smiled innocently up at the taller boy and shrugged. "If I stop now the food will burn, To-ya."
Touya sighed, frowning. "You know what I'm talking about. He knew what I was talking about. Why do you both have to be so difficult?"
The smile stayed in place so easily, even when the bottom dropped out of his stomach and his mouth ran dry. "I don't know what to do about it To-ya. I have thought about talking to him a thousand times the last few days, but I wouldn't know what to say. Don't you have any idea how strange this is?"
"An idea, yes. I think, after all this time, that I know you very well Yuki. Well enough to know that there's more to it than you're letting on."
"Please. I don't want to talk about it. To anyone."
Touya immediately let go and walked across the room, stung. His face was dark and brooding, even when Yukito tried to offer a small smile in apology. "Yuki, this isn't good for you. For either of you. You don't want to talk about it, you don't want to share it with anybody, and you're only hurting yourself by that. One of you has to realize it, but I suppose that's the only example you've had."
Yuki was weeping openly now, but refused to meet Touya's eyes. "I can't do it. I just can't."
"I know." Touya turned abruptly and left. Sakura walked in immediately and they cried with each other yet again, almost burning supper. Yuki had to admit that it didn't make him feel any better anymore. In fact, it was making him feel worse.
~~~~~@~~~~~
Eriol looked proudly at Syaoran as his friend (cute little descendent) held the book up in triumph. "Written in Clow Reed's own hand, and I found the spell before you two!"
The only one in the room who didn't laugh was Yue. As Eriol looked at Sakura's guardian he noted the mixed expression on his face. There were equal parts relief and dread written there, followed by irritation that was clearly directed the fact that Syaoran took so much delight in being the one to find the spell. A moment later Yue said something softly about not being needed anymore and left, unnoticed by everyone but Eriol...and Eriol was the only one who couldn't be spared to go after him.
He put the thought aside and smiled at Syaoran. "Hmm...just goes to show you're thinking more like us every day." He used his most evil smile to taunt the young man, delighting in the ire his teasing brought out.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," Syaoran glared.
"Because you can't think of one," Eriol continued with his teasing.
Syaoran flushed an angry red. "Remind me again why my family seems to think Clow Reed was such a wonderful guy?"
Fujitaka put a hand on both shoulders, smiling first at Eriol, then at Syaoran. "There is still a lot of study and preparation to do at this point. I can't continue to hand off my classes to a substitute, so the two of you should work together on this." Syaoran scowled and Eriol grinned. "We have people counting on this spell, so understanding it as soon as we can is very important."
They both nodded. Eriol decided to hold out his hand. "Truce?"
Syaoran sighed before accepting the proffered hand. "Truce."
With that done, the two of them worked together perfectly, scaring the occasional visitor who dared enter the study.
~~~~~@~~~~~
Yue had officially run out of distractions. While he had been studying with the others he had been able to take his mind off of the emptiness, but now that the spell had been found he was just in the way again.
I miss you, Yukito. His soul whispered the words upon the wind, but his only reply was a shiver of apprehension and the feel of his other self closing himself off further. He wanted to be offended, he wished he didn't understand, but he had been doing the same thing to Yuki for years.
Suddenly hazel cat's eyes met his own silver gaze and a fluffy light blue kitten plopped down in Yue's lap. The kitten curled up and started purring at first, then started rubbing his head up to Yue's hand, demanding petting. The kitten became more and more demanding and the purring reached almost deafening levels. Finally the kitten jumped up and began pouncing anything that moved. The moment had evolved from comforting to playful so gradually that Yue didn't realize he had been cheered up until he heard the sound of his own laughter. The noise startled him and the kitten and they both jumped, but the kitten quickly pounced a lock of Yue's hair and caused more laughter to bubble forth. The kitten stood on its hind legs to bat the ends of a lock that ended further up and finally fell on its back. Yue laughed so hard that tears leaked from his eyes and he had to look away to catch his breath.
When Yue looked back the kitten was slowly transforming into a more human shape. He realized that this was the child that had rescued Yuki and Sakura. The smile stayed in place as he watched the transformation, but it soon became evident that the change would not end at the form they had all met the child in. In fact, soon it was evident that this wasn't a child at all.
"I've been wanting to do that since the first time I saw you," Yaku said with a gleam in his eye and a lopsided grin. He was finally a young man with only cat's eyes to give away his feline nature. "When I started talking to everyone else I realized it was my sacred duty to get you to laugh. I just didn't know it would be so easy."
Yue sighed, but he decided that he didn't want to let go of this playful moment just yet. "Hundreds of years working on my reputation as being dignified, and you have to ruin it in a few minutes. How could you?" He played at being distressed, but he knew that his eyes gave away the smile he still felt inside.
"Easily," the young man admitted. "And with pride."
They shared a chuckle.
"Your name is Yaku?"
The other stood and bowed with a flourish. "Yakusoku Shima Hayashi," he intoned formally before the smile resurfaced. "That's too much of a mouthful though. Not nearly as playful."
Yue nodded, but his smile was starting to slip from his face into his usual neutral expression again. "How old are you, Yaku-san?"
