Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami-sama.
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 13 - Trapped within my heart.
That same night, after visiting Aniki and Shuichi, Ryuichi nor I could go to sleep. I was in bed pondering on the advice my brother had given me, so I couldn't even fall asleep.
Every time I thought I was almost there, worries started up in my stomach and I got frustrated to the point that I just got of the bed.
I knew what my boy was doing, though.
When he was stressed, he sang.
When he couldn't do that, he wrote songs.
So, it wasn't so surprising to see find my Ryuichi sitting cross-legged on the couch and tapping the eraser of his pencil on his knee. Then, he would bite on the eraser cutely, but in frustrated concentration.
* write, write *
I then sneaked up on him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders as I read what he was writing on his song notepad, the only one reserved for song writing:
"When you're caught in between
Desire and Pain
Tell me where's the difference
If I experience both
At the same time.
Aching...Desire...
Sinking beyond what I want
I'd do anything for you.
I'd sell my soul
If I can keep you
All to myself.
(All to myself)
You tell me that love's a path
Where everyone treads,
But how come you can't tell me
The destination?
In my mind
I shattered into pieces
And bleed on your feet
While you walked all over my heart
With a smile..."
"It's not finished yet," he pouted as he sighed.
"What's wrong?" I asked. "What do you want to do with it?"
He patted his throat. "Utaenai."
I sighed. "It's because you can't sing along with it..."
He patted my cheek. "Don't worry too much."
I smiled back though he knew that I was still depressed over stressing him out.
"Give me a title for it, Tatsuha?"
"AH!" I shouted as he threw his pad to one side and pulled me to his lap. He hugged me and asked, "So, what do you think I should call this song we're making?"
I looked at the lyrics again.
"Hmm..." I looked at him and seriously said, "Aching Desire..."
Ryuichi poked me on the forehead with a smile. "Thank you!"
I sighed again as I snuggled there on his warm lap. "Ryuichi? Can I ask you a serious question?"
He nodded at me. "What's up?"
"I want to have a kid."
His eyes opened and looked at him and at me.
I hit him on the head playfully. "Don't get confused! What I meant was how about if we adopt?"
He thought about it for a moment.
"Wait...actually..." I put my finger on his lips. "Before you answer this, I want to propose something."
Ryuichi nodded his head slowly in apprehension. He then threw Kumagorou at my head. "Stop being nervous! You know you can ask me anything!"
"I know, but this is going to be kind of different..." I looked around as I closed my eyes. "I don't know how to put this, Ryuichi."
He started to pat my back to comfort me.
I smiled softly. "If...if we could have a child, my father would have an heir and I could stay with you."
I then got up unable to handle the tension though I loved the comfort of being in his arms. This wasn't the time for it.
I paced about the room and Ryuichi began to sweatdrop.
"We have to find Tsuki, Ryuichi," I seriously said. "If you let me..."
I stopped to look at him deeply in the eyes to finally let out my weird suggestion. "I will have a child with her. I haven't yet asked her this of course, but if I know her, she'll agree to this weird arrangement."
Ryuichi got up in protest as he held my shoulders, "I know you've thought this out and I appreciate it...but I am _NOT_ sharing you with anyone else."
"This is the only way I can think of," my tone was in desparation as I looked from side to side in confusion. "I'm at my last card."
"It won't make me happy, Tatsuha," he honestly said as he turned his back to me.
I then grabbed him from behind and pinned my forehead gently on his back. "I'm sorry, Ryuichi. Don't be upset with me."
I slipped a bit while still wrapping my arms around him. "Please...please understand."
He slumped onto the couch as I continued to hold him almost in tears.
I don't know what to do...
I'm trying anything I can think of because I'm so desparate...
I want to make you happy like you have made me...
I understand now how much you want to keep me...
But...
* sigh *
He looked at me as he held my face. "I...I cannot share you with anyone...Please understand this much."
We're running out of time, Ryuichi...
If I tell you why, you'll worry more about me...
In frustration, I got up in anger. "Either way I pick, I'm screwed. You're not happy or my father isn't happy."
I shouted, "And the only thing that makes me happy is just being with you! Sappy as it sounds, that's all I want!"
