Title: 'People vs. Chegwidden' - Part Eight
Author: Daenar
Disclaimer: See Part One
From part seven:
"Harm, I want you to meet Patricia Jeannine Rabb. Trisha, this is your daddy."
['Daddy. Wow. Hey, little one, I'm sorry I can't greet you properly right now but I hope you know that I love you very much.']
"She's just perfect. I wish you could see her, flyboy."
['A beauty, like her mom.'] Harm desperately wanted to let Mac know that she was actually sharing this hallmark moment with him. ['God, help me! Let me find a way to get to her, please!] he implored. Trying to gather all that was possibly left of his force within his whole body, and collecting all the willpower he had within himself, he tried to focus on one small part of his immobile shell, battling against the unwilling muscles and the numb feeling. And with an inhuman effort, he finally succeeded in willing his body to react.
Mac's eyes widened in shock and her hands started to shake violently as she suddenly realized what was happening: slowly, incredibly slowly, Harm's left eyelid closed and opened again. A few seconds later, the movement would repeat itself. And again, for a third time, making tears of joy rise in Mac's eyes.
Part Eight:
"Harm..." Mac managed to whisper as she quickly shifted Trisha's weight so she could hold her with one arm, and with her now free hand reached out to cup his face, tenderly caressing it with her thumb. Her huge eyes told of her inner turmoil and Harm could feel the trembling in her caress. A deep vertical furrow had appeared between her eyebrows and she was obviously holding her breath. But despite the increasing tension that was almost palpable in the room, Harm, for the first time since he had regained consciousness, felt a small amount of his pain dissolve as he savored the feel of Mac's fingers on his cheek, knowing that she had understood that he was with her.
Mac's face relaxed into a watery smile as realization dawned on her that she hadn't been left alone, whether or not Harm was able to fully profess his feelings. In the wink of an eye her life was back on track, strength and resolve rising within her. 'In the wink of an eye' - the phrase had taken up a totally new and literal meaning. It wasn't merely an expression for a moment in time, it was a promise that their road wouldn't end here at Bethesda. That there was a way to return into each other's arms. That all they had to do was not lose hope and fight. As they always had.
Briefly closing her eyes, Mac swallowed. "Almighty Father, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for bringing him back," she prayed in a whisper. Then her face again softened to a slightly embarrassed smile and she sniffed. "Pretty pathetic, huh? Anyway, I guess I'd better call Zanelli and let him know you're with us, sailor."
Panic instantly swept over Harm. ['No, Mac, don't! Please! You mustn't tell anyone that I'm back!] God, if she only knew about the connection between the two cases! Then she would understand that she and Trisha would only be safe as long as Cramer didn't suspect that Harm was able to pass on his disclosures to anyone. He absolutely had to make sure that no one knew. But how? ['Please, Mac, look at me, listen to your feelings. Don't push that button! Please!'] he frantically implored her.
Once again, it was his heart monitor that made Mac freeze in mid-action. The beeping had accelerated considerably without warning. Mac instantly turned her attention back to Harm's face, concern forcing her to bite her lip to prevent it from trembling.
"Harm!" Her eyes searched his face for any possible indication to what his obvious excitement could be about. Meeting his gaze, she suddenly convinced herself that she detected the slightest disturbance in his formerly absentminded expression. She looked closer, subconsciously shifting her baby back into both her arms and holding her tighter. In her husband's eyes, Mac read fear. Cold fear and desperation to tell her about it.
"Shhh," she tried to soothe him, her voice tight. "I don't know why this upsets you so much, but I won't call the doctor if you don't want me to. I..."
"Mac?" Claire had softly opened the door and tried to hide her bewilderment as she saw that Mac seemed so obviously distressed about something and could hear her talking to her husband as if in actual conversation. "Is everything all right?"
Mac turned, her facial expression resembling that of a chased deer. "Uhm... yeah... I mean..." Should she, could she trust Claire with what she had just found out about Harm's condition, when her attempt to call Zanelli had caused him such fear? Mac would have confided in Claire with anything, but something held her back, and it made her wonder why. She gulped and motioned for her friend to move closer. "Claire, I feel I need time with Harm and Trisha. Alone. And I need it now. Please, don't ask. I'll tell you later, right now I don't feel up to it. Please, could you arrange with Zanelli that he lets us stay here? Please."
Mistaking Mac's frantic impatience to know what Harm wanted to communicate to her for pain about Harm's condition and the need to somehow adapt to the situation, Claire nodded slowly. She put a soothing hand on Mac's shoulder. "If you promise to lay down and rest, I'll ask Zanelli for an additional bed to be brought over, all right?"
"I promise." Gratitude flashed in Mac's eyes for a second before the haunted expression took over again. Claire turned and walked out of the room.
