A collection of mini fics. REALLY mini fics. I've tried to be humorous.
I failed brilliantly. ^.^
RATED PG-13 for some *coughs* crude comments on my behalf. ^.^
#1 : Olim?
OLIM! Or as the English say, Once upon a time. ANYWAY! Once upon a time (and this time was not now, as you see... some of the people are dead as dornail now so can't very well ask them to be walking about in storytales) there was this PLACE. Now this PLACE's name was THING. I'm not kidding you. It was the THING of PLACE. One day Mr. Moldy Voldie Warts came riding up to the THING of PLACE (not to be confused with the PLACE of THING) in his ADORABLE Volkswagon Beetle (aren't those cars just DOLLS?!). He was bored. BORED AS A BORED MOFO CAN GET. Excuse me... did I just use all capitals? I'm dreadfully sorry, truly I am. ANYHOO, BACK to my story IF I please!
*rolls eyes*
Voldie was having a BORING day. So far he had only conquered three countries, defeated Dumbledore, and found out that Dobby the House Elf was his biological son. (We don't want to go into that- trust me.) All in all it was very uneventful. So here he is, driving up to the THING of PLACE to get himself a double patty burger with extra cheese sauce, mayo, lettuce, hold the tomato with a side of curly fries. The man really LOVES his curly fries you see.
Then comes up this BRAT, Harry FRICKING Potter. This BRAT is also ordering curly fries with EXTRA cheese sauce. Then it's old Voldie's turn in line, and HARRY POTTER, brat of everything... just got the last thing of curly fries left in the joint. Needless to say, Voldemort was pissed off.
Voldemort stood on the counter, and after doing the macarena, he stole a megaphone from a passing cheerleader.
"MUFFINS ARE MY LOVERS!" he cried, then paused. "I MEAN... HARRY POTTER!" he cried out to the crowd. "YOU ARE A MEAN STINKIE POO HEAD!" And there... at the THING of PLACE.... Old Moldy Voldie Warts wept, with REAL tears in his eyes. Harry Potter sat watching with awe, munching on his curly fries.
That evening, Voldemort decided that he would vow to kill Harry Potter even if it killed him. Harry Potter that is; not himself.
Then of course he realized that he had planned to do that already and went on his merry way, speeding off in his Volkswagon Beetle, off to Arbys to get a BETTER cheese sauce on BETTER curly fries. THE END
#2 : Clueless
Harry Potter was faced head to head against his mortal enemy, pink fluffy bunnies. Um, oops, I meant to say Voldemort.
So there he his, wand to wand with the most powerful wizard of all time, the darkest of dark, the evil of evil, and surrounded by Death Eaters in a duel. Was Harry scared? HELL YEAH! The kid was about to piss his pants!
So of course Harry did the logical thing to do. He began to hallucinate. Hell, I would too if I was just traumatized to the point of hallucination! Then again, *anyone* at the *point* of hallucination would start to hallucinate.
I think. Anyhoo, back to the point.
What was my point?
Nevermind! Let's go shopping instead! Ta-ta!
#3 : When You Give Harry a Muffin
When you give Harry a muffin, he'll smile very brightly and thank you, but ask for some juice with his snack.
When you give Harry some juice, he'll ask for a straw to make slurpy noises with.
When you give Harry the straw he will dribble the juice down his front.
When Harry spills his juice, he'll ask for a napkin to wipe himself up, but the stain won't come out.
He'll then ask if you can wash his T-shirt for him.
While waiting for the shirt to get clean, Harry will sit on the washing machine, shirtless and drool-worthy, green eyes gleaming as he sings some children's songs.
When Harry sings, his voice will get sore and he'll ask for some cold medicine.
When (shirtless!)Harry takes the medicine he'll get tired, and want to go to bed.
When you let Harry go to bed, he'll insist he can't sleep without his Draco.
When you bring our favorite Gryffindor his Draco, they'll cuddle and fall asleep.
When Harry and Draco wake up, they both ask for muffins.
You give them pancakes instead.
And conveniently forget to give Harry back his shirt.
THE END
#4 : When You Give Draco Pancakes
When you Draco a plate of pancakes he'll insist on sitting on shirtless!Harry's lap, and promptly ask for some syrup.
When you give Draco syrup, he'll tell you Malfoy's don't settle for the fake imitation Maple stuff.
When you bring Draco some real Maple Syrup he'll wrinkle his nose and tell you he hates Maple Syrup and asks for Boysenberry instead.
When Draco eats his syrup coated pancake, he'll drizzle the purpleyblue goo all over his sexy pants and frown an incredibly adorable frown.
When Draco begins to frown, Harry pulls off Draco's pants.
When Harry pulls off Draco's pants, Draco will tell Harry it's too early for that.
Then Harry will give him an exasperated look and wash Draco's pants.
When Harry is gone, Draco will be cross and demand to have some orange juice.
When you come back with his juice, he'll make a face and say he needs to have "fresh squeezed" orange juice, as if it's the most natural thing in the world.
When you finally get Draco his juice he'll say "about time" and drink it in one gulp.
Once he drinks it, he'll ask for more.
At this point Jewlz (me) gets fed up, ties him up and gags him, staring appreciatively at his no-pantsness.