"It's so simple in a stupid book. A boy and girl meet. They fall in love. They get married." I looked at him trying to express the pressure I was in. "But it's not so simple in real life. You fall for a super famous rockstar and you're monk. You're both male with a fifteen year difference. And to top it all off, you throw in a father who opposes just the concept of them being together."
"I know life isn't fair..." I backed away as I felt myself almost crying. My body began to ache, especially my heart. "Why...why is it so hard to ask?!"
Ryuichi looked at me distantly as I stared back at him.
I then tilted my head as I began to wipe my tears with the back of my hand. "No one wants to share me with anyone, and I'm trying to understand what you all want from me..."
I shook my head, "But what do I keep, Ryuichi? What do I keep if everyone keeps on wanting a piece of my mind or my mind or my soul?"
"I don't know what to do anymore. Please tell me what I'm supposed to do..." I held his face as I kissed him on the mouth with all my heart, as burdened and heavy as it felt at that moment. "I love you so much I've given everything I have, Ryuichi. I don't know what else to give."
I walked to the door as I turned the knob. "I need to breathe."
Click.
The door closed behind me as I walked quickly away.
I feel so trapped...
And I feel like I'm slowly dying.
If I can't have you Ryuichi...
I'd...
I...
...
To be continued...
--
Author's note: I was currently listening to Predilection as I did this chapter so thank you so much to Yama and Katka for helping me find the song, so this chapter's dedicated to you! ^_^
I'm feeling very depressed right now so I won't get to update too often this week. Please be patient with me because I have to get my life in order. That's why I think Kappei's song came at opportune time. It seems confusing and that's what I am right now. But he always makes me feel better whenever I hear him. (Not to mention the fact that I've listened to him for over 6 years and tempted to do these lyrics by ear...@_@)
So, thank you so much for the feedback. You can't imagine how happy I am to hear so many people not only liking the fic, not only getting into it, but for the encouragement.
Thank you very much!!!
Again, I'm just warning you again that this will take a long time to finish at the rate I'm going. ;_; But I hope you're enjoying it though!!! Hope you liked this really heart-wrenching chapter too! ;_;
And I felt my heart cringe as I did this chapter...
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 13 - Trapped within my heart.
That same night, after visiting Aniki and Shuichi, Ryuichi nor I could go to sleep. I was in bed pondering on the advice my brother had given me, so I couldn't even fall asleep.
Every time I thought I was almost there, worries started up in my stomach and I got frustrated to the point that I just got of the bed.
I knew what my boy was doing, though.
When he was stressed, he sang.
When he couldn't do that, he wrote songs.
So, it wasn't so surprising to see find my Ryuichi sitting cross-legged on the couch and tapping the eraser of his pencil on his knee. Then, he would bite on the eraser cutely, but in frustrated concentration.
* write, write *
I then sneaked up on him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders as I read what he was writing on his song notepad, the only one reserved for song writing:
"When you're caught in between
Desire and Pain
Tell me where's the difference
If I experience both
At the same time.
Aching...Desire...
Sinking beyond what I want
I'd do anything for you.
I'd sell my soul
If I can keep you
All to myself.
(All to myself)
You tell me that love's a path
Where everyone treads,
But how come you can't tell me
The destination?
In my mind
I shattered into pieces
And bleed on your feet
While you walked all over my heart
With a smile..."
"It's not finished yet," he pouted as he sighed.
"What's wrong?" I asked. "What do you want to do with it?"
He patted his throat. "Utaenai."
I sighed. "It's because you can't sing along with it..."
He patted my cheek. "Don't worry too much."
I smiled back though he knew that I was still depressed over stressing him out.
"Give me a title for it, Tatsuha?"
"AH!" I shouted as he threw his pad to one side and pulled me to his lap. He hugged me and asked, "So, what do you think I should call this song we're making?"
I looked at the lyrics again.
"Hmm..." I looked at him and seriously said, "Aching Desire..."
Ryuichi poked me on the forehead with a smile. "Thank you!"
I sighed again as I snuggled there on his warm lap. "Ryuichi? Can I ask you a serious question?"
He nodded at me. "What's up?"
"I want to have a kid."
His eyes opened and looked at him and at me.
I hit him on the head playfully. "Don't get confused! What I meant was how about if we adopt?"
