Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravi. 'Ningyo Hime' is from Chobits. Zetsuai is by Minami Ozaki.
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
by miyamoto yui
Chapter 23 – Soba ni iru no…zutto…zutto… (To be near you…for always…for always…)
Well, the job wasn't so bad after all. I was just going up to doors of females and giving the compliment flowers and candy.
So, pretty much, I was a paid date.
It wasn't that awful except for that woman who paid for me two days in a row because she thought I was too adorable to just have one time around. She even outbid the person who was supposed to be my 'date' one evening. I found that funny, but I earned every penny when I had to do ballroom dancing.
Katsumi gave me a crash course on the salsa and the boogie, but I still don't know how I got through that one.
I had grown quite fond of Katsumi. She was even nice enough to give me 10 percent more than the others since I was so successful. And for only two weeks too!
So, being a paid date wasn't all bad. The women were very decent.
Eh heh heh…if they only knew I was gay. But then again, for only one guy. ^^;;;
I swear…I'm starting to sound like that idol Aniki loved so much. I think his name was Kouji Nanjo?
Anyway, I knew my time was running out as two weeks passed and someone came up to me as I bowed to my date for the evening. The woman smiled as I let go of her hand with Her payment slipping into my fingers as her chauffeur held out the door for her.
The blond woman then put down her window as she winked at me. "I'll call you again sometime."
I just nodded and smiled trying not to show how much I loathed doing this for this particular woman. "Then, see you next time."
"I left my card with you." Again, she smiled. "Just in case, Shin-san."
As her window went up, I watched her leave the parking lot. When I turned around, I sighed and closed my eyes happy that the ordeal was over.
"Shin-san…is that what they call you now?" a voice behind me said.
I opened my eyes widely as my back still faced them.
"It's just a code name my employer gave me."
"I never thought you'd sell yourself so easily, Uesugi Tatsuha."
Angrily, I turned around while ripping away the bowtie of my tuxedo. "You know me to be better than that Sakuma Ryuichi!"
"Yes, I had." He just looked at me blankly.
And that hurt a lot.
He looked through me as if I were a piece of trash.
"If you've nothing better to say, stop wasting my time," I said as I turned around to walk away.
He then grabbed my shoulder. "You're the one who ran away from me first."
"It was a mistake! You know I would never do that to you!" I took off his hand from my shoulder pretending as if it was the filthiest thing on the planet while closing my eyes…
…how much I realized that I had missed him just touching me…
…even if he hated me.
"Really?"
It was then that I just shook my head and ran back to my hotel with Ryuichi right on my heels. No matter what shortcuts or alleyways I passed, whenever I looked in back of me, there he was running after me.
When I made it to my room, I jammed my key into my lock, but he had caught up to me. Ryuichi pushed me lightly into the room as he pressed his back onto the door and locked it behind him.
"I left your hotel room like you asked me too. Please leave mine," I harshly said trying not to make a scene or shout to cause any alarm. "Get out of my room, Ryuichi."
He shook his head. "I looked for you after you left me. I can't leave you now, Tatsuha."
Then, in an insult, he threw money onto the floor. "How much do they pay you?"
"What the hell?!"
Tap…tap…tap…
He walked closer and closer to me as the yen fell quietly to the carpet.
"How much do I have to pay to get you back?!"
I shook my head. "I didn't sell my body to anyone, Ryuichi!"
It was then that he tore my jacket away from me as he held my wrists firmly. "It's all the same to me, Tatsuha. If they can pay to have you for a date, I'll pay to have you all night. Now, tell me how much do I need to pay?!"
"Ryuichi…" I began to cry as I stared at him in humiliation.
"This isn't enough, is it?" Ryuichi then gave me a gentle look as he stared directly into my eyes. "What else do you want from me?"
Shaking my head more, I said, "I…I…"
I became numb again as I laughed and shook him. "Ryuichi! Get a hold of yourself!"
Then, he threw me on the bed and pinned my wrists to each side.
"Tatsuha! Tell me how much I need to pay to get you back!!!"
"But I thought you didn't want me anymore?! You threw me out! You said you never wanted to see me again!" Then I really looked at him. "You won't forgive me for what I've done! I know how you are more than anyone else, Ryuichi!"
