Disclaimer: Gravitation is by Maki Murakami-sensei. I'm just a weird fanfic writer who wonders if Murakami-sensei would kill if she knew what I did to her characters. ^^;;;
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 25 – You know I'd do anything for you.
I looked at the ground and began to laugh. I laughed so loud that even Touma loosened his grip and began to simmer as he softly called my name, "Tatsuha-kun?"
I pushed him away from me and laughed even more as I looked at the hot sun over us. Putting my fingers on my forehead, I laughed and laughed. As people walked by, they looked at me funny, but that was all right with me.
"Don't look at that man," one mother told her child as she yanked her son gently.
"Wow, aren't I a lucky guy?" I blinked my eyes at Touma. "I get drunk with my childhood friend and we accidentally slept together."
Putting my index finger up, I say, "Once. Only once! And then you come here after two and a half weeks to tell me all this."
Then, I clapped my hands together. "I lost everything I've ever wanted!"
"Tatsuha-kun…"
Touma now was back to his old self. But as for me…
This was my form of 'zero mode'.
I shook my head as he let go of me. I looked at my shoulders and tilted my head while staring at Touma. Patting his shoulder, I joked, "Well, isn't this a mess?"
Then, I pushed him away from me. "There's nothing you can do for me now. Thank you."
Picking up my things once again, I smiled regretfully while saying, "I guess Ryuichi and I weren't meant to be after all."
Touma didn't say a word as I saw his mouth open without something to say. This was the first time I had seen him speechless.
And he let me walk away without following me.
My god and I weren't meant to be after all.
We come from different worlds…
I guess it was better this way.
Then, I went into a music store and bought the cd with that song. Pulling out the custom made cd player Ryuichi had given me, I began to sniff as I listlessly listened. I tried to memorize the lyrics as I remembered…
"Why are you listening to that?" Ryuichi asked as he sat on the bed while drying his hair with a towel.
I looked at the window as I answered, "I really like this song."
"But it's so depressing." He then got up and threw his towel to the floor as he sat next to me. Wrapping his arms around my waist and interlocking his fingers, he laid his head on my shoulder blade as he softly sang along, "Donna ni mune ga itakutemo. Soba ni iru no.
Zutto. Zutto."
I closed my eyes as I put my hands over his and pressed my back more on his chest. "Can this be our song too?"
He laughed. "Didn't you hear what I said earlier?"
"Of course I did, Ryu."
Sighing, he laughed. "Well, okay. Whatever makes you happy."
It was a very peaceful moment and we were silent for a few minutes.
Then, he said, "Now that I have your attention, I'll teach you some English."
"Yes, my sexy teacher?" I looked up at him with a smirk.
"Don't even."
"I'm not doing anything."
"Seriously, what I just sang to you translates to 'Even if I'm hurting inside, [I want] to be near you. For always. For always."
I nodded my head as I tried to repeat, "Even if I'm hurting inside…"
"Stop that."
"What am I doing now?"
"You're cute when you speak English. You look so frustrated."
I laughed as I teased him and he couldn't resist me…
Now, I'm on some street in Tokyo listening to a song trying not to get all emotional about it.
It wasn't working though.
I walked to the park where I was supposed to meet Makoto. As I waited there, the song was on repeat as I watched the millions of people passing.
Tsuki has my baby...
I looked down at the lake before me. "Does Aniki know?"
But I couldn't think straight anymore. Everything seemed so hazy to me and all I wanted to do was…
…was…
go to Ryuichi and Tsuki at the same time.
Impossible as it seemed.
I laughed at my stupidity and there was Makoto to pick me up without a word. I just followed him resigned to the fate that was given to me. I fought against it, and look where it got me?
At a worse position.
"Your father knows" was the first thing he ever said to me as soon as we drove onto the highway.
"I figured if you found out where I was." I looked out the window with my hands in a contemplative fashion. "It's not everyday that you call me. Especially when I was in hiding."
Then I added, "And I found out the news from Touma-san just now."
"Of course…Miyu-san would try to get in contact with you." He sighed as he kept his eyes on the road.
"But how did he find out?" I shook my head. "Tsuki wouldn't tell him. I know how she is."
"He found out through the doctor that checked her. The world is a small place isn't it?" He weakly laughed. "Dr. Yoshiyuki. The one your family has gone to all these years. And his family has checked your family since who knows when."
"And what now?"
"Your father has tried to contact Miyu-san, but she kept on ignoring us. She's still in her home, but she won't have anything to do with us."
I took a deep breath.
Give me a break.
Even the doctor?! And she's by herself?!
Well, knowing her and her 'independent ways', she's probably happy with the baby, but scared out of her mind that it's mine.
She would understand how possessive Ryuichi is. Come on, we grew up together with Nittle Grasper and our obsession over him.
And after that whole incident…
I don't even know how she's taking this either.
When I got to my household (or rather, the fortress), I walked up the stairs solemnly as I looked at my father blankly from the doorway. I was in no mood to talk to anyone.
I was just being quiet because in my head, I was just watching myself do these things. But nothing seemed real anymore.
One thing after the other.
