Disclaimer : Buffy and Spike do not belong to me, they belong to Mutant
Enemy, blah,
blah, blah. Go read another BTVS fiction to get a real disclaimer, I've
got a story to
write!
Summary : This is my fantasy version of a Spuffy ending for the series. It takes place after this Season 7's apocalypse (which I cheaply get over with), and Spike has had enough and wants to leave. What can Buffy do to keep him there? It's fluffy and there are various bits and pieces of past Spuffy events that I made up in there. Also, Spike was never kidnapped by the First, he never went on a killing spree, and there are less issues between Dawn and Spike. Just ignore the conflicts between my timeline and the BTVS one. ;)
One Good Reason
JUNE 3, 2003
Buffy didn't kick down the door this time. She hadn't, actually, for a while now. It was amazing how a soul immediately demanded courtesy and respect. Newly soulful blue eyes met wide hazel ones as she slowly opened the door and stepped inside, hesitantly looking at the disarray on the ground. Clem had moved in with Sophie, much to hers and Spike's amusement, so there was no one to chastise Spike to take care of his crypt anymore.
"H-," she attempted to speak, but found her usually smart mouth had gone completely dry. She softly cleared her throat. "Hey," she spoke in hushed tones as she stared at the cold cement floor she had grown familiar to.
Spike didn't respond, he just picked up a book from the dusty corner and threw it halfway across the room into a box, among other possessions. They both knew why she was here, but neither wanted to do anything about it just yet.
"Do-" Her eyes shied away when he gazed at her intently. She was really having issues carrying on conversations with him of late. "Do you need any help?" She looked at him from the corner of her eyes, and waited for the polite response.
As expected, Spike silently shook his head no and crossed in front of her to reach his endless collection of Passions tapes, causing her to shudder at the almost-brushing of their bodies. Buffy grabbed a box from the steps and began gathering things anyway. The pair worked in a spell of awkward and tense silence. Inside Buffy, however, was more turmoil than the recent apocalypse.
'They all leave don't they, Buffy?' Her tactless conscience nagged at her. 'Why are you letting this one slip away to?' Another part of her brain was asking, 'Since when do you consider him one of yours?' Why's, how's and but's began swarming around, attacking her conscience and making her drop a dusty book. "Shut up!" she whispered to herself. Spike merely glanced up and resumed work, rolling his eyes at her innocent grin. Because inside, he was feeling the exact same things.
********************
DECEMBER 18, 2002
"Hey, Buffy?" Dawn broke into Buffy's I'm-watching-a-soap-opera-don't- bug-me trance.
"What? Joey and Sally were about to decide what to do about Jamie and Chloe's baby!" Buffy sputtered indignantly.
"Is Clem still in Spike's old crypt?" Dawn ignored her. "I was just thinking about whether or not we should inform Clem that Spike's back, you know, because they were friends and all."
Buffy just continued staring at Dawn. She'd forgotten all about that lovable demon. Even Sophie had mentioned him when she'd quit the Doublemeat Palace. "Oh my god!" Buffy exclaimed in shock. "I can't believe I forgot that Clem's probably still waiting for him to return! He's still in the place, defending it for Spike!"
She turned to Willow next to her on the couch, who was hugging a pillow and staring intensely at the screen. "Willow! What should I do?"
"Wha-?" Apparently now Sally was going to seduce Jamie and adopt Chloe's baby. "What's going on?"
Buffy sighed.
---
"I'm coming, hold up Buff!" Xander went to the door to meet three wild-eyed girls. "Aw, jeez, is the apocalypse here already? Now I have to tape football."
"We never told Clem about Spike returning or his new living conditions, did we?" Buffy inquired with her head cocked to one side.
"Clem? Sophie's boyfriend?" Xander searched his goldfish memory. "Oh! He's still at the crypt isn't he?" All three girls nodded as one entity. "Well, that's good, then. Clem's got a proper home now."
"No, not good," Willow said. "That means he's still worried about his best friend's safety and gaining an unhealthy amount by eating all of Spike's food. We should tell him. Plus-," Willow looked around her. "Do you really think Spike needs to stay here anymore?"
"Willow, he was insane!" Dawn said in disbelief. "I.I mean he could hurt himself or other people!"
"Actually, he's been a lot better now. He's starting to carry on normal conversations and he's stopped talking to invisible people for a month now." Xander pitched in. "He almost kicked my butt playing Xbox." All three girls stared at him with comical jaw-drops. "We were bored, OK?!" Xander looked away sheepishly.
"Well, I guess its settled then," Buffy said, privately glowing that Xander was finally beginning to accept Spike. "We tell Clem that Spike's back, and move him back into his crypt."
"And I don't have any say in this?" Four heads turned towards Spike leaning on the door frame, hair mussed and only two buttons of his shirt done. Two girls salivated, one guy tried not to, and another girl wondered why Sally and Chloe couldn't just get together. "Just because I had a ghost or spirit of some sort in my head making me wonky, doesn't mean I can't make my own decisions now."
