Chapter Two- Stuck in the Middle

I arrive back in New York a week later, feeling refreshed in body but troubled in mind. Eric's veiled comments keep flashing through my mind, and the more I think about them, the less sense they make.

So, after a long day at work, catching up on things, I come home, sort my mail, and play my messages. I have the ones from people that I know in the city, people I'm friendly with but not friends. I delete all of those but pause when I get to the last one.

"Hey Cor, it's Shawn. Haven't heard from you in a while. Hey, had a favor to ask. My house in town is getting worked on- something about structure failure. Can I stay with you? I would stay in a hotel, but..." I picture Shawn shrugging. "Anyway, call me on my cell. Thanks."

I immediately pick up my phone and dial. Three rings later, I hear a voice say, "Hunter."

"Hi, Shawn."

"Cory! How are you?"

"Great! Listen, I got your message. You know you're always welcome anytime, man."

"Well, I didn't know if you had... any guests."

"Nope, it's just me," I say lightly. "Come over anytime."

"Will do. Thanks again."

I hang up the phone and start getting dinner ready, which involves taking the plastic off of something frozen and nuking it. After I make sure that the guest bedroom is neat, I set the table. As I'm finishing up, Shawn rings the doorbell.

We greet each other effusively. "Man, it's been ages," I say when we separate.

"I know. These book tours seem to drag on forever. But I shouldn't complain. I mean, the book is selling."

"I really enjoyed it. That main character, he was a total..."

"Screw up?" Shawn supplies helpfully.

"Yeah. He... was real."

"Glad you felt that way." Shawn moves through the room with confidence born of familiarity. He takes his one suitcase to the guest bedroom and tosses it in there. "So, do you feel like going out tonight or did you want to stay in?"

"Well, I warmed up something for dinner, but if you want to go out, there's plenty of restaurants around here."

"Well, I don't want you to go to any trouble..." Shawn starts.

"Nah, just let me throw this..." I look at the unidentifiable casserole, "food in the fridge and then we'll take off, alright? There's this place that serves great barbeque."

We take a cab over to the restaurant and walk right in. Sometimes, having a famous author for a best friend is definitely a good thing. While we're there, we make the usual small talk, catching up on the little things that we missed about each other. Several times, Shawn looks up and tries to say something, but he never says what he wants to. I'm puzzled, but I don't want to pressure him into anything, so I let the comfortable silence stand.

On the way back to my house, he turns to me in the cab. "Um, have something to tell you," he mumbles. "But not here, okay? At your house."

"Fine with me," I say briefly.

I pay the cabbie and we walk into the house slowly. Outside, the kids are playing, taking advantage of Indian summer. Inside the house, I put on coffee, waiting for Shawn to make his big announcement.

After we sit there for a while, sipping the bad coffee, Shawn finally sighs and faces me squarely. "I'm glad you let me stay with you, but I kinda had an ulterior motive."

"Why Shawny," I say, amused. "Why? Planning to throw a wild party here?"

"It's kinda obvious that you haven't been watching television lately." He goes into the guest bedroom and comes out with a neatly folded paper. He hands it to me and watches me closely as I quickly scan it.

It's a headline from a newspaper. It screams, "Famous Author's Lover Speaks!" There is a picture of Shawn, not a recent one, and a picture of a guy that manages to look wistful and sullen all at once. The article is short and to the point. Sometime during the past year, this guy, Jeremy, claims that he had a relationship with Shawn that went sour and now he wants to tell the world how wronged he was. After I finish my cursory look, I turn my attention back to Shawn. "Well?"

"Well, some of it is true. We were together for almost eight months. He wanted to keep it secret, I didn't care as much. We broke it off and now he wants everyone to know."

I sit there, aware that my mouth is open and I don't even have the capability to close it. "What? Am I... I mean, was I missing something?"

Shawn looks at my confusion and flushes a dull brick red. "You honestly didn't know."

"About Jeremy?"

The flush lightens and Shawn takes on his fatherly tone that he likes to use sometimes. "About my being gay. I just assumed that you knew and that you just didn't want to talk about it."

"Why would I have known?" I ask, honestly confused. "Unless..." I stop as something else occurs to me. "You told Eric and Jack!"

"Of course. They were the ones who helped me deal, being in the public eye and having all of this self-discovery while I was at it."

"But it never occurred to you to, you know, tell your best friend?"

Shawn throws up his hands and sighs again. "I wasn't sure how you would react."

"You saw how I reacted to Eric and Jack!"

"Cory, you were in shock for about four months."

"You know how I react to change!"

"Well, how are you going to react this time?"

The question hangs in the air for a moment. I look at Shawn carefully. He's standing there, more tense than I've seen him in a while. His face is carefully blank and disinterested, but his eyes, which are ever expressive, show hurt, a little fear, and something else that's making his eyes impossibly large.

"You know we're good. Nothing will change between us." I stand up and embrace Shawn again, making a point to grab him extra tight, just like I always do. After a beat, he hugs me back just as tight.

"You can always come to me, all right?" I whisper in his ear.

"I know." He pushes me away, grinning. "Now, I want you to see something."

He turns on my television and turns to one of the entertainment channels. A bunch of reporters are camped around Shawn's house. A calm female voice says, "Reporters are still waiting for comment from Shawn Hunter. So far, he has been incommunicado." The station shows a clip of the guy, Jeremy, talking. In this clip, he only looks wistful.

"I miss him, I really do. He still holds a place in my heart-"

Shawn abruptly turns the television off and for a second, I think he's going to throw my remote through the screen. "That he can go in front of everyone and say shit like that. It astounds me," he spits out. For a second, I'm thrown by the profanity, but really, I'm more surprised at the venom in his voice.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I say tentatively.

"There's not much to say. Met him at this bar I like to go to sometimes. Hit it off. Didn't realize that he's some famous actor himself. He was very much in the closet. Now, his publicist thinks that he could be the next Rupert Everett."

I hear the pain in Shawn's voice and something twists deep inside my stomach. "Did... did you love him?"

"Not like I could have, you know? I was always afraid of getting too deep inside of it, so that I couldn't get myself back out. But I did care for him." For a second, the bitterness in Shawn's tone breaks and I can hear the affection. For some reason, this twists the knot deeper in my stomach.

Something flickers across Shawn's face and it's deeper and darker than pain. "It wouldn't be so bad if this was something that we both were in pain about. But this is all like some brilliant career move for him. I was just some messed-up experiment."

I don't know how to respond to that, so I just grab him again. For a second, I think that he's going to break down, something neither of us is prepared to deal with, but he just sniffs hard and then says softly, "Thanks."

"No problem," I respond and say, "Well, it's been a long day. Have work in the morning, so I'm turning in. Anything you need before I go?"

"Nah, I'm good. Night."

"Night, Shawn." I turn and walk into my own bedroom. I change into sweats and climb into the covers, prepared to fall instantly asleep. However, my body isn't cooperating, so I get back out of bed and go to turn on the television. As I walk by Shawn's room, I hear a low voice coming from inside. Curious, I stand there for a second, telling myself that I only want to know who's on the other end if Shawn's on the phone. For all I know, he could be reading aloud or something.

"Yeah, yeah," he's saying impatiently. There's a pause, and then he says, emphatically, "He said that nothing will change between us. That's exactly what I feared."

At this point, I don't even try to figure out the meaning, I just pad on quiet feet back to my own room and pull the covers over my head. Sleep doesn't come easy, but it comes.

Hey, I might actually finish this one in this century! Thanks bunches for the kind reviews. Just a warning- if you're wondering where the actual slash is, it's coming next chapter. Cheers!