The first thing I have to say is Sorry! I know it's after Christmas now and
yet this story is lightly before but hopefully I can bring it to an end
soon. Thank you for sticking with this story for all of you who have taken
the time to review. My appreciation goes out to all of you. Chapter 6.
"It's ok Nick, Go on sit down." She motioned her hands as if ushering him to sit down and he slowly lowered himself down onto the bed. Closing his eyes he breathed in deeply as his mouth curled downwards into an unfamiliar frown. Sara sat next to him, not feeling his pain, not feeling the sensation of having those unpleasant memories flood back to him. Slowly she reached over to him and ...........
He physically jumped. She'd scared him. She hadn't meant to but she had. He moved away from her quickly not seeing her but seeing someone else. Someone who had forged and etched so many memories into the young Texan's head. She clasped hold of his hand and stroked it briefly reminding him who she was. He heaved a sigh of relief once he'd reverted back to the present and not the past.
Before even he realised what he was doing he'd pulled Sara into a huge bear hug. Tears silently escaped down his cheeks and Sara only realised that he was crying by his erratic breathing pattern.
"I'm scared Sara." He said barely audible. She was too. She'd never seen him like this. Maybe this had been a bad idea.
"Don't be I'm here for you." She said trying to calm him down and reassure him.
"Yeah now but you won't be tonight." He still held her tightly afraid to let go, afraid to face up to his room alone.
She released him and looked him dead in the eye. "Don't be scared Nick. She can't hurt you and she never will again. She did when you were little and that was wrong but it's not going to happen again so let go.............."
She trailed off afraid that she might have caused offence. But she hadn't she could see the understanding that had replaced the frightened 9 year old in his eyes.
"How do you let go? How did you do it?" He asked her curiously.
"Well, I realised nothing I could do was going to change the past and constantly rehashing over it isn't going to help either. Letting go of past demons enables you to live your life and get on with it instead of feeling scared."
Taking a deep breath he replied, "Then I guess I should try it."
Smiling at him and running her fingers through his hair she whispered softly to him, "And your parents have a right to know."
"I know they do but I don't want to tell them. Like I've said before some things are just best left unsaid and that is definitely one of them."
"No it's not. You told me. If you can do that then telling your parents will be easier because you know they love you."
"Well yes but I don't want them thinking they have a freak for a son." He looked down afraid to show her what he'd been thinking for years.
"Nick they'd never think that."
"But what if they don't believe me?"
"They will. Trust me."
"Well, I can't tell them now. It'll ruin their Christmas."
"Ok now you're just finding excuses." She poked him in the ribs playfully and smiled at him. "I can either be there for you when you do it or I can make myself scarce. It's up to you."
"I don't know. It depends....... I haven't exactly planned this."
"Yeah I know but hey I'm here for you so don't worry everything will be fine."
"When should I do it?"
"The sooner the better. But when you feel comfortable would probably be best." She was giving advice to him based on past experiences. Experiences that she wished she'd never have to share the grief of but now she did and of all people it was with Nick.
"Well there's no time like the present. You go unpack....... I'm off downstairs."
She hugged him and whispered a good luck in his ear. He didn't know whether he'd need it or not but he decided to accept it. The walk downstairs seemed to take forever, his mind clouded with several ways of telling his parents none of them seeming appropriate. Trying one out for size as he walked down the stairs he said to himself, "Mom, Dad we need to talk."
"What about Nick?"
Damn he hadn't seen his Dad coming out from the living room. His stomach lurched as he realised now was the time.
"Umm hi dad didn't see you there. Umm we really need to talk. Like me mom and you." He was babbling and his father picked up on his obvious discomfort.
"Let's go into the study your mother's in there at the moment." Nick followed closely behind his father, the walk to the study kept in complete silence. Neither party knowing what to say or how to start saying it. Nick tuned out as his father voiced his concerns to his mother and as he settled in a chair a little way away from his parents he suddenly realised how hard this was going to be for all concerned.
"Nick, What's Wrong?"
"Umm I don't know how to put this mom but it's something...... something I've had to hold on to for years. It's kind of serious....."
"I can gather that son, come tell us. It can't be that bad. You haven't been arrested have you?"
Nick let out a small huff of laughter as his mother assumed the worst. He only wished it had been that.
"No, I don't know how to start this ........."
"It's alright son, just take your time."
"Thanks dad. Ok do you remember when I was 9 and you both went out to a Christmas party at the firm?"
He could see both his mother and father straining to remember the exact party. It suddenly twigged and they returned their gaze to their son, urging him to continue.
"Well, umm, I didn't have my normal babysitter that night did I?"
"No you didn't." His mother was looking very concerned now. Her face was twisted into a frown, which didn't suit her gentle features.
"Well, man this is hard to say, she assaulted me."
"What do you mean by that? Did she hit you?" His father asked, afraid to hear the answer to his open question.
"I mean she ........." he stopped momentarily trying to stop the flow of stinging tears he could feel building up behind his eyes. "She raped me."