Buffy looked intently at Spike as he spoke. She couldn't believe how independent and strong he had become. She looked at the floor in slight shame.
"You people are right, though. I wanted to see Clem yesterday, but someone was convinced I was about to let loose my diabolical plan to take over the world with a hair dryer and a league of monkeys," Spike looked at Xander accusingly.
"Sorry, I'd been watching Cartoon Network!" Xander defended himself.
"So, you think you're ready to move back into your old place? I'm sure Clem defended it nicely," Buffy asked softly.
"Yeah. And Clem'll stay with me. He's got no other home - unless that Sophie bird wants a roommate," his eyes twinkled as Buffy smirked. The air between them was humming, Dawn could sense it as she stared back and forth between the two of them grinning at each other. It seemed like when they were in the same room, there was no one else, but the two of them.
*********************
Spike hated her. He couldn't understand why she was always there, helping, and smiling, and treating him like an actual person. He hated how she tried to joke with him, how she would try to spend at least a half an hour after patrols with him. She would ask about his past life, about his and Dru's romp around the world. In turn, she would tell him about her life before and right after she became a slayer. Most of all, he hated how he couldn't touch her, couldn't be with her. It was torture, having to pretend they were just friends, because there were moments, just brief moments, when he thought he could see love shining through Buffy's eyes, too. But it would pass quickly and would be partnered with confirmations of how "over" their relationship was. Yet here she was, helping him pack his things, and talking to herself. He'd remained silent for the 15 minutes she'd been there, wanting only to speak when she wasn't merely filling the silence.
"Why, Spike?" Buffy broke out of nowhere, startling Spike. "Why do you have to leave now?"
Spike froze, and looked anywhere but her direction. He'd promised himself he'd leave, and was genuinely going through with it.
"There's nothing left for me here now, luv," he said, finally looking at her. He was blown away by the amount of pain glistening in her eyes.
"Yes! Yes there is, Spike!" she cried desperately. "Dawn needs you, Clem needs you, the new Slayers need you, my god Spike! The world needs you!"
"Don't give me that, Buffy. I told you before, I don't need you turning anything I do into a noble act. I do these things because I think they're right, and I have to spend the time. I have no real reason to do these things."
"You've been training those slayers. You've taken Giles's place now! Spike, you're not evil anymore. You're a good - a good man." She took a step towards him. He stayed where he was, staring at her blankly. She just had to say things like that. They always had the same effect for him. Wonder. This woman never ceased to wonder him. But it was just for another day. Another day which he chose to stay. To see if she would indeed finally tell him someday.
"You can't make me change my mind about this. If I have truly changed, I need to discover it for myself."
*******************
FEBRUARY 11, 2003
"Buffy! Hurry up and choose something to wear! We're both running late!"
"I am, I am Dawnie!" Buffy threw open both her closet doors and frantically began searching for something stylish, yet business-like, still young, and definitely not stuffy. Her hands groped around the top shelf of scattered clothes. With a soft rustle, everything went black. Shaking her head, she pulled the offending object off her head. She was holding Spike's black duster in her hands. She stood there staring at it. Spike had left it there that night. Xander brought it up when she was holding her bruised body, and ego. She had considered throwing it in the trash after he disappeared over the summer, but something had compelled her to pardon the duster and stuff it on the top shelf.
Buffy fingered the soft, worn cloth and it emanated the scent of tobacco, blood, Spike and sex into the air around it. Oh yeah, she chuckled, they'd used the duster as a blanket that night, their first.
"Buffy! Just wear something or go naked!" She considered the second option Dawn had given her, just to brighten a dreary school day, then merely settled on a white and turquoise ensemble.
She flew down the stairs, duster in hand to abruptly come face to face with the incarnation of teenage sulleness herself. "Oh look, here arrives her Majesty from-," Dawn slowly trailed off her rant when she saw Spike's duster draped over her sister's arm. "I thought you go rid of that," she said in a flat tone as the memories of what had transpired between the two in the bathroom came to her.
"I know," Buffy said softly, trying to ease Dawn's tone to normality. "But I just couldn't, I don't know why." She said, looking at her sister from the corner of her eyes. Buffy didn't know it, but Dawn heard the hint of pain and compassion, most likely unknown by Buffy. She let down her sharp tone.
"What are you going to do with it now?" she inquired.
Buffy sighed. "Dawnie, could you tell Principal Wood that I'm running late due to.I don't know, girl problems. That usually works."
Dawn understood completely, as Buffy's expression always gave everything away. A level of understanding passed between the sisters and Dawn nodded.
---
She slowly opened the door, making sure Spike had a fair warning of the threat of sun rays.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"What's this little visit about?" He made his way across the room, wondering why she was here in the morning for once.
"Well-," she lifted up the duster and Spike finally noticed she had it in her arms. About a million emotions overcame him, it was almost fascinating to see, but the most visible was disgust. Anger, and disgust, at himself, at what he had done. Where the duster had come from, what it symbolized, where he had left it.
