A routine set in and time flew past. Days became weeks, weeks slipped into months, then all of a sudden, Robert looked at his calendar and saw that a year had passed. The weather had grown quite warm in the June Chicago spring.
A year later and Robert still couldn't perform surgery. He had made little progress and wasn't likely to make much more. This grim thought was depressing to him. He was unusually quiet the entire day, even around Anne. Anne knew what day it was and gave him his space. She spent most of her time in the ER. Nobody else, with the exception of Dr. Corday, remembered what day it was.
*****
The day was slow and a group of doctors and nurses were in the Doctors' Lounge when the conversation turned ugly. Somehow, trash-talking Robert had become a popular topic. People vented their angry feelings about him. They made jokes about him. "We used to call him 'Rocket', now we just call him 'Righty'!" Drew a roomful of laughter.
Anne couldn't stand this. And on this day of all days! The man wasn't even here to defend himself. She felt her face flush with anger as her hands tightened into fists. She had to defend him. Slowly standing up, Anne looked around, opened her mouth to speak but caught herself. She had looked at Dr. Corday, who seemed equally angry but had given her a warning look. Taking a few deep breaths, Anne said quietly, "How can you say such things about him?"
Dr. Carter looked at Anne questioningly, "He's Romano, he's a jerk."
"He is not; you guys just don't get him."
Dr. Kovac spoke up, "The man is an ass, and he gets what he deserves."
Anne's eyes lit up. Kovac should dare to speak; it was his fault Robert had lost his arm. Marching up to him, Anne trembled, afraid to do anything that she would not be able to stop. Screaming at Luka, Anne said, "How dare you say that! It's YOUR fault he got hurt! You can't say that about Robert, I l---"
Anne was stopped midsentence by a hand grabbing her wrist and pulling her backwards, out the door. She turned to see Elizabeth, whose eyes were wide with shock. "What were you thinking? Do you realize what you almost said? You have to be more careful," Elizabeth said.
"I had to defend him. You heard the things they were saying, it was horrible."
"People are entitled to their opinions though, and you know he isn't always the nicest person in the world."
"But Kovac of all people. He had no right to say anything. He's the ass."
"It doesn't matter; you have to be more careful. You could get yourself and Robert into a world of trouble."
Anne spent the rest of the day in the Suture Room. She found the repetition of movement soothing.
*****
That evening, Anne went to Robert's office to see how he was doing, but he wasn't there. He always said "goodbye" when he left for the night, so she knew he was still somewhere in the hospital.
On a hunch, Anne headed to the elevator and up to the roof. The door opened to reveal a cement rooftop under a beautiful orange sunset. Looking around, Anne found Robert standing, alone, in the middle of the roof. Knowing they were alone, Anne walked up to him and slipped her arm through his good arm and rested her head on his shoulder.
"This is the first time in a year I've been able bring myself to come up here," Robert said quietly, entwining his fingers in hers, squeezing her hand tightly. Looking at the ground where he stood, he told Anne, "This is where I was," turning and gesturing to another part of the roof, "and that was where my arm was. I saw it. But that's all I remember. You know, I've spent this entire day thinking about my arm, but right now, I don't even care," Robert shook his head in disbelief, "and I don't know why. I've spent the majority of this year feeling useless and worthless. I've worked through more pain than I've ever felt in my entire life in rehab, and it's hardly done a damn thing. Maybe it's time to quit."
Unsure of how to respond to that, Anne changed the subject. She told him what had happened that afternoon. Robert didn't care what they said about him, but he was flattered that Anne had defended his honor.
Standing together in silence, Anne asked, "did you make a New Year's resolution yet?"
"What?" Robert asked.
"This is like New Year's Day now for you. For the rest of your life, this date will be a defining moment for you. You're supposed to think of what you were like a year ago versus what you're like now. Are you worse? Are you better? What do you want to change? That sort of thing."
Looking thoughtful, Robert slowly responded, "Well, I'm hardly the man I was a year ago. For months after the accident, I wished it had never happened, was angry that it had. But then, all of a sudden, it stopped bothering me. But I don't know why."
"I didn't know you a year ago, but I bet you have changed a lot, even without knowing it. You may not be the man you were, but you're not the man you will be either."
"But why do you suppose it doesn't bother me to not be a surgeon anymore?"
"I don't know. You'll have to think about that and answer it for yourself," said Anne pausing. "Well, it's getting late; I should go home now. I'll see you tomorrow." Anne hugged Robert and kissed him gently before walking to the elevator.
Robert stayed on the roof, thinking about Anne. She was the reason he didn't care anymore. He loved being a surgeon, but he loved teaching Anne to be one, more. He worked so hard for her, wanting her to be better than he was, because he wanted her to replace him. What was the appeal of being Chief of Staff? It wasn't the money, he didn't need it. He had enjoyed the power, until it had become a sacrifice to maintain his position. Robert contemplated stepping down, letting Weaver take over as Chief of Staff and Elizabeth as Chief of Surgery. What would he do? Take a lesser position suitable for a one-armed doctor? Retire? Did any of it matter? All he really wanted was to be with Anne, nothing else mattered.
