" What is that?" I couldn't help but ask.
" That? It's a mirror."
" No, what is that...in the mirror..."
" Oh, that. That's your reflection."
" My reflection?"
That couldn't be me. T-453 was ugly...I should be feeling undeniable disgust at seeing this face, and a need to smash the mirror...then again, I'd never really bothered to take a good look at them...
" You're very pretty."
I'd heard what he'd said. But, I wasn't worried about my appearance, at least not anymore. What puzzled and scared me the most, was the reality that I'd seen that face long before this mirror and I had crossed paths. Long before...on a ship...not Mother's ship...no...this ship was smaller...with fires...and sparking wires...and voices screaming...
I was yanked back to the present by the boy's insistent shaking of my shoulders. He seemed worried at my daze.
" Are you all right?"
He whispered.
" No..."
***
" It's
amazing. A week ago, she was cold and defensive, and now..."
" She's
still cold and defensive." Paul muttered," But, around Harrey..."
Sarie and Paul watched through the observation window hidden behind the mirror. Sayakuri was playing with Harrey. Sarie had a content smile, but Paul was frowning.
" You
know, Sarie. This may not be such a good thing."
" Why,
Paul? I think it's wonderful that she found someone to depend upon."
" But,
that someone isn't us. Harrey's going to have to leave sooner or later.
And when he does, what will become of her?"
" He
could visit on a regular basis."
" All,
in all, she should be developing relationships with people who will always
be there," Paul muttered.
" Just
leave them be, Paul. They're doing fine."
" Maybe..."
***
Harrey watched Kuri touch the paint experimentally. Since their encounter, she'd opened up a little more to him. It seemed almost like she depended on him now. He felt as if he'd been nominated big brother. Slowly, she lifted the paint to her face, looking at it, inspecting it.
" What creatures died to make this?"
Harrey laughed through his mask. The paint did kind of smell funny. That's what happens when technology took over. You lose the finer things in life. Like good finger paint. Suddenly, she looked up at him aghast.
" Barbarian..."
Harrey's face grew grave. She was serious.
" We're not barbarians, Kuri. I'm sorry. I didn't understand. It's not blood. It's paint. It's made from tiny particles of...I don't know, rocks? Minerals. That was what it was. It's not people parts, Kuri."
***
I looked at it some more, skeptically holding the cups away from me.
" Here," The boy, Harrey, said, reaching out, and taking the black cup. " Watch."
Slowly, his fingers danced across the strange flat white rectangles. I watched as beneath him, the black took form into a shape. A circle, followed by two dots inside it. And a long arc. Another one appeared right next to that, a circle, two dots, and an arc.
" See?" He said, when he'd finished," That's us."
It didn't look anything like him, or like the face I'd seen in the mirror. He saw my grimace, and shrugged, something that humans do a great deal, a peculiar form of body language, used as a display of disinterest, or apology.
" I know. It's not very good. But, just try it. It's fun. Just dip a finger in, and touch it to the paper."
Following his example, I dipped my fingers into the black paint, and slowly swirled it onto the paper. As it puddled beneath my fingers, something seemed to click.
I was startled to hear an alarm blaring. Harrey looked up from where he was painting.
" Kuri? Are you all right?"
That seemed to be the popular question now. Was I all right?
" Why are there alarms?"
" What alarms? Kuri, there's nothing here."
But, he was wrong. I still heard them. I stood up, looking around. Where there used to be only blank white walls, beams and circuits appeared, panels erupting with sparking wires. I'd seen these before. They were parts from a T-453 ship. Mother had shone me a captured one once. Mother...I looked down and around. WHY was this place so familiar?
A smell curdled the air, and I gagged. What was that horrid stench? I shouldn't have asked. Littered around the deck, were bodies of T-453, all in various positions. One had an arm draped over the far panel, which seemed to have exploded in his face. Or her. I couldn't tell. Didn't want to know. I moved closer to what appeared to be a woman; she had the same figure and stature as Sarie. Her hair was black, like mine, but shorter. With a decisive push, I shoved her body over.
***
Harrey was alarmed to see Kuri drop the paint with a cry, backing away from it horrified. She was clutching her hands to her chest, scrambling towards the bed, streaking black paint across the floor, everywhere. Harrey quickly ran towards her. He grabbed her by the shoulders, as she wiped her hands frantically on her gown.
" Kuri? Kuri! Kuri what's wrong?!"
She turned towards the mirror, and her eyes grew wider than saucers. She let out a strangled cry of grief, and turned away; pushing her head beneath the blankets of the bed.
***
" Paul, look!"
Paul looked up, and threw his paper down, spitting out his coffee.
" What's going on?! They were fine just a second ago."
He and Sarie raced into the room, while Talen watched from the observation window - watched as his brother cradled the girl gently. Even though the mask blocked out most of his face, his eyes glimmered with a fierceness that Talen found disturbing. A fierceness that seemed to make Harrey older than his eleven. As Sarie and Paul entered, he watched them talk mutely with Harrey, before nodding reluctantly, and leaving.
***
" Shh...Kuri, it's alright." He rocked her gently, " It's just paint. Just paint."
He couldn't reach his watch to see what time it was. His air supply was probably on the verge of gone. But, he didn't really care. She needed him right now. And he'd be there.
***
I shook visibly, feeling cold, and confused. It was me...I'd seen myself, dead on the floor, broken body tossed aside like an old doll...but no...that woman was so much older than me...who was she...
" I'm sorry Kuri. I didn't know you were scared of paints. We don't have to paint anymore if you don't want to. Did you want to do something else?"