Harm had felt overwhelming relief with the realization that Mac had obviously understood that he needed to tell her something. He was sure that, if Zanelli let her stay, they'd figure out a way to communicate. The instant that Claire had closed the door behind herself, Mac again locked her eyes with his. The anxiety showing on her face and his own fear of not being able to get his vital information to her made his heart ache.
Mac tried to use Harm's eyes as a window to his mind but wasn't able to read him. Although she was able to sense his fear, her psychic abilities couldn't make her understand what he wanted to tell her. 'Okay, think, Mackenzie. All he can do is move his eyelid. So his ability to communicate is reduced to some sort of binary code. 'Wink' or 'no wink'. This could work.'
"Harm," she addressed him in a clear but low voice, "Try to think binary. I'll ask and you answer. Winking means 'yes' and not winking means 'not yes'. I don't intend 'no', I'm talking of 'not yes', like the on/off-thing in a computer flip-flop. One or zero. Do you understand me?" Again chewing her lip, she anxiously waited for his reaction.
['I always knew there was a reason why I loved you so much, Marine.'] Almost lighthearted at the prospect of 'talking' to his wife, Harm inwardly flashed her his patented grin. And the slightest trace of it must have shown in his eyes as she responded with a smile of her own. Focusing on his left eye, Harm willed the lid down and up again.
"Are you able to completely control the movements of your eyelid?" Mac had to make sure that there would be no room for misinterpretations on her side.
Again, Harm winked.
Her relief once again threatened to overwhelm her, but luckily just then the door opened and a bed was wheeled in by Zanelli and Claire.
"Just for the record, ma'am," Zanelli stated with half-earnest frown, "I don't approve of this."
"Thank you anyway, Commander," Mac answered gratefully. "I promise to be prudent."
"I don't suppose I could dissuade you from staying, so I won't try, ma'am, but could you please make it an order so you take the responsibility?" Zanelli uneasily shifted his weight from one foot to the other and back.
Mac smiled. "Sure. Lt. Cmdr. Zanelli, I order you to let me stay with my husband tonight, and I take full responsibility of the situation. Does that suffice?"
Zanelli shook his head, chuckling. "It definitely does, ma'am. We'll take your daughter back to the Nursery for you. You shouldn't walk around any more now."
The moment Zanelli had said this, he regretted being receptive to pleading looks. The colonel's eyes begged him to give them a little more time. "Couldn't she stay another half-hour, please, doctor?" Mac asked him.
He exchanged a helpless look with Claire who just shrugged her shoulders in an 'Okay-with-me-if-it's-okay-with-you' gesture. Defeated, he turned back to Mac. "Half an hour. But after that not even ordering me will change my mind, Colonel. And please, remember that your husband needs his eye-drops. I'll leave that task to you, if you don't object. If you'll excuse me now, please, ma'am..."
"You have my permission to go," Mac replied, hiding her smile, seeing that Zanelli longed to leave the room.
"Aye, ma'am." The doctor turned and walked to the door, stopping in mid- stride, though, and turning back. "Permission to speak freely, ma'am?"
"Go ahead."
"You have a beautiful daughter, ma'am. Congratulations and my very best wishes, for all of you."
Mac smiled at the young man. "Thank you, Commander Zanelli."
The doctor smiled warmly in return and then left the room. Claire, too, walked out, but quickly popped her head back in and winked at Mac. "You owe me for this, Colonel."
"I know, Claire. Thank you so much." Mac watched as the door finally closed behind Claire. Then she immediately turned back to her husband.
Harm had been following the whole scene with a wide inward grin. Now that he had found a way out of his cocoon, an enormous weight had been taken off his heart, although he was still desperate that his limbs wouldn't budge. ['One thing at a time, Hammer. You will conquer this, you know you will.']
"Harm, can you feel this?" Mac's voice shook him from his musings. She was softly caressing his cheek again. Slowly he closed and re-opened his left eye, reveling in the feeling of somehow being able to return her tenderness, even if it were only passively.
Mac had put the still sleeping Trisha down on Harm's chest, securing her with her left hand, and he was overwhelmed at the sensation of the little warm bundle's weight. He saw Mac get up from his bed and close the distance between them. She closed her eyes as she bent down and kissed him very softly. He was aching to respond as she let her lips linger on his, her mouth caressing his immobile own.
"Did you feel that, too?" she asked in a whisper as she pulled back.
He winked again. ['I've rarely felt anything so wonderful, Sarah. I love you.']
She smiled as she returned to sit on his bed. She lifted Trisha to lie on her left arm and made sure they were seated within Harm's visual field. "You can see her, right?" she asked softly.
He winked. ['She's beautiful.']
