Disclaimers:

Bluejay: We don't own Whose Line is it Anyway nor its genius concept. Neither do we own Rurouni Kenshin. They belong to the equally genius Nobuhiro Watsuki.

Onna: All hail the great Watsuki-sama!!

Bluejay: *head falls on the keyboard*

Onna: The songs Sobakasu by Judy and Mary, Heart of Sword by T. M. Revolution, Namida wa Shitte Iru by Mayo Suzukaze, and ½ by Kawamoto Makoto do not belong to us. We just made up our own lyrics to their songs for the purpose of this fic. The lyrics are copyrighted to me. It took me more than an hour to come up with them. Steal and I'll send Battousai after you!!!

Bluejay: Argh, just get on with the darn show before I run out of space.

***

"Five minutes till show time!" Bluejay called out. "Everyone ready?"

"I should be the one asking you that." Onna pointed out, ready to step behind the piano.

"You? Ask me? Why?"

"You're the one who's going to introduce all of us."

"So why shouldn't I be ready? All I gotta do is memorize my speech and tell it to the audience. You're the one who'll be playing under pressure."

"Don't forget me." Hyouzan joked, slinging his electric guitar over his shoulder and across his chest.

"Anyway," Bluejay turned to the four people lounging around the backstage. "You guys ready?"

"Ready as ever!" Misao cheerfully replied.

"Good. The seconds are ticking. Better get to your seats."

Everyone moved to the stage, contestants first, Onna and Hyouzan second, and Bluejay last. As the others settled into their respective places, Bluejay went up to the audience, composed of Kamiya Kaoru, Myoujin Yahiko, Takani Megumi, Shinomori Aoshi, and others.

The stage manager held up three fingers, folding them down at every second. As the last counted down, he waved his arm.

Bluejay took a deep breath and began. "Good afternoon everybody! On today's show, the oro-boy, Himura Kenshin! The funky rooster, Sagara Sanosuke! The very verbal, Makimachi Misao! And the 13th master of the Hiten Mitsurugi, Hiko Seijuro! I'm your host, Bluejay Sylver. Come on down and let's have some fun."

She went up to the stage as the audience clapped and cheered. She tapped some cards as she took her seat behind the oak desk. "Good afternoon and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway?, the Rurouni Kenshin version, the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Just like any preparations our beloved contestants did." She shot a meaningful glance at Kenshin, Sano, Misao and Hiko. "That's right. Whatever preparations you did before the show, throw them out the window. It's an improv show after all."

The four contestants remained surprisingly calm. Bluejay shrugged and continued. "If you've never seen the show before, I'll be giving the four of them scenes and they'll be making songs or skits with that scene right out of the top of their heads. After each game, I give them points. It's just a gag to hold the show together. And at the end of the show, there'll be a winner. And whoever it is will get to do something special with me-"

There was a collective gasp from the audience.

"Not that way!" Bluejay protested. "'Something special' just meant that I'll be joining one of their games!"

This time, it was the contestants who looked relieved.

"Sheesh, you act like I'm going to strip right out of the blue."

Another collective gasp.

Bluejay slapped her forehead. "I'm not going to do it, you idiots. Anyway, let's go to a game called 'Let's Make a Date.' This is for all four of you."

Kenshin, Sano, Misao and Hiko stood up and moved to the front of the stage where four stools are placed in position, three of which held cards atop the seats.

"This is a dating kind of game," Bluejay continued. "And Misao will be the participant, she'll choose among the other three-"

Misao stared incredulously at Bluejay while the others looked disgusted.

"It's just a gag, frakit. Get moving." They complied. "As I was saying, these three are given strange characters, written on the cards. They've never seen the cards before..."

The three of them read the cards. Kenshin looked startled while Sano looked as if he was about to puke. Hiko was just plain disgusted.

"And after two rounds, Misao will have to guess who they are. So, whenever you're ready, Misao."

"Uh, right. Bachelor number one, I like a guy who's-"

"You're not oneechan." Kenshin interrupted, pushing imaginary sunglasses up his nose.

"Uhh, that's right. I'm not-"

"Then I'm not wasting my time answering your stupid questions." He looked away arrogantly.

Misao hesitated before she turned to Sano. "Anyway, hi bachelor number two."

