Chapter 8
Helga entered the room, studying him with an unrecognized _expression on her face. Instinctively Arnold rushed to his room and threw on pants and a shirt. However, by the time he had come out again, thirty seconds later, Helga was no longer there. He could not let her get away. A part of him was worried about his plans of revenge collapsing, another part was worried about something else.
He ran through the agape door and saw her body fleeing towards the elevator. He rushed after her and grabbed the trembling shoulders, spinning her around until he met her gaze. At that point, Helga slapped him across the face with such hostility that he moved backwards, releasing his grip of her as she began speedily clicking on the elevator button. He grabbed her once again, confining her arms and placing his hand over her mouth when she began to hysterically scream.
"Don't do this!" he whispered forcefully into her ear, "we need to talk about this, and you can walk into my apartment the proper way or I can carry you in there.
She bit his hand, her teeth roughly digging into his skin until blood began to rush through. Arnold could not believe the hate that she felt for him. Helga began to run toward the stairs, but Arnold chased her down, confining her from the back like a stray jacket, leaving only her long, thin legs to wobble in an attempt to free herself.
"Let me go you dirty bastard!" she screamed at him.
"Not until you talk to me," he screamed in return.
"We have nothing left to talk about!"
"Let me be the judge of that!" With great difficulty, Arnold pulled Helga into his apartment and sealed the door shut.
"Helga, this was not what you think!"
She laughed, "How stupid do you think I am? Oh, don't even answer that, I know the answer. Stupid enough for you to set me up and manipulate me into-- -"
Her body was trembling and tears were gushing through her pale blue eyes. Arnold could not believe the wrenching emotions that his heart began to experience. What was going on? This was not the first time a woman had gotten hysterical in his presence, but he felt the most excruciating longing for her to forgive him. It was not guilt that was striking him, it was something else. Unfortunately, he was unable to figure out what that something else was.
"Helga, I'm sorry," he said, "I'm truly, earnestly sorry."
"Now I understand," she sighed, "now I understand. And to think that I was so blind, that I allowed myself to be so blind!"
"Don't do this---"
"How dare you tell me not to do this? I can do anything I want to do, I am a free person, I decide my own destiny, and you will not be able to control me. You thought that if you made me feel loved you might have been able to get your way, but your plan didn't work. You're just a little ant, and BBB will never surrender to you. Because that's all you cared about, right? Getting revenge on my father? Destroying BBB?"
"Yes," he said reluctantly, "that's all I ever cared about."
She sighed, her eyes were watery. This was not the response she wanted to hear. He had failed the test of love, and now, Helga knew with all certainty that Arnold never had never would love her. At last, she had found her closure, and suddenly, everything ceased to matter.
"Don't look at me like that, don't you dare give me that look. That's the look of contempt, of pity of. that's the look you give a crazy person," she cried.
"Helga, please, don't do this, don't make a scene, don't drive yourself crazier---"
"I'm not crazy, Arnold. As a matter of fact, I'm very sane. I mean, how else would you expect me to respond?"
"I expected you to respond coolly and solemnly, and understandingly. I never thought you were capable of creating this drama."
"Drama?" she laughed through her tears, "It's all so easy for you, isn't it? To be blind, to be completely ignorant of the feelings of others? Despite our different backgrounds, you and I had something in common always. We both loved Arnold, and maybe that's why it lasted for so long."
"What lasted for so long? Helga, I want to understand you but I---"
"Has it ever occurred to you what meaning you've had in my life? Not since last week, no, Arnold. Last week was not even one eight of it. I lived alongside you for my entire life, I've dreamed of you, I've cried of you. Did you ever know?"
He had to admit, he had never known, "No." Arnold suddenly noticed the resonance in his tone, as if his deepest emotions were ready to emerge to the top.
"No," Helga mused, "you never did. You were too blind to notice."
Arnold did not respond. He still could not believe what she was saying.
"You look at me now and you see only the bad, only the wrong, only the dirty."
"Helga--- "
"No! Don't try to speak, let me finish, Arnold!" She began breathing heavily and convulsing, "has it ever occurred to you that I'm a human being?"
In truth, it never had occurred to him, not until now.
"I'm a human being just like you, and everyone else. But you've refused to see that, you only took in the bad and you exploited it to its farthest extent, not even realizing the truth, not even realizing what you were to me!"
He sighed sadly, "What was I to you?"
She shook her head, he was na?ve by nature, "Arnold, you were my first everything."
"Your first everything?" He attempted to bring cynicism into the conversation but she disallowed it.