I nodded slightly, feeling young, and decidedly foolish.
" It's okay." He pulled me up. " Come on. Let's go eat some breakfast."
He pulled me towards the door, but I dug my heels into the floor. Harrey turned around, then touched his head in a sign of forgetfulness.
" That's
right. You need a mask too."
" I don't
really want to..."
" Why
not? Aren't you hungry?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but he touched his head again.
" That's right, you don't eat. Your food's right here."
He waved around him. As I followed his gaze around, I took my first real look at him. The mask over his mouth eased my anxieties somewhat - if I couldn't see his mouth moving, it was almost like hearing the sounds of my brothers and sisters. I suppose he would be somewhat handsome in human standards, though I wasn't the best judge. His face was small and slender, very angular features, but not as prominent as Aviws, or my mothers. None of the humans had the wonderful crest. They did have that peculiar growth, hair, which was entirely new to me - mother had never really explained it in detail... His was very light, the color of the wood on my bed.
" I'll be right back." He told me patiently, " I'm going to go get some breakfast. Is that all right. Will you be ok here?"
I nodded somewhat reluctantly. As much as I wished to despise humanity, it appeared as though doing so would be a lot harder than I thought.
" You stay here." A silly order. " I'll be back in a minute."
***
" This is a disaster! He HAS to go!" Paul hissed.
" It was ONE incident, Paul," Sarie murmured," Probably just a traumatic experience resurfacing. Nothing a little psychotherapy won't fix. It's better than letting it rot in her subconscious!"
" No. We're doing this my way. I don't want her ending up in the asylum like some sort of schitz. case!"
Both went silent as Harrey closed the door behind him, and walked out to the lobby where they and Talen had been.
" Thank goodness." Sarie said, moving to Harrey's side," Another minute in there and you would have suffocated."
Harrey blinked, then looked at his air supply. He was nearly out.
" I've
been in there all morning?"
" And
all afternoon. Did you want some lunch?"
" Yeah.
I'm starved."
For awhile, Harrey was glad to be the little brother again. It felt refreshing not to have the responsibility. As the x-breath (as he was calling it now) came off, he gobbled down his food, until finally Paul and Sarie spoke up.
" Harrey.
We just wanted to be the first to congratulate you."
" On
what?"
" On,
making so much progress with Sayakuri."
Harrey smiled, and it broke Sarie's heart. She looked to Paul for help as Harrey continued.
" She's
very nice once you get to know her."
" Yes,
well." Paul started slowly," That's what we wanted to talk about. I think
it's time that she be allowed to interact with other children."
" That's
good! I'll show her to some of the other patients in the hospital tomorrow."
" Actually,"
Paul continued," We were going to try and separate her from you, for awhile."
There was a staggering silence, as Harrey put the fork down slowly.
" What?"
" You see," Paul didn't flinch," it's not healthy for her to grow attached to too many people at once. We think...it's time she made some new friends. Without your presence."
******
Harrey didn't speak. It had never occurred to him to wonder how long his contact with Kuri would be.
" How
long?"
" Until
what?"
" Until
I have to leave..."
" Well,
you're coming along fairly nicely. We should be able to discharge you today."
Harrey took this information in with cold realization. He'd never see Kuri again...
" And
what if she doesn't want to part..."
" I'm
sure she'll understand..." Sarie smiled.
***
At first, I took it all in with a numbness - almost like the first day I'd arrived at the hospital. Harrey was leaving?
" Why?"
I whispered softly.
" He's
getting better. There's no reason for him to be here anymore."
I looked from him, to the doctors, back to him again. The numbness was spreading throughout my body. I felt disconnected, as though I wasn't there, but watching from faraway.
" Is that all right with you, Sayakuri?"
I looked up to see the doctor looking me straight on. There was a fearsome gleam in his eyes, as though my answer would determine what would become of me. I reached out towards Harrey, but the doctor's face grew more cruel.
" Is that all right with you, Sayakuri?"
I don't think I could have shrunk anymore if I'd been a bug. His hand touched my wrist, squeezing it.
" What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"
He was grinning, but I could read the venomous look in his eyes and the irony. He was mocking me. I was the prey in a horrible game, and if I wasn't careful he'd strike me down. No matter what I said, the outcome was the same. Harrey would go. Against my will, I nodded my head, slowly. I will never forget that last image of shock and hurt he wore...
We said our last goodbyes with our eyes, since Paul wouldn't stop talking and leave us to our sentimentalities. Harrey's gaze bore through me, as though looking for another explanation. I flicked my eyes fearfully up at Paul, only for a moment, but it was enough. Harrey understood. Instead of coming to my rescue, though, he only shook his head. Pity. Pity for how weak I'd become. I narrowed my eyes, and mouthed the three words I'd live to regret forever.
' I hate you.'
His face went stone cold, and I knew I'd lost a friend that day. I watched with no care as he was pulled from the room by Sarie, and Paul put a hand on my shoulder. I shook him off violently, sitting on my bed with a glazed, but angry expression.
" You'll make lots of new friends. I promise."
A part of me was thanking this T-453. Congratulating him for understanding the reason behind my mission, reassuring me that I shouldn't be developing any type of relationship with a species that would be annihilated - the part of me that hated Harrey. But there was still a little piece of me, that wanted to crumple in a corner, and die. And for the first time, in a very long time, I had only one goal in mind. Both parts, agreed that T-453 deserved to die. One believed in the mission. Another wanted revenge for Harrey's departure. But, both wanted T-453 to die. And I went to sleep that night, dreaming of how many different ways Aviws would tear Paul apart. And I laughed.
***
-