AN- This is my pathetic attempt at humor. It is kinda true though, I really do live on LI and I really couldn't get tickets 4 summerslam. Errrrrr.
Disclaimer- I own shit on a stick. I wish I owned Edge (hehe, clean thoughts.)
Melissa- (on the phone with her friend and wrestling buddy Karen) This sucks.
Karen- What?
Melissa- I couldn't get the Summerslam tickets.
Karen- What?
Melissa- I said I
Karen- What?
Melissa- Couldn't get the
Karen- What?
Melissa- Summerslam tickets!!!
Karen- What! Why you little!
Melissa-I know, I know. (Crumples up paper with plans to kidnap Edge and hide him in the basement)
Karen- This sucks! (Crumples up paper with her plans to kidnap Jeff Hardy and hide him in the basement)
Melissa- At least were still going to Australia in a few weeks.
Karen- Screw Australia! I want Jeff Hardy! (Starts to drool)
Melissa- We can still go to the coliseum and wait at the exits, maybe we'll see someone or find a scalper or something.
Karen-(Unfolds plans) Okay.
Melissa- Isn't this an intelligent conversation.
Karen- Mmmmmmm, Jeffffff (Falls into puddle of drool.
Melissa- Karen? (Hears dial tone) Moron. (Hangs up phone and goes on her computer to write some fanfiction and suicidal poetry)
Outside the Coliseum on the day of Summerslam
Melissa- Ok, we have the walkie talkies, if you meet up with any scalpers or wrestlers, radio me.
Karen- Jeff! Jeff! Where's Jeff?
Melissa- (Unhooks Karen's leash) Go find him girl! (Hands Karen a bag of skittles as a reward)
Karen- Jeff! (Runs off on all fours)
Melissa- (Muttering to self) Maybe she'll get lost.
Karen- (In front of a car with it's head lights on) Oooh! Shiny!
Melissa has not been able to find any scalpers or wrestlers. She is now leaning up against a wall, looking very morbid.
Melissa- (Sighs) I hate my life.
It is forty minutes before the show starts, and Edge has gone outside to clear his head. He is walking around the back parking lot when he spies a girl in tattered clothes leaning against the wall, next to the barbed wire fence.
Edge- (Thinking) She looks morbid.
Edge has decided to see what's wrong.
Edge- Erm, what's wrong?
Melissa- I couldn't get tickets to Summerslam, so I came here to find some scalpers. I don't think I'm going to find any though, and the show starts soon. I'm never going to get to see Edge. (Sighs)
Edge- Um, I may be able to help you with part of that problem.
Melissa- (Recognizes that voice and looks up in awe) E..E...Edge! (Faints)
Edge- Oh my god! I killed her! (Starts to do CPR)
Melissa- (Thinking) Hehe it worked!
Meanwhile, we join Karen, who is still on all fours, on her hunt for Jeff Hardy.
Karen- Jeff! Must find Jeff!
Jeff- Skittles! Must find Skittles!
Karen- (Stops and sniffs air) Jeff! Jeff!
Jeff- (Stops and sniffs air) Skittles! Skittles! (Runs out of arena and into parking lot)
Karen- Jeff!
Jeff- Skittles!
They both run towards each other and collide.
Jeff and Karen- Ow!
Karen- Ahhhhhhh! Jeff! (Jumps into Jeff's arms)
Jeff- Um, Hi! My names Jeff and I like skittles.
Karen- my names Karen and I like you!
Jeff- Oh, can I have some skittles? (Gives her the puppy face)
Karen- Yea, sure. (Picks up walkie talkie)
Screen goes back to Melissa and Edge where Edge is still doing CPR and Melissa is loving every second of it when her walkie talkie goes off. Edge stops for a second and hesitantly reaches into her back pocket and pulls out the small black radio.
Screen divides in half.
Karen- Melissa?
Edge- Erm, no. This is Edge. I think I killed your friend.
Karen- Oh, more for me.
Melissa's eyes shoot open and she snatches the radio out of Edge's hand.
Melissa- Hell no bitch! Die and burn Karen!
Karen- Ok, well, I found Jeff and I'm guessing you found Edge.
Melissa- Really?
Karen- Yea, were eating skittles. Say hi Jeff.
Jeff- Hi Jeff!
Screen goes back to one piece. It turns out the Karen and Melissa are only about twenty feet from eachother.
Karen- Ahh! Edge!
Melissa- Back off. He's mine. (hisses)
Edge- okayyyyyyyyyy. (To author) why'd you stick me with a psychopath? You made me a vampire that's fine, but what did I do to deserve this?
EdgesGothDiva- Watch it, that's a character based on me. (Glances at Edge shrine). Your lucky you're cute.
Edge- Um, thanks I guess. But wait! Does that mean you're a psychopath too?
EdgesGothDiva- Watch it or I'll stick you with Karen.
Edge- (Pales) Gulp. Okay.
Karen and Jeff- (Look up at the sky and drop to their knees) All hail EdgesGothDiva!
EdgesGothDiva- Muwahahahahaha!
Matt Hardy walks out holding a leash with an empty collar on the end.
Matt- Jeff! There you are! Have you been terrorizing these people?
Jeff- Nooooo. She gave me skittles and she's a psycho.
Karen holds up the empty skittles bag and Melissa just grins insanely.
Edge- Wow! That's a really good insane grin.
Melissa- Really! Wow, Edge just gave me a complement.
Karen- Matt! Matt! Runs on all fours to Matt Hardy and grabs his leg.
Matt- Oh my god! There's another one!
Melissa- Karen! Sit! Bad girl! No skittles.
Karen and Jeff- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
EdgesGothDiva- (In distance) Muwahahaha!
Edge- Does she scare you too?
Melissa- Try living with her.
Matt- Um, we kinda have to go. There's this thing called Summerslam…..
Melissa/Karen/Jeff- NOOOOOOOO!
EdgesGothDiva-Cough Cough Offer them backstage passes Edge Cough Cough
Edge- Why should I?
EdgesGothDiva- Cough Cough Slash fic Cough Cough
Edge- That's not going to do it.
EdgesGothDiva- Cough Cough With Christian Cough Cough
Edge- (Becomes paler) Raises hands to sky NOOOOOOOOOOO!
EdgesGothDiva- I'm starting to type Edge!
Edge- Okay! Okay! You guys want backstage passes?
Melissa and Karen- Sure!
Everyone heads into the arena and Edge leads Karen and Melissa to his dressing room where they can hang out with Matt and Jeff since they're not competing that night.
EdgesGothDiva- (Inside Edge's head) Hi Edge!!!
Edge- Ahhhhh! Get out of my head!
EdgesGothDiva- Never! Muwahaha!
Edge- If you love me so much why must you torment me
EdgesGothDiva- (Silence)
Edge- That's what I thought.
Jeff- I think he went apples.
Everyone looks at Jeff.
Jeff- What?
Austin- (From a bar in the middle of no where) What? (Passes out on the floor)
Cricket- Chirp Chirp
Matt- I think this author needs to be commited.
Melissa- NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not again! They'll never find me!
Everyone looks at Melissa.
Edge- Erm, I'm going to go find Eddie so I can kick his ass. (Runs out the door and does just that)
Melissa- Yay! Edge won! Go Edge Go Edge! (Does a little dance)
Summerslam eventually ended and much to their dismay and Edge's delight, Melissa and Karen had to leave.
The End?
EdgesGothDiva- Hell no! I have big plans for you Edge!
Edge- NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
EdgesGothDiva And Melissa- Muwahahahahaha!
Karen- Jeff!
Jeff- Skittles!
Matt- God help us all!