"Too old," the other admitted with a wry grin. "About a century subjective time. Much longer all total. I try not to think about it. Most of it I wasn't nearly as happy as I am now, and now is all that matters."
Yue thought about that for a while. He used to be much happier and was lonely now, so in a way he had been mirroring that philosophy. In a way. Something within him wanted to dispute the boy, but the thoughts flew from his mind as Yaku suddenly...pounced. He gave Yue a hug and a kiss full on the lips before running off. "More people to cheer up, see you later!"
Yue watched him scamper off with a bemused smile. He was still wearing that expression when Touya walked up, hands in his hips and exasperation etched permanently on his face.
~~~~~@~~~~~
What the hell? Touya couldn't believe what he was seeing. He had left Yukito with the thought that his lover was turning more into Yue, but now Yue was looking more like Yuki. As soon as the moon guardian saw Touya a touch of sadness returned, but it was replaced by a mischievous glint in an instant. Without hesitation Yue suddenly...pounced. Touya found that his lips had been met full on by Yue's lips and arms had wrapped themselves around him. It was pleasant, but very out of character.
"Yue, what's wrong?"
"Why does something have to be wrong?" His tone was almost seductive and at any other time Touya would have shut up and counted his blessings.
"I don't know...you're suddenly not acting like yourself. I've never seen you like this before."
"I'm happy now, and now is all that matters."
Touya couldn't believe his ears. "The hell it does! Right now Yukito is suffering and won't accept any help! He's suffering now because the past hurts too much and the future terrifies him. I thought you, of all people, would understand that and want to help him. It seems I have seriously underestimated you."
"Wait, wait, no," Yue shook his head, trying to clear it. "That's what Yaku-kun just said. It didn't seem right, but then he left suddenly and you showed up and--" A more normal expression had returned finally. "I'm sorry for that, I don't know what came over me. What do you need?"
Touya refused to let himself regret fending off Yue's affection. "You need to talk to Yuki. Please. I'm worried to death--about both of you."
"He doesn't want to deal with me," Yue said, spreading his hands helplessly. "He can feel where I am and he avoids me when I come near. I haven't exactly been wanting to push the issue either. This is hard for both of us to face."
"Avoiding the issue won't solve anything. Something is poisoning Yuki's soul, and I can feel it. He's acting like...well he's...damn it! He's acting just like you. Every time I tried to help you, you avoided me so well it's scary, and now Yuki is doing the same thing. It has to stop! For both of you! Now!"
Yue's face went perfectly neutral. Touya felt a thrill of fear for a moment as he remembered the first time he saw that blank face framing silent eyes when the Judgment had awoken the Judgment Maker. He had been yelling at a being who was very powerful and could toss him around like a rag doll without lifting a finger. Then Yue's eyes fluttered closed and he bowed his head. Touya took a deep breath and reassured himself that no matter who else Yue was, he was also an aspect of his best friend and boyfriend. He was only doing something now that he had wanted to do for years. He was trying to heal wounds that had been crying to be tended for so long, and he had his golden opportunity now to heal both halves of the man he loved. No matter how much it would hurt.
Yue finally looked up, resigned. "You're right. Let's go. This needs to be done before I lose my resolve again, but you have to stay with us. There are a few things I need to say that you won't want to hear, but you need to."
"I had a feeling," Touya said cryptically and turned to walk to their house.
~~~~~@~~~~~
Yukito lay curled up in bed, wondering if Touya even planned on coming home that night. He had never left like that with everything unresolved, and Yuki was terrified of being abandoned. He was shivering with emotion, tossing and turning in bed, then finally curling up in a ball again. He couldn't cry anymore, he was exhausted and needed to sleep, but he was too wound up and emotional to sleep. He didn't know how long he was laying there alone when he felt that slight pull that meant his other half was drawing near. It was the last thing he wanted to deal with right now, but he was too tired to get out of bed and find somewhere else to sleep. At least Yue had been good about sleeping in one of the other bedrooms and not tried to intrude at all with Yuki and Touya's routine. Yuki hadn't known what to expect, but he knew that all those years Yue had been watching everything between them anyway. What was the difference after all?
That thought did it. He ran from the bedroom and into the shower, turning the water on as hot as he could stand it. He stood under the stream, hoping against hope that he would relax somehow under the warmth, but every few minutes a shiver would quake through his body. Eventually he slid to the tile floor and let the sobs take his body, hoping that Touya and Yue were already asleep. He didn't notice the water grow gradually cooler until it was like ice running over his body. He didn't notice the door open because he was crying so hard.
The water was turned off and arms wrapped themselves around him. It didn't even matter who was holding him right now. He didn't know how to survive with so much pain, he was never meant to suffer on his own. It was too much for him alone, so he clung to the one who was holding him so close, holding on for his life.
Eventually Touya's voice drifted from the doorway. "Will he be okay?"
Yukito's fears were confirmed when it was Yue's velvety tone that replied. "I don't know yet. I hope so."
Yukito had never hated himself so much as he did that moment. Yet...he couldn't bring himself to let go.