The sudden gasps made Nick's heart fall and then the following silence made it fall even further. Suddenly he could no longer hold back the tears and he found himself letting them fall not afraid to show how he felt any longer.
"I'm sorry mom I really am .........."
"Don't be sorry son, it wasn't your fault. It was mine. I should have checked her out I should have........" She trailed off finding that she couldn't bare to voice her excuses anymore. What she should have done didn't bring back her child's innocence or get rid of the years of pain that he'd had to deal with on his own. Her tears flowed freely down her cheeks, each one unaware of why it was being shed.
"Why didn't you tell us Nick?" His father had moved over to where his son was sitting and crouched down next to him.
"I was ashamed. I didn't know until I was about 15 that it was wrong. Then when I did I just didn't want you to know. I mean it wasn't heard of back then. It still isn't really now. I didn't want you to think you had a freak for a son."
Michael Stokes scooped his youngest son up into a hug and kissed the top of his head lightly. Suddenly Nick had turned into a frightened little boy again before his eyes and he hated seeing him like this. He'd never even suspected something was wrong.
"What did you do? I mean afterwards.?"
"I just remember waiting for you to come. Scared that she'd come back."
"But when we came back she'd gone and Michael and Jennifer were home."
"Yeah, Michael came to check on me but he never guessed. Neither did Jennifer. She was on a high after her winter prom......" Nick smiled at the look his sister had had when she'd returned home. She'd been so happy. The complete contrast of emotions under one roof was startling.
"Michael knew something was up."
"But how.?"
"When we came home from the party he said you had some bruises that you hadn't had when we'd gone out. He always looked out for you."
"Yeah I know."
"I'm sorry we were never there for you when you needed us and I'm sorry son that you've had to face this alone for so long. You're a lot braver than I could ever be." His father released him from the hug and as the information finally registered he latched onto a certain thought. "Is this why you've never stayed over at Christmas?"
"Yeah. To tell you the truth I wasn't going to come back this year. But sometimes you've just got to learn to let go." Nick smiled briefly at the recollection of his earlier conversation with Sara. With that last statement his mother came over to join in the family hug and the three of them remained like that for what seemed an eternity, each one experiencing conflicting and constricting emotions. Tears were being shed left right and centre, even Nick's Father was crying. But Nick was just relieved that he'd finally told them. He no longer had to hide it from them and he had Sara to thank for helping him to relieve himself of his past. He reminded himself of her earlier words...... "Just let go........"
Hello again! I think this is the final chapter folks! I'm extremely grateful to all who have reviewed your final input would be really appreciated. I'm hopefully going to be starting a new drama one soon and it might be a bit of a shocker. I look forward to hearing from any of you who R&R until next time sweeties =) XXX
"It's ok Nick, Go on sit down." She motioned her hands as if ushering him to sit down and he slowly lowered himself down onto the bed. Closing his eyes he breathed in deeply as his mouth curled downwards into an unfamiliar frown. Sara sat next to him, not feeling his pain, not feeling the sensation of having those unpleasant memories flood back to him. Slowly she reached over to him and ...........
He physically jumped. She'd scared him. She hadn't meant to but she had. He moved away from her quickly not seeing her but seeing someone else. Someone who had forged and etched so many memories into the young Texan's head. She clasped hold of his hand and stroked it briefly reminding him who she was. He heaved a sigh of relief once he'd reverted back to the present and not the past.
Before even he realised what he was doing he'd pulled Sara into a huge bear hug. Tears silently escaped down his cheeks and Sara only realised that he was crying by his erratic breathing pattern.
"I'm scared Sara." He said barely audible. She was too. She'd never seen him like this. Maybe this had been a bad idea.
"Don't be I'm here for you." She said trying to calm him down and reassure him.
"Yeah now but you won't be tonight." He still held her tightly afraid to let go, afraid to face up to his room alone.
She released him and looked him dead in the eye. "Don't be scared Nick. She can't hurt you and she never will again. She did when you were little and that was wrong but it's not going to happen again so let go.............."
She trailed off afraid that she might have caused offence. But she hadn't she could see the understanding that had replaced the frightened 9 year old in his eyes.
"How do you let go? How did you do it?" He asked her curiously.
"Well, I realised nothing I could do was going to change the past and constantly rehashing over it isn't going to help either. Letting go of past demons enables you to live your life and get on with it instead of feeling scared."
Taking a deep breath he replied, "Then I guess I should try it."
Smiling at him and running her fingers through his hair she whispered softly to him, "And your parents have a right to know."
"I know they do but I don't want to tell them. Like I've said before some things are just best left unsaid and that is definitely one of them."
"No it's not. You told me. If you can do that then telling your parents will be easier because you know they love you."
"Well yes but I don't want them thinking they have a freak for a son." He looked down afraid to show her what he'd been thinking for years.
"Nick they'd never think that."
"But what if they don't believe me?"
"They will. Trust me."
"Well, I can't tell them now. It'll ruin their Christmas."
"Ok now you're just finding excuses." She poked him in the ribs playfully and smiled at him. "I can either be there for you when you do it or I can make myself scarce. It's up to you."
