CHAPTER TWO: KILLED

It was at that exact moment that Willow and Xander walked through the library doors.

They saw a younger man standing in the doorway to Giles office, standing near Angel.

"Angel?" Willow called out tentatively.

Angel turned to the young girl, anger in his eyes.  Willow almost took a step back, recognising the look in his eyes.  The look that only Angelus got.

His eyes immediately softened as he saw the young girls fear.

"What's going on?" Xander asked, oblivious to Willow's fear.  "Who's he?"

Wesley looked at the two youths, obviously students from the school.

"Wesley Wyndam-Price," Wesley said.  "I'm…Mr Giles assistant."

Xander looked at Angel.  "New Watcher?"

Angel nodded and Wesley looed at the two youths.

"You know about…vampires?" Wesley asked.

Willow shrugged and stepped closer to Giles office, wondering where he was, why he hadn't greeted them.

She gasped as she saw Giles kneeling on the floor, his head in his hands, his body wracking with sobs.

She raced to him, shoving Angel and Wesley out of the way, kneeling beside him and putting her arms around him.

"Giles, what happened?" she asked desperately.

She got no answer from the distraught man.  She looked towards Angel who she saw had tears in his eyes.  Suddenly, she felt her heart beginning to race, fear building in her throat.

"Angel, what happened?"

"The Watcher's Council just called," Angel said softly.  "They've called a new Slayer."

Xander shrugged from behind them.  "Help for the Buffster.  S'bout time.  What's so bad about that?"

Wesley looked towards the young man who had spoken so glibly.

"Slayer's are only called when the old Slayer dies," Wesley said, unsure of why had had broken the news gently to this boy in front of him.

Angel saw Xander falter, heard Xander's breathing become short gasps of shocked breath.  Angel raced to the boy's side and helped him into a seat.  Xander could only stare blankly in the direction of the new Watcher.

Xander's eyes closed, the pain of her death sinking in, gradually becoming more and more.

It was only Angel who heard the teenager whisper her name softly before standing up and running out of the library.

~*~

It was dark as she opened her eyes, but gradually, everything became clearer.  Her mind was fuzzy, images coming to her in flashes.

She could see people in uniforms, their faces deformed.  Vampires, her foggy mind whispered to her.  It was then that her memory cut out and went into blackness.

She felt a cool hand touch her back and she turned, seeing someone's silhouette in the darkness.

"Hungry?" the voice asked.

With that one word, everything came flooding back to her.  Her mission from Wesley, the new Watcher with the British flag lodged firmly up his backside.  Giles telling her to follow Wesley's orders, though he was reluctant to let her go.  The El Eliminati and Balthazar.  The amulet.  The amulet which she had died for.

It was then that the truth hit her like a sleight train.  She had been turned. 

She cautiously ran her tongue over her teeth and felt the blood that had been spilt from the small cut that had just come to her tongue.

She looked towards the vampire, her sire, and nodded almost reluctantly.  She couldn't understand.  She wanted, needed blood, but…the thought of killing anyone…of killing Willow, or Xander or…Giles!  She couldn't do it!

Could vampires keep their souls, she wondered.  Angel had been cursed with his human soul, but…that was a special circumstance.

But she was the Slayer.  Special circumstances abounded with her.

"We'll find you someone to eat then," the vampire said to her. 

She was surprised that his voice wasn't more rough, more threatening.  It was nothing like the voice that had taunted her when she had been beaten.  His voice was soothing, comforting to her.  Almost as though he were speaking to his own child.

'Or childe,' her inner-voice whispered.

He helped her to her feet and softly put his lips to her neck, licking the place where he had bitten her before.  Buffy couldn't help but give a small murmur of pleasure as he suckled as a sensitive spot on her now cool body.

"First, a small game," he whispered against her neck.

She felt her head roll backwards, letting him have better access to her neck.

"Your first meal should be memorable," he whispered, gently biting into her neck.  She whimpered, feeling none of the pain that had coursed through her body when he had bitten her before. 

"Your Watcher," he whispered, bringing his lips to hers, letting her taste her own blood.  She felt a jolt go through her body and found herself clinging to him, her hands running down the other vampires body.

"Not yet," she whispered back, openly defying her sire, even though her demon was screaming not to.  But why would she follow the rules now when she hadn't as a Slayer?

