Disclaimer: Once again, we don't own anything. Maybe the concepts but that's all. Not to mention a few guest characters (Genjo Sanzo and Son Goku) who belong to Kazuya Minekura, creator of Saiyuki and Hibiki Tokai from Vandread, property of Gonzo.

Lyrics of Greatest Hits are credited to Hyouzan. Arigatou!

Bluejay: And so we're back! From the other-space! We just walked in to find you there with that lost look upon your face!

Onna: I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have kept the muse away, if I've known for just one second she'll be back to bother me to write this fic!

Bluejay: What do you mean me?! You're the one who asked about it all of a sudden!

Onna: …walk out the door…!

*THWACK!!*

Onna: ITE!!

Bluejay: Hmph. *returns Sanzo's harisen* And so, on with the fic!

*****

"Hello, hello, hello!" Bluejay waved wildly to the audience. "After a long absence, welcome back to the show!" She turned towards the stage where three people were seated on three of the four seats positioned near the back of the raised dais. "Today, straight from Kyoto, it's Himura Kenshin! From Tokyo, Sagara Sanosuke! From somewhere, Hiko Seijuro! And…" she trailed off, grinning mischievously at the suspense, "from the gates of heck, SHISHIO MAKOTO!!!"

Flames exploded on the fourth seat, forming a dense white cloud of smoke. A seated figure was shadowed amidst the smog, clearing into the much-bandaged man known as Shishio.

"Daggone it!" Bluejay coughed as she walked towards the stage, her hand waving away the smoke. "This is the last time I'll agree to have special effects on an improv show!"

"This is the last time I'll agree to doing something like this." Shishio muttered.

"Right. Whatever. Anyhow!" Bluejay stepped up to her spot and seated herself behind her desk. "As I said, hello and welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway, the Rurouni Kenshin version. It's been a long time since this set's been used eh?" She grinned at the nods coming from both the audience and the improvers. She held up a sheet of paper and pretended to read from it. "Eeyup. This set's exclusively for the use of a certain show where everything's made up (equipment and stage props not included) and the points don't matter (like assurances saying said equipment and/or stage props are in working order)."

Sano's eyes widened and he began to twist around to check if his chair was sturdy.

"Oh well," Bluejay shrugged and offhandedly tossed the sheet of paper behind her. "If something goes wrong I'll just get another studio manager then. Moving on!" She picked up the handful of cards on her desk. "Our first game is called, 'Whose Line' This is for Hiko and Shishio." The two men stood up and began walking towards her. "Now what's going to happen is, we asked the audience for random lines for the show and some of them are in here," she held up two envelopes and handed one each to Hiko and Shishio. "Stuff them in your pockets. They've never seen those lines before and they have to act out a scene and use those lines. Now the scene is," she read from the stack of cards on her desk. "Hiko is hosting his own television show-" she paused as whoops and whistles came from the audience.

Bluejay grinned at Hiko. "Guess you've got a lot of fans out there tonight."

The Hiten Mitsurugi master looked down his nose at her as Shishio snorted in disdain.

"Anyhow," she continued reading. "Hiko is hosting his own show and he's dealing with an uncooperative guest, Shishio."

"Remind me to kill you after the show…" muttered the bandaged man.

"Erm…I'm hiding behind Kenshin then." Bluejay grinned innocently. "So, whenever you're ready, go ahead."

Shishio gave Bluejay one last glare before yelling with a frightful smirk. "Hey, Hiko! Great to see you!"

"Nice to have you on the show, Mummy," Hiko shot back. "So tell me, what is life in Hades like?"

"It's pretty cool. Yumi's with me all the time and I get to order around as many demons as I want."

Hiko pretended to roll his eyes and muttered, "You dimwit. Hades is supposed to be a scary place! This show is meant to discourage kids like my baka deshi from going there, not like it's worked though, but you're supposed to say," Hiko fished out a piece of paper, "'roll in the wasabi'!"

"I'm not going to do a stupid thing as roll in a bunch of horseradish paste," Shishio crossed his arms and glared at him. "I say what I *bleep*ing want to say!"

"Not in this show you don't."

"Well those people who made that rule can go flying out the window. As my good friend Houji always says, 'I like to go to the beach'!"

"The one thing Hades doesn't have."

Shishio just snorted.

Hiko gave him a tight smile. "I must say, you have quite a lot of mail from fans and haters alike. Like this letter here from a young girl who absolutely loathes the way you chewed on the neck of my baka deshi."

"Kiss my bandaged-"

"No swearing in this show either. Now tell me, what will be your response to this letter, which boils down to one line," Hiko smirked as he took out the other piece of paper, "'stop acting like a monkey'?"