Mac took his left hand in her right and neared it to the baby's face. Harm's heart skipped a beat as his fingertips touched his daughter's rosy cheeks. Mac helped him caress Trisha's little face, feel her hair, the warmth of her body and even the beating of her heart. Finally she put Harm's index finger into Trisha's little palm and by reflex the tiny girl's fingers instantly closed around it, the movement never waking her up.
Had Harm been able to cry, there would have been nothing that could possibly have held him back. From the bottom of his soul, he thanked God for his wonderful wife who had the unique gift to just sense what he needed most right now - to feel his daughter - and who had given birth to her, completing his life with his child's and her very own loving presence.
"I guess you long to say something, don't you?"
He winked. ['You have no idea... Mac, I...']
"Do you want to say thank you, flyboy?" she asked gently.
['Yeah.'] The eyelid went down and up almost instantly, telling how much he longed to thank her. Mac moved Trisha a little closer to him, knowing he needed a few moments to just look at her.
Feeling the slight pressure that the girl's fingers exercised on his index and seeing her sleep in her mothers arm, unaware of all the pain and struggles in the world, Harm's heart melted. ['My little one. In this tiny hand of yours, you hold not just Daddy's finger but the whole of Daddy's heart, you know that, don't you?'] He then realized that he had been conquered. ['Better be prepared to be wrapped around her finger in no time, Hammer,'] he silently admonished himself.
Just then Trisha woke. Harm felt her move her arms, tearing at his finger but never releasing it from her surprisingly firm grip.
"Look at her eyes, Harm," Mac whispered as she moved her closer still to his face. "They are yours."
Harm just watched in awe.
"Do you want me to tell her that you love her?" Mac's voice was not entirely even.
He winked, finding the movement getting easier with every new try.
Mac freed Harm's finger, took Trisha back to both her arms and cradled her against her chest, beaming at her. "Hey, little one, your daddy asked me to tell you that he loves you very much," she said softly, her voice taking on a new tone that Harm had never heard before. This was Sarah Mackenzie, the mother of his children. Only then did he realize in full that his dream had finally become reality.
"I guess she has my stomach," Mac observed dryly, still smiling at the little girl. With one hand, she carefully opened her bathrobe and began to feed her. Harm decided he had never seen anything so touching. After a couple of moments that they quietly enjoyed watching Trisha drink, Mac sobered and turned her attention back to Harm.
"So why don't you want me to tell Zanelli?"
Harm inwardly frowned. ['I don't want you to tell anyone, but maybe you should rephrase so I can answer, counselor.']
Mac seemed to notice her error and smiled a little embarrassedly. "I'm sorry, Harm. I think I need to get accustomed to this new way of questioning. Next try. Uhm... If I told anyone that you are conscious, do you think something might happen to you?"
['Finally we're getting somewhere.'] He winked.
"Only to you?"
He willed his eye to stay open.
"To me?"
He winked.
A little disconcerted, she went on. "To anyone else?"
He winked.
Her eyes widened in slight shock. "You don't mean Trisha, do you?"
['Mac, how am I supposed to answer a question like this?']
While Harm was debating whether or not she would misinterpret him, Mac realized her mistake. "Sorry. I'll rephrase. Do you think Trisha might be in danger, too?"
['Good girl.'] He winked.
He noted that Mac had switched to Marine-mode now, not wanting to face the anguish that came with his revelation. She went on. "Do you know something I don't?"
He winked.
"Is this about the Chegwidden case?"
He winked, silently imploring her to ask if it might go beyond.
"You found out something while I was away."
Again he winked.
Mac frowned. Sturgis had told her that Harm had been away to do research on the Cramer case, as he was too frustrated by the fact that nothing had come out in AJ's favor. "But Sturgis told me that you were investigating on Cramer's behalf."
['Follow this road, Mac, follow this road.'] He winked.
"Anything new?"
He winked.
"Could you clear the lieutenant commander?" Mac asked, not really knowing where she would be going with this line of questioning. He had told her that he was concerned about the admiral's case. Yet he had been investigating the explosion. There was some detail to the picture that just didn't fit.
['No. The opposite.'] Harm stared right through her.
"So Cramer is guilty?" Mac asked slowly.
He winked.
"There is more to it, right?" she inquired, suddenly wary.
Again he winked.
"So you investigated Cramer and you are worried about Chegwidden?" she repeated, trying to get a grip on some substantial information.
He winked, watching as she lifted a satisfied Patricia Rabb to her left shoulder and very gently patted her back. Seemingly in deep thought, she then adjusted her bathrobe and again cradled the baby in her arms as soon as the little one had settled down to sleep. All this seemed so natural with her, as if she'd always done it. Harm suddenly felt ashamed that he hadn't offered her the opportunity to be a mother years ago instead of talking about that ridiculous deal.
"So, if I read this right, you think there might be a connection between the two cases?" Her voice was heavy with doubt, her brow furrowing.
