Disclaimer: I write fanfics for the pure appreciation of Maki Murakami's work called Gravitation. All rights are held to her except for the lyrics called 'Don't Lie to Me' because I made them with my mediocre Japanese. ^^;;;
Aching Desire
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 4 – Torn in two.
You were going to leave me someday, Ryuichi. Everytime I looked at you, I thought this. I was just living in a dream,
I know that very well.
But I loved the dream you showed me whenever we were together. You know I am sincere with everything.
Except…
You need someone to inherit that great body, voice, and personality. I need to stay with my family because there is no one left to do it. Can't anyone understand that?
I can't be reckless and abandon it all. That's not how the world works. I have no right when my family has treated me well.
Even now, my brother is still trying to guide me to the right path.
And I know he is right.
"Follow your emotions," he said to me one time as he patted my shoulders. We looked at each other eye-to-eye.
"I want to be a writer. I want to be with Shuichi." He said. "If I can't have this, I will always find a way to. No one can ever stop me from what I want."
Maybe…
But we think differently, Yuki aniki.
Late in the night, I sneaked out of my room with a large trenchcoat. I don't know how I did it, but I slipped out the hospital.
At the street corner, I hailed for a cab and gave him a piece of paper. He nodded.
I know where you are, Ryuichi.
They said you left without a trace, but I know exactly where you are. You cannot fool me.
No matter what may come, I will always be connected to you, will I? I laughed to myself as I smiled while looking out the window at the blur of city lights.
The Chinese call this 'Yin Yuan'. We the Japanese call it 'The Red Threat of Fate'. But no, you called your own philosophy on this one. I even laughed at you for it. You called it, "Kumogorou's Law of Magnets".
I remember saying while laughing with my hand over my mouth, "What the hell?"
You smiled and threw Kumogorou on my lap. "See? Kumogorou is attracted to you because he likes you."
"You mean his owner does." I answered matter-of-factly as I watched the car window. The lights on the Seto bridge were dim yet nice to look at.
"And his owner only throws him in two ways." Ryuichi then took Kumagorou again into his hands and smiled. He threw him on my head. "See this is to give you an idea. But when I aim this to Tatsuha's heart, that means Tatsuha is mine. That's how the world works."
"And I only get touched by Kumagorou? Aww…" I sighed in fake display of defeat with a pout. "That's boring.
"Don't tempt me or I'll jump you right here and now."
I laughed aloud as my eyes opened in shock. "There's a driver beyond that dark screen in front of us, you know," I whispered.
"I'll have you even if I had the windows open," he seriously said as he leaned over me.
"This is my car. I rule my own world…"
"Whatever you want, your highness…" I replied with a seductive smile while inviting the kiss that he had started…
I clenched my hands as I started to begin to have tears in my hands. "That's how the world works…" I mumbled.
At that moment, the radio announcer said, "For those of you who haven't heard yet, Ryuichi Sakuma has been ill for a day now and we'd like to pay a tribute for him. So, just call in with your Nittle Grasper requests and we'll play them all night long."
My heart sank lower and even more from guilt.
Fate's really wringing me out now. No, it can't. Not until it has every drop of my blood while I sit here with a 100 degree fever and feel like I'm lifting imaginary weights.
"Ah!" The announcer continued, "We'll start off with 'Don't Lie to Me."
I sunk lower and lower into my seat wishing I could disappear.
Ryuichi's beautiful voice sang passionately with the fast tempo:
"Wakaranai. Wakaranai.
Uso to iu ka?
Kono kotoba wa boku no yume
demo...
Can you reach me?
Can you reach me?
Jibun no naka de,
ienai, nakitai yo.
I want to reach for you.
Do you understand me?
Kono omoi...
oboeteimasu ka?
Te to te
Me to me.
Miseteru.
But I feel like I'm not there.
Ima, touku yume wa
boku no mae ni.
Oshienasai,
boku no kokoro ga motto kowashita?
Humans are not meant to live this way.
Aisenai to omotte
Dekinai.
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix
I push you away
Don't care if I say I don't love you
Kill me if you must
But don't ever lie to me.
(whisper)
Want to touch you
Want to feel you
Why can't I feel you're near
when you're in front of me.
You tell me you love me
with your eyes.
Kowashita jibun
Gurasu no kagami ni
Datenshi
Namida ga koboreta,
demo kimi ga mienai.
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix anymore (hold me closer)
I push you away (because I want you near me)
Don't care if I say I don't love you (when I really do)
Kill me if you must (I don't care anymore)
But don't ever lie to me. (That would be worse than death.)"
I didn't mean to do this, Ryuichi. Please forgive me.
If you knew an inkling about how much this all feels right now, being torn between two sides of myself, you'd be strong for me too.
You know I would never do this to you. Trust me.
Please, just trust me on this one.
"I hope he gets better soon," the cab driver mumbled to himself.
