Hardy Candy Christmas Chapter 2.
He was . Scared. He looked lost and forlorn and Catherine could see how the thought of staying over in that house made him look hollow, empty. The sheer possibility seemed to make him unsettled and he couldn't stop himself from fidgeting with the napkin.
She gingerly placed her hand over his and he accepted it letting it rest over his own. "I know this is a stupid question, but surely you must have slept in your bed since . well since."
"Since the rape? Yeah I have but."
"But you didn't get a choice in the matter right?"
He smiled. "No. My parents couldn't see why I needed a different bed. They bought it for me when I was 5. They told me it would last a lifetime. It was a huge bed. Made out of solid pine."
He seemed to daze off into a reverie and Catherine abruptly ended this so that he didn't start thinking about other things.
"But you've still slept in it. So what's the problem now?"
"Honestly, I don't know. It's like returning to a crime scene over and over again. I just can't shake off what happened that night. in that bed. it's just . I can't do it."
He looked down ashamedly into his coffee mug and watched intently as the steam rose steadily up into the air.
"If I was you I wouldn't have slept in it ever again. You're much braver than me."
"I wouldn't call it brave. I never slept. I stayed awake all night... thinking."
"What are you going to do? I mean your parents are kind of going to figure out something's up."
"Why? I haven't stayed over there the past dozen times I've been home. I've always stayed at my brother Michael's house."
"And does he know why you don't stay at home?"
"No. None of my family knows. You're the first person I told about that Catherine. Some things are just better left unsaid and 'Mom, Dad when I was 9 I was raped by the last minute babysitter' sort of comes into that category.'"
"Yeah I suppose. But you never know, maybe you'd feel better if you told them."
"I doubt it. when I told you." he trailed off.
"Yeah carry on."
"Nah. It doesn't matter."
"Yes it does."She said it gently, not wanting to force him.
"Well when I told you I felt so guilty and ." his face screwed up and then loosened to a state of sadness, "Dirty."
"But you didn't need to! I'm your friend I'm always here for you whenever you want to talk."
"I know that Catherine it's just . I thought you might think less of me because of what happened. I'm not the strong ladies man everyone thinks I am."
"And you don't have to be! And hwy would I think any different of you? I know the real Nicky who is the compassionate, sympathetic, funny good time guy. I don't need to know anything else. Whatever happened back then. It wasn't your fault."
"How do you know that?"
Catherine felt her heart sink to the pit of her stomach. 'He still thinks it's his fault,' she thought. She felt like crying for him. And when she looked into his glistening eyes she realised that he'd reverted back to his childhood for a split second thinking of how it could have been so very different. She squeezed his hand gently trying to reassure him, "It couldn't have been your fault and although you don't believe that right now you will with time. It's probably because you've never talked about it that you've made it into your fault."
He shrugged his shoulders lightly, nonchalantly. "Trying to act like it doesn't hurt won't wash with me Nick."
"It works for me. Has done for quite some time now." he looked away as he said the last sentence.
"So you've only told me the problem of going home, usually you don't show that you have a problem, what's so different? And why now?"
"Look I don't want to talk about this anymore." He swung his legs out from underneath the booth's table and stood up swiftly. Catherine joined him in one graceful move. "Come on Nick, let's take a walk."
They'd walked for about 10 minutes in complete silence until Nick was ready to break the deadlock. "It happened."
"What did?"
"The rape. It happened at Christmas time, hence why I hate Christmas. My mom and Dad were out at a Christmas party that's why she was a last minute babysitter because my other babysitter had already been booked." He fell silent once again and instead of uttering words that she knew wouldn't fix a thing she took hold of his hand and squeezed it lightly. He squeezed it back knowing exactly what she was trying to say. It symbolised that everything was going to be ok. but how could she know that? How could she say that when she didn't know what it was like? How could he even contemplate going home for Christmas?
After a long night shift he went home weary and ready to collapse on his bed. The angry red glare of his answering machine stared back at him and he decided he'd better listen to it.
"Hello Nicky Baby, It's mom here. Please reconsider coming home for Christmas because if you don't come to us we'll come to you! We haven't seen you in months now Nicky and phone calls aren't the same. Please ring me back when you get this message. Love as always your mummy."
He smiled at the name references made throughout the phone message. He loved his mom and he hated the fact that he hadn't seen in such a long time. He missed her. He picked up the phone and deciding to ignore the early hour he dialled his home number. The incessant ring on the other end of the phone seemed to last for ages until eventually he heard a familiar high-pitched voice that recited his nickname, "Nicky baby?"
"Hey mom, how'd you know it was me?"
"I gathered you'd only just be getting in from shift. I was hoping it'd be you more than anything else."
"Look, I'm just calling to say that. ummm." He couldn't decide whether he should go or not. The voice on the other end of the phone coaxed him for a reply and eventually he gave one. "Just to say that ummm I'll be home for Christmas."
"Oh Nicky I'm so happy! We haven't seen you in months. We need a few of your smiles around the place. Give me a call closer the time and we can work out dates and stuff. I got to go Nicky I'm in a rush to get out for work. Love you loads though Nicky baby."
"Love you to mummy." He could physically sense his mother smiling on the other end of the phone. It felt good to make her happy.
Putting the cordless phone back onto the table he walked slowly up his stairs. The song had definitely been an omen. This was going to be a 'Hard Candy Christmas.'
Please R&R all feedback and reviews are greatly appreciated. Please tell me if my story sucks. Thank you for taking your time to read this. Until next time ladies and Gentlemen. =) XX PS thanks for the reviews for the first chapter. very encouraging!
