A/N: Evil Tam plans...my twists and turns now have twists and turns. If you think you know how this will end--you might be dead wrong. What is real? What isn't? Why are we so far from the end when we've already killed off the bad guy? Why did Yue pounce Touya??? Can you survive long enough for these questions to be answered? I swear, it will all make sense soon...even the end of this chapter! hehehe
Silvermoon Maru: Oh, don't worry, I'll try to fix the "something missing" syndrome. See…Sakura scene to start things off and explain why she's being glossed over--temporarily. I haven't forgotten. ~grin~
Kira: You are not the ONLY one who wants to be Touya. ~grins~ Thank you for reading this, even though it is so dark!
L-chan: I'm evil. Pure and simple, I am an evil author. I delight in tormenting characters and then leaving them in high-emotion spots just to further torment my readers--and to get them to come back for more. ~evil laugh~ Hey, whatever works.
Silent Eyes
Don't Touch Me
Sakura was sitting on the couch, staring off into space. She found herself doing that more and more lately when she thought no one was around. Something tickled her cheek and when she moved to brush it aside she realized her finger met moisture. That had been happening more often lately too. She stared at her finger curiously, watching light reflect off of the tear that rested there.
She felt an arm drape around her shoulder comfortingly. "Sakura-chan, you can't keep it all bottled up forever. You have to let it out and talk about it, or some day it will be too much to handle on your own and you'll explode."
"I'm fine. I don't want anybody to worry about me because I'm fine."
"Is that why you can't stop crying?"
She put on a sunny smile and wiped away her tears. "See? I just stopped. I can stop crying at any time."
"That's not what I mean."
"I'm just worried about Yukito-san. That's all. He's been so depressed and I'm worried about him."
"What if I told you that he said the same thing about you? You two are all smiles all the time except to each other, and neither of you are fooling anyone."
"Then I'll just try harder! I don't want anybody to worry about me. I'll be fine!"
"You're not fine. You need to talk about what happened--"
"Nothing happened! Something almost happened, but nothing really happened, so there's nothing to talk about! I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with life! That's all!"
"Sakura-chan, what almost happened. Can you even say it?"
"Nothing! Now stop trying to push me! I don't need your help, everything is fine, I just need everyone to stop telling me how I'm supposed to feel. You have no idea how I feel, so stop telling me how I should act about it!"
Sakura ran out of the room, more angry than ever. She was even more determined that she wouldn't talk to anyone even though she wasn't sure why Yakusoku-kun's concern should make her so upset. He was only trying to help after all, right?
~~~~~@~~~~~
Touya grabbed a towel and carefully wrapped it around Yukito's slim body. With another he dried off his love, worrying about how cold the chill water had left him. "Yue, your robes are wet. Why don't you go change and I'll get Yuki dressed and then we can all talk."
Both of them looked a little frightened of letting go of the other, then they suddenly pulled away from each other as if burned. Touya shook his head sadly, watching as Yue left so quickly and Yuki stared after him with pain filled eyes. "Touya, I don't want to talk. I don't want any of this."
"Hush. It's okay. Maybe you could just listen, is that okay?"
"Why are you making me do this?"
"I'm scared to death Yuki. I don't want to lose you, and I'm terrified that if this goes on I will. I love you, and I want to help you. You keep shutting me out, you keep running away, and soon you'll be running away so fast I'll never be able to catch you again. I can't live with that."
Touya watched the pain dance in Yuki's eyes, saw him try to refute the statement, but realize that he had indeed been shutting everyone and everything out. Some day that would have to include his love. He couldn't open that part of him that hurt so much to anyone, and they both knew that if Yuki continued keeping everything from him it would kill their relationship in the end. Until now they had shared everything. The last few days they had shared nothing.
"To-ya, I'm nothing without you. I'd never run away from you, but please, don't make me do this." Yuki's eyes ran over with tears and his face held so much pain that Touya couldn't bear to look anymore.
"Yuki, I will stay by your side forever and I will always support you and help you, but just this once I'm putting my foot down. This needs to be done."
Yuki was pliant as a rag doll while Touya guided him to their room and gently dressed him with infinite patience. The soft and familiar pajamas seemed to bring Yukito back to the present and a hint of concern touched his face. "To-ya?"
"What's the matter, Yuki?"
"These aren't my bunny pajamas. I know they're clean, I washed them earlier and…they always make me feel so happy and secure." Touya noted the hint of a blush that crossed Yuki's cheeks for the first time in what seemed like forever. "So, could you get me my bunny pajamas?"
"They weren't in the drawer, I looked. I thought, considering the talk we need to have, and since they're your favorite...."
"But they should have been right there, on top. I put them there myself."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't find them."
~~~~~@~~~~~
Yue smiled softly as he fingered the dark blue fabric. The familiar white rabbit pattern across it had once been his bane as he was forced by his false form to wear the silly thing so many times. Now he had to admit to himself that it really was his favorite, and he couldn't think of anything else he wanted to wear right now.
His robes were carefully draped across the chair to dry, looking abandoned lying there without him. The clothing was as magical as he was and he was quite aware of how the pale colors and the pure white gave his appearance the same mystic quality of the moon. They were formal, comfortable, and flowed with every gesture he made--but they were his alone and right now he just wanted to connect with what he had lost. His castle that had protected him from the prying eyes of the world--his yuki usagi, snow bunny, who had given him the ability to show love to those he had been afraid to get close to.