"Hi." Sano replied sullenly.

"If we were to go on a date, where would you take me?"

"Why would I want to take you on a date? You're just a weasel girl."

"What did you call me?!"

"Weasel girl!"

"Why I ought to-"

A buzzing sound filled the air as Bluejay pressed her buzzer. "No fighting please."

"That's right! You shouldn't fight me!" Sano crossed his arms.

Misao growled under her breath and turned to Hiko who was smiling. "Bachelor number three. What would you…" she trailed off, staring at Hiko.

"What would I what?" Hiko asked, still smiling.

"I-I've never seen you smile before…"

"Smiling helps to ease pain so I smile most of the time."

"I…see…" Misao looked doubtful for a moment but she composed herself. "So, what would you say is your best quality?"

"My smile." Hiko replied, his smile never changing.

"Uhh, right…" Misao returned to Kenshin. "Bachelor number one, I like guys with a little action. So, what do you do for a living?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Kenshin replied, his hand going to an imaginary sword strapped to his back. "I walk around Japan trying to complete my Jinchuu. And I will complete it!"

"Well, good luck to you then. How about you, bachelor number two?" she added the last with a glare. "What do you do for a living other than insult people?"

"What do I do for a living?" Sano snorted. "What else! I'm Tokyo Samurai!"

"I ought to wipe that grin off your face, brat!"

"Who're you calling a brat, weasel?"

"Why you-" Misao made a grab for her kunais when a long buzz filled the air.

"I said, no fighting, Misao." Bluejay warned.

"Fine!" She huffed and sat back down on the stool. "Bachelor number three. What do you think is a good idea for a first date?"

Hiko smiled that same smile. "A traditional dinner and a look at the night sky afterwards."

"Oh that would be so romantic!"

"Until a night bird drops an egg on your faces!" Sano added.

"You-!" Misao made as if to grab Sano by the neck but Bluejay buzzed them out first.

"That's two rounds, Misao." She told them. "Now try to guess who they are."

Misao sulkily went back to her stool. "Kenshin's easy. He's Enishi."

"Hai de gozaru." Kenshin nodded.

"Sano is Yahiko-CHAN!"

"CHAN JA NE YO!!" came Yahiko's outburst from the audience.

"Quiet! Quiet on the set!" Bluejay repetitively pressed her buzzer. "Now, who's Hiko?"

"Hiko is…Seta Soujiro!"

"That's right!" Bluejay buzzed again as Misao did a triumphant bird-kick while the others returned to their seats. "Oh that was interesting. Kenshin as Enishi." She snickered, eliciting an 'Oro?' from the man. "Anyway, a thousand points to Hiko for smiling so much. You know, you really should smile more."

"Tough." Hiko drank from his glass of water.

"Fine. Let's move on to a game called, Song Styles. This is for Kenshin with the help of Teien Onna on the piano and Hyouzan-sama on the electric guitar!"

The audience cheered as Bluejay stood up from her desk and went into the audience. "Bring up another stool there, Kenshin. I've got my eye on these two ladies…" She stopped beside two long-haired girls and reached her mic to them. "Hi, what's your name?"

"Okon desu." Answered the long-haired girl.

"And you?"

"Watashi wa Omasu desu." The second girl replied, her hair tied back in a bun.

"And what do you do for a living?"

"We're waitresses."

"You're waitresses. At what restaurant?"

"The Shirobeko." Okon replied.

"The Shirobeko. Okay. Come on down and meet Kenshin." Bluejay led the way to the stage, followed by Okon and Omasu. The two girls shook hands with Kenshin as Bluejay returned to her seat, tapping some cards. "Okay, so Kenshin will be singing a song to Okon and Omasu, who work as waitresses in the Shirobeko and…" She trailed off upon seeing the girls give goo-goo-eyed-looks to Hiko before they sat on the stools. "And they seem to have an interest in our 13th Master."

The girls giggled as Hiko arrogantly jerked his chin at them while Kenshin looked as though he wanted to be somewhere else.

Bluejay raised an eyebrow at that. "As I was saying, Kenshin will be singing to these two girls in the style of Judy and Mary's Sobakasu!" She grinned widely. "Whenever you hear the music, oro-boy!"