"You kept it, then?" he asked in a bitter voice.
"Yeah. Something told me to keep it in case.you came back. Or - or you needed it again or something." She looked at the floor to avoid his scrutiny. "Do you still want it?"
Spike remained silent, unmoving, merely staring at the object that had become a trademark for his evil. He took it from her hands and felt it again. It was strange and unfamiliar to him, it belonged to someone else. He couldn't wear it anymore, he didn't want to relieve that particular past.
"Do you think you could meet me at those giant dunes by Settler's Grove at 11:00? And bring a shovel."
---
"OK, I feel like Bob the Builder here."
"Well, the hard hat was a nice touch."
"Hey, after Xander's many, many fallings into many, many pits, you can't be too careful."
Spike grinned at her and kept digging. "I think that's enough, now." Spike put his shovel away. "Uh, Buffy? You can stop digging now."
"Come on! I was just getting into this here!" she pouted.
His grin met hers, and there was that silence, that hum in the air between them again. They both stopped grinning and stared at each other. Spike broke it first, for once. He picked up the duster next to him while Buffy threw aside her shovel and picked up the gas can.
"Well, I guess this is the end of you," he addressed the duster. He dropped it into the nice round hole they'd created. Buffy poured some of the gas onto it, ridding the duster of its ever-radiating scent. They both stared at it.
"Shouldn't we have a little goodbye thing? A 'nice knowing you' speech?" Buffy asked in attempt to lighten the mood.
Spike light a match and let it glow in front of him for a split second. Then he dropped it into the hole. "Bye, then." Spike said before it touched the bottom of the hole. A giant hissing sound came from the hole as it spit with flames that rose several feet into the air.
"I guess that's the end of that then." Buffy said in a strange tone as the flames died and quietly continued churning. In the hazy smoke was practically the spirit of his duster. The way it always swirled melodramatically around him when he wheeled around, how it sharply contrasted his bleached hair. And even more, was the spirit of Spike's evil that slowly faded away along with the smoke as it rose up into the stars. "Good-bye, indeed," she agreed.
****************
Buffy followed him outside to his DeSoto. He'd found it in the woods after it had been stolen by a couple of fledglings. Buffy and Spike had rounded up the gang into her garage for a little "vehicle repair" party. Spike had a couple of boxes in his arms and was loading the trunk. Buffy refused to help. There was a clap of thunder and a light drizzle began to fall. Neither cared.
"Spike, you're not leaving," she said to his back.
"Right, I'm loading up my house into my car for the hell of it." Spike turned around and headed back to gather more boxes. Buffy cut in front of him, challenging him with a face that meant business.
"Do you have any idea how much we need you? You are the only reason everyone came out of the apocalypse alive!
Spike looked down at her face damp with light rain and mingling with her tears. "Luv.you're welcome. That's all I can say!" Spike threw his hands up in frustration. "I think my job here is done. Can't you see that I'm wasting away here? I'm stuck here. I love helping you and the world, don't get me wrong." He shook his head and looked down. "I need to find myself, find a purpose. What you're telling me is not a reason for me to stay. Its a reason for you wanting me to stay." Another clap of thunder punctuated his last sentence and rain began tumbling down from the sky, making Buffy squint to see him. "All I need from you is a reason for me to stay. Just one good reason, Buffy."
Buffy said nothing.
**********************
MAY 27, 2003
"This is it." Buffy addressed the room. The scoobies, Giles, and the final 4 slayers in training awaited her pep talk. Spike was standing next to her, offering her silent support and maybe a possible word to his slayers. He watched her as she spoke, giving some of her strength and courage away. He'd stopped listening a while ago, he just watched her confident glare, her leadership. But he really knew it was just an act. All those times she'd come to his crypt, and needed help with her job. She wasn't as strong as she appeared, she really did need help, like any normal person. And help he would, just for this fight. He'd had enough. He needed to see the world, understand himself. They'd make it out alive, and he'd leave. It wasn't like she really needed him.
He realized she had finalized her speech and was helping set up the weapons and battle plan. The First was unleashing all of hell onto the Earth and they'd stationed every person available to help on every corner of the planet. Even the gang in LA was pitching in.
Spike followed Buffy into the kitchen, where he found her alone, with her elbows on the island kitchen and her head in her hands.
"So this is what it all comes down to," she said without looking up. "You know, last time we were all fighting together like this, I died," she said bitterly.
"Just like last time, you'll have me fighting till the end right next to you." Spike said. Buffy looked up and smiled softly. "I know," Buffy said. "Only till the end." Spike looked up at her puzzled face with hesitance. "If-," he sighed. "If we win, I'm leaving town. For good."
"What? Why?" Buffy panicked. "Why do you want to leave?"
Spike sighed. "I've helped you, and you've helped me - a lot. But this is what I have to do." He swallowed heavily and looked away. "I'm not getting anything out of staying here. I know it sounds selfish, but I want to do this for myself. This is the end of one part of my very, very long life, I guess. I'm not joking about this, either. We fight tonight, we win, and I leave next week. I need a good reason to stay, and I don't have one."