"You were my first sigh. You were my first smile.my first tear."
Her words bounced off the walls and at him, surging at a great speed and bringing what was once an empire to its knees.
"You were my first whisper, my first poem, my first laughter," she paused and looked at the floor, "first boost of esteem."
Inwardly, Arnold felt himself being torn apart, yet outwardly, he stood still and watched her with a stoical _expression on his face.
"You were my first provocation, my first inspiration, my first desire!"
"Helga!" he tried to protest, not really knowing what.
"You were my first kiss, Arnold! My first kiss and my first love," she finished and silence overtook the atmosphere of the room.
"I don't know what to say," he spoke at last.
Helga ignored him, she was coming to an epiphany, and felt the need to keep going, "I have always loved you very deeply, Arnold. Never in my life did I stop loving you. Even on that night, when I declared that I hated you, deep within I was bursting in flames.
That night, he had tried with such perverse attempts to forget that night.
Helga threw her hands in the air, "I love you, love you, love you!"
He could not believe how wonderful those words sounded to his ears, as they formulated into an abyss as soon as they were generated by her sweet lips.
"But you just had to be my first everything, my first love and my first heartbreak."
The air was still, as it readied for the final battle.
Helga reached into her purse, taking out the folder he had given her earlier that day, and threw it carelessly at him, as the papers soared through the room, making a pathetic mess of what could not be undone.
"Here," she said, "these are all the papers you asked me to sign. We won't be going to court after all, Arnold, the fate of my---someone's company is now in your hands."
"You can't expect me to accept it like that, can you?"
"You're the only person I can expect everything of."
"Helga," he said softly, "I am sorry. I admit I made a mistake, but I don't want this to happen---"
"You don't want what to happen, Arnold?"
"I admit, at first, I did want this to happen but now it is all different," for the first time in his life, he was being honest with both, Helga, and himself. "This company means the world to you, I can see that now," he was mumbling, it was somewhat difficult to understand his words, "I wanted revenge on someone else, not you. I wanted revenge on that cruel, egotistical person that everyone despised. But you're not that person, and I don't want you to be hurt. Have the company, I'll drop the case, I'm willing to do that to rectify not being able to feel in return what you feel for me. If you cannot have me to love, at least have BBB. I'm sorry you're hurt, Helga, I don't want that anymore."
"Oh," she giggled crazily, "you know, you're very difficult to satisfy. You know what else?" her voice softened, yet stayed firm. She was emotional but not dramatic. She was being herself for the first time in her life. "You broke my heart and I no longer care about anything. I don't care, and maybe it's better this way."
"Helga, it can't be better this way if your heart is broken. Please, let me help you with your problems."
"What's the point, Arnold?" she cried, "What's the point of working, stressing myself, pushing myself onward for my father's company?" Helga paused and thought for a moment, "What's the point if I can't love it? If I have nothing to love it with?"
"Don't say that, Helga, you have everything!"
She sighed, "not anymore. I don't love anything anymore."
Suddenly, Helga realized something about herself. It was a strange sort of feeling, she felt like a bird who's broken wing had healed, an aunt who's back was freed of the heavy load. Something clicked within her and she knew exactly what it was. For all these years, her passion for Arnold had been gnawing at her relentlessly, without giving up, without giving in. But now, the pain she had so often felt in her heart suddenly disappeared and she was healthy woman once again.