Robert made a New Year's resolution as he walked towards the elevator. At the most, by this time next year, he would make a decision he could live with, and carry it through.
A year later and Robert still couldn't perform surgery. He had made little progress and wasn't likely to make much more. This grim thought was depressing to him. He was unusually quiet the entire day, even around Anne. Anne knew what day it was and gave him his space. She spent most of her time in the ER. Nobody else, with the exception of Dr. Corday, remembered what day it was.
*****
The day was slow and a group of doctors and nurses were in the Doctors' Lounge when the conversation turned ugly. Somehow, trash-talking Robert had become a popular topic. People vented their angry feelings about him. They made jokes about him. "We used to call him 'Rocket', now we just call him 'Righty'!" Drew a roomful of laughter.
Anne couldn't stand this. And on this day of all days! The man wasn't even here to defend himself. She felt her face flush with anger as her hands tightened into fists. She had to defend him. Slowly standing up, Anne looked around, opened her mouth to speak but caught herself. She had looked at Dr. Corday, who seemed equally angry but had given her a warning look. Taking a few deep breaths, Anne said quietly, "How can you say such things about him?"
Dr. Carter looked at Anne questioningly, "He's Romano, he's a jerk."
"He is not; you guys just don't get him."
Dr. Kovac spoke up, "The man is an ass, and he gets what he deserves."
Anne's eyes lit up. Kovac should dare to speak; it was his fault Robert had lost his arm. Marching up to him, Anne trembled, afraid to do anything that she would not be able to stop. Screaming at Luka, Anne said, "How dare you say that! It's YOUR fault he got hurt! You can't say that about Robert, I l---"
Anne was stopped midsentence by a hand grabbing her wrist and pulling her backwards, out the door. She turned to see Elizabeth, whose eyes were wide with shock. "What were you thinking? Do you realize what you almost said? You have to be more careful," Elizabeth said.
"I had to defend him. You heard the things they were saying, it was horrible."
"People are entitled to their opinions though, and you know he isn't always the nicest person in the world."
"But Kovac of all people. He had no right to say anything. He's the ass."
"It doesn't matter; you have to be more careful. You could get yourself and Robert into a world of trouble."
Anne spent the rest of the day in the Suture Room. She found the repetition of movement soothing.
*****
That evening, Anne went to Robert's office to see how he was doing, but he wasn't there. He always said "goodbye" when he left for the night, so she knew he was still somewhere in the hospital.
On a hunch, Anne headed to the elevator and up to the roof. The door opened to reveal a cement rooftop under a beautiful orange sunset. Looking around, Anne found Robert standing, alone, in the middle of the roof. Knowing they were alone, Anne walked up to him and slipped her arm through his good arm and rested her head on his shoulder.
"This is the first time in a year I've been able bring myself to come up here," Robert said quietly, entwining his fingers in hers, squeezing her hand tightly. Looking at the ground where he stood, he told Anne, "This is where I was," turning and gesturing to another part of the roof, "and that was where my arm was. I saw it. But that's all I remember. You know, I've spent this entire day thinking about my arm, but right now, I don't even care," Robert shook his head in disbelief, "and I don't know why. I've spent the majority of this year feeling useless and worthless. I've worked through more pain than I've ever felt in my entire life in rehab, and it's hardly done a damn thing. Maybe it's time to quit."
Unsure of how to respond to that, Anne changed the subject. She told him what had happened that afternoon. Robert didn't care what they said about him, but he was flattered that Anne had defended his honor.
Standing together in silence, Anne asked, "did you make a New Year's resolution yet?"
"What?" Robert asked.
"This is like New Year's Day now for you. For the rest of your life, this date will be a defining moment for you. You're supposed to think of what you were like a year ago versus what you're like now. Are you worse? Are you better? What do you want to change? That sort of thing."
Looking thoughtful, Robert slowly responded, "Well, I'm hardly the man I was a year ago. For months after the accident, I wished it had never happened, was angry that it had. But then, all of a sudden, it stopped bothering me. But I don't know why."
"I didn't know you a year ago, but I bet you have changed a lot, even without knowing it. You may not be the man you were, but you're not the man you will be either."
"But why do you suppose it doesn't bother me to not be a surgeon anymore?"
"I don't know. You'll have to think about that and answer it for yourself," said Anne pausing. "Well, it's getting late; I should go home now. I'll see you tomorrow." Anne hugged Robert and kissed him gently before walking to the elevator.
Robert stayed on the roof, thinking about Anne. She was the reason he didn't care anymore. He loved being a surgeon, but he loved teaching Anne to be one, more. He worked so hard for her, wanting her to be better than he was, because he wanted her to replace him. What was the appeal of being Chief of Staff? It wasn't the money, he didn't need it. He had enjoyed the power, until it had become a sacrifice to maintain his position. Robert contemplated stepping down, letting Weaver take over as Chief of Staff and Elizabeth as Chief of Surgery. What would he do? Take a lesser position suitable for a one-armed doctor? Retire? Did any of it matter? All he really wanted was to be with Anne, nothing else mattered.
Robert made a New Year's resolution as he walked towards the elevator. At the most, by this time next year, he would make a decision he could live with, and carry it through.