['There is, Mac, believe me.'] He winked.
"Okay..." she seemed to be talking more to herself than to him now, her voice low and thoughtful. "Let's find out how they might be connected." Looking up to meet his eyes again, she tried to approach the issue. "Do you have any idea who killed Sydney?"
['Not yet.'] He remained still.
"So that's not it." She was silent. Harm thought he could almost feel the thoughts spin through her mind. Suddenly her eyes widened slightly. "Wait... I remember that you seemed excited over what I told you. The folder and the things Fred and I found out. Does this have anything to do with what you're trying to tell me?"
['You go, girl! I knew you would figure it out.'] As he closed and opened his left eyelid, his heart monitor accelerated its beeping once again.
Mac's face relaxed to a slight smile. "Okay, so I'm headed in the right direction?"
He acknowledged, inwardly sighing with relief.
Meanwhile, Mac's smile had turned to a frown again. "So far, so good. But how in God's name might cancer cases be related to engine explosions?" she mused, a little exasperated.
['The aircraft, Mac. The link is the aircraft!'] he tried to help her.
"All right, Sydney has all those new cases. She looks for an explanation and finds it in environmental pollution, caused by a certain chemical called dimethylformamide. This stuff, she finds out, has been used in connection with fighter jets and..." Suddenly Mac paled and sucked in her breath, fixing her stare to Harm's. "Fighter jets," she repeated slowly. "Is this where the engines step onto the stage?"
A slow wink was her answer, and as she looked deeply into his eyes, she was convinced she could detect relief in his thoughts.
"I guess this thing is getting far too complicated to have it all explained by using this kind of binary language," she observed sarcastically as she began to understand what Harm seemed to have stumbled over. She tried a different approach instead. "Do you have any evidence concerning whatever this is?"
He winked, hoping the papers hadn't been discovered.
"Is it in your office?"
No reaction.
"At home?"
Still no reaction.
"Come on, Harm, don't leave me hanging here. At the Roberts' maybe?"
No reaction.
"Or at Fred and Claire's? No, they would have told me. Is it... in you car?"
['I was beginning to worry, jarhead.'] He winked.
"From what I'll find there - if I find it, that is - would I be able to understand the connection?"
He winked.
"Good." Mac let out a relieved sigh, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear with the slightest of grim smiles. But all at once, she sobered, her eyes growing wide. "You were trying to take it home when they shot you. There were traces on your car as if someone had tried to steal it. But what if... what if whoever shot you wasn't interested in your car but in what was inside? Is that what happened?" With a worried expression in her huge eyes, she eagerly leaned forward. "Is it, Harm?"
['You got it, Watson.'] He winked.
Mac swallowed, getting an indistinct feeling that she might be very near the source of his fear for her safety. If he had indeed been shot for what he seemed to know... then, of course, his, their only way to protect themselves was keeping absolutely secrecy about two essential facts: first, that she found out, and, second, that he was able to tell her. Her voice went down to almost a whisper: "Do you... do you know who shot you?"
['Damn right I know!'] He winked.
"Was it someone who could be a suspect in the Chegwidden case?"
['Sure she could, but I don't know. I hope you get me right, Mac.'] He stared, not moving.
"So it was someone connected to the Cramer case?"
He acknowledged her question.
"Was it... was it Cramer herself?" Mac couldn't bring herself to really believe it but she had to start somewhere. To her utmost shock, he instantly winked.
"Oh my God..."
['You understand now why you have to keep it secret, don't you, Sarah? If anything happened to you or Trisha...'] He didn't dare to finish the thought.
Mac's thoughts were headed in a similar direction. "First thing in the morning, I'll call Fred and tell him to keep everything secret. Then I'll have him look for the evidence that you left in your car. Now don't you worry, sailor, I'll be careful. We'll get the admiral out of this and I'll get Cramer's six for doing this to you. I swear to you, I will, and she's gonna regret this as long as she lives!"
['My Marine. I know you'll do just fine. And while I'm out of it, I'll be working on a little surprise for you.']
"Now I'll let you have your eye drops and then I'll lie down myself, right here. Claire should be here any minute to get our little one. Kiss Trisha goodnight, will you?" Mac had gotten up and neared the bundle to his face until her cheek touched his lips. "She's a miracle, isn't she, Daddy?"
Overwhelmed by the feel of Trisha's soft skin on his lips, Harm once again winked, trying to convey to Mac all that was going on inside him right now. Thank her, tell her that he loved her, that he loved Trisha, that he was glad to have found a way to her in spite of the chasm that was separating them.
As she softly kissed him goodnight, Mac's glance melted with his, and for the fraction of a second, she could read him. "We've made it this far, Harm. We'll make it through. I promise."
['So do I.']
