Title: Complete
Pairings: Harry+Ron
Comment: I have held off on writing Ron pov's for a reason. First off, Ron is my hero. He's my favorite character in the series and I was afraid I wouldn't do him justice. I did manage to write for my second favorite (Percy, I want to have your uptight children :D) without feeling too horribly bad about how it turned out. It's about time I get over it and write for him.
It's funny, it really is. How far we've come. Him and I. Her and I. We've made it this far together and I don't want anything to change a thing but I know somewhere inside of me this is the end and the beginning of something new. I just wish that we wouldn't have to leave Hermione behind. Maybe there's a way we don't have to.
A few days ago she was crying at her desk. I bet she didn't even know she was crying until we walked in. It just hurts me, it hurts me that she's hurt somehow by this. I didn't want anyone to be hurt at all, Least of all 'Mione.
There was that time when I thought I fancied her, but it was trying to convince myself of an attraction that wasn't there. Oh, she's very pretty, and smart and charming in her own way. She's just the kind of girl I would have expected to fall for, but I didn't, I fell for Harry. Now this difference in attraction has nothing to do with the fact Hermione is a woman and Harry is a man. That's probably the factor that has the least to do with anything. Well, no because I fancy girls much more then I fancy boys. To look at and all, I defiantly prefer women, most certainly, I haven't ever thought about being with a man other than Harry. Of course, I really can't think of being with any woman either. It's not a matter of gender at all. Just that I love Harry and therefore can't love anyone else.
That's the way to best explain it. I don't know why I fell in love with Harry instead of Hermione other then the fact he's Harry and she's Hermione. I can't love her because she's her, and I love him because he's him. Oh that doesn't make much sense at all to anyone but myself I suppose. Perhaps I could have fallen for her but I didn't so I can't. I can't change who I love. But then of course there is the question again of why do I love him. And other then the fact he is my best friend I do not know. But she is my best friend as well. So I'm back where I started, aren't I?
This is probably something that I will never work out as long as I live but there is not much I can do about wanting to sort it out. But I'll have a lifetime to love him and a lifetime to think about why I love him. Maybe then I won't have to think about it. Now I'm certainly not making any sense at all.
It's only days until we graduate, until we're released upon the world. Hermione is going to remain at Hogwarts as a student teacher, give her a month or two and she'll be in charge of her own classes I'm sure. She told me that she had no desire to ever leave Hogwarts. Something about it all being books with her, that she wouldn't survive in real combat. Her natural skill would never be enough. That it was safer for her here. I know that's not true, even though she wasn't born with as much skill as some others, she worked past that, she has more natural intelligence than the entire school, what she lacked in magical ability she made up for ten fold in effort. She's one hundred times the witch I am a wizard. And I have the benefit of pure blood.
No, that's not a benefit at all. It's nothing, it's like being one hundred percent French, you get a few physical characteristics, but after that you're your own to shape. And I did sort of a shoddy job of shaping myself. But that doesn't matter, I like the person I've become. Of course I still have a bit of a jealous streak in me, still get upset about Harry stealing all the glory. But I can work past that of course, it's never his fault, it's just because he's Harry Potter and Hermione and I are just his friends.
Except we're not just friends.
Actually, I don't know what Harry and I are now. There really isn't a word for it now is there. We're not boyfriends, that just sounds hideous and juvenile. Lover, partner, soul mate, none of them sound quite right in my mind. He's the man I'll be spending the rest of my life with. That's exactly what he is.
But I suspect I will always just tell people he is my friend, my best friend.
It would be too dangerous for others to know. I realize that. Not because I fear for my own safety, I fear for Harry's, all the time I worry about him even if I don't show it. If...if You-know-who where to attack me, if he knew, then Harry would try to help me, putting himself in more danger then necessary. True, You-know-who knows we're friends, probably knows Hermione and I are his weaknesses. But if he knew how deeply we cared for each other, I don't see anything but more evil coming from that.
This is the end to our childhood. As if Harry really had one. Perhaps he did, for a brief seven years he was a child here. Of course he faced all sorts of things that he shouldn't have had to. So much pain and suffering. But no one would want to call him a poor boy. I don't want to call him a poor boy. He was a child here. He had friends, a few childish enemies, he learned and laughed and longed for things. He was a child here and we grew up together. The three of us became adults here. Not because we faced anything out of the ordinary. But because we lived here, we really lived. No one can take that away from us.
Even Voldemort.