Kenshin managed to slip in an 'Oro?' in the second before Onna and Hyouzan began playing. Kenshin glanced at the girls, at Hiko, then back to the girls. His face took on a sad expression as he sang.

"In a restaurant called the Shirobeko

Are two waitresses lovely, kind and sweet

They think my shishou's so hot

If only they knew what's up.



"He's a terror, really scary and all

He taught me everything more than just budo

So for these lovestruck waitresses I warn you

Stay away when he is drinking."



He knelt beside Omasu and took her hand, his face pleading as he continued to sing.



"He turns into a pervert, that he does

He'd talk you down and scare you off

Just run for your life

You'll be glad you did.



"Please let go of this dangerous crush or you'll regret it

You'll make his large ego burst into a rush

He'll become more annoying, that he will for sure

Even worse than Sano when he runs from paying the bill

So run and don't ever look back."

The music faded and Kenshin stood, grinning and shaking Okon's and Omasu's hands.

"Thank you, Okon and Omasu." Bluejay said. "That was great. A thousand points to Kenshin for any bashing Kaoru might give you later."

"Oro?!"

Bluejay laughed. "Let's move on to a game called Props! This is for all of you. Kenshin and Misao, this is your prop." She reached down and tossed two stick-like objects made of grey foam to the former. "Sano and Hiko, this is your prop." She tossed the remaining red, mat-like foam to the latter two. "Now the thing is, they have to come up with as many ideas as they can, going back and forth for a few seconds each. Starting with Kenshin and Misao."

The two of them faced each other, their props ready.

"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu, Dou Ryu Sen!" Kenshin swung his prop in an arc against the ground, raising a cloud of dust to strike at Misao. "Sumanu, Misao-dono!" he called apologetically as Misao coughed, waving her prop.

Bluejay pressed her buzzer.

Sano wrapped the prop around him as though it were a jacket, his fingertips touching his lips in a lady-like position and said, "Ohohohoho!"

Bluejay snickered and pressed the buzzer.

Kenshin grinned at Misao. "Busu!"

"What did you call me?!" Misao proceeded to whack Kenshin with the prop.

This time, Bluejay had to laugh at that.

Sano had folded the mat to a standing position, as though a tombstone, while Hiko poured imaginary sake onto the 'grave.'

Bluejay buzzed back to Kenshin and Misao.

Misao held her prop at Kenshin and shouted, "Freeze!"

Kenshin threw his hands up, dropping his prop in surprise.

Snickering, Bluejay buzzed to Sano and Hiko.

Hiko sat on the prop, his legs crossed. "Grab some water from the well."

"Shishou!" Sano protested.

"I wasn't expecting guests so grab some water from the well."

Sano turned and pretended to do so.

Bluejay grinned and buzzed.

Misao lay on the ground with her arms crossed behind her head while Kenshin sat cross-legged, their props set against their legs as though they were fishing.

Bluejay buzzed to Sano and Hiko.

Hiko held up the much-folded prop as high as he could as though it were a sign.

"DAMEEEEEEEE!!!" Sano screamed.

Hiko let go of the prop, letting it bounce on the floor.

Bluejay laughed and buzzed to Kenshin and Misao.

Kenshin held up his prop horizontally, facing Misao.

Misao froze in place.

Bluejay buzzed them out.

Sano tossed the foam into the air. "Futae no Kiwame!" He punched the prop, making it explode and send pieces of foam everywhere.

"There's got to be a better way to get rid of trash." Hiko remarked indifferently.

Bluejay slapped the buzzer repeatedly, laughing as the four participants returned to their seats. "Oh that was great. A thousand points to all of you. Now, let's go to a game called Greatest Hits! This is for everyone. Kenshin and Hiko are spokesmen talking about the latest compilation album they're trying to sell while Sano and Misao will be performing snippets of the songs that Kenshin and Hiko will be making up for them." She turned to the audience. "Now what I need from the audience is a suggestion for something you look to find in the yellow pages."

She scribbled down the suggestions hollered by the audience. "Bookseller…Parlor…Plumber. Plumber it is." She turned to face the participants. "So, Greatest Hits, Songs of the Plumber. Go ahead."

