Author's Note: Okay, okay, last chapter was really slow. I know it. This story has been giving me problems--I think that's part of the reason I dove in to Solace with both feet. This chapter is the necessary TALK. Then there will be more amusing acts and more terror and more disturbing things to make your skin crawl. Enjoy.
Kira: How much can I thank you for reviewing? You are AWESOME. After this chapter you might *REALLY* be wishing you were Touya. ~evil grin~
Starquestor: You aren't supposed to like Yaku-kun. You'll see why very soon...and I don't mean just seduction. I don't want to give anything away, but this is just the beginning. Thank you for pointing out where I'm lagging--I'll try to fix it here!
L-chan: The evil has just begun. I'm glad you appreciate it, and I hope this chapter is worthy. =)
Silent Eyes
Words Both Said and Unspoken
When Yue and Yukito walked into the living room they were faced with the intense, piercing gaze of a very determined looking Touya. He blinked a few times in surprise at the moon guardian in the bunny pajamas, but seemed to come to terms with the idea rather quickly as he gestured at the large cushions on the floor. "We'll be more comfortable talking where we're all facing each other, so it was either this or the table."
Yue crossed over to Touya and placed a hand on his shoulder. "This is a good idea."
Yukito just sat down, feeling lost and like he was drowning. It felt surreal, like a dream, and everything since he had woken up in the cell with Sakura was just part of a strange nightmare that just had to end. Yet, it was his nightmare, and his nightmare alone to suffer through. If he shared it with anyone else it would be true, real, and a matter for everyone. He wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Touya and Yue sat, completing the circle and filling Yukito with a feeling of fulfilling warmth and cold emptiness at the same time. He was torn in the middle between reaching out to them both to kiss away the nightmare or running far and fast away from them forever. Instead he sat still, looking at his hands and wondering which action he would really pick if unrestrained.
"Tonight Syaoran found the spell to rejoin us," Yue announced without preamble.
Touya gasped in shock. "What? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
Yuki smiled as he imagined the irritated glance Yue would shoot at Touya for the interruption. Then he realized he wasn't imagining it--he was somehow seeing it without looking. His hands clenched in fists as he tried to shut everything out and stop himself yet again from knowing things he shouldn't. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to block things out and also blot at the tears that were forming.
"When will it happen?" Yukito knew that Touya and Yue had continued to talk, but he had no idea what they said. They must have been arguing, but it didn't matter. Yukito wanted to hear about the spell. He needed to hear about how his life was going to change forever--again.
Yue just stopped what he was saying and nodded. "They're studying it right now. I recognize the book Syaoran-kun found it in though, and I vaguely remember reading something about it. At the time I never dreamed it would apply to me." He paused, looking off in the distance. Yukito searched those eyes, wondering if he got the same look on his face when thinking something so serious. It was a chilling thought, and one he didn't want to explore too deeply. "It will have to be done by the full moon though. Probably that night actually."
"Less than two weeks. That's not very much time. Does it have to be then?" Yukito wasn't thinking about it being enough time to prepare for those who would do the spell--he was thinking about how much time he had left to be his own person.
"Yes, it must be then."
"Why? Would it be so bad if we left things the way they are?" The smile Yuki gave Yue was sad, but a little hopeful.
Yue leaned over and gently caressed Yukito's cheek with so much love and concern that it broke his heart to be on the receiving end of it. "This must be so hard for you. It was never meant to be like this, and I can't tell you how sorry I am that I distanced myself so much from you. It must seem a great gift to you to not have this stranger watching your every step and eavesdropping on your most personal moments, but that's not who I am or what I've been doing."
"But now--now we can explore being different people! Yue, haven't you ever wanted to exist without being tied to me? Without having to hide behind me and find out for yourself if people love you or just the mask you're wearing?"
"Touché, Yukito-san." Yue winced as if struck and looked toward Touya with pleading eyes for a moment. "It's tempting, but there is a cost that I can not pay attached to that possibility. I don't think you would be willing to pay that cost either--but it only makes this all more difficult."
"What? What are you talking about," Touya demanded, sensing something very wrong.
"The Mistress--Sakura-sama...this is hard for me to even contemplate.... If Yukito and I do not become one being again the magic that tore us apart will tear her apart--and kill her in the process."
"No!" Touya and Yuki's voices rang out as one in their shock and denial. This was worse than either had imagined.
~~~~~@~~~~~
"Sakura! I'm serious! I don't like that guy."
"Kero-chan, I'm sorry he keeps beating you at video games, but that's no reason to hate him."
"That's not the reason."