To be continued... (Feedback highly appreciated!)
From part seven:
"Harm, I want you to meet Patricia Jeannine Rabb. Trisha, this is your daddy."
['Daddy. Wow. Hey, little one, I'm sorry I can't greet you properly right now but I hope you know that I love you very much.']
"She's just perfect. I wish you could see her, flyboy."
['A beauty, like her mom.'] Harm desperately wanted to let Mac know that she was actually sharing this hallmark moment with him. ['God, help me! Let me find a way to get to her, please!] he implored. Trying to gather all that was possibly left of his force within his whole body, and collecting all the willpower he had within himself, he tried to focus on one small part of his immobile shell, battling against the unwilling muscles and the numb feeling. And with an inhuman effort, he finally succeeded in willing his body to react.
Mac's eyes widened in shock and her hands started to shake violently as she suddenly realized what was happening: slowly, incredibly slowly, Harm's left eyelid closed and opened again. A few seconds later, the movement would repeat itself. And again, for a third time, making tears of joy rise in Mac's eyes.
Part Eight:
"Harm..." Mac managed to whisper as she quickly shifted Trisha's weight so she could hold her with one arm, and with her now free hand reached out to cup his face, tenderly caressing it with her thumb. Her huge eyes told of her inner turmoil and Harm could feel the trembling in her caress. A deep vertical furrow had appeared between her eyebrows and she was obviously holding her breath. But despite the increasing tension that was almost palpable in the room, Harm, for the first time since he had regained consciousness, felt a small amount of his pain dissolve as he savored the feel of Mac's fingers on his cheek, knowing that she had understood that he was with her.
Mac's face relaxed into a watery smile as realization dawned on her that she hadn't been left alone, whether or not Harm was able to fully profess his feelings. In the wink of an eye her life was back on track, strength and resolve rising within her. 'In the wink of an eye' - the phrase had taken up a totally new and literal meaning. It wasn't merely an expression for a moment in time, it was a promise that their road wouldn't end here at Bethesda. That there was a way to return into each other's arms. That all they had to do was not lose hope and fight. As they always had.
Briefly closing her eyes, Mac swallowed. "Almighty Father, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for bringing him back," she prayed in a whisper. Then her face again softened to a slightly embarrassed smile and she sniffed. "Pretty pathetic, huh? Anyway, I guess I'd better call Zanelli and let him know you're with us, sailor."
Panic instantly swept over Harm. ['No, Mac, don't! Please! You mustn't tell anyone that I'm back!] God, if she only knew about the connection between the two cases! Then she would understand that she and Trisha would only be safe as long as Cramer didn't suspect that Harm was able to pass on his disclosures to anyone. He absolutely had to make sure that no one knew. But how? ['Please, Mac, look at me, listen to your feelings. Don't push that button! Please!'] he frantically implored her.
Once again, it was his heart monitor that made Mac freeze in mid-action. The beeping had accelerated considerably without warning. Mac instantly turned her attention back to Harm's face, concern forcing her to bite her lip to prevent it from trembling.
"Harm!" Her eyes searched his face for any possible indication to what his obvious excitement could be about. Meeting his gaze, she suddenly convinced herself that she detected the slightest disturbance in his formerly absentminded expression. She looked closer, subconsciously shifting her baby back into both her arms and holding her tighter. In her husband's eyes, Mac read fear. Cold fear and desperation to tell her about it.
"Shhh," she tried to soothe him, her voice tight. "I don't know why this upsets you so much, but I won't call the doctor if you don't want me to. I..."
"Mac?" Claire had softly opened the door and tried to hide her bewilderment as she saw that Mac seemed so obviously distressed about something and could hear her talking to her husband as if in actual conversation. "Is everything all right?"
Mac turned, her facial expression resembling that of a chased deer. "Uhm... yeah... I mean..." Should she, could she trust Claire with what she had just found out about Harm's condition, when her attempt to call Zanelli had caused him such fear? Mac would have confided in Claire with anything, but something held her back, and it made her wonder why. She gulped and motioned for her friend to move closer. "Claire, I feel I need time with Harm and Trisha. Alone. And I need it now. Please, don't ask. I'll tell you later, right now I don't feel up to it. Please, could you arrange with Zanelli that he lets us stay here? Please."
Mistaking Mac's frantic impatience to know what Harm wanted to communicate to her for pain about Harm's condition and the need to somehow adapt to the situation, Claire nodded slowly. She put a soothing hand on Mac's shoulder. "If you promise to lay down and rest, I'll ask Zanelli for an additional bed to be brought over, all right?"
"I promise." Gratitude flashed in Mac's eyes for a second before the haunted expression took over again. Claire turned and walked out of the room.
