Okay.
First, I don't own X or its characters.
Then, this is rated R for language and non-descriptive (homo)sexuality.
Last, I don't make any money with this story.
BEDSIDE STORY (AS OPPOSED TO WESTSIDE STORY)
"Once upon a time, there was a queen. She and her husband wished dearly for a child to be born and make their marital happiness complete. Yet, days following days, weeks following weeks, months following months and years following years, no child was born. One day, the queen was standing at her balcony, letting her long black hair flow in the wind, when a sudden gust brought a swirl of pale pink petals which enclosed her for a moment before flying further. One of the petals brushed against her index finger and left a thin cut there. Although it did not hurt, a small drop of the blood fell down onto the snow covering the balcony, and it left a small, scarlett stain on the cold layer of white. Looking from the snow to the stain and finally to some wild ivy growing on the black ebony of the railing, the queen made a silent wish: She wished that she should give birth to a son of beauty unknown to the world until then. A boy with skin as pale as snow, lips as red as blood, green ivy eyes and hair as black as ebony."
"You want to make me blush, don't you, Sei-chan? There wasn't a single word about the eye colour in the original fairy tale."
"Don't interrupt my story, Subaru. I am telling it, so it is up to me whether or not she wants a boy with green eyes. I'm the narrator after all! Now where was I? Ah yes.. Hair as black as ebony.. In the months following that fateful day, the queen saw the lower part of her upper body growing bigger and bigger, until finally the certitude came to her that she was either eating too much or pregnant."
"Sei-chan!!! Don't be so disrespectful. It's not right to make fun of classics like this."
"Be a good omniyuji and listen. The latter proved to be true when she finally gave birth to a boy child. As ordered, he was strikingly beautiful and the colours of his skin and lips had also been realized by the addressee of the wish. Only the colour of the eyes could not be as the queen had wanted it because babys do not have any pigment in their eyes and so they are blue. And with no hair growing on the little head, little could be told about its colour."
"You said you were going to tell me a good story. And now you're being all sarcastic. I'm going to be all sad and cry if you go on like this.."
"There.. There. It's all right.. Don't cry. I'll go on with my story more seriously. Now cheer up and quit interrupting me all the time. After the child's birth, the queen decided on a name for it: Snowbaru."
"Sei-chi-rou!!!!"
"Both the king and his wife were unbelievably happy that finally their common wish had been granted. During the first few days and weeks after the child's birth, the regent was in complete awe at its developing beauty and he was feeling the most intense joy in all his life at finally being a father. That feeling was tragically shattered when a sudden illness took his wife from him. For many years, the king grieved over the death of his beloved wife, but when the child was one year old, he decided to renew his marriage to give the boy a complete family. A proper wife was soon found. Snowbaru's new mother had been named Kanoe. She was incredibly beautiful and her appearance was her greatest pride. She owned a magical mirror that her mother had left her after her death. She often consulted it: Mirror, mirror on the wall, tell me who is the most beautiful of all! And the mirror answered: You my queen. No beauty in this world can rival yours. Then the queen felt very contented. But she knew in her heart that one creature could attain greater beauty than she herself: The hated son of her husband. So, once he had died of sorrow and grief a few months after the marriage, she went into the forest with the child and abandoned it to its fate there, lying in a beautiful clearing. As always in this kind of story, the luck was on the child's side. Are you listening, Su-chan? Don't you want to tell me not to desecrate The Holy Fairy Tale?"
"I've given it up. Just I'll tell the next story, and then you'll be sorry, that I promise you."
"I'm trembling with fear, love. But let's first go on with this story. So the child was lucky. A few (extremely clever I must say, considering the size of their brain) birds found the baby and led a group of dwarves to the child. They were six, and feeling that their number was not quite fairy- tale-like, they decided to take the child as number seven. Thus they became known as the seven dwarves: Kamui, Arashi, Sorata, Yuzuhira, Seiichirou, Karen and Snowbaru."