What is the anatomy of love, its beginning and its end? It starts out by your mind noticing through the eyes a man or a woman unlike the others. The mind proceeds by creating a blizzard in the pit of the stomach. This blizzard travels up, slowly heating up and melting, recrystallizing into magma as it makes its way through the corridors of the chest. Suddenly, this magma begins to envelop the heart, creating a protective barrier around it, an impermeable, unbreakable barrier. This barrier begins heating the inside of the muscle, thus lighting an ever-burning flame. This flame, sends some of its heat to the brain, which is unused to the latter element. As a result the mind begins to malfunction at the mere sight of the same man or woman who had triggered the previous reactions. As it is sending bogus signals (which it will later regret) to the other parts of the body, it secretly telegrams some of the impending heat to the stomach, where some of the blizzard yet remains, causing a meltdown, as the excess water travel's toward the loins and meddles with them, causing a sensation arousal that spurts violently at the brain, making the rest of the body leap in an extraordinary sense of excitement. Unfortunately, if seeing the person is the only thing of which one is capable, the body gets used to the reaction, and heat begins to disappear. The hot barrier around the heart cools and turns to charcoal. Nevertheless, the little flame within the heart continues to burn. It is fed by a universal wood that the mind harvests entitled Hope. The body may remain in this semi dormant state for minutes, or it may remain for years. This state is ended when too little hope comes through the mind to feed the little flame, but as it is about to extinguish, a sudden jolt, a sudden revelation, something unthinkable, something unfathomable sends not Hope to the heart, not wood, but disappointment, gasoline. The little flame suddenly grows to gigantic proportions burns through the walls of the heart, causing the barrier to catch fire. Everything within begins to burn, creating a purgatory, extreme calamity. And suddenly, the fire dies down, rapidly, this fire disappears, and once the flames are gone, all that is left is debris, which decomposes, and exits the body through tears. Emptiness prevails, except for the little glass effigy of what the heart used to be. However, as soon as the ears hear the voice of the man or the woman, the mind sends a high pitched signal throughout the body, which causes the glass to explode, as its fragments cut into the interior walls surrounding them. This is very painful and destructive, and it lasts a long time. Nevertheless, eventually, the fragments begin to dissolve in the thin air and the wounds begin to heal. The body bounces back to its former, glorious state, and the nostalgia sends a sensation to your muscles, causing them to flex and relax, it tells them that the worst is over. This was how Helga felt at this moment. She no longer loved him.
Arnold looked over her face, it was so beautiful.
"What are you going to do now?" he finally asked.
"I'm going to London," she said, "I've had some offers. I'm going to start a new life. I'd really not like to go into particulars with you right now."
"I understand," he said solemnly.
"I'm going now," she said softly.
She turned and began walking to the door. Arnold suddenly realized that he couldn't let her go, he couldn't let it end this way.
"Helga!" he exclaimed. She turned and he encountered the frightening look of indifference on her face.
"Yes, Arnold?"
"If you're ever in town again," he said, "Call me, we'll have breakfast, maybe even some champagne, just for old times sake."
"Champagne in the morning?" she smiled.
"Yes," he smiled back. They shared a moment, but it vanished just as easily as it appeared.
"I'd love to," she said, putting hope back into his heart, "But I never did like this town."
Helga was ready to let go. Without further words, she exited his apartment, and on her walk toward the elevator, not once did she look back.
Arnold watched Helga leave, and he knew for certain now that this was the last time he was ever going to see her.
Helga entered the room, studying him with an unrecognized _expression on her face. Instinctively Arnold rushed to his room and threw on pants and a shirt. However, by the time he had come out again, thirty seconds later, Helga was no longer there. He could not let her get away. A part of him was worried about his plans of revenge collapsing, another part was worried about something else.
He ran through the agape door and saw her body fleeing towards the elevator. He rushed after her and grabbed the trembling shoulders, spinning her around until he met her gaze. At that point, Helga slapped him across the face with such hostility that he moved backwards, releasing his grip of her as she began speedily clicking on the elevator button. He grabbed her once again, confining her arms and placing his hand over her mouth when she began to hysterically scream.
"Don't do this!" he whispered forcefully into her ear, "we need to talk about this, and you can walk into my apartment the proper way or I can carry you in there.
She bit his hand, her teeth roughly digging into his skin until blood began to rush through. Arnold could not believe the hate that she felt for him. Helga began to run toward the stairs, but Arnold chased her down, confining her from the back like a stray jacket, leaving only her long, thin legs to wobble in an attempt to free herself.
"Let me go you dirty bastard!" she screamed at him.
"Not until you talk to me," he screamed in return.
"We have nothing left to talk about!"
"Let me be the judge of that!" With great difficulty, Arnold pulled Helga into his apartment and sealed the door shut.
"Helga, this was not what you think!"
She laughed, "How stupid do you think I am? Oh, don't even answer that, I know the answer. Stupid enough for you to set me up and manipulate me into-- -"
Her body was trembling and tears were gushing through her pale blue eyes. Arnold could not believe the wrenching emotions that his heart began to experience. What was going on? This was not the first time a woman had gotten hysterical in his presence, but he felt the most excruciating longing for her to forgive him. It was not guilt that was striking him, it was something else. Unfortunately, he was unable to figure out what that something else was.
"Helga, I'm sorry," he said, "I'm truly, earnestly sorry."
"Now I understand," she sighed, "now I understand. And to think that I was so blind, that I allowed myself to be so blind!"
"Don't do this---"
"How dare you tell me not to do this? I can do anything I want to do, I am a free person, I decide my own destiny, and you will not be able to control me. You thought that if you made me feel loved you might have been able to get your way, but your plan didn't work. You're just a little ant, and BBB will never surrender to you. Because that's all you cared about, right? Getting revenge on my father? Destroying BBB?"