"You have others plans?" he whispered, grinning as he felt the vamped Slayer disrobing him.

"Much better plans," she whispered seductively.

She brought her lips to his neck and bit down, not bothering to be gentle, only wanting to curb the bloodlust that was coursing through her body.  Was this what Angel had felt like every time he was near her?  To take as much as he possibly could, regardless of the consequences?

Buffy looked around behind her and saw a broken chair that looked as though it had been splintered in a fight.  She pushed the vampire – she realised she didn't even know her sires name – down onto the ground, straddling him.  She leant across him, allowing him to gaze openly at her chest. 

She stretched and reached a broken leg of the chair, moaning loudly to hide the sound as she yanked it away from the rest of the splinters.

She leant down and bit the other side of the vampire's neck, taking another mouthful before pulling back.

The vampire looked up at her, eyes wide with lust.  She grinned and winked at him.  Before he knew what was happening, he felt the broken chair leg enter his chest.  Buffy fell to the ground as her sire's body crumpled to dust beneath her.

She held back a sob but felt tears course down her cheeks.  Not for what she had become, but for what she had just destroyed only seconds ago.  Her sire.  Her maker. 

Angel had said that there was always a bond between sire and childe, but never had he said it was so painful.  Angel had killed his own sire two years ago, but only now did Buffy realise how painful it must have been for him to plunge the stake through her heart.

"I'm sorry Yance," she whispered, finally remembering her sire's name.  She stood up and brushed the dust off her pants.

She looked around her, her only thought of what to do next was to see Giles.

She tried to stop her legs from walking there, knowing that only badness could come from seeing her Watcher.  But she had cured her bloodlust by feeding off her sire, his blood tasting sweet and bitter at the same time.  It hadn't been warm, but it had quenched the hunger that had threatened to overtake her body.

She closed her eyes and counted to ten slowly, trying to control everything within herself.  Again, she ran her tongue over her teeth, and smiled happily when she saw that her fangs had resided.

Vampire or Slayer, she had to see her Watcher.  Her bond to him was far stronger than her bond to her sire.

~*~

There was an unnerving silence in the library.  Willow and Xander sat on the carpeted stairs, identical looks on their faces.  Shocked, but tearless.  Neither one wanted to believe that Buffy was gone.  If the Slayer couldn't survive, then what chance did they have?

Giles had ensconced himself in his office, wishing that the hellmouth would open and swallow him whole.  His Slayer was dead.  His better half.  The one person he had spent twenty five years training to protect and the day he had handed her over to another Watcher, she had been killed.

And he had yet to see her body. 

His thought focused on her.  Had she been frightened?  Had she died fighting?  Had she been trying to protect that bloody amulet that Wesley had wanted her to get?  Had she been drained?  Or had her neck been snapped, like Jenny's?

His thoughts of her death haunted him and he knew he wouldn't get any rest until her knew exactly what had happened.  He hadn't believed a word of what Balthazar had said about her running from the El Eliminati.  It wasn't in her nature to run.

Was it Balthazar that had killed her?  Or had it been one of the minions?  Was it fast?  Slow? 

His thoughts never even allowed him to think that she may have been turned.

Outside, Wesley was pacing, his head pounding incessantly.  He had spoken to the girl once and sent her to her death.  The only thing that he could think was that the Council had planned it to be exactly like that.  They knew that Wesley hadn't completed his training.  When Wesley had been told that he would be the Slayer's new Watcher, he had been ecstatic, but then the shock had set it.

Why hadn't they sent someone who knew more about the occult, more about the hellmouth?  More about anything and everything?  Wesley knew that Travers had it in for both Buffy and Giles, and even though he could see why Travers had a dislike for the girl, she hadn't deserved to die for it.  It was only her loyalty to Giles that made her obstinately stubborn.

Angel could only pace the room, wondering the same things that Giles was wondering.  But his mind was letting him think that Buffy had been turned.  Some sick part of him, the demon Angelus, was wishing that she had been turned.  An eternity with her, and no worrying about her not growing old.

Of course, there was still the happiness clause to his curse that had to be worked around.

Angel suddenly screamed loudly and tossed a vase across the room, startling everyone.  His eyes flashed a violent yellow, his fangs and ridges coming over his face.

Wesley jumped at the sight of Angel's fangs.

"You…you're…how…"

Angel glared at the young Watcher, his soul not caring if he dispatched of the man who he knew had sent Buffy to her death.