"Do not make stoop as low as that idiot boy in the other show…"

"Na, Sanzo," a voice came from the audience. "What are they talking about? What idiot boy? Sanzo? Sanzo?"

"Urusei!" The sound of a hard object connecting to someone's skull resounded in the audience. "Kono bakasaru!"

Hiko winced. "There you have it."

"As I was saying, I refuse to say the lines on the placards, I refuse to even have this show aired, and I will not answer your idiotic questions. I will just say," Shishio pulled out the last piece of paper, "'Hey, look! They're giving away free pizza'!"

"Where?"

Bluejay pressed the buzzer, laughing. "A thousand points to Shishio for the monkey line. Hey, Goku. Better stay quiet in the audience," she said as Onna threw him a pork bun.

"Sankyu!"

"Let's get into the next game before Onna spoils the saru even further. We're now playing Greatest Hits. This is for Sano, Hiko and Kenshin. Sano and Hiko are presenters of a CD compilation while Kenshin will be singing small samples of songs. Now what I need from the audience is a manly profession."

The audience's voices clashed with each other as each person shouted out their suggestions. Bluejay leaned closer to the audience before chuckling.

"Zoo keeper sounds good!"

"Oro?!"

"Okay. This is Greatest Hits, songs of the zoo keeper. Take it away!"

"Good evening! My name is Troy McTough!" Sano grinned.

"And I'm Hiko the Devastatingly Handsome. Welcome to another show of us trying to sell you our repetitive and useless CDs."

"And have we a got treat for you," Sano nodded vigorously. "We have compiled over 500 songs of our favorite neighborhood zookeepers in 2 CDs! That is a lot of short songs."

"And of course nothing will beat Stephen Bishop's 'It Might Be You' the Replacement Version."

Kenshin rolled his eyes as Onna and Hyouzan played the opening chords.

"Time, I've been passing time sweeping elephant dung

All of my life

Lying on the hay watching elephants swim

Wishing there would be

Someone who'll replace me

Something's telling me it might be you

Yes, it's telling me it must be you

And I truly feel it must be you

Who'll get this job."

Sano shook his head. "Man, that must be a hard life, being a zookeeper."

"It sure is, and it's not only the elephants. This one's by Vengaboys 'Sha La La La' the Sweeping Remix."

"There's a monkey in the cage that I know is truly naughty

It keeps teasing me all day throwing garbage at me

It consumes a lot of food everyday and throws it everywhere

Until I know it piles up all around me.

"And I go sweeping here and there

Sweeping everywhere I see

O-o-oh

Sweeping here and there

Sweeping all around me

And I go washing here and there

Spraying everything with water

Cause I know everything's so annoying!"

"Well, that certainly sounds annoying," Hiko commented.

"Yeah, well not all of our songs bemoan about their jobs. Sometimes they talk about... well, something else! But then I always appreciate the classics, especially Elvis Presley."

"Really now?" Hiko raised an eyebrow.

Sano nodded. "Here's his hit single 'Cage House Rock'."

Kenshin snorted with laughter and began.

"Three little monkeys hanging on the trees

Five big koalas staring at me

Two kangaroos hopping on the field

One big group of penguins walking straight

Let's rock, everybody let's rock!

Everybody in the whole zoo block

Was dancin' to the cage house rock!"

Bluejay repeatedly pressed the buzzer, signaling the end of the game. "That was wonderful! A thousand points to all of you. We now move on to a game called Improbable Mission. This is for Sano, Hiko and Kenshin. What they're going to do is Hiko will give them a mission that they're supposed to do in the time allotted using whatever means necessary. Now what I need from the audience is a suggestion of a mundane, everyday activity."

She paused as the audience roared out their suggestions. "What? I heard laundry. Doing the laundry sounds good." She jotted it down and turned to the stage. "Okay, this is Improbable Mission 'doing the laundry' take it away."

Sano pretended to enter the room as he held an imaginary tape in his hand.

"Here, they sent us the tape through courier."

"I didn't know we had tapes in this century," remarked Kenshin while Sano "played" the tape.

Hiko imitated a scratchy voice as he spoke into the mic. "Good afternoon, rooster-head, baka deshi."

Sano scowled at the nickname as Hiko continued.

"The minister of Sagashiteru has a meeting to attend tonight. He had just fired his laundrywoman and hasn't found a suitable replacement. Your mission, since you can't do anything else but accept it, is to do his laundry in the fifteen minutes before he gets ready for the meeting, by any means possible.