Without letting her respond, he wheeled out of the kitchen before his resolve broke. The slayers stormed in to inform Buffy it was time to leave, never allowing her time to process what Spike had announced. It was time to fight.
---
"Lindsay, look out!"
The entire roof collapsed on top of the slayer in training, not even allowing her any heroic last words. This was war at its finest. The entire town was on fire. Chaos and destruction was everywhere. Children were crying for their parents, their parents were being chased by creatures from the darkest corners of hell. Their only hope was a slayer, 3 slayers in training, one watcher, one ensouled vampire watcher, a zeppo, a witch, a key, and an ex-demon. Their army. Buffy was fighting with all her might, wiping out anything that dared cross her path. Even with all the strength available, the war seemed to turning against their favor.
Then, the ground began collapsing. During their fight, hell had begun to open.
"It's going to swallow us whole!" Willow shrieked, a whirlwind of her power around her, intent on destroying anything evil. Chunks of the earth were crumbling, sucking its victims in, but mostly targeting the small army.
Buffy was completely absorbed in killing. She wanted it to end, wanted the pain to leave her heart and home alone. She didn't even notice the ground begin to quiver beneath her. She felt her feet give way as the heat of hell suffused her from below. Her mouth began to open in a scream as she went under, struggling to find a grip to stay above.
Her descent was abruptly stopped by two strong arms gripping her shoulders. Her savior didn't let go as she clawed at him, and pulled out chunks of ground. He pulled her up and laid her onto the ground. Spike had saved her from death, again. She then realized she was laying on the ground as chaos resumed around her. She jumped up and faced Spike. He looked like complete crap in full vamp mode, with blood and dirt all over him. Not even caring, she threw herself into his arms and whispered in his ear,
"Thank you, Spike." The hum between them was present, even as fire began spitting from the earth several feet away from them. Then they ran separate ways to protect the world, each for their own reasons.
'It's going to be hard to leave now.' Spike thought.
*******************
'One good reason,' Buffy thought. She found she couldn't think.
"Spike, we need you," she said plainly.
"Redundant, Buffy. You already said that. And you don't. All of you can get along by yourselves," Spike said pointedly. He walked past her into the dry crypt to pick up the last two boxes.
"A good reason to stay here? My god, Spike, this is your home!" She cried as he walked past her with more boxes.
"You're getting wet, love, go back inside." He brushed her off.
"Stop changing the subject!" She shrieked. "You know you can't leave this place no matter how hard you try."
"Yeah, actually I can." He closed the trunk and faced her. "This place has been the cause of most of my misery." He began ticking things off on his fingers. "You and the scoobies gloriously kicked my ass here -,"
"You deserved it, back then," she cut him off.
"I got a chip in my head by the government -,"
"It's out of your head now!"
"I participated in your fights and nearly died -,"
"By your own will!"
"I fell in love with you."
Buffy didn't have a remark for that.
"I realize now that I'll never have you while I'm here. I don't want to live in Sunnydale and be near you, yet not be able to have you. It'll kill me. Unless I can have a reason to stay that can make me ignore my heartache, I'm gone." He approached the car, completely soaked by the rain from head to toe. Buffy brushed the rain and tears from her face and tried desperately,
"Stay."
"I have to leave."
"Please - stay."
"I'll never forget you, Buffy," he opened the door.
"I love you."
"Bye, th-, WHAT?" He turned around slowly from his car to face Buffy, standing alone and empty-handed under the rain with her wet hair in her face.
"I love you Spike, that's why you shouldn't leave," She sobbed. "I - I don't know when I figured it out. But - but you feel it too, don't you? That thing between us? The world doesn't just need you, Spike. I need you."
Spike was completely frozen and staring at her. All she ever did was wonder him. She was a mystery, and she loved him back. He saw a girl standing in front of his crypt looking apprehensive, lonely, and absolutely beautiful.
"You mean that? No more games, Buffy."
"No, no, no more games, Spike! Is that a reason to stay?" she pleaded with a wavering and worried tone. She couldn't lose him now, not when she'd just realized how she felt.
A slow grin began to spread across his face, a grin of true happiness "Yeah, luv. That's reason enough." His eyes twinkled. Complete relief spread through Buffy, then joy, then absolute giddiness. He reached her in several long strides and she threw herself into his arms and refused to let go. They stood like that under the raining sky, neither wanted to let go now they had each other. Spike loosened himself first, much to her dismay. He touched his forehead to hers and whispered,
"I love you too." Her smile matched his as they grinned like complete idiots at each other.
Spike's grin wavered a little and he grew more serious as they looked into each others' eyes, trying to find each other's souls and bury themselves there forever. He cupped her chin and his lips met hers for a slow, sweet kiss. There was no hurry, they had forever. Buffy and Spike both felt the hum as they shared their first real kiss. They let the hum happen, it would never die between them, for Spike was staying.