"Konnichiwa!" Kenshin greeted cheerfully. "Sessha wa Haikankou Battousai." (translated as Battousai the Plumber)

"And I'm Exasperated Over my Idiotic Student." Hiko added.

"Shishou!"

"This afternoon, we've got a bargain for you. It's not as great as a compilation of songs all about me, though."

"Shishou!"

"We have over a hundred songs on this album, all about plumbers and the job they do."

"Some of these songs have been widely popular in their days. In fact, Sessha remembers that great T. M. Revolution hit, 'Heart of Pipe.'"

Onna and Hyouzan laughingly began the music of 'Heart of Sword' while Sano and Misao strummed imaginary guitars. As the music finished its introduction, the two of them sang together.

"We're the Meiji's

Best Plumbers of them all

We will fix any leakage that your faucets could get

No leak will escape

From our expertise

We will stop that drop before it hits the floor



Sano sang his lines as the small interlude ended.



"Water is very precious so you better save it up

It really won't help you much if you let it all drip."



Sano fell silent as Misao continued.



"So make sure that you have them checked regularly

So you won't have the problem of a shocking water bill."



As she tossed her braid wildly, Sano joined her.



"So who to call

When you need

Someone to fix

That broken pipe

Who else but us

The best ones of them all.



"We're the Meiji's

Best Plumbers of them all

We will fix any leakage that your faucets could get

No leak will escape

From our expertise

We will stop that drop before it hits the floor!"



The music ended abruptly, startling Sano and Misao in the middle of their wild guitar strumming.

"Maybe that was too fast as song." Kenshin offered.

"But this album is not composed of modern rock songs." Hiko pointed out.

"Hai de gozaru. It also has slower songs like Mayo Suzukaze's 'Ri-ku wa Shitte Iru.'" (translated as Leaks Know)

Misao sang as the music played the tune of 'Namida wa Shitte Iru.'



"Are you troubled by a tiny little leak

Dripping from your really rusty pipe?

Do puddles make your children slip

And cause some pain on your back?"



She fell silent as Sano continued for her.



"Have no fear because your trusty plumber's here

We will solve these problems really quick

So just relax and watch your kids

While we get into that damned pipe."



Then it was Misao's turn to sing again.



"We will work until that pipe looks just brand new

Polished and gleaming in the light."



Sano's voice came loud and threatening.



"We'll add a few extras to make your day all right

Just pay us well, or I'll punch your eyes out black and blue."



And then, they were singing the last stanza together.



"When it comes to the best that you will ever see

No one can beat us at all

So call us now to fix the pipes around your home

And you won't have to worry again about slipping!"


"Sessha is glad he hasn't slipped on any leaks lately." Kenshin remarked.

"If you did, you wouldn't be a student of mine."

"Shishou!"

"Here's another slow song for you song-lovers. Here's Kawamoto Makoto's '1/2 Bill'"

The music started and Sano began.


"Plumbers, they say, who needs them at all

Well, let me tell you

We are the ones who make your sinks and bathtubs work as well as

When you just bought them from the store."



Misao added her own stanza.



"And if you get clumsy and you break one open, you dolt

Pick up the phone and dial our number so we can get to

Your place and take care of it."



It was Sano's turn again.



"Then I'll remove the pipe from the sink

And bash you on the head for

Breaking this damn thing and

Making us all work."



Misao added another stanza.



"I'll show you the bill you owe us

Before stuffing it down your throat

And emptying your wallet of bills

Then leave you bleeding in the confines of your room."



They did a high-five and sang the last stanza together.



"Don't even think about suing us, you lamebrain

No one would even dare to believe you anyway, anyway, anyway!

We are not criminals or crooks or mafia

You called us for help to fix your stupid sink

So don't even bother

Don't even try to pin the blame on us

Cause we're just plain, ordinary, regular and two plumbers!"



Bluejay pressed her buzzer, laughing heartily. "Aw man! I'd hate to be the one to call you my plumbers."

"That's the point." Sano said.

"Right, right. Five hundred points…" She waited for any triumphant gestures, which consisted of Misao doing a bird-kick. "…to all the plumbers who call here in the next minute."

"Oro?!"

"That's going to be a lot of plumbers." Misao commented.