Angel turned away.  Willow hid hear face in Xander's shirt and let her tears finally come out.  Angel's outburst had finally made it real.  The normally composed vampire had confirmed everything for her.

Xander closed his eyes and let his friend sob into his shirt.  Somehow, he knew that nothing could have been worse than this day.

~*~

Oz parked the van and hopped out, pushing his keys into his pocket.  He went to walk into the back entrance of the library but stopped as he saw the blonde Slayer walking towards him.

"Hey Oz," she said brightly.

"Buffy," he greeted.

He held the door open to her and felt something different about her as she walked past him.  He couldn't quite put his finger on it.  Though, he had always felt a little different around her.  Something in the wolf recognising the Slayer. 

It had never been that strong a reaction though.  He shrugged, thinking that it was only because he had never really been physically close to her before.

They walked through the stacks, making their way to the main area of the library. 

Suddenly, a sob broke out in the silence, and Oz leapt forward, pushing Buffy slightly and racing towards the sound of his girlfriend's cries.

"Willow!" he cried.  Buffy stood back a little and watched through slits in the bookshelf as Oz cradled her in his arms.  She stayed hidden, not wanting to intrude on a moment like that.

"What happened?" Oz asked softly.

Buffy frowned as she realised that normally she couldn't have heard such a soft question.  Vampire hearing.

"They…called…a…new…Slayer," Willow said, sobs wracking her body as she clung to Oz.

Oz looked at her, questioning why that was so important.

Wesley stepped forward, seeing that no one else in the room would be able to explain.  "They only call a new Slayer when the old one dies," he explained.

Oz turned to look at the British man, feeling a wave of hatred come over him, something he hadn't felt without a full moon before.

He gently pushed Willow away from him, kissing her forehead softly before standing up.  He stalked over to the new Watcher, his emotions showing very clearly.

"You asshole!" Oz yelled. 

Willow and Xander stared at Oz, unsure of what to make of the usually stoic and silent boy who was now looking as though he wanted to kill Wesley.

"Is this some sort of a sick joke to you?" Oz yelled.

Willow stood up, going to him, putting a gentle hand on his arm.

"Oz," she whispered.

He turned to her, his eyes becoming gentle in an instant.

"I'm sorry Will, but…he's lying to you!"

Willow looked at him, unable to think, unable to speak.

The door to the library office opened and Giles finally emerged, taking in the emotion that ran through the room.

"What's going on?" he asked, his voice raw, his eyes red from crying.

No one spoke for a long time until Wesley cleared his throat.  "This…young chap seems to think I'm a liar."

"He is!" Oz yelled.  Giles looed towards him, surprised by the youth's emotional outburst.  "I saw Buffy as I came in!"

Giles looked up sharply, as did Angel.

The Watcher felt his heart begin to sink as the thoughts he had forbidden himself to think suddenly became very real.  "Dear god," he whispered.

Giles eyes shut and he felt himself beginning to sway.  Xander was on his feet in a heartbeat, going to help Giles stay standing.

Giles shook off the boy and reached into his coat pocket, retrieving a wooden cross from his inside pocket.

He opened his eyes and slowly made his way up the stairs, past where Willow was sitting, still shocked by everything that had happened in the last few minutes.

Giles only had to make one turn before he saw his sweet Slayer standing there, looking a little lost.

He felt his breath catch in his throat.  She was the same.  She didn't have her fangs beared.  She looked just as she had when she had walked into the library for the first time two and a half years ago.

"Buffy," he whispered.

She took a step towards him and stopped when Giles held the cross in front of him, his hands shaking terribly.

Angel came up behind him, and felt his soul aching as he thought that his Buffy had been turned into the creature that she had protected so many others from.

"Go away," he heard her whisper.

"I'm sorry Buffy, but I can't do that," Giles said forcefully.

"I didn't mean you," she said softly.

Angel looked at her pained but saw that that Buffy wouldn't meet his eyes.  He hesitated, but nodded, leaving her and the Watcher alone.

She closed her eyes and put her hands out, waiting for Giles to stake her.  Silently begging him to do it.

She didn't understand what was happening, had no idea what was happening to her body.  She felt so in control, so like her old self.  But she could feel something inside her as well.  Something that didn't belong to her.  Something that she couldn't get rid of.