For eternity.
Summary : This is my fantasy version of a Spuffy ending for the series. It takes place after this Season 7's apocalypse (which I cheaply get over with), and Spike has had enough and wants to leave. What can Buffy do to keep him there? It's fluffy and there are various bits and pieces of past Spuffy events that I made up in there. Also, Spike was never kidnapped by the First, he never went on a killing spree, and there are less issues between Dawn and Spike. Just ignore the conflicts between my timeline and the BTVS one. ;)
One Good Reason
JUNE 3, 2003
Buffy didn't kick down the door this time. She hadn't, actually, for a while now. It was amazing how a soul immediately demanded courtesy and respect. Newly soulful blue eyes met wide hazel ones as she slowly opened the door and stepped inside, hesitantly looking at the disarray on the ground. Clem had moved in with Sophie, much to hers and Spike's amusement, so there was no one to chastise Spike to take care of his crypt anymore.
"H-," she attempted to speak, but found her usually smart mouth had gone completely dry. She softly cleared her throat. "Hey," she spoke in hushed tones as she stared at the cold cement floor she had grown familiar to.
Spike didn't respond, he just picked up a book from the dusty corner and threw it halfway across the room into a box, among other possessions. They both knew why she was here, but neither wanted to do anything about it just yet.
"Do-" Her eyes shied away when he gazed at her intently. She was really having issues carrying on conversations with him of late. "Do you need any help?" She looked at him from the corner of her eyes, and waited for the polite response.
As expected, Spike silently shook his head no and crossed in front of her to reach his endless collection of Passions tapes, causing her to shudder at the almost-brushing of their bodies. Buffy grabbed a box from the steps and began gathering things anyway. The pair worked in a spell of awkward and tense silence. Inside Buffy, however, was more turmoil than the recent apocalypse.
'They all leave don't they, Buffy?' Her tactless conscience nagged at her. 'Why are you letting this one slip away to?' Another part of her brain was asking, 'Since when do you consider him one of yours?' Why's, how's and but's began swarming around, attacking her conscience and making her drop a dusty book. "Shut up!" she whispered to herself. Spike merely glanced up and resumed work, rolling his eyes at her innocent grin. Because inside, he was feeling the exact same things.
********************
DECEMBER 18, 2002
"Hey, Buffy?" Dawn broke into Buffy's I'm-watching-a-soap-opera-don't- bug-me trance.
"What? Joey and Sally were about to decide what to do about Jamie and Chloe's baby!" Buffy sputtered indignantly.
"Is Clem still in Spike's old crypt?" Dawn ignored her. "I was just thinking about whether or not we should inform Clem that Spike's back, you know, because they were friends and all."
Buffy just continued staring at Dawn. She'd forgotten all about that lovable demon. Even Sophie had mentioned him when she'd quit the Doublemeat Palace. "Oh my god!" Buffy exclaimed in shock. "I can't believe I forgot that Clem's probably still waiting for him to return! He's still in the place, defending it for Spike!"
She turned to Willow next to her on the couch, who was hugging a pillow and staring intensely at the screen. "Willow! What should I do?"
"Wha-?" Apparently now Sally was going to seduce Jamie and adopt Chloe's baby. "What's going on?"
Buffy sighed.
---
"I'm coming, hold up Buff!" Xander went to the door to meet three wild-eyed girls. "Aw, jeez, is the apocalypse here already? Now I have to tape football."
"We never told Clem about Spike returning or his new living conditions, did we?" Buffy inquired with her head cocked to one side.
"Clem? Sophie's boyfriend?" Xander searched his goldfish memory. "Oh! He's still at the crypt isn't he?" All three girls nodded as one entity. "Well, that's good, then. Clem's got a proper home now."
"No, not good," Willow said. "That means he's still worried about his best friend's safety and gaining an unhealthy amount by eating all of Spike's food. We should tell him. Plus-," Willow looked around her. "Do you really think Spike needs to stay here anymore?"
"Willow, he was insane!" Dawn said in disbelief. "I.I mean he could hurt himself or other people!"
"Actually, he's been a lot better now. He's starting to carry on normal conversations and he's stopped talking to invisible people for a month now." Xander pitched in. "He almost kicked my butt playing Xbox." All three girls stared at him with comical jaw-drops. "We were bored, OK?!" Xander looked away sheepishly.
"Well, I guess its settled then," Buffy said, privately glowing that Xander was finally beginning to accept Spike. "We tell Clem that Spike's back, and move him back into his crypt."
"And I don't have any say in this?" Four heads turned towards Spike leaning on the door frame, hair mussed and only two buttons of his shirt done. Two girls salivated, one guy tried not to, and another girl wondered why Sally and Chloe couldn't just get together. "Just because I had a ghost or spirit of some sort in my head making me wonky, doesn't mean I can't make my own decisions now."
Buffy looked intently at Spike as he spoke. She couldn't believe how independent and strong he had become. She looked at the floor in slight shame.