He was . Scared. He looked lost and forlorn and Catherine could see how the thought of staying over in that house made him look hollow, empty. The sheer possibility seemed to make him unsettled and he couldn't stop himself from fidgeting with the napkin.
She gingerly placed her hand over his and he accepted it letting it rest over his own. "I know this is a stupid question, but surely you must have slept in your bed since . well since."
"Since the rape? Yeah I have but."
"But you didn't get a choice in the matter right?"
He smiled. "No. My parents couldn't see why I needed a different bed. They bought it for me when I was 5. They told me it would last a lifetime. It was a huge bed. Made out of solid pine."
He seemed to daze off into a reverie and Catherine abruptly ended this so that he didn't start thinking about other things.
"But you've still slept in it. So what's the problem now?"
"Honestly, I don't know. It's like returning to a crime scene over and over again. I just can't shake off what happened that night. in that bed. it's just . I can't do it."
He looked down ashamedly into his coffee mug and watched intently as the steam rose steadily up into the air.
"If I was you I wouldn't have slept in it ever again. You're much braver than me."
"I wouldn't call it brave. I never slept. I stayed awake all night... thinking."
"What are you going to do? I mean your parents are kind of going to figure out something's up."
"Why? I haven't stayed over there the past dozen times I've been home. I've always stayed at my brother Michael's house."
"And does he know why you don't stay at home?"
"No. None of my family knows. You're the first person I told about that Catherine. Some things are just better left unsaid and 'Mom, Dad when I was 9 I was raped by the last minute babysitter' sort of comes into that category.'"
"Yeah I suppose. But you never know, maybe you'd feel better if you told them."
"I doubt it. when I told you." he trailed off.
"Yeah carry on."
"Nah. It doesn't matter."
"Yes it does."She said it gently, not wanting to force him.
"Well when I told you I felt so guilty and ." his face screwed up and then loosened to a state of sadness, "Dirty."
"But you didn't need to! I'm your friend I'm always here for you whenever you want to talk."
"I know that Catherine it's just . I thought you might think less of me because of what happened. I'm not the strong ladies man everyone thinks I am."
"And you don't have to be! And hwy would I think any different of you? I know the real Nicky who is the compassionate, sympathetic, funny good time guy. I don't need to know anything else. Whatever happened back then. It wasn't your fault."
"How do you know that?"
Catherine felt her heart sink to the pit of her stomach. 'He still thinks it's his fault,' she thought. She felt like crying for him. And when she looked into his glistening eyes she realised that he'd reverted back to his childhood for a split second thinking of how it could have been so very different. She squeezed his hand gently trying to reassure him, "It couldn't have been your fault and although you don't believe that right now you will with time. It's probably because you've never talked about it that you've made it into your fault."
He shrugged his shoulders lightly, nonchalantly. "Trying to act like it doesn't hurt won't wash with me Nick."
"It works for me. Has done for quite some time now." he looked away as he said the last sentence.
"So you've only told me the problem of going home, usually you don't show that you have a problem, what's so different? And why now?"
"Look I don't want to talk about this anymore." He swung his legs out from underneath the booth's table and stood up swiftly. Catherine joined him in one graceful move. "Come on Nick, let's take a walk."
They'd walked for about 10 minutes in complete silence until Nick was ready to break the deadlock. "It happened."
"What did?"
"The rape. It happened at Christmas time, hence why I hate Christmas. My mom and Dad were out at a Christmas party that's why she was a last minute babysitter because my other babysitter had already been booked." He fell silent once again and instead of uttering words that she knew wouldn't fix a thing she took hold of his hand and squeezed it lightly. He squeezed it back knowing exactly what she was trying to say. It symbolised that everything was going to be ok. but how could she know that? How could she say that when she didn't know what it was like? How could he even contemplate going home for Christmas?
After a long night shift he went home weary and ready to collapse on his bed. The angry red glare of his answering machine stared back at him and he decided he'd better listen to it.
"Hello Nicky Baby, It's mom here. Please reconsider coming home for Christmas because if you don't come to us we'll come to you! We haven't seen you in months now Nicky and phone calls aren't the same. Please ring me back when you get this message. Love as always your mummy."
He smiled at the name references made throughout the phone message. He loved his mom and he hated the fact that he hadn't seen in such a long time. He missed her. He picked up the phone and deciding to ignore the early hour he dialled his home number. The incessant ring on the other end of the phone seemed to last for ages until eventually he heard a familiar high-pitched voice that recited his nickname, "Nicky baby?"
"Hey mom, how'd you know it was me?"
"I gathered you'd only just be getting in from shift. I was hoping it'd be you more than anything else."
"Look, I'm just calling to say that. ummm." He couldn't decide whether he should go or not. The voice on the other end of the phone coaxed him for a reply and eventually he gave one. "Just to say that ummm I'll be home for Christmas."
"Oh Nicky I'm so happy! We haven't seen you in months. We need a few of your smiles around the place. Give me a call closer the time and we can work out dates and stuff. I got to go Nicky I'm in a rush to get out for work. Love you loads though Nicky baby."
"Love you to mummy." He could physically sense his mother smiling on the other end of the phone. It felt good to make her happy.
Putting the cordless phone back onto the table he walked slowly up his stairs. The song had definitely been an omen. This was going to be a 'Hard Candy Christmas.'
Please R&R all feedback and reviews are greatly appreciated. Please tell me if my story sucks. Thank you for taking your time to read this. Until next time ladies and Gentlemen. =) XX PS thanks for the reviews for the first chapter. very encouraging!