Sakura looked too drained to deal with it and a bit annoyed that Kero was pestering her. Kero looked frustrated, but more than that he was worried. He finally flew over to her in his false form and landed on her shoulder, patting her reassuringly. "It's okay. We'll figure out something. I'll keep my eye on Yaku-kun, and if I'm wrong I'll apologize. If I'm right, we'll worry about that then. I just have a bad feeling about this, but I've been wrong before."
"Everybody else likes him, I don't see why you don't."
"Yeah, pretty strange." He laughed a little, but to Kero it was no longer about the newest member of their group. Sakura was acting strange, and it was more than he could attribute to what he had seen her go through as Korvath's prisoner. He vowed to himself to just sit back and support her, not judging her or bringing her his problems and worries. She had enough on her plate.
~~~~~@~~~~~
Yue saw the questions and denials building in the eyes of the young men before him, but he still had a lot of explaining to do. He held a hand up, waiting for them to settle down and be ready to listen to more they would not want to hear. There were prices to be paid for saving Sakura's life, and Yue alone could not pay them no matter how much he wished he could.
"It will be easiest if I just say the rest of this without stopping and say it plainly. We might not succeed, and even if we do it will be at a great cost. Yukito, you and I both need to want to merge. No reservations at all, no regrets, or the spell won't do a thing. And, when that happens--when we are merged it will be--it will be total. We will be one person."
Yue bowed his head, barely breathing as the silence became almost tangible. He couldn't bear the silence, but he couldn't bear to break it either. He let the weight of his words rest on their shoulders now, no longer needing to bear it alone. It was both a relief and another burden as he waited for some sort of response. He finally looked up to take in the expressions on their faces.
Touya looked sad and concerned, but resolved. As his eyes met Yue's he nodded, understanding the necessity and accepting it with the weight it deserved. Both sets of eyes then turned to Yukito and took in the shock and horror that lay bare upon his innocent face.
Yukito noticed the scrutiny after a moment and made a swipe at the tears that were streaming from his eyes. "So. To save Sakura's life I must sacrifice my own."
Touya jumped to wrap Yuki in his arms. "No! That's not what it means at all. Right Yue?"
Yue rose gracefully and walked to the window, looking out over the darkened garden kissed by the light of the stars. The slender piece of waxing moon had already set, leaving the world to its own devices to find light. Yue, feeling that the position of the moon was symbolic of this moment, knew that his words would not give much light to the two men he loved most in this world. "To-ya, that's exactly what it means to him right now. Yuki will be making a lot more of a sacrifice than I will."
~~~~~@~~~~~
Yakusoku perched on the edge of the bed, grinning as he listened to the music of the contented snores of his latest conquest. He had considered taking one of other non-humans first, but this played out fine too. People were less likely to notice that the teacher was acting a little different, but he also had the most respect in the group. He was a father figure to the whole group, not just his children. This was Yaku's key to the power he sought. The sorcerers and magical beings he could not control would die before they could stop him. It was a perfect plan, and no one would be able to figure it out in time to stop him.
He slipped into a more neutral form--the one that looked child-like because it sat in the middle of his extremes. With a satisfied grin he hopped off the bed and stalked down the hall to Sakura's room. This more innocent looking form granted him access to places that he otherwise wouldn't be welcomed, including Sakura's bedroom. He tapped on the door gently, used to sleeping in there at the foot of her bed.
A sleepy Sakura opened the door. "Yaku-kun! I was worried about you."
"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. I was busy unwinding and got sidetracked. I hope I didn't worry you too much?"
"No, not too much." She looked, as always, very happy to see him. She was too trusting. He liked that in a person.
"I'm sleepy, Sakura-chan. Go to bed and I'll keep your feet warm through the night."
She opened the door wider, letting Yaku in to rest. She smiled brightly, but absently used her left hand to close the door behind him. She gasped in pain, almost crying as the burning started again. This, also, was according to Yaku's plan, but he realized that it was time to move on to the next step of the plan and bind her heart and power further with his own.
"Your hand still hurts, Sakura-chan? I am so sorry my former master did that to you."
"It's getting better," she lied.
"Are you sure? I was just thinking--I remember fetching a spell for my former master that could help you. I would have offered sooner if I knew you were still suffering."
"You--you can do that? Really?"
Without another word he reached his child-like hands around her nearly adult left hand and removed the pain spell. He then replaced it with a different kind of energy that would allow him to tap into her soul and power more easily. Her eyes glowed with happiness as the pain left and was replaced by an indescribable pleasure. She wrapped him in a huge hug, full of gratitude for what he had done.
Without another word the pair went to bed and drifted to sleep. Yaku looked forward to capturing this girl's soul in a little less than a month--it was a happy soul that would give him the air of innocence he liked to maintain and a powerful soul that would give him all the magic he needed.