"You people are right, though. I wanted to see Clem yesterday, but someone was convinced I was about to let loose my diabolical plan to take over the world with a hair dryer and a league of monkeys," Spike looked at Xander accusingly.
"Sorry, I'd been watching Cartoon Network!" Xander defended himself.
"So, you think you're ready to move back into your old place? I'm sure Clem defended it nicely," Buffy asked softly.
"Yeah. And Clem'll stay with me. He's got no other home - unless that Sophie bird wants a roommate," his eyes twinkled as Buffy smirked. The air between them was humming, Dawn could sense it as she stared back and forth between the two of them grinning at each other. It seemed like when they were in the same room, there was no one else, but the two of them.
*********************
Spike hated her. He couldn't understand why she was always there, helping, and smiling, and treating him like an actual person. He hated how she tried to joke with him, how she would try to spend at least a half an hour after patrols with him. She would ask about his past life, about his and Dru's romp around the world. In turn, she would tell him about her life before and right after she became a slayer. Most of all, he hated how he couldn't touch her, couldn't be with her. It was torture, having to pretend they were just friends, because there were moments, just brief moments, when he thought he could see love shining through Buffy's eyes, too. But it would pass quickly and would be partnered with confirmations of how "over" their relationship was. Yet here she was, helping him pack his things, and talking to herself. He'd remained silent for the 15 minutes she'd been there, wanting only to speak when she wasn't merely filling the silence.
"Why, Spike?" Buffy broke out of nowhere, startling Spike. "Why do you have to leave now?"
Spike froze, and looked anywhere but her direction. He'd promised himself he'd leave, and was genuinely going through with it.
"There's nothing left for me here now, luv," he said, finally looking at her. He was blown away by the amount of pain glistening in her eyes.
"Yes! Yes there is, Spike!" she cried desperately. "Dawn needs you, Clem needs you, the new Slayers need you, my god Spike! The world needs you!"
"Don't give me that, Buffy. I told you before, I don't need you turning anything I do into a noble act. I do these things because I think they're right, and I have to spend the time. I have no real reason to do these things."
"You've been training those slayers. You've taken Giles's place now! Spike, you're not evil anymore. You're a good - a good man." She took a step towards him. He stayed where he was, staring at her blankly. She just had to say things like that. They always had the same effect for him. Wonder. This woman never ceased to wonder him. But it was just for another day. Another day which he chose to stay. To see if she would indeed finally tell him someday.
"You can't make me change my mind about this. If I have truly changed, I need to discover it for myself."
*******************
FEBRUARY 11, 2003
"Buffy! Hurry up and choose something to wear! We're both running late!"
"I am, I am Dawnie!" Buffy threw open both her closet doors and frantically began searching for something stylish, yet business-like, still young, and definitely not stuffy. Her hands groped around the top shelf of scattered clothes. With a soft rustle, everything went black. Shaking her head, she pulled the offending object off her head. She was holding Spike's black duster in her hands. She stood there staring at it. Spike had left it there that night. Xander brought it up when she was holding her bruised body, and ego. She had considered throwing it in the trash after he disappeared over the summer, but something had compelled her to pardon the duster and stuff it on the top shelf.
Buffy fingered the soft, worn cloth and it emanated the scent of tobacco, blood, Spike and sex into the air around it. Oh yeah, she chuckled, they'd used the duster as a blanket that night, their first.
"Buffy! Just wear something or go naked!" She considered the second option Dawn had given her, just to brighten a dreary school day, then merely settled on a white and turquoise ensemble.
She flew down the stairs, duster in hand to abruptly come face to face with the incarnation of teenage sulleness herself. "Oh look, here arrives her Majesty from-," Dawn slowly trailed off her rant when she saw Spike's duster draped over her sister's arm. "I thought you go rid of that," she said in a flat tone as the memories of what had transpired between the two in the bathroom came to her.
"I know," Buffy said softly, trying to ease Dawn's tone to normality. "But I just couldn't, I don't know why." She said, looking at her sister from the corner of her eyes. Buffy didn't know it, but Dawn heard the hint of pain and compassion, most likely unknown by Buffy. She let down her sharp tone.
"What are you going to do with it now?" she inquired.
Buffy sighed. "Dawnie, could you tell Principal Wood that I'm running late due to.I don't know, girl problems. That usually works."
Dawn understood completely, as Buffy's expression always gave everything away. A level of understanding passed between the sisters and Dawn nodded.
---
She slowly opened the door, making sure Spike had a fair warning of the threat of sun rays.
"Buffy?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"What's this little visit about?" He made his way across the room, wondering why she was here in the morning for once.
"Well-," she lifted up the duster and Spike finally noticed she had it in her arms. About a million emotions overcame him, it was almost fascinating to see, but the most visible was disgust. Anger, and disgust, at himself, at what he had done. Where the duster had come from, what it symbolized, where he had left it.
"You kept it, then?" he asked in a bitter voice.