At that moment, he whispered to my ear, "Why are you hiding from me, Tatsuha?"
He began to kiss my neck.
"Nothing, Ryuichi." I sighed as I closed my eyes not wanting to tell more than I should. "I told you everything I could. You wouldn't listen to me."
Ripping my shirt, he made it seem like it was just a piece of fabric that could be easily bought. His eyes stared down at me as I looked at him.
Unfastening his belt, he then kissed on my shoulder blades. "Tatsuha…don't you love me anymore?"
I closed my eyes trying not to cry as I answered, "Of course I do…"
Sucking on my chest, he then asked, "Tell me how to get you back Tatsuha…"
"I'm always with you."
Taking my shoulders and holding them with shaking hands, he said, "Then, why did you do this to me?"
My eyes looked away. "I had no choice. Either I die on the street or do this. Pick what you would have wanted me to do."
"You're mine…"
"I know." I nodded my head. "Then show me you forgive me, Ryuichi..."
But it's too late, Ryuichi…
You won't forgive me if I told you now...
He then unbuttoned my pants with his tongue as he pulled the zipper with his teeth.
It was then that I began to look at one side.
"That woman…she tried to sleep with me."
"I could tell."
I looked away. "She tried to corner me in her room."
"She did WHAT?"
It was then that I took off Ryuichi's shirt as I held his waist while I looked up at him. He eyed me as he began to violently kiss me all over the place while angrily saying, "These are my lips. This is my throat…this heart is mine…"
Until morning, there was nothing but the sounds that only lovers make as he 'forgave me' and got so much more jealous at the prospect of anyone else trying to even touch me…
I then laid my head on the pillow as Ryuichi let go of his grip on my hips and fell on the bed tiredly. I laughed as I held onto his stomach just being happy that he was next to me.
Just hearing him breathe was peaceful to me…
But as soon as he fell asleep, I looked at the window. Even if the curtains were closed, I looked at my god Ryuichi.
The one that was giving up everything for me.
"I can't even forgive myself," I whispered as I got up making sure I didn't wake him up.
Packing all my things, I sighed.
He turned over and I stopped making noise around the room while fixing it.
Then, I heard him breathe heavily and I knew he was sleeping again. Zipping up my bag, I then wrote a note and left it on the stand. Taking the photo frame into my hands, my fingers began to shake as I stuffed that into my bag.
After rezipping it, I brushed his hair away from his forehead and kissed him with my eyes closed.
"You won't forgive me, Ryuichi." I took my bag and put the strap on my shoulder. "I love you too much to hurt you again."
Funny how we all say these things that are paradoxes in themselves.
Running away won't solve anything. But being with him would cause more problems for him and I didn't want to do that to him.
Not again.
"Always stay near me, Tatsu…" he whispered in his dream.
I closed my eyes painfully as I turned around to leave.
"I'm sorry, Ryu."
Click.
I paid the cashier and gave the money of that wicked woman to a bum on the street. "You need this more than I do."
As I looked at the window of my former room, I knew Ryuichi would be getting up soon. And so, I ran as fast as I could with my hands in my pockets.
And he'll read,
"I hope you'll find what you're truly looking for, Ryu. It can't be me. I know it. We always seem to hurt each other…so, I can't be the one that can make you happy.
I have the picture you gave me when you smiled while being confused. I think that's enough for me.
* tear stain *
Thanks for remembering yesterday was the first day we met years ago…
I'm sorry that this will be the last time I'll see you.
Love you.
But that isn't a good enough word to describe what is between us, right? It's a weak word. I'm almost starting to hate it.
It isn't enough…and I'm frustrated with that very fact.
It isn't enough.
Goodbye, Ryu."
At that moment, my heart crunched while I passed some shop as a woman sang,
"Soba ni iru no…Zutto…Zutto."
I ran even faster trying not to cry again.
To be continued…
--
Author's note: More angst coming ahead. For once, I'm actually warning you because I can't believe I'm doing this to Ryuichi…wah…
And yes, this has turned into a real drama. Nooo! I didn't want to do that!!