"You'll so be getting that back!"
"Never mind. The dwarves lived happily in their hut in the middle of the forest, and the child grew up with them, becoming more handsome every day. In the meantime, the evil queen was very contented with the world and herself, as the mirror kept telling her that she was the most beautiful person in the whole kingdom. Only one day, when Snowbaru turned fifteen, the mirror delayed its answer. Finally it spoke: You are beautiful, my queen. Immensely beautiful. That I know. But tell me, mirror, am I the most beautiful creature walking this earth? In the forest lives a youth. His beauty dwarfs even yours. Who is he? Restrained anger was burning in the queen's voice. His name is Snowbaru. The queen went red with fury before she decided to bring things back to the state they were supposed to be in, which meant that she would once again be the most beautiful human in the kingdom. She disguised herself as an old woman and went to the forest to find her son. She intended to poison him into eternal sleep with an enchanted apple. When the queen had finally found the dwarves headquarters, she had to wait for them to return, for they were out on work. Luckily for her, Snowbaru returned first, as he had twisted his hand with a clumsy movement of his axe and was thus unable to finish his work. The woman greeted him with a big smile: Hello, young one. You look as though you would like one of my juicy, red apples. He didn't recognize her and therefore accepted accepted the fruit happily. Once he had taken a single bite from it, he started feeling dizzy and fell to the ground, completely motionless. Once she had made sure that the boy would not be standing anytime soon, the queen departed to her castle. When the dwarves finally came back from their work, they found the youth lying on the ground, seemingly dead. This sight brought tears to their eyes. Most of them cryed because they had lost their seventh member and could thus hardly go on calling themselves the Seven Dwarves, and one, Kamui, because the young half-orphan had been his personal bitch."
"You will so unbelievably regret this.. Trust me."
"Keep your threats for later, Subaru.. I'm not done yet. The dwarves made a beautiful coffin of glass for the boy's body. They filled it with flowers on which Kamui performed a little spell for them never to wilt. Years went by, but finally, a tall, dark stranger came by in a swirl of Sakura petals and with his kiss awakened the sleeping prince, once he had eradicated the dwarves, as he suspected they had been having their fun with the body, as it was fully naked and the coffin's top wasn't quite in place.
When Snowbaru woke, he felt utterly sore but glad to be alife again.. He didn't mourn for the dead dwarves, as they had been a bunch of horny little bastards anyhow and the stranger looked way better than any of them. You'll be killing me with your story I guess? Oh, don't bother to tell me again, I know. Just don't disturb my story, will you."
".."
"Snowbaru told the man about his mother-in-law and they both went to her castle where Seichirou, as the stranger was called, thrust his hand through her chest. They lived in the Castle happily ever after. THE END"
"Time for my story...."
"Guess so."
"A modern fairy tale that I know you love. The little match Sakurazukamori."
"Subaaruu! Don't! You know that one always makes me cry!"
"I am so sorry to be forced to disappoint you. It was terribly cold and nearly dark on the evening of the old year, and the snow was falling fast. A little assassin was walking through the streets, coatless. He had been given a coat by his mother, but his last victim had so utterly soaked it with blood that he could not have worn it any longer."
"You know. That's not funny. She was really cold, the poor girl."
"And so was our little Sakurazukamori. He was freezing in the wintry whirl of snowflakes. His little murderers' fists were all red and pink with blood and petals."
"Her little feet were red and blue with coldness. Subaru, how can you be so ruthless?!"
"Don't interrupt me like that. I am telling the story. There he was, walking the street with his bundles of matches with which he had not been able to set anyone on fire. He kept making one step after another, caring not about the snowflakes wetting his short black hair."
"I'm not listening to any more of this. Just go on babbling, I'm not listening. Oh no, I won't hear a single more word of this crappy story."