"Yeah. Something told me to keep it in case.you came back. Or - or you needed it again or something." She looked at the floor to avoid his scrutiny. "Do you still want it?"
Spike remained silent, unmoving, merely staring at the object that had become a trademark for his evil. He took it from her hands and felt it again. It was strange and unfamiliar to him, it belonged to someone else. He couldn't wear it anymore, he didn't want to relieve that particular past.
"Do you think you could meet me at those giant dunes by Settler's Grove at 11:00? And bring a shovel."
---
"OK, I feel like Bob the Builder here."
"Well, the hard hat was a nice touch."
"Hey, after Xander's many, many fallings into many, many pits, you can't be too careful."
Spike grinned at her and kept digging. "I think that's enough, now." Spike put his shovel away. "Uh, Buffy? You can stop digging now."
"Come on! I was just getting into this here!" she pouted.
His grin met hers, and there was that silence, that hum in the air between them again. They both stopped grinning and stared at each other. Spike broke it first, for once. He picked up the duster next to him while Buffy threw aside her shovel and picked up the gas can.
"Well, I guess this is the end of you," he addressed the duster. He dropped it into the nice round hole they'd created. Buffy poured some of the gas onto it, ridding the duster of its ever-radiating scent. They both stared at it.
"Shouldn't we have a little goodbye thing? A 'nice knowing you' speech?" Buffy asked in attempt to lighten the mood.
Spike light a match and let it glow in front of him for a split second. Then he dropped it into the hole. "Bye, then." Spike said before it touched the bottom of the hole. A giant hissing sound came from the hole as it spit with flames that rose several feet into the air.
"I guess that's the end of that then." Buffy said in a strange tone as the flames died and quietly continued churning. In the hazy smoke was practically the spirit of his duster. The way it always swirled melodramatically around him when he wheeled around, how it sharply contrasted his bleached hair. And even more, was the spirit of Spike's evil that slowly faded away along with the smoke as it rose up into the stars. "Good-bye, indeed," she agreed.
****************
Buffy followed him outside to his DeSoto. He'd found it in the woods after it had been stolen by a couple of fledglings. Buffy and Spike had rounded up the gang into her garage for a little "vehicle repair" party. Spike had a couple of boxes in his arms and was loading the trunk. Buffy refused to help. There was a clap of thunder and a light drizzle began to fall. Neither cared.
"Spike, you're not leaving," she said to his back.
"Right, I'm loading up my house into my car for the hell of it." Spike turned around and headed back to gather more boxes. Buffy cut in front of him, challenging him with a face that meant business.
"Do you have any idea how much we need you? You are the only reason everyone came out of the apocalypse alive!
Spike looked down at her face damp with light rain and mingling with her tears. "Luv.you're welcome. That's all I can say!" Spike threw his hands up in frustration. "I think my job here is done. Can't you see that I'm wasting away here? I'm stuck here. I love helping you and the world, don't get me wrong." He shook his head and looked down. "I need to find myself, find a purpose. What you're telling me is not a reason for me to stay. Its a reason for you wanting me to stay." Another clap of thunder punctuated his last sentence and rain began tumbling down from the sky, making Buffy squint to see him. "All I need from you is a reason for me to stay. Just one good reason, Buffy."
Buffy said nothing.
**********************
MAY 27, 2003
"This is it." Buffy addressed the room. The scoobies, Giles, and the final 4 slayers in training awaited her pep talk. Spike was standing next to her, offering her silent support and maybe a possible word to his slayers. He watched her as she spoke, giving some of her strength and courage away. He'd stopped listening a while ago, he just watched her confident glare, her leadership. But he really knew it was just an act. All those times she'd come to his crypt, and needed help with her job. She wasn't as strong as she appeared, she really did need help, like any normal person. And help he would, just for this fight. He'd had enough. He needed to see the world, understand himself. They'd make it out alive, and he'd leave. It wasn't like she really needed him.
He realized she had finalized her speech and was helping set up the weapons and battle plan. The First was unleashing all of hell onto the Earth and they'd stationed every person available to help on every corner of the planet. Even the gang in LA was pitching in.
Spike followed Buffy into the kitchen, where he found her alone, with her elbows on the island kitchen and her head in her hands.
"So this is what it all comes down to," she said without looking up. "You know, last time we were all fighting together like this, I died," she said bitterly.
"Just like last time, you'll have me fighting till the end right next to you." Spike said. Buffy looked up and smiled softly. "I know," Buffy said. "Only till the end." Spike looked up at her puzzled face with hesitance. "If-," he sighed. "If we win, I'm leaving town. For good."
"What? Why?" Buffy panicked. "Why do you want to leave?"
Spike sighed. "I've helped you, and you've helped me - a lot. But this is what I have to do." He swallowed heavily and looked away. "I'm not getting anything out of staying here. I know it sounds selfish, but I want to do this for myself. This is the end of one part of my very, very long life, I guess. I'm not joking about this, either. We fight tonight, we win, and I leave next week. I need a good reason to stay, and I don't have one."