He thought about it for a moment.
"Wait...actually..." I put my finger on his lips. "Before you answer this, I want to propose something."
Ryuichi nodded his head slowly in apprehension. He then threw Kumagorou at my head. "Stop being nervous! You know you can ask me anything!"
"I know, but this is going to be kind of different..." I looked around as I closed my eyes. "I don't know how to put this, Ryuichi."
He started to pat my back to comfort me.
I smiled softly. "If...if we could have a child, my father would have an heir and I could stay with you."
I then got up unable to handle the tension though I loved the comfort of being in his arms. This wasn't the time for it.
I paced about the room and Ryuichi began to sweatdrop.
"We have to find Tsuki, Ryuichi," I seriously said. "If you let me..."
I stopped to look at him deeply in the eyes to finally let out my weird suggestion. "I will have a child with her. I haven't yet asked her this of course, but if I know her, she'll agree to this weird arrangement."
Ryuichi got up in protest as he held my shoulders, "I know you've thought this out and I appreciate it...but I am _NOT_ sharing you with anyone else."
"This is the only way I can think of," my tone was in desparation as I looked from side to side in confusion. "I'm at my last card."
"It won't make me happy, Tatsuha," he honestly said as he turned his back to me.
I then grabbed him from behind and pinned my forehead gently on his back. "I'm sorry, Ryuichi. Don't be upset with me."
I slipped a bit while still wrapping my arms around him. "Please...please understand."
He slumped onto the couch as I continued to hold him almost in tears.
I don't know what to do...
I'm trying anything I can think of because I'm so desparate...
I want to make you happy like you have made me...
I understand now how much you want to keep me...
But...
* sigh *
He looked at me as he held my face. "I...I cannot share you with anyone...Please understand this much."
We're running out of time, Ryuichi...
If I tell you why, you'll worry more about me...
In frustration, I got up in anger. "Either way I pick, I'm screwed. You're not happy or my father isn't happy."
I shouted, "And the only thing that makes me happy is just being with you! Sappy as it sounds, that's all I want!"
"It's so simple in a stupid book. A boy and girl meet. They fall in love. They get married." I looked at him trying to express the pressure I was in. "But it's not so simple in real life. You fall for a super famous rockstar and you're monk. You're both male with a fifteen year difference. And to top it all off, you throw in a father who opposes just the concept of them being together."
"I know life isn't fair..." I backed away as I felt myself almost crying. My body began to ache, especially my heart. "Why...why is it so hard to ask?!"
Ryuichi looked at me distantly as I stared back at him.
I then tilted my head as I began to wipe my tears with the back of my hand. "No one wants to share me with anyone, and I'm trying to understand what you all want from me..."
I shook my head, "But what do I keep, Ryuichi? What do I keep if everyone keeps on wanting a piece of my mind or my mind or my soul?"
"I don't know what to do anymore. Please tell me what I'm supposed to do..." I held his face as I kissed him on the mouth with all my heart, as burdened and heavy as it felt at that moment. "I love you so much I've given everything I have, Ryuichi. I don't know what else to give."
I walked to the door as I turned the knob. "I need to breathe."
Click.
The door closed behind me as I walked quickly away.
I feel so trapped...
And I feel like I'm slowly dying.
If I can't have you Ryuichi...
I'd...
I...
...
To be continued...
--
Author's note: I was currently listening to Predilection as I did this chapter so thank you so much to Yama and Katka for helping me find the song, so this chapter's dedicated to you! ^_^
I'm feeling very depressed right now so I won't get to update too often this week. Please be patient with me because I have to get my life in order. That's why I think Kappei's song came at opportune time. It seems confusing and that's what I am right now. But he always makes me feel better whenever I hear him. (Not to mention the fact that I've listened to him for over 6 years and tempted to do these lyrics by ear...@_@)
So, thank you so much for the feedback. You can't imagine how happy I am to hear so many people not only liking the fic, not only getting into it, but for the encouragement.
Thank you very much!!!
Again, I'm just warning you again that this will take a long time to finish at the rate I'm going. ;_; But I hope you're enjoying it though!!! Hope you liked this really heart-wrenching chapter too! ;_;
And I felt my heart cringe as I did this chapter...