~~~~~@~~~~~
Touya held Yuki even tighter in his arms as the smaller man began to tremble with emotion. Yue's words had held no comfort for this situation and left Touya at a loss for how to help his love. "Yuki, I love you no matter what. You know that, don't you?"
Yuki's words were soft, but he offered Touya a smile to go with the reply. "Of course I know that. I love you too, To-ya, and I hope I love you forever."
"You will," Yue assured him, still looking out the window at the dark of night. There was now a kinder expression on the moon guardian's face though, and less distance could be read in those eyes.
"I could never take Sakura from you, To-ya. I would never let her die if I had a say in it. She's the closest I'll ever have to a sister, and I love her for that."
"I'm not worried about that, Yuki. I'm worried about you. I know you'd never let Sakura die, any more than I would. That is not the issue anymore." Touya poured all of his concern and caring into those words, holding Yuki close and finishing with a kiss on the top of his head.
Then Yuki sighed and pulled away. "This just isn't like me. I've been moody and depressed. I've been losing sight of the good things in my life. Even when my parents died--damn it. I haven't slipped like that in years. Why did I forget that I had no parents?"
Yue walked over to explain. "The funeral is based on a very real memory...the memory of my own parent in a sense. It was a memory that was created, but it's also real. Now, all of those memories that fleshed out your personality, are more real to you. They allow you to function as a separate being from me. It's all still magic, but it's independent."
"How many of these memories are based on real things, just changed a little?"
"All of them, Yuki. I may be very creative deep down where I don't let anyone see, but when I worked on creating a personality for my false form, that person had to be somewhat compatible with me...especially the true me. I told you once, we're a lot more alike than I wanted to admit."
Touya smiled. He knew this had to be coming sooner or later. Long ago he had seen past what was hidden to realize that they were both different sides of the same coin. They may show faces as different as night and day, but Touya knew that the two had met in too many places, most of them deep down where no one else could see.
Yuki shook his head sadly. "I don't know how we could be so similar. We're different in so many ways."
That's when Touya could no longer hold in his laugh. "Yuki, open your eyes. Why else would Yue be wearing your favorite pajamas? Since you two have separated you have each started acting more like the other to fill the void because you are the same."
Yue nodded. "That's the deep dark secret I was trying to keep--and it got out of hand. I didn't want anyone, especially you Yuki, to know. If you knew you would lose your identity and I would lose that part of me who was so happy and innocent and loved. That illusion needs to be shattered now, or the spell will never work and Sakura will die. If that happens it is all my fault, and I will have failed as her guardian."
Yuki trembled, pulling away from Touya to walk across the room. "So, I'm not real. I never was real. Those were all lies to get me to calm down and accept what could not be changed."
"Never," Touya denied vehemently. "You are real, and you will continue to be real. I can't explain, but I have never lied to you. I think I have realized more about you and your nature in these last few days though, and I love you more and more for it."
Yue walked over to Yuki and cupped his counterpart's face in his hands. "As long as you think of me as a total stranger, the spell will not work. Yet, a week ago you said you wanted to get to know me better so I would no longer be a stranger that you'd have to be a mask for."
"So much has happened since then," Yuki interrupted, shaking his head.
"Is that what you're afraid of? I will not reject you over anything that happened in the last few days. After what I've been through I couldn't do that to anyone--"
"Isn't that your job? To judge others?"
Yue just shook his head, still holding Yuki and looking deep into his amber eyes. "To judge a new Master, yes. Not you. Never you. Tsukishiro Yukito, I love you and could never judge you. Please, give me the same chance."
He blinked, then smiled sadly at Yue. "How can I? I know nothing about you."
"Let's change that, shall we?"
Touya felt a thrill of hope as the two aspects of his love smiled at each other with the same small smile. They stood like that, lost in each other's eyes, for a small eternity...and a moment before it happened Touya knew they were going to kiss. As time seemed to slow before that he wondered if he would be jealous or angry or hurt as he watched. He wondered if he could really be that petty under these circumstances.
Their lips met.
He shivered to see it, discovering that he only felt awe to be privileged to witness something so beautiful and right. Every other emotion was set aside for a time as the love of his life kissed--himself? The mechanics didn't matter, it only mattered that the love of his life was finding peace finally. They belonged together, one way or another, and Touya could only appreciate that and find peace with that himself.
The kiss ended, leaving the atmosphere in the room charged with the energy of it. Yuki and Yue pulled apart slightly, holding each other still and turning to Touya. Now he felt insecure to see such perfection together, wondering if he really had a place with them. Yet--he felt the slight pull of magic and found them standing wordless in front of him, looking up at him with love, adoration, and an emotional need to match his own. The three of them wrapped each other up in loving arms--and in Yue's case, wings--standing there reassuring the fears and insecurities of the others as well as they could until words became necessary again.