So this is how Angel felt, she mused.  Constantly fighting to keep the demon under control.

Buffy opened her eyes to see Giles still standing there, a stake in his hands now as well.

He stepped forward, the cross still between them, but Buffy didn't even flinch.  Giles took another step forward but found that the cross did nothing to her. 

"Buffy!" he yelled, throwing the cross to her, just as he'd throw a ball to a small child.

Out of pure reflex she caught the cross with her right hand and looked at him surprised.  He was staring down at her hand that was still holding the cross.

He looked up at her, unsure of what to think.

"You are-"

He couldn't finish his sentence.  Couldn't even think of the words that he wanted to use to complete the rest of his sentence.  There was so much to say, but those two words conveyed everything that had to be said.

She nodded, unable to form words.  She held the cross out to him, her hand not even tingling.

"I don't understand," she whispered.

Giles swallowed nervously.  He clenched his hand in a fist and backhanded her across the face.  Her demon appeared and subsided in a heartbeat.  Or one of Giles' heartbeats.  It was in that second that the cross burned her, but immediately stopped.

Buffy closed her eyes, tears stinging them.  He had hit her.  Giles had hit her.  She touched the spot where his hand had hit, wishing he would stake her instead of beating her to death.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No," he said sharply, not hesitating as he pulled her towards him, his arms going around her to hug her to him tightly.

Her eyes went to his neck and she felt a pull towards it.  She jumped away from him suddenly and turned her face, not wanting to admit her weakness to her Watcher.

He went to touch her but stopped, knowing that she was struggling with everything inside of her not to turn around and kill him.

"Bloody vampire," Giles said softly.

Buffy turned to him, hurt, thinking he had meant her.

"Not you," he amended.  He looked at her lovingly, wishing he had been there to help her.  Wishing that the vampire who had done this to her had just killed her instead of adding extra torture to her already pain-riddled life.

"Whoever did this to you should have known not to turn a Slayer," he said softly.

She looked at him searchingly.

"Has anyone ever turned a Slayer before?" she asked.

He nodded softly.  "Only once.  She killed herself once she realised what had happened.  No vampire has ever tried it since then."

She nodded, understanding the feeling of wanting to kill herself.  How easy would it be to sit in the sun and just let herself burn away to nothing but a pile of dust.

"No one's entirely sure what happens when a Slayer's turned," Giles said.  His curious nature was wondering what his Slayer was going through, but his protective side of him wanted to stop every hurtful thing that was going through her right now.

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

"You wanna know?" she asked.

He nodded softly, unsure of what he would hear.  Uncertain that he even wanted to know anymore.

"It's like having everything you've ever been taught pulled away from you.  Like you're very being is trying to contend with something inside of you.  It's like I'm being pulled away from where I'm trying to go.  It's like the only thing I can hear in my mind is this little voice telling me to drink, to take what I want, what I need.  That's why I pushed you away," she admitted.

He nodded, already knowing her reasons for breaking their earlier embrace.

"Part of me is screaming to get rid of this thing inside me.  To just rip that stake out of your hand and do it myself.  And the other part of me is telling me to just go with it.  Just stop resiting and stop the hurt that it's causing and take it.  It wants to kill you," she said tearfully.

She stepped back, not wanting him to come any closer.  She could smell him, hear his heart pumping the blood.  She could see the veins in his neck pulsing.  She closed her eyes and tried to drown out the sound.

Giles watched as she went through painful internal conflictions, the demon fighting for dominance, but the Slayer beating it back into submission.  After what seemed like minutes, she fell to her knees, the Slayer having won the battle, but neither Buffy nor Giles knew how long it would be before the demon would win.

"Please help me," she whispered, her hands covering her tear streaked face.

Giles could only kneel down beside her and gently touch her shoulder.

"We'll get through this.  I swear to you."

~*~

Giles walked around from the stacks, leaving his Slayer only for a moment. He had explained that he was sending the others home.

He looked at the silent group who had no idea what was going on.

"It'd be best if you all went home," he said quietly.

Willow stood up, her eyes searching his, wanting answers.  She couldn't speak the words she wanted to say though.  All that she knew for sure was that Buffy was standing in the library, but that she had died only hours earlier.  Meaning that the Slayer had become the very thing she hated.

The thing that she had nightmares about.