"If any of you are caught or killed, I will not pour my precious sake on your graves. This tape will be hit by a kamikaze pilot... NOW!"

There was a scream of "Banzai!" followed by the sounds of a zooming plane and explosions.

"All right, Hitokiri Battousai, let's get into it!" Sano pumped his fist in the air.

Kenshin nodded and began "gathering" clothes. "We need soap de gozaru."

"Right," Sano agreed and shifted through the imaginary cabinets. "We don't have any!"

"Nani de gozaru?!"

"What do we do?"

"We can't do laundry without soap!!!"

Sano looked around frantically. "Hey! We can use the oil in your hair!"

"Nanda to?!"

"It softens your hair fibers right? It might work on fabric!"

"Wakatta..." Kenshin pretended to wring the oil from his hair. "Now we need some water."

"Take the cover off the well."

Kenshin proceeded to do just that. "Sano! The well is dried up!"

"WHAT?! Who's the idiot who forgot to replace the water?!"

"Oro... never mind that. We still have a mission to do. Now where do we get water...?"

Sano scratched his head.

"Oro!"

"What?"

"It's going to rain de gozaru!"

"Thank Kami-sama!"

Sano stretched out his hands when he remembered. "We don't have any basins or buckets."

"Orooooo..."

"Let's get that big-mouthed kid from... err... Nirvana or something... what's his name?"

"Hibiki Tokai de gozaru?"

"Yeah! Let's use his mouth as a basin!"

"TEME!" Hibiki cried from the audience.

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!! the loud drone of the buzzer cut into the scene amidst the loud applause and cheers of the audience. "Okay, break it up, break it up! No violence on the stage!" Bluejay continued to press the buzzer until Hibiki's ears were red. "Now that that's done, let's move on to Scenes from a Hat!" she took out a cowboy hat. "My thanks to Sha Gojyo for lending me this."

"OI!" Liv cried from the audience.

"Urusai, baka tokage."

"Sssss..." Kotsu, Liv's faithful lizard, hissed.

"Get the Australian loizard away from the set!"

"Do not DISS my lizard!"

"Loizard!" Bluejay shot back before she and her cousin engaged in a verbal fight.

"..." Onna was blushing as she stood up from behind the piano. "Ano... I've just been told that I am to be temporary host for this game while Bluejay, umm..., composes herself..."

Kaoru looked like she was about to faint.

"No, Kaoru, I will not embarrass you or Kenshin today."

Kaoru raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"Anyway, we had the audience write down scenes on small pieces of paper before the show started. We picked the best ones and placed them in that hat," Onna pointed at the other end of the stage. "Ano... should I move over there?"

"I think you'd better," Hyouzan said.

Onna quickly crossed the stage and picked up the hat. "As I was saying, I grab a scene and our improv-ers will act out as many scenes as they could think of. Starting with," she took out a slip of paper, "'Practical-joking swordsmen'."

Hiko stepped into the middle of the stage waving his sword. "Wedgie!"

BUZZ!

Kenshin took his place in the middle. "Saitou you insufferable *******! You glued my sakabatou again!"

BUZZ!

(Authors' Notes: Credits to the Narrator for this idea! ^^)

Onna took out another slip of paper, chuckling. "'Villains that aren't scary'."

Sano took his turn. "I will take over Japan! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA- oh, my bandages came off..."

BUZZ! went the buzzer before Shishio managed to retaliate over that comment.

"'Things that would make Kaoru worried'." Onna read.

Kenshin stepped out. "Ano... Kaoru-dono, Yahiko's cooking a thank you lunch today de gozaru yo."

BUZZ!

Sano took his turn. "Oi, Jou-chan, I got a job."

BUZZ!

"'What the Oniwabanshuu members do in their spare time'."

Sano stood in the center and pretended to throw something. "Tansatsu Kobi Kunai! Aoshi-sama! Dinner is ready!"

"TEME, TORI-ATAMA!"

BUZZ!

"'If Megumi ran out of bandages'."

Kenshin stepped out. "Oro... How come minna-san looks like they've been to the thrift store de gozaru?"

BUZZ!

Shishio stepped out. "YOU MEAN THE BANDAGED LOOK ISN'T IN ANYMORE?!"

BUZZ!

Sano took his place. "How come my shirts keep disappearing from Kistune-onna no kurinikku (clinic)?"

BUZZ!

"'Things the cast of RK would watch if they had television'."

Shishio stepped out. "Hey, turn up the tube. Blazing Mummies is on."

BUZZ!

"'If Kaoru took cooking lessons'."

Sano snorted before stepping out. "Oi Jou-chan! Your cooking is still bad!"