I couldn't even swim to save my life as more water was poured to drown me.
Responsibility.
Love.
Everyone must choose between these things.
And a person loses a part of themselves in the process of choosing. They don't even know if it's the answer they're looking for.
My father smiled at me through his oxygen mask. I just looked at him unable to walk past the threshold.
"You have an heir! Good job, Tatsuha." He coughed as he laughed at the same time. "I don't like this unmarried business, so you're going straight up to that young woman and marrying her as soon as possible."
I just looked at him.
"Then, your future is secured." Then, he proudly stabbed me, "I'm glad you left Ryuichi Sakuma."
I then smiled with the numbness that seeped through my blood as it ran cold. I nodded my head and went to my room.
When I closed the door, I put my hands on the wall and broke down. Closing my eyes, I pushed my cheek on the poster, but it was all in vain.
They were cold.
Very cold…
I kissed the piece of smooth paper trying to imagine the lips that I had kissed a million times.
As I sobbed, I tore the picture. I ripped pictures, articles, and whatever I had accumulated all these years about him. Even if it was just a word or a sentence about him.
And then, I chuckled to myself like the mad man I already was.
Opening the window, the pieces of paper danced on the floor. I quietly opened my door and left it all there for them to pick up.
Everything I had ever saved.
I know I was the one who shattered it anyway…
Quickly and shrewdly, I found my way out of the house without the guards finding me. I tried to make it the main streets and luckily found a taxi.
After an hour, the driver announced, "Here's your stop, sir."
"Thanks." I handed the driver his pay and a very generous tip.
As he drove away, I turned around to Ryuichi's beach house's door. It wasn't something big because we hated anything that was too spacious.
I don't know why I came here.
I should be going to Tsuki.
But…when everything is mixed up, nothing makes sense anymore.
I don't know what's wrong and right anymore.
All I know is that I don't like any of it.
I don't want any of it…
I took my key and put it in through the lock. "Please forgive me…"
As I put down my stuff, I looked around in the darkness. It was very late anyway. And I laughed as loudly as I could.
I couldn't cry, so I was laughing out my sorrows.
"And this is how the world is…" I started to sing some unknown song.
Looking around the place, I started to break down. I could see memories everywhere and I couldn't stand it. I just came here because I wanted the closest thing to Ryuichi.
"Come here whenever you like. It's ours," he said as he dropped the key into my hands. "Don't miss me too much. I'll be dying in the States."
"It's only a three-day trip!"
"Same thing. Three days, one week, a year." He shrugged his shoulders. "It's all the same if I can't see you."
I sighed. "You know. At the rate we're going, we'll never leave each other even to go to the bathroom."
He winked at me. "You say it like there's a problem Tatsuha."
I smirked.
You want him…You don't want him…Make up your damn mind…
My thoughts were just pure nonsense now.
That's when I began to really cry.
I opened the sliding door of the balcony and looked up to the promising sky. The wind blew and I looked at the moon.
A flash of Ryuichi came back to me as his words did. He had said with sad eyes, "I don't know what I'd ever do if I couldn't have you, Tatsuha...""
Holding out my hands, I laughed with tears in my eyes already losing my mind. "How could you have ever loved this unworthy human, Ryuichi?! You're as stupid as I am for forgiving me so many times!!"
I love you and it was too much, wasn't it?
I was scared of us suffocating one another.
And we did.
"But you never thought about if you were taken from me…" Slowly, I stood on the ledge and looked at the ocean crashing below me.
"I told you once. While you were sleeping, I said it to you…but did you hear me? I said if you were ever taken away from me, I'd go crazy."
I'd rather die than give you up.
Is there no one but you, Ryu, that understands that?!
I continued to watch the waves as a calm smile appeared upon my face. "A mermaid is very possessive…"
And I began to lean forward while closing my eyes while his voice began to plague me and I didn't know if it was real or not.
"Would you jump off the ledge for me?"
I nodded my head.
"Yes, Ryu…
You know I'd do anything for you…
Anything…"
To be continued.
--
Author's note: Whoa! Thanks guys! No matter how many times I say thank you, you can't understand how much your support means to me!! Whenever I think, "Oh shit, I really am going to get creamed for this one. Demo, demo…I want to do it! If I stay in my little niche that I've built for myself, I'll never learn to improve…", that's when I find out that it is okay. I actually love making this fic. It really has a different feel to it than when I wrote 'Infatuation'. I will attempt to make another fic, but with Hiro and Shuichi next time.
But, * sighs * because I've made this very long and we're only about ½ - 2/3's done, I can't believe I made this a soap opera. * sighs again * I wanted to make it believable. And to tell you the truth, * rolls eyes * I've actually seen this happen, even if I twist the events a lot or at least, I tried to make it as realistic as possible.
As for the angst… "…" Damn, didn't know I was that awful. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; I'm being called 'evil' every few chapters. * smiles * I love you guys! It doesn't help when you fall in love with the song 'Ningyo Hime'. @_@
And…* sniff * I hope you aren't too mad at me my Chibi for torturing Tatsuha! * sighs *
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 25 – You know I'd do anything for you.
