On the evening of the 30th of February (which is not unusual because this is
not going by the Gregorian calendar) a tall figure moved through the forest
of Fangorn.
"O Treebeard," cried Pippin as he clambered around on top of the Ent, "Your
aged bark is ever so delightful beneath my tremendously furry feet as you
carry me around!"
"Hoom," replied Treebeard.
Merry and Quickbeam had gone off earlier (even though for the hobbits to have
met Quickbeam Treebeard would have to at this point be in the Entmoot, but
this does not matter) to, as they put it, "Fuck noisily for some time."
Knowing his older cousin, Pippin figured that could mean just about anything.
"You know... that deep voice of yours is so... very..." Pippin struggled for
words. "Deep," he finished.
This amused Treebeard, and he pollinated right there and then, and Pippin
rolled in it with much glory like the first snow in winter and new green buds
in springtime (even though he was really thinking about Elrond the whole
time) and the moon watched and was really happy because he got of on that
sort of thing and moon jizz rained down and that's actually how Isengard was
destroyed.
--
Elrond was talking to Haldir about dentistry when he suddenly broke down into
tears.
"O, how I miss Pippin," cried Elrond with much angst, "for we may never meet
again, or at least not long enough to bonk properly."
Then Haldir fucked him and shortly thereafter went off to Helm's Deep for
some reason which still isn't very clear and died after an encounter with a
rather unpleasant Uruk-Hai (which may or may not have been a Carabbit in a
costume on stilts).
--
In the late evening of the sixth of Wedmath in the year of 1420 of the Shire
Reckoning, Pippin walked alone through the Green Hills beneath a cloudless
sky within which the light of the sun faded and stars were beginning to
appear.
"O how I pine for Elrond..." he said quietly as he sat down upon a tree
recently felled the previous month during a brief lightning storm, not
expecting to be heard.
Then aforementioned elf individual, who was on a trip teaching other peoples
the finer points of dentistry, passed by and heard the halfling's mournful
lament.
"Peregrin?" he murmured as he walked closer, and almost before he knew it was
glomped with tremendous force.
"O Elrond!" exclaimed Pippin, sobbing, "How I have missed making sweet love
to your fine molars and proud bicuspids!"
"And I have missed rolling around with you in elvish waybread," said the elf
lord, gently brushing a curly lock of hair from Pippin's forehead.
"Must it be that we may never lay together again?" whispered the hobbit.
"Yes," replied Elrond sadly, but with a smile that spoke of year upon long
year of pain and heartbreak and the understanding and wisdom that one gains
from hardship and toil and loss, and his eyes were deep wells of wistfulness
and apology and love, and a single tear began to form in one eye but never
fell as he let out a deep breath he had not been aware he was holding that
seemed to come from the very core of his being and carried with it everything
he had hoped and wanted to say but could not find the way that was right for
doing so.
So they fucked anyway.
--
THE END
not going by the Gregorian calendar) a tall figure moved through the forest
of Fangorn.
"O Treebeard," cried Pippin as he clambered around on top of the Ent, "Your
aged bark is ever so delightful beneath my tremendously furry feet as you
carry me around!"
"Hoom," replied Treebeard.
Merry and Quickbeam had gone off earlier (even though for the hobbits to have
met Quickbeam Treebeard would have to at this point be in the Entmoot, but
this does not matter) to, as they put it, "Fuck noisily for some time."
Knowing his older cousin, Pippin figured that could mean just about anything.
"You know... that deep voice of yours is so... very..." Pippin struggled for
words. "Deep," he finished.
This amused Treebeard, and he pollinated right there and then, and Pippin
rolled in it with much glory like the first snow in winter and new green buds
in springtime (even though he was really thinking about Elrond the whole
time) and the moon watched and was really happy because he got of on that
sort of thing and moon jizz rained down and that's actually how Isengard was
destroyed.
--
Elrond was talking to Haldir about dentistry when he suddenly broke down into
tears.
"O, how I miss Pippin," cried Elrond with much angst, "for we may never meet
again, or at least not long enough to bonk properly."
Then Haldir fucked him and shortly thereafter went off to Helm's Deep for
some reason which still isn't very clear and died after an encounter with a
rather unpleasant Uruk-Hai (which may or may not have been a Carabbit in a
costume on stilts).
--
In the late evening of the sixth of Wedmath in the year of 1420 of the Shire
Reckoning, Pippin walked alone through the Green Hills beneath a cloudless
sky within which the light of the sun faded and stars were beginning to
appear.
"O how I pine for Elrond..." he said quietly as he sat down upon a tree
recently felled the previous month during a brief lightning storm, not
expecting to be heard.
Then aforementioned elf individual, who was on a trip teaching other peoples
the finer points of dentistry, passed by and heard the halfling's mournful
lament.
"Peregrin?" he murmured as he walked closer, and almost before he knew it was
glomped with tremendous force.
"O Elrond!" exclaimed Pippin, sobbing, "How I have missed making sweet love
to your fine molars and proud bicuspids!"
"And I have missed rolling around with you in elvish waybread," said the elf
lord, gently brushing a curly lock of hair from Pippin's forehead.
"Must it be that we may never lay together again?" whispered the hobbit.
"Yes," replied Elrond sadly, but with a smile that spoke of year upon long
year of pain and heartbreak and the understanding and wisdom that one gains
from hardship and toil and loss, and his eyes were deep wells of wistfulness
and apology and love, and a single tear began to form in one eye but never
fell as he let out a deep breath he had not been aware he was holding that
seemed to come from the very core of his being and carried with it everything
he had hoped and wanted to say but could not find the way that was right for
doing so.
So they fucked anyway.
--
THE END