"Why you-"

BUZZ!

Kenshin smiled as he stepped out. "Sessha will still eat that de gozaru."

BUZZ!

"Awwww..." all the KxK fans in the audience swooned.

"'Other things Shishio might have done instead of bite Kenshin's neck'."

Shishio stepped out as he motioned Kenshin to join him. Then he pretended to stick Kenshin on his sword before roasting him over an imaginary fire.

"Orororororororooooooo?!"

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!!

"And-" Onna was about to pull out another slip of paper when the hat was snatched away from her.

"Eh?"

"That'll do, Onna." Bluejay held the hat beyond Onna's reach. "I'll take over now."

"Hai."

"And so," Bluejay fixed her ponytail as Onna meekly returned to her seat behind the piano. "It's time for our second to the last game! And it's called...Motown Group! Come on up, Hiko, Kenshin, and Shishio!"

She was grinning from ear to ear while the three men moved to the forefront, a noticeable distance between Shishio and the other two. "In this game, they'll be singing a song in the style of a Motown Group, right off the top of their heads. And of course, audience participation is limited to," she swivelled her chair to face the audience. "Suggestions of a manly profession."

"Samurai!" "Sumo Wrestler!" "Kuni Tori!"

"There!" She pointed eagerly at the stranger who shouted the last remark. "Judging by Onna's reaction," a wink at the almost-fallen-over-pianist. "I think that's the best idea. So, it's the Motown Group 'Do the Kuni Tori!' Ta-ake it away!"

The opening chords of the Motown tune started with Hiko and Kenshin mimicking a sword fight while Shishio bristled.

"Hey, listen up, Kyoto, barricade your shoji," Hiko sang.
"A lunatic mummy is rampaging
He's been doused with a lot of gas
And they tried to burn him down to crisp
Why?
Why?
'Cause he's not as handsome as me."

He moved to one side when Kenshin stepped forward and sang.

"As much as I would like to stay in Tokyo
I have to take my sword, give him a good whack
Or else he'll come after Kaoru-dono
Who'll probably beat him until the ends of heck and back."

"Don't let him do the Kuni Tori," added Hiko.

"Do the Kuni Tori."

Shishio was no longer bristling as he took up the song.

"Darling, I don't know why I kill
Maybe because of all the hatred I feel
The last time I lived I hit a snag
A red-haired man put me in a bag
Now you die!" He threatened Kenshin who leapt back as Hiko continued the song.

"Don't let him do the Kuni Tori
Do the Kuni Tori."

"First you wait for a mummy," Kenshin did a sword-fight 'dance' with Shishio as he sang.
"to threaten your town
Then you hunt his ship down and
make it sink
Then you charge his base, beat his men
And fight him until he burst into flames
And as Bluejay would say,
'Mmm... Crispy Shishio'
Yeah!"

"Do the Kuni Tori!"

Bluejay hit the buzzer long and hard. "My gosh," she said as the three of them went back to their seats, still eyeing each other. "Okay Kenny-guy, I didn't think that one would stick to your head. It's Hyouzan's idea, actually."

Hyouzan waved at her, one hand holding the neck of his electric guitar. Bluejay waved back at him cheerily. "Anyhow, we now move on to-"

Her words were cut off when the entire backdrop of the stage collapsed in a dusty heap behind the four improv-ers.

Eyes wide, she stared at the pile that was the backdrop. "Oh...my...gosh..."

The rest were all staring in shock as well. A second or two passed before Bluejay spoke again. "Wow, I guess that means we'll have to cut this one short. And so," quick as lightning, she was grinning like an idiot again. "Since he's been such a good sport today, the winner is... SHISHIO MAKOTO!!!"

The much-bandaged man grinned smugly while the others blinked.

"And since he's the winner, he gets to do the credits." Bluejay continued in a singsong voice. "Come on, Shishio, one last favour before you go back to he-eck."

He glared at her, promising death in his eyes as he moved to the front again and started reading out from the tele-prompting. "Thanks to the Narrator for the ideas. Special thanks also go to oro-chan, Diana Moon, Jason M. Lee, and Tan Kimiko. Bluejay and Onna would also like to say that they'll try to think of getting Soujiro to guest star next."

"But no promises!" Bluejay grinned widely along with Onna, waving farewell to the audience. "And now, WHERE'S MY STAGE MANAGER?!!!"

*****

Onna: *sweatdrops as she watches Bluejay attempt to glomp Sanzo*

Bluejay: Sanzo-sama!

Sanzo: *cocks and aims gun before Bluejay could get any closer*