"I think I'll just finish it for myself. I'll tell you then, when you'll be able to take your hands from your ears.. The Sakura Barrow Guardian finally curled himself together under a porch and even though his knees were tightly drawn to his chest, he was shaking with coldness. Yet, he did not want to go home, fearing the wrath of the Sakura tree at his having slaughtered but one person."
"I.. You can't. She is going to die under that porch, and you are still making fun of things. You're such a mean person. I can't believe I let Hokuto marry me to you.. By the way. I.. wasn't listening. I just. You know.. Guessed what part of the story you might be telling.."
"*Hey! He's using future tense - "She's going to die..".. I really got him into my little game.* You deserve it. You were wicked to me in first place, remember? So where was I now? Ah. Yes.. The tree would certainly beat him. His home was warmer than here, but he didn't consider that aspect of the matter. (Being a little slow on mental processes..)"
"You're deliberately calling me an idiot!"
"I knew you were listening. And your skill at literary interpretation is excellent. I did call you an idiot.. Though that has nothing to do with our little story, now has it? So let us venture further in the course of my narrative. His little hands, wet with blood, were colder than any other part of his little body. He thought that maybe lighting a match might warm him up."
"Don't light it! Just. Pick yourself up from there and go home! But don't stay there.. Otherwise.."
"The red end of the match made contact with the wall and was enclosed in a small, shaky shine of a flame. To him it burnt like a stove, radiating all the warmth that his life so cruelly lacked. He tried to crawl nearer that glowering, fiery source of vital heat. But it vanished before he could reach it, disappearing with the match's glow and comfort. He lit another match, and this time it opened a Marlboro to him."
"Don't make fun of me like that! It's maboroshi!"
"Who cares about this cigarettes stuff anyhow? Maybe you might allow me to continue? That is so utterly kind of you. Inside was a well-covered table from which a naked Fuuma jumped, slicked with lubricant, ready to be fu."
"You're getting vulgar, Subaru. And you are."
"Taking revenge. I am taking revenge. For what you said about Kamui. He was exactly as much my bitch as Fuuma is yours. The omniyuji kept walking towards the assassin, until it disappeared, just as the stove had before it. Seichirou lit another match, and this time he found himself sitting under a beautifully decorated Christmas Sakura. The whole tree was a blur of candles, multi-coloured garlands, sparkling glass balls and thousands of other decorations, one more beautiful than the other. The Guardian stretched his hand out towards the tree, but the match went out, and with it the vision faded. When he lit another match, he saw the wonderful vision of his mother appearing in front of him."
"You.. How can you do this to her? She loved her grandmother. She loved her dearly, unbelievably. And I.. I did feel nothing for my mother, for I could not feel anything at all. How can you compare this?"
"Keep your poor philosophically musing fantasies for yourself, now will you? He begged the beautiful, unhumanly tall creature to stay, not to leave him alone. She smiled down upon him. Then he lit the whole bundle of matches against the wall and begged once more. She should not leave him alone. He wanted her to take him with her. Again she smiled, and, reaching for him with her hand, she pulled him up with her. Higher than he had ever been. To a place where neither cold, nor hunger nor pain were known. That is. He thought that she would get him there. Only it turned out that she really dragged him to hell, where they both belonged, punished for their ungodly deeds."
"See.. You've made me cry.. I didn't want to.. But now she's dead. She's in heaven with her grandma. Maybe I should be happy for her?"
"I guess.. Maybe she really deserved more happiness than she could have in the sad world she had been born into. Maybe death really was her release.."
"You stopped your story?"
"I think I'm not finishing it. The real story's so sad.. I read it a few days ago, on http://www.godtoday.com/matchgirl.htm. Now.. I think I just.. I don't want to cry. But it's so sad. The poor girl. Freezing to death. It's....."
"There. It's all right. Don't cry Subaru. She's happy now.. She really is."
"Are. Are you sure?"
"As certain as anything."
"Then it's all right. Could you just *screw* me now? Those stories didn't tire me a single bit."