Harry is still sitting on the washer singing children's songs, wondering where his shirt has gone to.
THE END.
RATED PG-13 for some *coughs* crude comments on my behalf. ^.^
#1 : Olim?
OLIM! Or as the English say, Once upon a time. ANYWAY! Once upon a time (and this time was not now, as you see... some of the people are dead as dornail now so can't very well ask them to be walking about in storytales) there was this PLACE. Now this PLACE's name was THING. I'm not kidding you. It was the THING of PLACE. One day Mr. Moldy Voldie Warts came riding up to the THING of PLACE (not to be confused with the PLACE of THING) in his ADORABLE Volkswagon Beetle (aren't those cars just DOLLS?!). He was bored. BORED AS A BORED MOFO CAN GET. Excuse me... did I just use all capitals? I'm dreadfully sorry, truly I am. ANYHOO, BACK to my story IF I please!
*rolls eyes*
Voldie was having a BORING day. So far he had only conquered three countries, defeated Dumbledore, and found out that Dobby the House Elf was his biological son. (We don't want to go into that- trust me.) All in all it was very uneventful. So here he is, driving up to the THING of PLACE to get himself a double patty burger with extra cheese sauce, mayo, lettuce, hold the tomato with a side of curly fries. The man really LOVES his curly fries you see.
Then comes up this BRAT, Harry FRICKING Potter. This BRAT is also ordering curly fries with EXTRA cheese sauce. Then it's old Voldie's turn in line, and HARRY POTTER, brat of everything... just got the last thing of curly fries left in the joint. Needless to say, Voldemort was pissed off.
Voldemort stood on the counter, and after doing the macarena, he stole a megaphone from a passing cheerleader.
"MUFFINS ARE MY LOVERS!" he cried, then paused. "I MEAN... HARRY POTTER!" he cried out to the crowd. "YOU ARE A MEAN STINKIE POO HEAD!" And there... at the THING of PLACE.... Old Moldy Voldie Warts wept, with REAL tears in his eyes. Harry Potter sat watching with awe, munching on his curly fries.
That evening, Voldemort decided that he would vow to kill Harry Potter even if it killed him. Harry Potter that is; not himself.
Then of course he realized that he had planned to do that already and went on his merry way, speeding off in his Volkswagon Beetle, off to Arbys to get a BETTER cheese sauce on BETTER curly fries. THE END
#2 : Clueless
Harry Potter was faced head to head against his mortal enemy, pink fluffy bunnies. Um, oops, I meant to say Voldemort.
So there he his, wand to wand with the most powerful wizard of all time, the darkest of dark, the evil of evil, and surrounded by Death Eaters in a duel. Was Harry scared? HELL YEAH! The kid was about to piss his pants!
So of course Harry did the logical thing to do. He began to hallucinate. Hell, I would too if I was just traumatized to the point of hallucination! Then again, *anyone* at the *point* of hallucination would start to hallucinate.
I think. Anyhoo, back to the point.
What was my point?
Nevermind! Let's go shopping instead! Ta-ta!
#3 : When You Give Harry a Muffin
When you give Harry a muffin, he'll smile very brightly and thank you, but ask for some juice with his snack.
When you give Harry some juice, he'll ask for a straw to make slurpy noises with.
When you give Harry the straw he will dribble the juice down his front.
When Harry spills his juice, he'll ask for a napkin to wipe himself up, but the stain won't come out.
He'll then ask if you can wash his T-shirt for him.
While waiting for the shirt to get clean, Harry will sit on the washing machine, shirtless and drool-worthy, green eyes gleaming as he sings some children's songs.
When Harry sings, his voice will get sore and he'll ask for some cold medicine.
When (shirtless!)Harry takes the medicine he'll get tired, and want to go to bed.
When you let Harry go to bed, he'll insist he can't sleep without his Draco.
When you bring our favorite Gryffindor his Draco, they'll cuddle and fall asleep.
When Harry and Draco wake up, they both ask for muffins.
You give them pancakes instead.
And conveniently forget to give Harry back his shirt.
THE END
#4 : When You Give Draco Pancakes
When you Draco a plate of pancakes he'll insist on sitting on shirtless!Harry's lap, and promptly ask for some syrup.
When you give Draco syrup, he'll tell you Malfoy's don't settle for the fake imitation Maple stuff.
When you bring Draco some real Maple Syrup he'll wrinkle his nose and tell you he hates Maple Syrup and asks for Boysenberry instead.
When Draco eats his syrup coated pancake, he'll drizzle the purpleyblue goo all over his sexy pants and frown an incredibly adorable frown.
When Draco begins to frown, Harry pulls off Draco's pants.
When Harry pulls off Draco's pants, Draco will tell Harry it's too early for that.
Then Harry will give him an exasperated look and wash Draco's pants.
When Harry is gone, Draco will be cross and demand to have some orange juice.
When you come back with his juice, he'll make a face and say he needs to have "fresh squeezed" orange juice, as if it's the most natural thing in the world.
When you finally get Draco his juice he'll say "about time" and drink it in one gulp.
Once he drinks it, he'll ask for more.
At this point Jewlz (me) gets fed up, ties him up and gags him, staring appreciatively at his no-pantsness.
Harry is still sitting on the washer singing children's songs, wondering where his shirt has gone to.
THE END.