Harm had felt overwhelming relief with the realization that Mac had obviously understood that he needed to tell her something. He was sure that, if Zanelli let her stay, they'd figure out a way to communicate. The instant that Claire had closed the door behind herself, Mac again locked her eyes with his. The anxiety showing on her face and his own fear of not being able to get his vital information to her made his heart ache.
Mac tried to use Harm's eyes as a window to his mind but wasn't able to read him. Although she was able to sense his fear, her psychic abilities couldn't make her understand what he wanted to tell her. 'Okay, think, Mackenzie. All he can do is move his eyelid. So his ability to communicate is reduced to some sort of binary code. 'Wink' or 'no wink'. This could work.'
"Harm," she addressed him in a clear but low voice, "Try to think binary. I'll ask and you answer. Winking means 'yes' and not winking means 'not yes'. I don't intend 'no', I'm talking of 'not yes', like the on/off-thing in a computer flip-flop. One or zero. Do you understand me?" Again chewing her lip, she anxiously waited for his reaction.
['I always knew there was a reason why I loved you so much, Marine.'] Almost lighthearted at the prospect of 'talking' to his wife, Harm inwardly flashed her his patented grin. And the slightest trace of it must have shown in his eyes as she responded with a smile of her own. Focusing on his left eye, Harm willed the lid down and up again.
"Are you able to completely control the movements of your eyelid?" Mac had to make sure that there would be no room for misinterpretations on her side.
Again, Harm winked.
Her relief once again threatened to overwhelm her, but luckily just then the door opened and a bed was wheeled in by Zanelli and Claire.
"Just for the record, ma'am," Zanelli stated with half-earnest frown, "I don't approve of this."
"Thank you anyway, Commander," Mac answered gratefully. "I promise to be prudent."
"I don't suppose I could dissuade you from staying, so I won't try, ma'am, but could you please make it an order so you take the responsibility?" Zanelli uneasily shifted his weight from one foot to the other and back.
Mac smiled. "Sure. Lt. Cmdr. Zanelli, I order you to let me stay with my husband tonight, and I take full responsibility of the situation. Does that suffice?"
Zanelli shook his head, chuckling. "It definitely does, ma'am. We'll take your daughter back to the Nursery for you. You shouldn't walk around any more now."
The moment Zanelli had said this, he regretted being receptive to pleading looks. The colonel's eyes begged him to give them a little more time. "Couldn't she stay another half-hour, please, doctor?" Mac asked him.
He exchanged a helpless look with Claire who just shrugged her shoulders in an 'Okay-with-me-if-it's-okay-with-you' gesture. Defeated, he turned back to Mac. "Half an hour. But after that not even ordering me will change my mind, Colonel. And please, remember that your husband needs his eye-drops. I'll leave that task to you, if you don't object. If you'll excuse me now, please, ma'am..."
"You have my permission to go," Mac replied, hiding her smile, seeing that Zanelli longed to leave the room.
"Aye, ma'am." The doctor turned and walked to the door, stopping in mid- stride, though, and turning back. "Permission to speak freely, ma'am?"
"Go ahead."
"You have a beautiful daughter, ma'am. Congratulations and my very best wishes, for all of you."
Mac smiled at the young man. "Thank you, Commander Zanelli."
The doctor smiled warmly in return and then left the room. Claire, too, walked out, but quickly popped her head back in and winked at Mac. "You owe me for this, Colonel."
"I know, Claire. Thank you so much." Mac watched as the door finally closed behind Claire. Then she immediately turned back to her husband.
Harm had been following the whole scene with a wide inward grin. Now that he had found a way out of his cocoon, an enormous weight had been taken off his heart, although he was still desperate that his limbs wouldn't budge. ['One thing at a time, Hammer. You will conquer this, you know you will.']
"Harm, can you feel this?" Mac's voice shook him from his musings. She was softly caressing his cheek again. Slowly he closed and re-opened his left eye, reveling in the feeling of somehow being able to return her tenderness, even if it were only passively.
Mac had put the still sleeping Trisha down on Harm's chest, securing her with her left hand, and he was overwhelmed at the sensation of the little warm bundle's weight. He saw Mac get up from his bed and close the distance between them. She closed her eyes as she bent down and kissed him very softly. He was aching to respond as she let her lips linger on his, her mouth caressing his immobile own.
"Did you feel that, too?" she asked in a whisper as she pulled back.
He winked again. ['I've rarely felt anything so wonderful, Sarah. I love you.']
She smiled as she returned to sit on his bed. She lifted Trisha to lie on her left arm and made sure they were seated within Harm's visual field. "You can see her, right?" she asked softly.
He winked. ['She's beautiful.']