"No prob.."
And happily they shagged ever after.
THE END
BEDSIDE STORY (AS OPPOSED TO WESTSIDE STORY)
"Once upon a time, there was a queen. She and her husband wished dearly for a child to be born and make their marital happiness complete. Yet, days following days, weeks following weeks, months following months and years following years, no child was born. One day, the queen was standing at her balcony, letting her long black hair flow in the wind, when a sudden gust brought a swirl of pale pink petals which enclosed her for a moment before flying further. One of the petals brushed against her index finger and left a thin cut there. Although it did not hurt, a small drop of the blood fell down onto the snow covering the balcony, and it left a small, scarlett stain on the cold layer of white. Looking from the snow to the stain and finally to some wild ivy growing on the black ebony of the railing, the queen made a silent wish: She wished that she should give birth to a son of beauty unknown to the world until then. A boy with skin as pale as snow, lips as red as blood, green ivy eyes and hair as black as ebony."
"You want to make me blush, don't you, Sei-chan? There wasn't a single word about the eye colour in the original fairy tale."
"Don't interrupt my story, Subaru. I am telling it, so it is up to me whether or not she wants a boy with green eyes. I'm the narrator after all! Now where was I? Ah yes.. Hair as black as ebony.. In the months following that fateful day, the queen saw the lower part of her upper body growing bigger and bigger, until finally the certitude came to her that she was either eating too much or pregnant."
"Sei-chan!!! Don't be so disrespectful. It's not right to make fun of classics like this."
"Be a good omniyuji and listen. The latter proved to be true when she finally gave birth to a boy child. As ordered, he was strikingly beautiful and the colours of his skin and lips had also been realized by the addressee of the wish. Only the colour of the eyes could not be as the queen had wanted it because babys do not have any pigment in their eyes and so they are blue. And with no hair growing on the little head, little could be told about its colour."
"You said you were going to tell me a good story. And now you're being all sarcastic. I'm going to be all sad and cry if you go on like this.."
"There.. There. It's all right.. Don't cry. I'll go on with my story more seriously. Now cheer up and quit interrupting me all the time. After the child's birth, the queen decided on a name for it: Snowbaru."
"Sei-chi-rou!!!!"
"Both the king and his wife were unbelievably happy that finally their common wish had been granted. During the first few days and weeks after the child's birth, the regent was in complete awe at its developing beauty and he was feeling the most intense joy in all his life at finally being a father. That feeling was tragically shattered when a sudden illness took his wife from him. For many years, the king grieved over the death of his beloved wife, but when the child was one year old, he decided to renew his marriage to give the boy a complete family. A proper wife was soon found. Snowbaru's new mother had been named Kanoe. She was incredibly beautiful and her appearance was her greatest pride. She owned a magical mirror that her mother had left her after her death. She often consulted it: Mirror, mirror on the wall, tell me who is the most beautiful of all! And the mirror answered: You my queen. No beauty in this world can rival yours. Then the queen felt very contented. But she knew in her heart that one creature could attain greater beauty than she herself: The hated son of her husband. So, once he had died of sorrow and grief a few months after the marriage, she went into the forest with the child and abandoned it to its fate there, lying in a beautiful clearing. As always in this kind of story, the luck was on the child's side. Are you listening, Su-chan? Don't you want to tell me not to desecrate The Holy Fairy Tale?"
"I've given it up. Just I'll tell the next story, and then you'll be sorry, that I promise you."
"I'm trembling with fear, love. But let's first go on with this story. So the child was lucky. A few (extremely clever I must say, considering the size of their brain) birds found the baby and led a group of dwarves to the child. They were six, and feeling that their number was not quite fairy- tale-like, they decided to take the child as number seven. Thus they became known as the seven dwarves: Kamui, Arashi, Sorata, Yuzuhira, Seiichirou, Karen and Snowbaru."
"You'll so be getting that back!"