"Me too." I answered without hesitation. I sighed to myself as I watched time pass like an eternity.
I have to get there as soon as I can.
I think-
No, I _know_ I'm the only one who can make my Baby better…
To be continued.
--
Author's note: Actually, the song was one I made up yesterday for my Yami no Matsuei fic called 'I'll stand by you.' And it was sung by Tsuzuki.
Well, thanks so far for the support, but guys, we've got to remember that I'm the one doing all the cruel things to Tatsuha. :^^;; Gomen ne! We can't blame him all the way. And I'm trying my best to bring out the chapters, but I've also got a lot of other series going too. Currently I'm also trying to finish X, Tokyo Babylon, and other fics. I believe that if I do rush these chapters, I won't give the care and love each fanfic needs. Besides, waiting is half of the fun, ne? * thinks about "Te Amo" by Akuma *
translation to Ryuichi's song for those interested:
"Wakaranai. Wakaranai.
I don't know. I don't know.
Uso to iu ka?
Did you say a lie?
Kono kotoba wa boku no yume demo...
These words are my dream, but...
Can you reach me?
Can you reach me?
Jibun no naka de,
Inside of myself,
ienai, nakitai yo.
I can't say. I want to cry!
I want to reach for you.
Do you understand me?
Kono omoi...
These thoughts...
oboeteimasu ka?
Do you remember?
Te to te
Hand to hand.
Me to me.
Eye to eye.
Miseteru.
Staring at one another.
But I feel like I'm not there.
Ima, touku yume wa boku no mae ni.
The faraway dream is in front of me now.
Oshienasai,
(Commanding you to) Tell me,
boku no kokoro ga motto kowashita?
Why is my heart so broken?
Humans are not meant to live this way.
Aisenai to omotte
I think, 'I cannot love'.
Dekinai.
I can't.
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix
I push you away
Don't care if I say I don't love you
Kill me if you must
But don't ever lie to me.
(whisper)
Want to touch you
Want to feel you
Why can't I feel you're near
when you're in front of me.
You tell me you love me
with your eyes.
Kowashita jibun
The broken self
Gurasu no kagami ni
In the glass mirror
Datenshi
The fallen angel
Namida ga koboreta,
tears had fallen.
demo kimi ga mienai.
but you can't see them.
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix anymore (hold me closer)
I push you away (because I want you near me)
Don't care if I say I don't love you (when I really do)
Kill me if you must (I don't care anymore)
But don't ever lie to me. (That would be worse than death.)"
Aching Desire
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 4 – Torn in two.
You were going to leave me someday, Ryuichi. Everytime I looked at you, I thought this. I was just living in a dream,
I know that very well.
But I loved the dream you showed me whenever we were together. You know I am sincere with everything.
Except…
You need someone to inherit that great body, voice, and personality. I need to stay with my family because there is no one left to do it. Can't anyone understand that?
I can't be reckless and abandon it all. That's not how the world works. I have no right when my family has treated me well.
Even now, my brother is still trying to guide me to the right path.
And I know he is right.
"Follow your emotions," he said to me one time as he patted my shoulders. We looked at each other eye-to-eye.
"I want to be a writer. I want to be with Shuichi." He said. "If I can't have this, I will always find a way to. No one can ever stop me from what I want."
Maybe…
But we think differently, Yuki aniki.
Late in the night, I sneaked out of my room with a large trenchcoat. I don't know how I did it, but I slipped out the hospital.
At the street corner, I hailed for a cab and gave him a piece of paper. He nodded.
I know where you are, Ryuichi.
They said you left without a trace, but I know exactly where you are. You cannot fool me.
No matter what may come, I will always be connected to you, will I? I laughed to myself as I smiled while looking out the window at the blur of city lights.
The Chinese call this 'Yin Yuan'. We the Japanese call it 'The Red Threat of Fate'. But no, you called your own philosophy on this one. I even laughed at you for it. You called it, "Kumogorou's Law of Magnets".
I remember saying while laughing with my hand over my mouth, "What the hell?"
You smiled and threw Kumogorou on my lap. "See? Kumogorou is attracted to you because he likes you."
"You mean his owner does." I answered matter-of-factly as I watched the car window. The lights on the Seto bridge were dim yet nice to look at.
"And his owner only throws him in two ways." Ryuichi then took Kumagorou again into his hands and smiled. He threw him on my head. "See this is to give you an idea. But when I aim this to Tatsuha's heart, that means Tatsuha is mine. That's how the world works."
"And I only get touched by Kumagorou? Aww…" I sighed in fake display of defeat with a pout. "That's boring.
"Don't tempt me or I'll jump you right here and now."
I laughed aloud as my eyes opened in shock. "There's a driver beyond that dark screen in front of us, you know," I whispered.
"I'll have you even if I had the windows open," he seriously said as he leaned over me.