"I don't know. It depends....... I haven't exactly planned this."
"Yeah I know but hey I'm here for you so don't worry everything will be fine."
"When should I do it?"
"The sooner the better. But when you feel comfortable would probably be best." She was giving advice to him based on past experiences. Experiences that she wished she'd never have to share the grief of but now she did and of all people it was with Nick.
"Well there's no time like the present. You go unpack....... I'm off downstairs."
She hugged him and whispered a good luck in his ear. He didn't know whether he'd need it or not but he decided to accept it. The walk downstairs seemed to take forever, his mind clouded with several ways of telling his parents none of them seeming appropriate. Trying one out for size as he walked down the stairs he said to himself, "Mom, Dad we need to talk."
"What about Nick?"
Damn he hadn't seen his Dad coming out from the living room. His stomach lurched as he realised now was the time.
"Umm hi dad didn't see you there. Umm we really need to talk. Like me mom and you." He was babbling and his father picked up on his obvious discomfort.
"Let's go into the study your mother's in there at the moment." Nick followed closely behind his father, the walk to the study kept in complete silence. Neither party knowing what to say or how to start saying it. Nick tuned out as his father voiced his concerns to his mother and as he settled in a chair a little way away from his parents he suddenly realised how hard this was going to be for all concerned.
"Nick, What's Wrong?"
"Umm I don't know how to put this mom but it's something...... something I've had to hold on to for years. It's kind of serious....."
"I can gather that son, come tell us. It can't be that bad. You haven't been arrested have you?"
Nick let out a small huff of laughter as his mother assumed the worst. He only wished it had been that.
"No, I don't know how to start this ........."
"It's alright son, just take your time."
"Thanks dad. Ok do you remember when I was 9 and you both went out to a Christmas party at the firm?"
He could see both his mother and father straining to remember the exact party. It suddenly twigged and they returned their gaze to their son, urging him to continue.
"Well, umm, I didn't have my normal babysitter that night did I?"
"No you didn't." His mother was looking very concerned now. Her face was twisted into a frown, which didn't suit her gentle features.
"Well, man this is hard to say, she assaulted me."
"What do you mean by that? Did she hit you?" His father asked, afraid to hear the answer to his open question.
"I mean she ........." he stopped momentarily trying to stop the flow of stinging tears he could feel building up behind his eyes. "She raped me."
The sudden gasps made Nick's heart fall and then the following silence made it fall even further. Suddenly he could no longer hold back the tears and he found himself letting them fall not afraid to show how he felt any longer.
"I'm sorry mom I really am .........."
"Don't be sorry son, it wasn't your fault. It was mine. I should have checked her out I should have........" She trailed off finding that she couldn't bare to voice her excuses anymore. What she should have done didn't bring back her child's innocence or get rid of the years of pain that he'd had to deal with on his own. Her tears flowed freely down her cheeks, each one unaware of why it was being shed.
"Why didn't you tell us Nick?" His father had moved over to where his son was sitting and crouched down next to him.
"I was ashamed. I didn't know until I was about 15 that it was wrong. Then when I did I just didn't want you to know. I mean it wasn't heard of back then. It still isn't really now. I didn't want you to think you had a freak for a son."
Michael Stokes scooped his youngest son up into a hug and kissed the top of his head lightly. Suddenly Nick had turned into a frightened little boy again before his eyes and he hated seeing him like this. He'd never even suspected something was wrong.
"What did you do? I mean afterwards.?"
"I just remember waiting for you to come. Scared that she'd come back."
"But when we came back she'd gone and Michael and Jennifer were home."
"Yeah, Michael came to check on me but he never guessed. Neither did Jennifer. She was on a high after her winter prom......" Nick smiled at the look his sister had had when she'd returned home. She'd been so happy. The complete contrast of emotions under one roof was startling.
"Michael knew something was up."
"But how.?"
"When we came home from the party he said you had some bruises that you hadn't had when we'd gone out. He always looked out for you."
"Yeah I know."
"I'm sorry we were never there for you when you needed us and I'm sorry son that you've had to face this alone for so long. You're a lot braver than I could ever be." His father released him from the hug and as the information finally registered he latched onto a certain thought. "Is this why you've never stayed over at Christmas?"
"Yeah. To tell you the truth I wasn't going to come back this year. But sometimes you've just got to learn to let go." Nick smiled briefly at the recollection of his earlier conversation with Sara. With that last statement his mother came over to join in the family hug and the three of them remained like that for what seemed an eternity, each one experiencing conflicting and constricting emotions. Tears were being shed left right and centre, even Nick's Father was crying. But Nick was just relieved that he'd finally told them. He no longer had to hide it from them and he had Sara to thank for helping him to relieve himself of his past. He reminded himself of her earlier words...... "Just let go........"
Hello again! I think this is the final chapter folks! I'm extremely grateful to all who have reviewed your final input would be really appreciated. I'm hopefully going to be starting a new drama one soon and it might be a bit of a shocker. I look forward to hearing from any of you who R&R until next time sweeties =) XXX