"Never mind. The dwarves lived happily in their hut in the middle of the forest, and the child grew up with them, becoming more handsome every day. In the meantime, the evil queen was very contented with the world and herself, as the mirror kept telling her that she was the most beautiful person in the whole kingdom. Only one day, when Snowbaru turned fifteen, the mirror delayed its answer. Finally it spoke: You are beautiful, my queen. Immensely beautiful. That I know. But tell me, mirror, am I the most beautiful creature walking this earth? In the forest lives a youth. His beauty dwarfs even yours. Who is he? Restrained anger was burning in the queen's voice. His name is Snowbaru. The queen went red with fury before she decided to bring things back to the state they were supposed to be in, which meant that she would once again be the most beautiful human in the kingdom. She disguised herself as an old woman and went to the forest to find her son. She intended to poison him into eternal sleep with an enchanted apple. When the queen had finally found the dwarves headquarters, she had to wait for them to return, for they were out on work. Luckily for her, Snowbaru returned first, as he had twisted his hand with a clumsy movement of his axe and was thus unable to finish his work. The woman greeted him with a big smile: Hello, young one. You look as though you would like one of my juicy, red apples. He didn't recognize her and therefore accepted accepted the fruit happily. Once he had taken a single bite from it, he started feeling dizzy and fell to the ground, completely motionless. Once she had made sure that the boy would not be standing anytime soon, the queen departed to her castle. When the dwarves finally came back from their work, they found the youth lying on the ground, seemingly dead. This sight brought tears to their eyes. Most of them cryed because they had lost their seventh member and could thus hardly go on calling themselves the Seven Dwarves, and one, Kamui, because the young half-orphan had been his personal bitch."
"You will so unbelievably regret this.. Trust me."
"Keep your threats for later, Subaru.. I'm not done yet. The dwarves made a beautiful coffin of glass for the boy's body. They filled it with flowers on which Kamui performed a little spell for them never to wilt. Years went by, but finally, a tall, dark stranger came by in a swirl of Sakura petals and with his kiss awakened the sleeping prince, once he had eradicated the dwarves, as he suspected they had been having their fun with the body, as it was fully naked and the coffin's top wasn't quite in place.
When Snowbaru woke, he felt utterly sore but glad to be alife again.. He didn't mourn for the dead dwarves, as they had been a bunch of horny little bastards anyhow and the stranger looked way better than any of them. You'll be killing me with your story I guess? Oh, don't bother to tell me again, I know. Just don't disturb my story, will you."
".."
"Snowbaru told the man about his mother-in-law and they both went to her castle where Seichirou, as the stranger was called, thrust his hand through her chest. They lived in the Castle happily ever after. THE END"
"Time for my story...."
"Guess so."
"A modern fairy tale that I know you love. The little match Sakurazukamori."
"Subaaruu! Don't! You know that one always makes me cry!"
"I am so sorry to be forced to disappoint you. It was terribly cold and nearly dark on the evening of the old year, and the snow was falling fast. A little assassin was walking through the streets, coatless. He had been given a coat by his mother, but his last victim had so utterly soaked it with blood that he could not have worn it any longer."
"You know. That's not funny. She was really cold, the poor girl."
"And so was our little Sakurazukamori. He was freezing in the wintry whirl of snowflakes. His little murderers' fists were all red and pink with blood and petals."
"Her little feet were red and blue with coldness. Subaru, how can you be so ruthless?!"
"Don't interrupt me like that. I am telling the story. There he was, walking the street with his bundles of matches with which he had not been able to set anyone on fire. He kept making one step after another, caring not about the snowflakes wetting his short black hair."
"I'm not listening to any more of this. Just go on babbling, I'm not listening. Oh no, I won't hear a single more word of this crappy story."
