***Max***
She came back today. Unexpected and out of the blue. Out of the blue sky actually.
It's true, we had unresolved issues. We had a complicated history. But I didn't expect the negatives to resurface right away.
I was cautious when I stepped into her office. The last time I confronted her in here was six months ago and afterward she just took off. Just like that. Now she's back in Del Oro, and I don't know for now long.
"Nice flying up there today, Rach."
She didn't look up, but just settled into her old desk chair. "Wasn't nice enough apparently."
"Look, if you're talking about Psycho and Vitriol, we'll get them next time." I took another step into the office. "At least we got the Power Core back."
Rachel didn't seem convinced. She looked up like she was going to say something, then quickly looked away.
"And we have Dragonelle in custody."
Still, she said nothing.
The battle's over for now. Or is it? I felt my body tense up, and I had to fight to keep the corners of my mouth from settling into a frown.
I should leave. Leave before I do or say something I regret. But the rest of my body doesn't obey my mind's logic.
I should leave. Before... I catch sight of it, the gaping hole in the wall next to her now empty bookshelves. A still living reminder of how I had lost my temper arguing with her the last time we saw each other. Yeah, I should leave before I do that again. Before she gives me a reason to inflict more damage on N'Tek facilities or on our already shaky relationship.
But both of us just stay where we were. Fighting the silent battle between us. Pretending that business was the only thing on our minds. Masking the hurt. Lying with our eyes.
I've gotta be honest.
I think you know.
We're covered in lies and that's okay.
Yes, we try to lie to each other, and to ourselves. But the truth was... We both knew what the truth was. What happened before had hurt us both. The feelings. The circumstances. The things that we had wanted of each other and ourselves. Now we were trying to cover it up with work. Business as usual. Bad guys dealt with, now run along.
There's somewhere beyond this... I know.
But I hope I can find the words to say...
Never again. No. Never again
Maybe that's why it never worked about between us. Our pride. We just both wanted to be the stronger one in the relationship. Our competitive nature from work transferred disastrously into romance. In the end, I think she won the power struggle.
'Cause you're a god and I am not
and I just thought that you would know.
Rachel, you're always right. Is that what you wanted to hear? You're right and I'm wrong. No matter the issue you're right. You're my N-Tek superior. All I am is a lowly field agent. You're higher, and I'm lower. You're better and I'm just bitter.
But you probably already knew that, Miss Leeds.
***Rachel***
He was so quiet just across the room. I wanted to ask him if he was alright after the scrimmage this morning. But who am I kidding? He's always alright. He's N-Tek's super weapon.
'Cause you're a god and I am not
and I just thought I'd let you go.
All hail the mighty N-Tek wonder boy! You're stronger, faster... better? You want others to think that too right? You're superhuman.
But I've been unable to put you down.
Still learning things I oughta know by now.
I am only human. More vulnerable physically. I'm more vulnerable emotionally too, but I don't let you know that. I will hide my weakness.
It's under the table, and so
I need something more to show somehow.
I will make you see my strength, whether it's real or not. I will show you that you can't hurt me. I will not fall into your trap again. I will not let myself care about you anymore.
Never again. No. No never again...
It worked too well. I distanced myself too much. To Siberia, in fact. I didn't mean to go that far, but by the time I realized... it was too late.
'Cause you're a god and I am not and I just thought that you would know.
'Cause you're a god and I am not and I just thought I'd let you go.
I pushed you away. I let you go.
But it's okay. I can handle the hurt as long as I know others can't see it. You will never see me vulnerable again, Max Steel. Never again.
Wow, it took me long time to crank this out. Special thanks to everyone who's still reading. I got two review alerts recently which helped remind me that this story's not dead yet and I should get my butt moving to finish it.
I guess this is a psuedo songfic. I heart Vertical Horizon. (Their new album "Go" is coming out after New Years. Spread the word and the joy.) Anyway, my view of why a Rachel/Max relationship seems doomed. This marks the end of the "Questions" series. The partner series to it will complete it and will be called "Answers." So chapter 1 of Answer will pick up right after the last part of Questions. Mad love goes out to those who are still with me!