Wesley looked at Giles defiantly, his eyes accusing the tired man who wanted nothing more than for this horrid nightmare to come to an end.  He would have much preferred to have shot up in bed in a horrible sweat than to have to try and get his Slayer through the worst thing that could possibly happen to her.

"I'm not leaving you in here alone with that…that…creature!" Wesley said.

Giles was at the younger mans' throat in seconds.  "You will watch what you say about her!"

Wesley looked taken aback at Giles defending a vampire.  It had shocked him that Angel was a vampire, but to have the Slayer one as well.  And to have a Watcher defending a turned Slayer was something that was unheard of.

"I know you were attached to the girl, but she's dead!" Wesley hissed, his Watcher training coming through.

"She is not dead!  She is still in there!" Giles said, challenging Wesley to prove him otherwise.

"You know that's not true," Wesley said.

"It is!  I threw a cross to her and she caught it.  Nothing happened.  Nothing.  No pain," Giles said.

"She was a Slayer, of course she's got a high tolerance of pain," Wesley said.

"No burning.  I hit her, and the demon came out.  It hissed and went back inside.  Nothing," Giles said.

"Mr. Giles, listen to yourself!  She's got a demon inside of her!" Wesley said.

Angel stepped forward and placed himself between the two Watchers.  He turned to Wesley and glared at him hard.

"Just because she's got a demon doesn't mean that she's evil.  She was a Slayer, and all vampires know that Slayers don't ever turn properly.  That's why no one turns Slayers unless they're absolutely insane," Angel said, defending the small blonde vampire who was probably listening to every word, half afraid that they would kill her, half wishing that they would.

"She's fighting it, Wesley!  She was turned not three hours ago, and already she has control of it!  She doesn't want to hurt us," Giles explained.

Willow stood up and made her way to where the three highly strung men were standing.

"Giles," she started softly.  The Watcher turned to look at her, fear in the young girls eyes.  "Giles, do you really…I mean…you've said yourself that vampires have characteristics of the person.  That they still have the memories.  The demon…it could…what if it's playing on your attachment to her?"

Giles glared at her, appalled that she could even suggest such a thing.

"Do you really think that Buffy would have wanted to live like this?  As a demon?" Wesley asked, his voice suddenly considerably calmer.

Giles breathed deeply, trying to keep the urge to hit his replacement Watcher.

"You don't know her.  You didn't see her.  She's still Buffy!"

Xander stepped forward timidly, hating to agree with the new Watcher and betray Giles, but knowing that when Buffy was concerned, Giles didn't think straight.  "Giles…don't you remember what she said her worst nightmare was? She's living it now, do you honestly think that's what she wants?"

"She wants our help, Xander," Giles snapped.  "She asked me to help her!"

Giles stared at the group desperately, wishing he knew what to do.  How could they ask him to put a stake through his Slayer's heart?  How could they ask him to destroy the thing that he had given up his entire life for?

Giles just shook his head and started walking back up towards the stacks.

"I suggest you just go home.  Go to bed.  I'll see you in the morning," he said sadly.

The group could only stare as he walked around the corner and heard a quiet whispering of comforting words coming from the Watcher.

Willow closed her eyes and felt her legs beginning to give way.  She grabbed hold of Oz who quickly caught her.

"We should go," Xander said quietly.

Oz gave a single nod and led Willow away from the library, tears streaming down Willow's cheeks.

Wesley looked between the stacks and the door.  Angel was also torn between staying and leaving.

Wesley eyed the vampire, suddenly uncomfortable in his presence.

"Is it true?" Wesley finally asked, having to know.  "What you said about Slayers never being turned properly?"

Angel nodded and stared at the bookcase where Giles and Buffy had hidden themselves behind.

"Only one other Slayer has ever been turned, and…she couldn't live with what she had become.  The night after her funeral she just sat on her headstone, her Watcher standing beside her.  She waited for the sun, and…she killed herself," Angel said.

Wesley eyed him suspiciously.  "How do you know so much about it?"

Angel sighed softly, knowing that that question would come eventually.

"She was sired by a childe of mine.  An insane vampire by the name Drusilla."

Wesley gasped a little and looked at Angel.  "You're Angelus?"

"Not anymore," Angel said.  "I have a soul.  It seems that Slayers keep their souls after being turned as well."

"So, she has no desire to kill?" Wesley asked.

Angel looked at the Watcher, despising the ignorance and arrogance of the man.  "I never said that."