But...I think is the chapter I like the best so far...
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
by miyamoto yui
Chapter 23 – Soba ni iru no…zutto…zutto… (To be near you…for always…for always…)
Well, the job wasn't so bad after all. I was just going up to doors of females and giving the compliment flowers and candy.
So, pretty much, I was a paid date.
It wasn't that awful except for that woman who paid for me two days in a row because she thought I was too adorable to just have one time around. She even outbid the person who was supposed to be my 'date' one evening. I found that funny, but I earned every penny when I had to do ballroom dancing.
Katsumi gave me a crash course on the salsa and the boogie, but I still don't know how I got through that one.
I had grown quite fond of Katsumi. She was even nice enough to give me 10 percent more than the others since I was so successful. And for only two weeks too!
So, being a paid date wasn't all bad. The women were very decent.
Eh heh heh…if they only knew I was gay. But then again, for only one guy. ^^;;;
I swear…I'm starting to sound like that idol Aniki loved so much. I think his name was Kouji Nanjo?
Anyway, I knew my time was running out as two weeks passed and someone came up to me as I bowed to my date for the evening. The woman smiled as I let go of her hand with Her payment slipping into my fingers as her chauffeur held out the door for her.
The blond woman then put down her window as she winked at me. "I'll call you again sometime."
I just nodded and smiled trying not to show how much I loathed doing this for this particular woman. "Then, see you next time."
"I left my card with you." Again, she smiled. "Just in case, Shin-san."
As her window went up, I watched her leave the parking lot. When I turned around, I sighed and closed my eyes happy that the ordeal was over.
"Shin-san…is that what they call you now?" a voice behind me said.
I opened my eyes widely as my back still faced them.
"It's just a code name my employer gave me."
"I never thought you'd sell yourself so easily, Uesugi Tatsuha."
Angrily, I turned around while ripping away the bowtie of my tuxedo. "You know me to be better than that Sakuma Ryuichi!"
"Yes, I had." He just looked at me blankly.
And that hurt a lot.
He looked through me as if I were a piece of trash.
"If you've nothing better to say, stop wasting my time," I said as I turned around to walk away.
He then grabbed my shoulder. "You're the one who ran away from me first."
"It was a mistake! You know I would never do that to you!" I took off his hand from my shoulder pretending as if it was the filthiest thing on the planet while closing my eyes…
…how much I realized that I had missed him just touching me…
…even if he hated me.
"Really?"
It was then that I just shook my head and ran back to my hotel with Ryuichi right on my heels. No matter what shortcuts or alleyways I passed, whenever I looked in back of me, there he was running after me.
When I made it to my room, I jammed my key into my lock, but he had caught up to me. Ryuichi pushed me lightly into the room as he pressed his back onto the door and locked it behind him.
"I left your hotel room like you asked me too. Please leave mine," I harshly said trying not to make a scene or shout to cause any alarm. "Get out of my room, Ryuichi."
He shook his head. "I looked for you after you left me. I can't leave you now, Tatsuha."
Then, in an insult, he threw money onto the floor. "How much do they pay you?"
"What the hell?!"
Tap…tap…tap…
He walked closer and closer to me as the yen fell quietly to the carpet.
"How much do I have to pay to get you back?!"
I shook my head. "I didn't sell my body to anyone, Ryuichi!"
It was then that he tore my jacket away from me as he held my wrists firmly. "It's all the same to me, Tatsuha. If they can pay to have you for a date, I'll pay to have you all night. Now, tell me how much do I need to pay?!"
"Ryuichi…" I began to cry as I stared at him in humiliation.
"This isn't enough, is it?" Ryuichi then gave me a gentle look as he stared directly into my eyes. "What else do you want from me?"
Shaking my head more, I said, "I…I…"
I became numb again as I laughed and shook him. "Ryuichi! Get a hold of yourself!"
Then, he threw me on the bed and pinned my wrists to each side.
"Tatsuha! Tell me how much I need to pay to get you back!!!"
"But I thought you didn't want me anymore?! You threw me out! You said you never wanted to see me again!" Then I really looked at him. "You won't forgive me for what I've done! I know how you are more than anyone else, Ryuichi!"