Without letting her respond, he wheeled out of the kitchen before his resolve broke. The slayers stormed in to inform Buffy it was time to leave, never allowing her time to process what Spike had announced. It was time to fight.
---
"Lindsay, look out!"
The entire roof collapsed on top of the slayer in training, not even allowing her any heroic last words. This was war at its finest. The entire town was on fire. Chaos and destruction was everywhere. Children were crying for their parents, their parents were being chased by creatures from the darkest corners of hell. Their only hope was a slayer, 3 slayers in training, one watcher, one ensouled vampire watcher, a zeppo, a witch, a key, and an ex-demon. Their army. Buffy was fighting with all her might, wiping out anything that dared cross her path. Even with all the strength available, the war seemed to turning against their favor.
Then, the ground began collapsing. During their fight, hell had begun to open.
"It's going to swallow us whole!" Willow shrieked, a whirlwind of her power around her, intent on destroying anything evil. Chunks of the earth were crumbling, sucking its victims in, but mostly targeting the small army.
Buffy was completely absorbed in killing. She wanted it to end, wanted the pain to leave her heart and home alone. She didn't even notice the ground begin to quiver beneath her. She felt her feet give way as the heat of hell suffused her from below. Her mouth began to open in a scream as she went under, struggling to find a grip to stay above.
Her descent was abruptly stopped by two strong arms gripping her shoulders. Her savior didn't let go as she clawed at him, and pulled out chunks of ground. He pulled her up and laid her onto the ground. Spike had saved her from death, again. She then realized she was laying on the ground as chaos resumed around her. She jumped up and faced Spike. He looked like complete crap in full vamp mode, with blood and dirt all over him. Not even caring, she threw herself into his arms and whispered in his ear,
"Thank you, Spike." The hum between them was present, even as fire began spitting from the earth several feet away from them. Then they ran separate ways to protect the world, each for their own reasons.
'It's going to be hard to leave now.' Spike thought.
*******************
'One good reason,' Buffy thought. She found she couldn't think.
"Spike, we need you," she said plainly.
"Redundant, Buffy. You already said that. And you don't. All of you can get along by yourselves," Spike said pointedly. He walked past her into the dry crypt to pick up the last two boxes.
"A good reason to stay here? My god, Spike, this is your home!" She cried as he walked past her with more boxes.
"You're getting wet, love, go back inside." He brushed her off.
"Stop changing the subject!" She shrieked. "You know you can't leave this place no matter how hard you try."
"Yeah, actually I can." He closed the trunk and faced her. "This place has been the cause of most of my misery." He began ticking things off on his fingers. "You and the scoobies gloriously kicked my ass here -,"
"You deserved it, back then," she cut him off.
"I got a chip in my head by the government -,"
"It's out of your head now!"
"I participated in your fights and nearly died -,"
"By your own will!"
"I fell in love with you."
Buffy didn't have a remark for that.
"I realize now that I'll never have you while I'm here. I don't want to live in Sunnydale and be near you, yet not be able to have you. It'll kill me. Unless I can have a reason to stay that can make me ignore my heartache, I'm gone." He approached the car, completely soaked by the rain from head to toe. Buffy brushed the rain and tears from her face and tried desperately,
"Stay."
"I have to leave."
"Please - stay."
"I'll never forget you, Buffy," he opened the door.
"I love you."
"Bye, th-, WHAT?" He turned around slowly from his car to face Buffy, standing alone and empty-handed under the rain with her wet hair in her face.
"I love you Spike, that's why you shouldn't leave," She sobbed. "I - I don't know when I figured it out. But - but you feel it too, don't you? That thing between us? The world doesn't just need you, Spike. I need you."
Spike was completely frozen and staring at her. All she ever did was wonder him. She was a mystery, and she loved him back. He saw a girl standing in front of his crypt looking apprehensive, lonely, and absolutely beautiful.
"You mean that? No more games, Buffy."
"No, no, no more games, Spike! Is that a reason to stay?" she pleaded with a wavering and worried tone. She couldn't lose him now, not when she'd just realized how she felt.
A slow grin began to spread across his face, a grin of true happiness "Yeah, luv. That's reason enough." His eyes twinkled. Complete relief spread through Buffy, then joy, then absolute giddiness. He reached her in several long strides and she threw herself into his arms and refused to let go. They stood like that under the raining sky, neither wanted to let go now they had each other. Spike loosened himself first, much to her dismay. He touched his forehead to hers and whispered,
"I love you too." Her smile matched his as they grinned like complete idiots at each other.
Spike's grin wavered a little and he grew more serious as they looked into each others' eyes, trying to find each other's souls and bury themselves there forever. He cupped her chin and his lips met hers for a slow, sweet kiss. There was no hurry, they had forever. Buffy and Spike both felt the hum as they shared their first real kiss. They let the hum happen, it would never die between them, for Spike was staying.
For eternity.