Mac took his left hand in her right and neared it to the baby's face. Harm's heart skipped a beat as his fingertips touched his daughter's rosy cheeks. Mac helped him caress Trisha's little face, feel her hair, the warmth of her body and even the beating of her heart. Finally she put Harm's index finger into Trisha's little palm and by reflex the tiny girl's fingers instantly closed around it, the movement never waking her up.
Had Harm been able to cry, there would have been nothing that could possibly have held him back. From the bottom of his soul, he thanked God for his wonderful wife who had the unique gift to just sense what he needed most right now - to feel his daughter - and who had given birth to her, completing his life with his child's and her very own loving presence.
"I guess you long to say something, don't you?"
He winked. ['You have no idea... Mac, I...']
"Do you want to say thank you, flyboy?" she asked gently.
['Yeah.'] The eyelid went down and up almost instantly, telling how much he longed to thank her. Mac moved Trisha a little closer to him, knowing he needed a few moments to just look at her.
Feeling the slight pressure that the girl's fingers exercised on his index and seeing her sleep in her mothers arm, unaware of all the pain and struggles in the world, Harm's heart melted. ['My little one. In this tiny hand of yours, you hold not just Daddy's finger but the whole of Daddy's heart, you know that, don't you?'] He then realized that he had been conquered. ['Better be prepared to be wrapped around her finger in no time, Hammer,'] he silently admonished himself.
Just then Trisha woke. Harm felt her move her arms, tearing at his finger but never releasing it from her surprisingly firm grip.
"Look at her eyes, Harm," Mac whispered as she moved her closer still to his face. "They are yours."
Harm just watched in awe.
"Do you want me to tell her that you love her?" Mac's voice was not entirely even.
He winked, finding the movement getting easier with every new try.
Mac freed Harm's finger, took Trisha back to both her arms and cradled her against her chest, beaming at her. "Hey, little one, your daddy asked me to tell you that he loves you very much," she said softly, her voice taking on a new tone that Harm had never heard before. This was Sarah Mackenzie, the mother of his children. Only then did he realize in full that his dream had finally become reality.
"I guess she has my stomach," Mac observed dryly, still smiling at the little girl. With one hand, she carefully opened her bathrobe and began to feed her. Harm decided he had never seen anything so touching. After a couple of moments that they quietly enjoyed watching Trisha drink, Mac sobered and turned her attention back to Harm.
"So why don't you want me to tell Zanelli?"
Harm inwardly frowned. ['I don't want you to tell anyone, but maybe you should rephrase so I can answer, counselor.']
Mac seemed to notice her error and smiled a little embarrassedly. "I'm sorry, Harm. I think I need to get accustomed to this new way of questioning. Next try. Uhm... If I told anyone that you are conscious, do you think something might happen to you?"
['Finally we're getting somewhere.'] He winked.
"Only to you?"
He willed his eye to stay open.
"To me?"
He winked.
A little disconcerted, she went on. "To anyone else?"
He winked.
Her eyes widened in slight shock. "You don't mean Trisha, do you?"
['Mac, how am I supposed to answer a question like this?']
While Harm was debating whether or not she would misinterpret him, Mac realized her mistake. "Sorry. I'll rephrase. Do you think Trisha might be in danger, too?"
['Good girl.'] He winked.
He noted that Mac had switched to Marine-mode now, not wanting to face the anguish that came with his revelation. She went on. "Do you know something I don't?"
He winked.
"Is this about the Chegwidden case?"
He winked, silently imploring her to ask if it might go beyond.
"You found out something while I was away."
Again he winked.
Mac frowned. Sturgis had told her that Harm had been away to do research on the Cramer case, as he was too frustrated by the fact that nothing had come out in AJ's favor. "But Sturgis told me that you were investigating on Cramer's behalf."
['Follow this road, Mac, follow this road.'] He winked.
"Anything new?"
He winked.
"Could you clear the lieutenant commander?" Mac asked, not really knowing where she would be going with this line of questioning. He had told her that he was concerned about the admiral's case. Yet he had been investigating the explosion. There was some detail to the picture that just didn't fit.
['No. The opposite.'] Harm stared right through her.
"So Cramer is guilty?" Mac asked slowly.
He winked.
"There is more to it, right?" she inquired, suddenly wary.
Again he winked.
"So you investigated Cramer and you are worried about Chegwidden?" she repeated, trying to get a grip on some substantial information.
He winked, watching as she lifted a satisfied Patricia Rabb to her left shoulder and very gently patted her back. Seemingly in deep thought, she then adjusted her bathrobe and again cradled the baby in her arms as soon as the little one had settled down to sleep. All this seemed so natural with her, as if she'd always done it. Harm suddenly felt ashamed that he hadn't offered her the opportunity to be a mother years ago instead of talking about that ridiculous deal.
"So, if I read this right, you think there might be a connection between the two cases?" Her voice was heavy with doubt, her brow furrowing.
