Chapter One: Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
One fine morning at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry…
Ginny awoke in rather a strange mood. Pushing her hair back off her face and rubbing her eyes, she cast her gaze around the empty dormitory room finally letting it settle on the bed nearest hers. Ginny dropped her mouth open in surprise at the sight that met her eyes. Parvati Patil was not in bed in her own dormitory where one would usually expect to find her at such an unsightly hour in the morning, but prancing round the room in lederhosen and clogs, swinging energetically from the bed posts.
"Parvati, where is everyone and what on earth are you doing in- in that?"
"I am sixteen, going on seventeen-" Parvati sang as she spun towards the door, grinning at Ginny on her way past.
"Oh God, Parvati, wait, don't go out the- oh dear."
Parvati's off-key tones could be heard reverberating down the corridor as she skipped away in the direction of the common room.
"Either I'm losing my mind," Ginny muttered to herself, "or something very strange is going on."
Ginny rose from her bed and pulled open the curtains to admit the sunlight, revealing a picturesque view of the surrounding countryside.
"Oh what a beautiful morning, oh- …oh!"
She clapped a hand across her mouth mid-twirl and stared around in horror, thanking her luck that the room was deserted. Reaching for her dressing gown and a pair of old socks (both cast-offs from Charlie), Ginny pulled them on in haste and hurried out of the dormitory after Parvati.
Meanwhile, in the boys' dormitory…
Harry was awoken by the sound of singing. Bad singing. He looked up groggily and lurched out of bed, pulling the curtains aside to discover whom the owner of the voice could be. The sight that met his eyes was not a particularly pleasant one. Neville Longbottom was sitting on the edge of his bed, eyes closed, running his hand slowly up and down his exposed and very hairy legs singing the lyrics to 'Like a Virgin'. Harry lingered briefly on the idea that he was still dreaming, then dismissed it as idle fantasy. He was sure he'd been having a very nice dream, unsullied by images of the semi-clad Neville singing Madonna hits. No, he had to be awake. Even his subconscious couldn't think up something this bizarre.
Harry looked over to the bed next to his, where Ron was sitting up in a similar state of disbelief.
"Neville?" ventured Harry.
Neville opened his eyes, seemingly oblivious to his actions of the past few minutes.
"Mmmmm?"
"What are y-?"
Harry was prevented from completing his sentence by the noisy arrival of Seamus Finnegan who had suddenly burst in to the room.
"Bloody hell!" Seamus exclaimed, "quick lads, get your clothes on, you can't miss this, Parvati Patil's swinging from the chandeliers practically naked!"
Neville looked slightly disappointed, while Ron and Dean practically fell over their own feet in their haste to reach their clothes. While his roommates hurriedly pulled on their clothes and ran out of the dormitory, Harry looked blearily around for his dressing gown. He'd had a late Quidditch practice last night and when he'd finally got to bed his sleep had been disturbed by strange dreams full of fire, and for some reason, sheep. He found the garment in a heap under the bed and hurried out of the room and down the stairs, pulling it on as he ran. He was shocked to find that Seamus had spoken no less than the truth. Parvati Patil was in fact swinging from a chandelier, wearing- what on earth was she wearing?
Several Gryffindor boys were standing in a crowd in the common room below her in varying degrees of shock or amusement, Harry's roommates among them. "Go Parvati!" Dean shouted as she dropped from the chandelier and began to gyrate wildly on a small table. However, the smiles were soon wiped from their faces.
"Ms Patil, what in heaven's name do you think you're doing?" boomed the angry voice of Professor McGonagall.
With a noticeable start, Parvati seemed to come to her senses and she jumped down to hide behind a dumbstruck Lavender Brown.
Professor McGonagall advanced towards the cowering girl, her rouge dressing gown sliding apart to reveal tartan garters and a corset.
"Oh!" cried the Professor, blushing and trying to cover up her unsightly assets. "Oh no, I was saving this for Albus especially."
McGonagall emitted a loud squeak upon realising what she had just said, and dived back through the portrait hole, her hand returning only to re-claim a tartan slipper.
The Gryffindors would have been in hoots of laughter had it not been for the fact that a) the sight of McGonagall in a tartan corset had been so deeply disturbing and b) they all seemed to have the urge to commit the most bizarre and out-of-character acts.
"You were great, Parvati, you really were!" said Dean as Lavender ushered a dazed, shocked looking Parvati back to their dormitory. He seemed awfully keen to comfort her.
"I suppose an encore's out of the question?" Seamus called after them hopefully.
Just then Harry noticed Ginny standing at the other side of the common room. As their eyes met across the room Harry suddenly felt the strangest sensation. It felt like- like- icy fingers up and down his spine. Like- black magic. That old black magic. Involuntarily Harry began to tap his foot, and all of a sudden the hideous realisation dawned upon him that he was on the verge of bursting into song. Looking slightly horrified, he spun on his heel and rushed up to his dormitory as quickly as he could, leaving Ginny staring after him with the strangest look upon her face.
Charming, thought Ginny as one look at her sent Harry dashing off looking as though he were about to vomit. So this is what happens when he sees me first thing in the morning with mad hair. Somewhat deflated, Ginny went back up to her dormitory to change for breakfast.
"Uh, guys?" said Ron, who was staring fixedly out of the window.
"Hmm?"
"Okay, you have to come and look at this…"
Curiously, the group of Gryffindor boys went over to the window and crowded round, peering out eagerly. Outside were a number of Hogwarts girls, including several Gryffindors, prancing round the grounds dressed in flimsy white tutus with feathers.
"What-?" was all one fourth year could manage.
"Ours not to reason why, mate. They are women, after all," said Seamus with a chuckle, swigging some brandy from his hip-flask. "Just enjoy the show!"