"I think I'll just finish it for myself. I'll tell you then, when you'll be able to take your hands from your ears.. The Sakura Barrow Guardian finally curled himself together under a porch and even though his knees were tightly drawn to his chest, he was shaking with coldness. Yet, he did not want to go home, fearing the wrath of the Sakura tree at his having slaughtered but one person."
"I.. You can't. She is going to die under that porch, and you are still making fun of things. You're such a mean person. I can't believe I let Hokuto marry me to you.. By the way. I.. wasn't listening. I just. You know.. Guessed what part of the story you might be telling.."
"*Hey! He's using future tense - "She's going to die..".. I really got him into my little game.* You deserve it. You were wicked to me in first place, remember? So where was I now? Ah. Yes.. The tree would certainly beat him. His home was warmer than here, but he didn't consider that aspect of the matter. (Being a little slow on mental processes..)"
"You're deliberately calling me an idiot!"
"I knew you were listening. And your skill at literary interpretation is excellent. I did call you an idiot.. Though that has nothing to do with our little story, now has it? So let us venture further in the course of my narrative. His little hands, wet with blood, were colder than any other part of his little body. He thought that maybe lighting a match might warm him up."
"Don't light it! Just. Pick yourself up from there and go home! But don't stay there.. Otherwise.."
"The red end of the match made contact with the wall and was enclosed in a small, shaky shine of a flame. To him it burnt like a stove, radiating all the warmth that his life so cruelly lacked. He tried to crawl nearer that glowering, fiery source of vital heat. But it vanished before he could reach it, disappearing with the match's glow and comfort. He lit another match, and this time it opened a Marlboro to him."
"Don't make fun of me like that! It's maboroshi!"
"Who cares about this cigarettes stuff anyhow? Maybe you might allow me to continue? That is so utterly kind of you. Inside was a well-covered table from which a naked Fuuma jumped, slicked with lubricant, ready to be fu."
"You're getting vulgar, Subaru. And you are."
"Taking revenge. I am taking revenge. For what you said about Kamui. He was exactly as much my bitch as Fuuma is yours. The omniyuji kept walking towards the assassin, until it disappeared, just as the stove had before it. Seichirou lit another match, and this time he found himself sitting under a beautifully decorated Christmas Sakura. The whole tree was a blur of candles, multi-coloured garlands, sparkling glass balls and thousands of other decorations, one more beautiful than the other. The Guardian stretched his hand out towards the tree, but the match went out, and with it the vision faded. When he lit another match, he saw the wonderful vision of his mother appearing in front of him."
"You.. How can you do this to her? She loved her grandmother. She loved her dearly, unbelievably. And I.. I did feel nothing for my mother, for I could not feel anything at all. How can you compare this?"
"Keep your poor philosophically musing fantasies for yourself, now will you? He begged the beautiful, unhumanly tall creature to stay, not to leave him alone. She smiled down upon him. Then he lit the whole bundle of matches against the wall and begged once more. She should not leave him alone. He wanted her to take him with her. Again she smiled, and, reaching for him with her hand, she pulled him up with her. Higher than he had ever been. To a place where neither cold, nor hunger nor pain were known. That is. He thought that she would get him there. Only it turned out that she really dragged him to hell, where they both belonged, punished for their ungodly deeds."
"See.. You've made me cry.. I didn't want to.. But now she's dead. She's in heaven with her grandma. Maybe I should be happy for her?"
"I guess.. Maybe she really deserved more happiness than she could have in the sad world she had been born into. Maybe death really was her release.."
"You stopped your story?"
"I think I'm not finishing it. The real story's so sad.. I read it a few days ago, on http://www.godtoday.com/matchgirl.htm. Now.. I think I just.. I don't want to cry. But it's so sad. The poor girl. Freezing to death. It's....."
"There. It's all right. Don't cry Subaru. She's happy now.. She really is."
"Are. Are you sure?"
"As certain as anything."
"Then it's all right. Could you just *screw* me now? Those stories didn't tire me a single bit."
"No prob.."
And happily they shagged ever after.
THE END