Disclaimer: NEWS FLASH! I don't own LOTR! Yes, I know, despite the
amazing talent I may be expressing in this FanFic, I don't own it and I am
doing this entirely for my own, and your, amusement.
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Because I said so!
Dear Flabby, I am writing because the love of my life it about to be stolen from me by a platinum blonde. Yesterday, I had this strange dream that he was holding her, restraining her, though, from what, I do not know. She seemed to want to get away from his, but soon relaxed in her arms, and her eyes were shining like the stars. (Forgive the cliché; I'm too upset to come up with original similes right now.) Now my father is pressing me to go the West. Do you know what that means? Giving up my room, my computer, most of my clothes, possibly my hard earned perfection, all my mortal friends, my phone, and what's worse, my brown hair might get blonde streaks and I might get a tan! Oh yeah.and Aragorn. Besides, I have a chance to be queen of Gondor! And along comes this bratty blonde obsessed with war. She's going to get killed in battle before he knows what he's doing. Please help me! ~Arwen Evenstar, Daughter of Elrond, Granddaughter of Galadriel, and so on
Dear Arwen, This appears to be a classic case of brunette anxiety. The brain overload can result in bizarre insecurities and utterly pointless fears. Go West; find yourself a new lover to take your mind off of Aragorn. It can also be very helpful to take your anger out on something like a punching bag, or your father. In the mean time, gain so weight (you're freakin' skinny!), grow up, and stop acting like a spoiled, immortal, Elvin princess.
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Because I said so!
Dear Flabby, I am writing because the love of my life it about to be stolen from me by a platinum blonde. Yesterday, I had this strange dream that he was holding her, restraining her, though, from what, I do not know. She seemed to want to get away from his, but soon relaxed in her arms, and her eyes were shining like the stars. (Forgive the cliché; I'm too upset to come up with original similes right now.) Now my father is pressing me to go the West. Do you know what that means? Giving up my room, my computer, most of my clothes, possibly my hard earned perfection, all my mortal friends, my phone, and what's worse, my brown hair might get blonde streaks and I might get a tan! Oh yeah.and Aragorn. Besides, I have a chance to be queen of Gondor! And along comes this bratty blonde obsessed with war. She's going to get killed in battle before he knows what he's doing. Please help me! ~Arwen Evenstar, Daughter of Elrond, Granddaughter of Galadriel, and so on
Dear Arwen, This appears to be a classic case of brunette anxiety. The brain overload can result in bizarre insecurities and utterly pointless fears. Go West; find yourself a new lover to take your mind off of Aragorn. It can also be very helpful to take your anger out on something like a punching bag, or your father. In the mean time, gain so weight (you're freakin' skinny!), grow up, and stop acting like a spoiled, immortal, Elvin princess.
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