"Hang on, is that- that can't be- oh my God, it is!" cut in Ron in a voice of pure disbelief. "Look, the one doing those big leapy things – it's… Malfoy!"
"In a tutu? Now that's more than I needed to know."
"Where? Where?" burst out Neville, pushing to the front of the group.
Needless to say, seeing everyone's least-favourite Slytherin wearing a ridiculously short skirt and spangled tights had somewhat dampened most of the Gryffindors' enthusiasm for watching this particular spectacle. Muttering amongst themselves about how Malfoy always managed to spoil everything, the boys shuffled back to their respective dormitories, either to have a lie in or to get dressed for breakfast.
Later, at breakfast…
"Oh dear God, please tell me I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing," said Ron in a strangled tone, staring up at the staff table.
"Depends what you think you're seeing, Ronniekins," replied one of the Weasley twins.
"'Cause if you think you're seeing a talking cow called Daisy hovering three feet above McGonagall's head, then it's time to see Madame Pomfrey" added the other twin.
Ron grimaced. "Try three feet below McGonagall…"
There was a great craning of heads at the Gryffindor table to see what Ron was alluding to.
"Ron, what- oh!" said Hermione as she caught sight of Professor McGonagall playing footsie under the table with Professor Swift, the Muggle Studies teacher, a tall, burly man with a weather-beaten face and streaks of grey in his black hair. "Goodness."
"There's another thing to put on the list of things I'd rather not have seen this morning," said Dean, tucking into a large Cornish pasty. "What the hell is that racket?" he burst out a moment later with his mouth full.
'That racket' was two Hufflepuff girls who hadn't been able to restrain themselves from bursting into a medley of the Wyrd Sisters' greatest hits, while all the teachers seemed too wrapped up in other things to put a stop to it. Even Snape, usually the first to put a stop to anything that looked remotely fun, was too busy attempting to flirt with the new Care of Magical Creatures teacher even to notice the singers, who had now been joined by two boys who added the harmony.
Ginny sneaked a furtive glance at Harry across the table. He didn't look well, she decided. In fact, he looked pretty worried about something. He kept biting his lip in that endearing way of his that made her want to- no. She rebuked herself for thinking about Harry like that again. You're over him, remember? she reminded herself. She sighed heartily. If she was so over him, then why did she have the urge to go over and give him a big- Ginny cut that thought off before it could develop any further and buried her gaze in her porridge. She had vowed in her third year that there was no point in being in love with Harry Potter if Harry Potter was barely aware of her existence, and she had taken steps to try and forget his brave, generous heart, and his brilliant green eyes, and his adorable nose, and the way his eyes lit up whe-
"Ginny?" Ron's voice disturbed her from her reverie, and she blushed as she realised she must have been grinning to herself.
"What?"
"Wake up, that's the third time I've asked you. I said 'do you know where Hermione's gone?' "
"Er, no, sorry. I didn't notice she'd left." Ginny hoped to God that Ron hadn't noticed her staring at Harry earlier. Ron had never understood her feelings for his best friend, dismissing it as hero worship, a schoolgirl crush. Oh, if only he knew. "And they called it puppy love, oh I guess they'll never know, how a young heart-" Ginny's eyes widened as she realised that she'd just begun to sing quietly to herself, and she pursed her lips tightly shut to stop anything else coming out.
"What?" asked Ron with his mouth full.
"Oh, nothing, nothing. I might, um, go and look for Hermione." Grabbing a piece of toast from George's plate, Ginny hurried out.
= = =
As she walked back to the common room that evening, Ginny tried hard not to think about Harry, but it was no good. It was like trying not to think about pink elephants or Welsh people- the harder you tried, the more they popped into your head. Finally she gave up trying and surrendered to the incessant music in her head.
"Ooh, the closer you get, the better you look, babe," she sang quietly as she walked along the deserted corridor.
"Ooooh, ooooooh."
Ginny looked nervously over her shoulder at the small group of second years who were skipping along behind her singing backing lyrics. She quickened her pace a little. If she was going to lose control and make a fool of herself she might as well do it in private.
"When you turn on your smile, you m-"
Suddenly Neville leaped round a corner in front of her and started belting out at the top of his voice, "-make my heart go wild, I'm like a child with a brand new tooooyeee!" Ginny faltered and stopped as Neville threw himself into the song, heart, body and soul. "Sweetest feeliiiiiiiing, honey the sweetest, sweetest feeliiiiiiiiing!" He launched into an energetic tap-dance culminating in a gravity-defying leap into the air, landing in the splits position.
There was a pause. Then, "ouch." Ginny ran over to help as Neville levered himself up from the floor, wincing. "I think I sprained my groin," he said in a slightly laboured voice.
The second year backing singers appeared to come to their senses, and ran off tittering. "One word of this to anyone and I'll come after you with an axe!" threatened Ginny after them, not entirely in jest. "Oh, God," she said softly to herself. "What the hell is going on?"
= = =
These were almost Harry's exact words as he found himself part of a Conga line winding down to the shore of the Great Lake. "Let's all do the Con-ga! Let's all do the Con-ga!" chanted Professor Flitwick from the front of the line, swinging what appeared to be a pair of lilac frilly knickers round his head, hopefully not his own.
Just then Harry caught sight of a tall, shadowy figure lurking by the lakeside in what seemed to him to be a very sinister manner. Breaking away from the line as it began to twist back towards the castle, he cautiously made his way towards the figure, drawing his wand warily. The figure turned slightly and started as it caught sight of Harry, and then began to move purposefully towards him with a strange, lurching gait.
A/N Next chapter you'll get to see a little more of dear old Voldie, plus a few shenanigans with the staff…hands up all those who want to see Snape serenading another teacher and totally embarrassing himself in the process!