"Yes," he said reluctantly, "that's all I ever cared about."
She sighed, her eyes were watery. This was not the response she wanted to hear. He had failed the test of love, and now, Helga knew with all certainty that Arnold never had never would love her. At last, she had found her closure, and suddenly, everything ceased to matter.
"Don't look at me like that, don't you dare give me that look. That's the look of contempt, of pity of. that's the look you give a crazy person," she cried.
"Helga, please, don't do this, don't make a scene, don't drive yourself crazier---"
"I'm not crazy, Arnold. As a matter of fact, I'm very sane. I mean, how else would you expect me to respond?"
"I expected you to respond coolly and solemnly, and understandingly. I never thought you were capable of creating this drama."
"Drama?" she laughed through her tears, "It's all so easy for you, isn't it? To be blind, to be completely ignorant of the feelings of others? Despite our different backgrounds, you and I had something in common always. We both loved Arnold, and maybe that's why it lasted for so long."
"What lasted for so long? Helga, I want to understand you but I---"
"Has it ever occurred to you what meaning you've had in my life? Not since last week, no, Arnold. Last week was not even one eight of it. I lived alongside you for my entire life, I've dreamed of you, I've cried of you. Did you ever know?"
He had to admit, he had never known, "No." Arnold suddenly noticed the resonance in his tone, as if his deepest emotions were ready to emerge to the top.
"No," Helga mused, "you never did. You were too blind to notice."
Arnold did not respond. He still could not believe what she was saying.
"You look at me now and you see only the bad, only the wrong, only the dirty."
"Helga--- "
"No! Don't try to speak, let me finish, Arnold!" She began breathing heavily and convulsing, "has it ever occurred to you that I'm a human being?"
In truth, it never had occurred to him, not until now.
"I'm a human being just like you, and everyone else. But you've refused to see that, you only took in the bad and you exploited it to its farthest extent, not even realizing the truth, not even realizing what you were to me!"
He sighed sadly, "What was I to you?"
She shook her head, he was na?ve by nature, "Arnold, you were my first everything."
"Your first everything?" He attempted to bring cynicism into the conversation but she disallowed it.
"You were my first sigh. You were my first smile.my first tear."
Her words bounced off the walls and at him, surging at a great speed and bringing what was once an empire to its knees.
"You were my first whisper, my first poem, my first laughter," she paused and looked at the floor, "first boost of esteem."
Inwardly, Arnold felt himself being torn apart, yet outwardly, he stood still and watched her with a stoical _expression on his face.
"You were my first provocation, my first inspiration, my first desire!"
"Helga!" he tried to protest, not really knowing what.
"You were my first kiss, Arnold! My first kiss and my first love," she finished and silence overtook the atmosphere of the room.
"I don't know what to say," he spoke at last.
Helga ignored him, she was coming to an epiphany, and felt the need to keep going, "I have always loved you very deeply, Arnold. Never in my life did I stop loving you. Even on that night, when I declared that I hated you, deep within I was bursting in flames.
That night, he had tried with such perverse attempts to forget that night.
Helga threw her hands in the air, "I love you, love you, love you!"
He could not believe how wonderful those words sounded to his ears, as they formulated into an abyss as soon as they were generated by her sweet lips.
"But you just had to be my first everything, my first love and my first heartbreak."
The air was still, as it readied for the final battle.
Helga reached into her purse, taking out the folder he had given her earlier that day, and threw it carelessly at him, as the papers soared through the room, making a pathetic mess of what could not be undone.
"Here," she said, "these are all the papers you asked me to sign. We won't be going to court after all, Arnold, the fate of my---someone's company is now in your hands."
"You can't expect me to accept it like that, can you?"
"You're the only person I can expect everything of."
"Helga," he said softly, "I am sorry. I admit I made a mistake, but I don't want this to happen---"
"You don't want what to happen, Arnold?"
"I admit, at first, I did want this to happen but now it is all different," for the first time in his life, he was being honest with both, Helga, and himself. "This company means the world to you, I can see that now," he was mumbling, it was somewhat difficult to understand his words, "I wanted revenge on someone else, not you. I wanted revenge on that cruel, egotistical person that everyone despised. But you're not that person, and I don't want you to be hurt. Have the company, I'll drop the case, I'm willing to do that to rectify not being able to feel in return what you feel for me. If you cannot have me to love, at least have BBB. I'm sorry you're hurt, Helga, I don't want that anymore."