['There is, Mac, believe me.'] He winked.
"Okay..." she seemed to be talking more to herself than to him now, her voice low and thoughtful. "Let's find out how they might be connected." Looking up to meet his eyes again, she tried to approach the issue. "Do you have any idea who killed Sydney?"
['Not yet.'] He remained still.
"So that's not it." She was silent. Harm thought he could almost feel the thoughts spin through her mind. Suddenly her eyes widened slightly. "Wait... I remember that you seemed excited over what I told you. The folder and the things Fred and I found out. Does this have anything to do with what you're trying to tell me?"
['You go, girl! I knew you would figure it out.'] As he closed and opened his left eyelid, his heart monitor accelerated its beeping once again.
Mac's face relaxed to a slight smile. "Okay, so I'm headed in the right direction?"
He acknowledged, inwardly sighing with relief.
Meanwhile, Mac's smile had turned to a frown again. "So far, so good. But how in God's name might cancer cases be related to engine explosions?" she mused, a little exasperated.
['The aircraft, Mac. The link is the aircraft!'] he tried to help her.
"All right, Sydney has all those new cases. She looks for an explanation and finds it in environmental pollution, caused by a certain chemical called dimethylformamide. This stuff, she finds out, has been used in connection with fighter jets and..." Suddenly Mac paled and sucked in her breath, fixing her stare to Harm's. "Fighter jets," she repeated slowly. "Is this where the engines step onto the stage?"
A slow wink was her answer, and as she looked deeply into his eyes, she was convinced she could detect relief in his thoughts.
"I guess this thing is getting far too complicated to have it all explained by using this kind of binary language," she observed sarcastically as she began to understand what Harm seemed to have stumbled over. She tried a different approach instead. "Do you have any evidence concerning whatever this is?"
He winked, hoping the papers hadn't been discovered.
"Is it in your office?"
No reaction.
"At home?"
Still no reaction.
"Come on, Harm, don't leave me hanging here. At the Roberts' maybe?"
No reaction.
"Or at Fred and Claire's? No, they would have told me. Is it... in you car?"
['I was beginning to worry, jarhead.'] He winked.
"From what I'll find there - if I find it, that is - would I be able to understand the connection?"
He winked.
"Good." Mac let out a relieved sigh, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear with the slightest of grim smiles. But all at once, she sobered, her eyes growing wide. "You were trying to take it home when they shot you. There were traces on your car as if someone had tried to steal it. But what if... what if whoever shot you wasn't interested in your car but in what was inside? Is that what happened?" With a worried expression in her huge eyes, she eagerly leaned forward. "Is it, Harm?"
['You got it, Watson.'] He winked.
Mac swallowed, getting an indistinct feeling that she might be very near the source of his fear for her safety. If he had indeed been shot for what he seemed to know... then, of course, his, their only way to protect themselves was keeping absolutely secrecy about two essential facts: first, that she found out, and, second, that he was able to tell her. Her voice went down to almost a whisper: "Do you... do you know who shot you?"
['Damn right I know!'] He winked.
"Was it someone who could be a suspect in the Chegwidden case?"
['Sure she could, but I don't know. I hope you get me right, Mac.'] He stared, not moving.
"So it was someone connected to the Cramer case?"
He acknowledged her question.
"Was it... was it Cramer herself?" Mac couldn't bring herself to really believe it but she had to start somewhere. To her utmost shock, he instantly winked.
"Oh my God..."
['You understand now why you have to keep it secret, don't you, Sarah? If anything happened to you or Trisha...'] He didn't dare to finish the thought.
Mac's thoughts were headed in a similar direction. "First thing in the morning, I'll call Fred and tell him to keep everything secret. Then I'll have him look for the evidence that you left in your car. Now don't you worry, sailor, I'll be careful. We'll get the admiral out of this and I'll get Cramer's six for doing this to you. I swear to you, I will, and she's gonna regret this as long as she lives!"
['My Marine. I know you'll do just fine. And while I'm out of it, I'll be working on a little surprise for you.']
"Now I'll let you have your eye drops and then I'll lie down myself, right here. Claire should be here any minute to get our little one. Kiss Trisha goodnight, will you?" Mac had gotten up and neared the bundle to his face until her cheek touched his lips. "She's a miracle, isn't she, Daddy?"
Overwhelmed by the feel of Trisha's soft skin on his lips, Harm once again winked, trying to convey to Mac all that was going on inside him right now. Thank her, tell her that he loved her, that he loved Trisha, that he was glad to have found a way to her in spite of the chasm that was separating them.
As she softly kissed him goodnight, Mac's glance melted with his, and for the fraction of a second, she could read him. "We've made it this far, Harm. We'll make it through. I promise."
['So do I.']
To be continued... (Feedback highly appreciated!)