The pajamas were worn just enough to be softer than any new fabric could be. They smelled of fabric softener and some other gentle smell that reminded Yue of baking cookies. As he slipped them on he felt intense joy and sorrow that he could never explain to anyone. He was forgetting the memories that made these pajamas so dear to Yuki, but the intense emotion of comfort and security couldn't be erased.
Yue had just buttoned the last button when he heard a knock at the door. "Yue?"
He jumped guiltily at the sound of Yuki's voice, but turned with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.
"Yue, you're wearing my bunny pajamas?"
Yue blinked, realizing for the first time that Yukito would probably want to have been the one wearing them under the circumstances. He searched Yuki's face for signs of anger or hurt, hoping that there would be a possibility of mending such a terrible breach. The expression on Yuki's face was completely unreadable for agonizingly long seconds as the only physical reaction a widening of his eyes. Yue decided to apologize and change, feeling like the worst sort of intruder, when Yuki's face broke out in a grin and laughter bubbled forth.
"You look so adorable," Yukito giggled.
Well, if Yuki wasn't offended about the theft of the pajamas, Yue decided not to be offended about getting laughed at. Still, to be sure..."You're not mad?"
"I thought I would be." He gestured to the pale blue pajamas with dark blue trim that Yue had always preferred--until now. Yuki had hardly ever worn them though--they didn't mean as much, even though they were much more dignified. "I don't think anyone could look at you like that and stay mad about anything."
Yue sighed. "I used to worry so much about appearing dignified at all times." He walked over and placed a delicate hand on Yuki's shoulder and graced him with a smile that he knew could melt pavement. "You've been a bad influence on me. Thank you."
Yue meant to place a kiss on Yukito's cheek, but the other man thwarted his plan by shifting to meet the lips with his own. The kiss held for a few precious moments, then they pulled back. Yuki looked so vulnerable that Yue's heart nearly broke, then withdrew again, turning away as if ashamed. An arrow of ice shot through Yue's heart at that moment and he didn't know what he could do any more. There was love there, but there was also intense fear. "I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry Yue. I don't understand anything anymore, even myself. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop...."
"Shhhh--it's okay. That's one of the things we need to talk about. All three of us."
"Okay, I think I can do this now. I'm ready."
~~~~~@~~~~~
Kinomoto Fujitaka walked in to his home, finally, weary and ready for a long night of dreamless sleep. A touch of guilt hit him as he thought of his daughter and how he hadn't been there for Sakura over the past few days like she needed, but he was trying to help in a more important way. Only he, Eriol, and maybe Yue knew that they were trying to save her life still.
He ran a hand through his hair as the worries started eating away at him again. The next full moon would be pivotal--that's when they would be able to bring Yue and Yukito back together--if both of them were willing. If not, or if the spell didn't work, then a sort of magical feedback would start within Sakura, slowly ripping her soul from her body as the moon waned again. Yue, Kero-chan, and the cards could survive if they were sealed in the book again. Yukito would survive as a normal human being. Sakura would die.
The division was already starting to pull Sakura apart actually. He could see it in her eyes when she thought no one was looking. A great deal of that dark and staring look came from the horror she faced, but the distance she was putting around her, even with Sonomi and Tomoyo, was from the pulling of her soul to let go of everyone and everything--including herself in the end.
"Ah, Nadeshiko, what if I'm not strong enough? What if I can't do this?"
She showed herself before him, smiling reassuringly. "I will watch over her and care for her. You know as well as I do that death is not the end."
"I just don't want to lose her," he cried, voice rough with emotion.
"Shhh, my love, it will be okay. Somehow it will be okay. Just go to bed, get some sleep, and have some faith in those who love our daughter. With everyone working to help like this everything will be fine."
"I hope so..."
"Wait, there's something I didn't foresee, something is wro--"
She suddenly vanished as footfalls came down the hall from the living room. An enthusiastic Yaku-kun came running down the hall and ran straight in to Fujitaka's arms. "Oops! Sorry! Didn't see you there. I just had some extra energy I wanted to run off. It's part of my cat affinity you know."
Fujitaka was too stunned to move and Yaku didn't even try to pull away from the arms that had caught him for balance. Suddenly Yaku was in his adult form and wrapping arms around the shocked man. "I--I should go to bed. It's been a long day," Fujitaka finally stammered.
Yaku purred and his eyes glowed with power and passion. "That sounds like a wonderful idea, love. And you're taking me with you."
They stood there for a full minute while Fujitaka tried to do the right thing and shove the boy away, but the crashing loneliness broke against the walls of his heart like a tidal wave. He tried to remember why he couldn't do this, why his heart wasn't in it, why he shouldn't just kiss those inviting lips since they were slowly making their own way to his own. He couldn't remember a thing. He could only lift the boy into his arms and carry him to his bedroom, kissing him the whole time. He knew it was wrong, and part of him mourned for what was about to happen, but soon he was fully taken by the actions and physical sensations, unable to break Yakusoku's thrall.