"Oh," she giggled crazily, "you know, you're very difficult to satisfy. You know what else?" her voice softened, yet stayed firm. She was emotional but not dramatic. She was being herself for the first time in her life. "You broke my heart and I no longer care about anything. I don't care, and maybe it's better this way."
"Helga, it can't be better this way if your heart is broken. Please, let me help you with your problems."
"What's the point, Arnold?" she cried, "What's the point of working, stressing myself, pushing myself onward for my father's company?" Helga paused and thought for a moment, "What's the point if I can't love it? If I have nothing to love it with?"
"Don't say that, Helga, you have everything!"
She sighed, "not anymore. I don't love anything anymore."
Suddenly, Helga realized something about herself. It was a strange sort of feeling, she felt like a bird who's broken wing had healed, an aunt who's back was freed of the heavy load. Something clicked within her and she knew exactly what it was. For all these years, her passion for Arnold had been gnawing at her relentlessly, without giving up, without giving in. But now, the pain she had so often felt in her heart suddenly disappeared and she was healthy woman once again.
What is the anatomy of love, its beginning and its end? It starts out by your mind noticing through the eyes a man or a woman unlike the others. The mind proceeds by creating a blizzard in the pit of the stomach. This blizzard travels up, slowly heating up and melting, recrystallizing into magma as it makes its way through the corridors of the chest. Suddenly, this magma begins to envelop the heart, creating a protective barrier around it, an impermeable, unbreakable barrier. This barrier begins heating the inside of the muscle, thus lighting an ever-burning flame. This flame, sends some of its heat to the brain, which is unused to the latter element. As a result the mind begins to malfunction at the mere sight of the same man or woman who had triggered the previous reactions. As it is sending bogus signals (which it will later regret) to the other parts of the body, it secretly telegrams some of the impending heat to the stomach, where some of the blizzard yet remains, causing a meltdown, as the excess water travel's toward the loins and meddles with them, causing a sensation arousal that spurts violently at the brain, making the rest of the body leap in an extraordinary sense of excitement. Unfortunately, if seeing the person is the only thing of which one is capable, the body gets used to the reaction, and heat begins to disappear. The hot barrier around the heart cools and turns to charcoal. Nevertheless, the little flame within the heart continues to burn. It is fed by a universal wood that the mind harvests entitled Hope. The body may remain in this semi dormant state for minutes, or it may remain for years. This state is ended when too little hope comes through the mind to feed the little flame, but as it is about to extinguish, a sudden jolt, a sudden revelation, something unthinkable, something unfathomable sends not Hope to the heart, not wood, but disappointment, gasoline. The little flame suddenly grows to gigantic proportions burns through the walls of the heart, causing the barrier to catch fire. Everything within begins to burn, creating a purgatory, extreme calamity. And suddenly, the fire dies down, rapidly, this fire disappears, and once the flames are gone, all that is left is debris, which decomposes, and exits the body through tears. Emptiness prevails, except for the little glass effigy of what the heart used to be. However, as soon as the ears hear the voice of the man or the woman, the mind sends a high pitched signal throughout the body, which causes the glass to explode, as its fragments cut into the interior walls surrounding them. This is very painful and destructive, and it lasts a long time. Nevertheless, eventually, the fragments begin to dissolve in the thin air and the wounds begin to heal. The body bounces back to its former, glorious state, and the nostalgia sends a sensation to your muscles, causing them to flex and relax, it tells them that the worst is over. This was how Helga felt at this moment. She no longer loved him.
Arnold looked over her face, it was so beautiful.
"What are you going to do now?" he finally asked.
"I'm going to London," she said, "I've had some offers. I'm going to start a new life. I'd really not like to go into particulars with you right now."
"I understand," he said solemnly.
"I'm going now," she said softly.
She turned and began walking to the door. Arnold suddenly realized that he couldn't let her go, he couldn't let it end this way.
"Helga!" he exclaimed. She turned and he encountered the frightening look of indifference on her face.
"Yes, Arnold?"
"If you're ever in town again," he said, "Call me, we'll have breakfast, maybe even some champagne, just for old times sake."
"Champagne in the morning?" she smiled.
"Yes," he smiled back. They shared a moment, but it vanished just as easily as it appeared.
"I'd love to," she said, putting hope back into his heart, "But I never did like this town."
Helga was ready to let go. Without further words, she exited his apartment, and on her walk toward the elevator, not once did she look back.
Arnold watched Helga leave, and he knew for certain now that this was the last time he was ever going to see her.