Disclaimer: *sigh* I don't own Lord of the Rings, I'm not trying to make
$$$, not like I could at FanFiction.net. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
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Dear Flabby,
A Ring of Power has been appointed to me, and I must take it to a volcano.
My best friend/mentor was hurled off the edge of a fathomless chasm with a Balrog.
Now a bunch of Black Riders are following me on big dragons.
My servant can't get along with my guide and my guide is lusting after the Ring.
I can't go near any men 'cause they'll get corrupted and I was just captured by one!
The fate of the world rests on my shoulders.
But I'm already trying to kill my only true companion.
I'm starting to lose my amazing good look, my boots are too tight, my shirt itches, I've got a wedgie, I'm too hot, no-too cold, I have to pee, my finger has a hangnail, there are holes in my socks, my back is sore, my curls are drooping, I'm beginning to break out in cold sweat, now my hand is cramping as I write, my shirt is way too tight, I've got songs from "West-Side Story" running through my head, my ear aches, my nose ring is infected, I'm hearing ugly voices, I see dead people, Soylent Green in people, there's a blood blister on my thumb, ow!-I bit my cheek, my stomach's growling like an armored bear and my girlfriend's pissed because I haven't been able to write in weeks!
Please help me!!!
~Just-Another-Hobbit-Off-To-Save-The-World
Dear Hobbit,
OHMYGAWD!!! Is that actually you? Frodo Baggins of the Shire? Elijah Wood??? Will you marry me? Do you wear contact lenses? Why are your eyes to impossibly blue? Just for the record, you are the best look guy in Middle Earth and our Earth and all the other Earths scientists are proving exist parallel to ours. You played in Flipper!!!
I'm not really flabby. It's just a pen name. Honestly! We'd be a P- E-R-F-E-C-T match!!!
Oh.about that Ring thing.what did you say was your problem, again?
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**Was this one better.or worse? Are there any characters you would like to see in this "column"? Please review! I beg thee!!!**
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dear Flabby,
A Ring of Power has been appointed to me, and I must take it to a volcano.
My best friend/mentor was hurled off the edge of a fathomless chasm with a Balrog.
Now a bunch of Black Riders are following me on big dragons.
My servant can't get along with my guide and my guide is lusting after the Ring.
I can't go near any men 'cause they'll get corrupted and I was just captured by one!
The fate of the world rests on my shoulders.
But I'm already trying to kill my only true companion.
I'm starting to lose my amazing good look, my boots are too tight, my shirt itches, I've got a wedgie, I'm too hot, no-too cold, I have to pee, my finger has a hangnail, there are holes in my socks, my back is sore, my curls are drooping, I'm beginning to break out in cold sweat, now my hand is cramping as I write, my shirt is way too tight, I've got songs from "West-Side Story" running through my head, my ear aches, my nose ring is infected, I'm hearing ugly voices, I see dead people, Soylent Green in people, there's a blood blister on my thumb, ow!-I bit my cheek, my stomach's growling like an armored bear and my girlfriend's pissed because I haven't been able to write in weeks!
Please help me!!!
~Just-Another-Hobbit-Off-To-Save-The-World
Dear Hobbit,
OHMYGAWD!!! Is that actually you? Frodo Baggins of the Shire? Elijah Wood??? Will you marry me? Do you wear contact lenses? Why are your eyes to impossibly blue? Just for the record, you are the best look guy in Middle Earth and our Earth and all the other Earths scientists are proving exist parallel to ours. You played in Flipper!!!
I'm not really flabby. It's just a pen name. Honestly! We'd be a P- E-R-F-E-C-T match!!!
Oh.about that Ring thing.what did you say was your problem, again?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
**Was this one better.or worse? Are there any characters you would like to see in this "column"? Please review! I beg thee!!!**