"This is my car. I rule my own world…"
"Whatever you want, your highness…" I replied with a seductive smile while inviting the kiss that he had started…
I clenched my hands as I started to begin to have tears in my hands. "That's how the world works…" I mumbled.
At that moment, the radio announcer said, "For those of you who haven't heard yet, Ryuichi Sakuma has been ill for a day now and we'd like to pay a tribute for him. So, just call in with your Nittle Grasper requests and we'll play them all night long."
My heart sank lower and even more from guilt.
Fate's really wringing me out now. No, it can't. Not until it has every drop of my blood while I sit here with a 100 degree fever and feel like I'm lifting imaginary weights.
"Ah!" The announcer continued, "We'll start off with 'Don't Lie to Me."
I sunk lower and lower into my seat wishing I could disappear.
Ryuichi's beautiful voice sang passionately with the fast tempo:
"Wakaranai. Wakaranai.
Uso to iu ka?
Kono kotoba wa boku no yume
demo...
Can you reach me?
Can you reach me?
Jibun no naka de,
ienai, nakitai yo.
I want to reach for you.
Do you understand me?
Kono omoi...
oboeteimasu ka?
Te to te
Me to me.
Miseteru.
But I feel like I'm not there.
Ima, touku yume wa
boku no mae ni.
Oshienasai,
boku no kokoro ga motto kowashita?
Humans are not meant to live this way.
Aisenai to omotte
Dekinai.
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix
I push you away
Don't care if I say I don't love you
Kill me if you must
But don't ever lie to me.
(whisper)
Want to touch you
Want to feel you
Why can't I feel you're near
when you're in front of me.
You tell me you love me
with your eyes.
Kowashita jibun
Gurasu no kagami ni
Datenshi
Namida ga koboreta,
demo kimi ga mienai.
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix anymore (hold me closer)
I push you away (because I want you near me)
Don't care if I say I don't love you (when I really do)
Kill me if you must (I don't care anymore)
But don't ever lie to me. (That would be worse than death.)"
I didn't mean to do this, Ryuichi. Please forgive me.
If you knew an inkling about how much this all feels right now, being torn between two sides of myself, you'd be strong for me too.
You know I would never do this to you. Trust me.
Please, just trust me on this one.
"I hope he gets better soon," the cab driver mumbled to himself.
"Me too." I answered without hesitation. I sighed to myself as I watched time pass like an eternity.
I have to get there as soon as I can.
I think-
No, I _know_ I'm the only one who can make my Baby better…
To be continued.
--
Author's note: Actually, the song was one I made up yesterday for my Yami no Matsuei fic called 'I'll stand by you.' And it was sung by Tsuzuki.
Well, thanks so far for the support, but guys, we've got to remember that I'm the one doing all the cruel things to Tatsuha. :^^;; Gomen ne! We can't blame him all the way. And I'm trying my best to bring out the chapters, but I've also got a lot of other series going too. Currently I'm also trying to finish X, Tokyo Babylon, and other fics. I believe that if I do rush these chapters, I won't give the care and love each fanfic needs. Besides, waiting is half of the fun, ne? * thinks about "Te Amo" by Akuma *
translation to Ryuichi's song for those interested:
"Wakaranai. Wakaranai.
I don't know. I don't know.
Uso to iu ka?
Did you say a lie?
Kono kotoba wa boku no yume demo...
These words are my dream, but...
Can you reach me?
Can you reach me?
Jibun no naka de,
Inside of myself,
ienai, nakitai yo.
I can't say. I want to cry!
I want to reach for you.
Do you understand me?
Kono omoi...
These thoughts...
oboeteimasu ka?
Do you remember?
Te to te
Hand to hand.
Me to me.
Eye to eye.
Miseteru.
Staring at one another.
But I feel like I'm not there.
Ima, touku yume wa boku no mae ni.
The faraway dream is in front of me now.
Oshienasai,
(Commanding you to) Tell me,
boku no kokoro ga motto kowashita?
Why is my heart so broken?
Humans are not meant to live this way.
Aisenai to omotte
I think, 'I cannot love'.
Dekinai.
I can't.
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix
I push you away
Don't care if I say I don't love you
Kill me if you must
But don't ever lie to me.
(whisper)
Want to touch you
Want to feel you
Why can't I feel you're near
when you're in front of me.
You tell me you love me
with your eyes.
Kowashita jibun
The broken self
Gurasu no kagami ni
In the glass mirror
Datenshi
The fallen angel
Namida ga koboreta,
tears had fallen.
demo kimi ga mienai.
but you can't see them.
Pick up the pieces that I can't fix anymore (hold me closer)
I push you away (because I want you near me)
Don't care if I say I don't love you (when I really do)
Kill me if you must (I don't care anymore)
But don't ever lie to me. (That would be worse than death.)"