At that moment, he whispered to my ear, "Why are you hiding from me, Tatsuha?"
He began to kiss my neck.
"Nothing, Ryuichi." I sighed as I closed my eyes not wanting to tell more than I should. "I told you everything I could. You wouldn't listen to me."
Ripping my shirt, he made it seem like it was just a piece of fabric that could be easily bought. His eyes stared down at me as I looked at him.
Unfastening his belt, he then kissed on my shoulder blades. "Tatsuha…don't you love me anymore?"
I closed my eyes trying not to cry as I answered, "Of course I do…"
Sucking on my chest, he then asked, "Tell me how to get you back Tatsuha…"
"I'm always with you."
Taking my shoulders and holding them with shaking hands, he said, "Then, why did you do this to me?"
My eyes looked away. "I had no choice. Either I die on the street or do this. Pick what you would have wanted me to do."
"You're mine…"
"I know." I nodded my head. "Then show me you forgive me, Ryuichi..."
But it's too late, Ryuichi…
You won't forgive me if I told you now...
He then unbuttoned my pants with his tongue as he pulled the zipper with his teeth.
It was then that I began to look at one side.
"That woman…she tried to sleep with me."
"I could tell."
I looked away. "She tried to corner me in her room."
"She did WHAT?"
It was then that I took off Ryuichi's shirt as I held his waist while I looked up at him. He eyed me as he began to violently kiss me all over the place while angrily saying, "These are my lips. This is my throat…this heart is mine…"
Until morning, there was nothing but the sounds that only lovers make as he 'forgave me' and got so much more jealous at the prospect of anyone else trying to even touch me…
I then laid my head on the pillow as Ryuichi let go of his grip on my hips and fell on the bed tiredly. I laughed as I held onto his stomach just being happy that he was next to me.
Just hearing him breathe was peaceful to me…
But as soon as he fell asleep, I looked at the window. Even if the curtains were closed, I looked at my god Ryuichi.
The one that was giving up everything for me.
"I can't even forgive myself," I whispered as I got up making sure I didn't wake him up.
Packing all my things, I sighed.
He turned over and I stopped making noise around the room while fixing it.
Then, I heard him breathe heavily and I knew he was sleeping again. Zipping up my bag, I then wrote a note and left it on the stand. Taking the photo frame into my hands, my fingers began to shake as I stuffed that into my bag.
After rezipping it, I brushed his hair away from his forehead and kissed him with my eyes closed.
"You won't forgive me, Ryuichi." I took my bag and put the strap on my shoulder. "I love you too much to hurt you again."
Funny how we all say these things that are paradoxes in themselves.
Running away won't solve anything. But being with him would cause more problems for him and I didn't want to do that to him.
Not again.
"Always stay near me, Tatsu…" he whispered in his dream.
I closed my eyes painfully as I turned around to leave.
"I'm sorry, Ryu."
Click.
I paid the cashier and gave the money of that wicked woman to a bum on the street. "You need this more than I do."
As I looked at the window of my former room, I knew Ryuichi would be getting up soon. And so, I ran as fast as I could with my hands in my pockets.
And he'll read,
"I hope you'll find what you're truly looking for, Ryu. It can't be me. I know it. We always seem to hurt each other…so, I can't be the one that can make you happy.
I have the picture you gave me when you smiled while being confused. I think that's enough for me.
* tear stain *
Thanks for remembering yesterday was the first day we met years ago…
I'm sorry that this will be the last time I'll see you.
Love you.
But that isn't a good enough word to describe what is between us, right? It's a weak word. I'm almost starting to hate it.
It isn't enough…and I'm frustrated with that very fact.
It isn't enough.
Goodbye, Ryu."
At that moment, my heart crunched while I passed some shop as a woman sang,
"Soba ni iru no…Zutto…Zutto."
I ran even faster trying not to cry again.
To be continued…
--
Author's note: More angst coming ahead. For once, I'm actually warning you because I can't believe I'm doing this to Ryuichi…wah…
And yes, this has turned into a real drama. Nooo! I didn't want to do that!!
But...I think is the chapter I like the best so far...