"Whoops, the one minute's up. So let's move on to a game called, Number of Words. This is for everybody. Get your papers and pencils or whatever else you write with and jot this down 'cause I won't repeat it. Anyway, the idea of this game is the four of them will act out a scene but they can only speak in sentences with a certain number of words. Now Kenshin, can only speak in one word. Hiko has two words. Sano has three words and Misao, because she's very verbal, can speak in five-word-sentences. Now the scene is, Hiko is training Kenshin while Sano and Misao, his friends, keep interrupting. So whenever you're ready, go ahead."

Hiko sat cross-legged on the floor and called Kenshin. "Baka deshi."

"Hai." Kenshin stepped into the scene.

"My sake."

"Nani?"

Misao entered. "I think he wants sake."

"Oro?!"

"No, he doesn't!" Sano argued.

"He wants to get drunk." Misao retorted.

"As always." Hiko replied.

"Don't kid me!" Sano crouched into a fighting position.

"Shut up and do it!" Misao yelled.

"Sessha…?" Kenshin pleaded.

"DO IT!!" Hiko commanded.

"Never! No way!" Sano retorted, defending Kenshin.

"Just get the stinking sake!" Misao urged.

Bluejay pressed her buzzer repeatedly. "Okay, that's enough. A thousand points to all of you and a thousand and one point to oro-boy."

"Oro?"

"'Cause he never did get that sake. So, before we get a drunk Hiko, I might as well announce the winner." She stood up from her desk and moved to the stage. "And it's our 13th Hiten Mitsurugi Master!"

Hiko began to walk arrogantly to the desk Bluejay abandoned. "Of course I win."

"Yeah, now smile when you take over my desk."

"No."

"Darn. Oh well." Bluejay signalled for the others to join her on the stage, placing Kenshin and Misao on the center with Sano to the far side of Misao as Bluejay moved to Kenshin's far side. "Now what we're going to do is a game called Questions Only! We're going to do a scene wherein we can only speak in questions. And if one of us makes a mistake, Hiko's going to buzz him or her out. Now, what's the scene, Hiko?"

Hiko took one of the cards on the desk and read it out loud. "'You are all at a New Year's party at the Kamiya dojo."

Kenshin faced Misao. "Misao-dono, have you seen Kaoru-dono?"

"Does it look like I have eyes behind my head?"

"Then who's watching over the rice?"

"Isn't Aoshi-sama in the kitchen?"

"Why is my shishou on the invite list?!"

"Don't look at me!"

A buzz filled the air and Misao left, replaced by Sano. "When's the food coming?"

"Where have you been with those clothes?!" Kenshin asked, shocked.

Sano shrugged. "Is there gonna be sake?

"Do I look like the planner of this party?"

"Where's Jou-chan?"

"Where's my laundry?"

"Where's the brat?"

"Yahiko?"

"Who else would I be calling a brat?"

"Ororororororororo?!"

Another buzz filled the air and Bluejay stepped forward to take Kenshin's place. "What's going on here?"

Sano stared at her in shock. "Who the heck are you?"

"Who do you think I am?"

"Are you the punk who planned this party?"

"And if I am?"

"Where's the sake?"

"Where do you think Hiko is hiding now?"

"You mean he's got the sake with him?!"

"You mean you actually didn't know it?"

Sano opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it and left. A buzz filled the air and Misao took Sano's place.

"Have you seen Aoshi-sama?" she asked Bluejay.

"Isn't he in the kitchen?"

"Aren't you one of the cooks?"

"Do I look like one?"

"Do you have to look like one?"

Bluejay started to retort but hesitated. Hiko repeatedly buzzed them out. "Aw man!"

She went back to the desk and signalled for Hiko to take the center stage while the others went back to their seats. "Okay, Hiko will be reading the credits for us as…Seta Soujiro!"

He managed to slip in a disgusted look before the ending credit music started.

"Arigatou to Aiyero Kirahore," he said, smiling. "For giving this idea. Bluejay Sylver, Teien Onna and Hyouzan-sama. They planned this. Himura Kenshin, Sagara Sanosuke, Makimachi Misao, and Hiko Seijuro. They performed greatly.

"And to Nobuhiro Watsuki and the creators of Whose Line is it Anyway. Arigatou."

***

Onna: Will there be a second installment? That is up to you! So click that review button!!!