I looked at the ground and began to laugh. I laughed so loud that even Touma loosened his grip and began to simmer as he softly called my name, "Tatsuha-kun?"
I pushed him away from me and laughed even more as I looked at the hot sun over us. Putting my fingers on my forehead, I laughed and laughed. As people walked by, they looked at me funny, but that was all right with me.
"Don't look at that man," one mother told her child as she yanked her son gently.
"Wow, aren't I a lucky guy?" I blinked my eyes at Touma. "I get drunk with my childhood friend and we accidentally slept together."
Putting my index finger up, I say, "Once. Only once! And then you come here after two and a half weeks to tell me all this."
Then, I clapped my hands together. "I lost everything I've ever wanted!"
"Tatsuha-kun…"
Touma now was back to his old self. But as for me…
This was my form of 'zero mode'.
I shook my head as he let go of me. I looked at my shoulders and tilted my head while staring at Touma. Patting his shoulder, I joked, "Well, isn't this a mess?"
Then, I pushed him away from me. "There's nothing you can do for me now. Thank you."
Picking up my things once again, I smiled regretfully while saying, "I guess Ryuichi and I weren't meant to be after all."
Touma didn't say a word as I saw his mouth open without something to say. This was the first time I had seen him speechless.
And he let me walk away without following me.
My god and I weren't meant to be after all.
We come from different worlds…
I guess it was better this way.
Then, I went into a music store and bought the cd with that song. Pulling out the custom made cd player Ryuichi had given me, I began to sniff as I listlessly listened. I tried to memorize the lyrics as I remembered…
"Why are you listening to that?" Ryuichi asked as he sat on the bed while drying his hair with a towel.
I looked at the window as I answered, "I really like this song."
"But it's so depressing." He then got up and threw his towel to the floor as he sat next to me. Wrapping his arms around my waist and interlocking his fingers, he laid his head on my shoulder blade as he softly sang along, "Donna ni mune ga itakutemo. Soba ni iru no.
Zutto. Zutto."
I closed my eyes as I put my hands over his and pressed my back more on his chest. "Can this be our song too?"
He laughed. "Didn't you hear what I said earlier?"
"Of course I did, Ryu."
Sighing, he laughed. "Well, okay. Whatever makes you happy."
It was a very peaceful moment and we were silent for a few minutes.
Then, he said, "Now that I have your attention, I'll teach you some English."
"Yes, my sexy teacher?" I looked up at him with a smirk.
"Don't even."
"I'm not doing anything."
"Seriously, what I just sang to you translates to 'Even if I'm hurting inside, [I want] to be near you. For always. For always."
I nodded my head as I tried to repeat, "Even if I'm hurting inside…"
"Stop that."
"What am I doing now?"
"You're cute when you speak English. You look so frustrated."
I laughed as I teased him and he couldn't resist me…
Now, I'm on some street in Tokyo listening to a song trying not to get all emotional about it.
It wasn't working though.
I walked to the park where I was supposed to meet Makoto. As I waited there, the song was on repeat as I watched the millions of people passing.
Tsuki has my baby...
I looked down at the lake before me. "Does Aniki know?"
But I couldn't think straight anymore. Everything seemed so hazy to me and all I wanted to do was…
…was…
go to Ryuichi and Tsuki at the same time.
Impossible as it seemed.
I laughed at my stupidity and there was Makoto to pick me up without a word. I just followed him resigned to the fate that was given to me. I fought against it, and look where it got me?
At a worse position.
"Your father knows" was the first thing he ever said to me as soon as we drove onto the highway.
"I figured if you found out where I was." I looked out the window with my hands in a contemplative fashion. "It's not everyday that you call me. Especially when I was in hiding."
Then I added, "And I found out the news from Touma-san just now."
"Of course…Miyu-san would try to get in contact with you." He sighed as he kept his eyes on the road.
"But how did he find out?" I shook my head. "Tsuki wouldn't tell him. I know how she is."
"He found out through the doctor that checked her. The world is a small place isn't it?" He weakly laughed. "Dr. Yoshiyuki. The one your family has gone to all these years. And his family has checked your family since who knows when."
"And what now?"
"Your father has tried to contact Miyu-san, but she kept on ignoring us. She's still in her home, but she won't have anything to do with us."
I took a deep breath.
Give me a break.
Even the doctor?! And she's by herself?!
Well, knowing her and her 'independent ways', she's probably happy with the baby, but scared out of her mind that it's mine.
She would understand how possessive Ryuichi is. Come on, we grew up together with Nittle Grasper and our obsession over him.
And after that whole incident…
I don't even know how she's taking this either.
When I got to my household (or rather, the fortress), I walked up the stairs solemnly as I looked at my father blankly from the doorway. I was in no mood to talk to anyone.
I was just being quiet because in my head, I was just watching myself do these things. But nothing seemed real anymore.
One thing after the other.
I couldn't even swim to save my life as more water was poured to drown me.
Responsibility.
Love.
Everyone must choose between these things.
And a person loses a part of themselves in the process of choosing. They don't even know if it's the answer they're looking for.
My father smiled at me through his oxygen mask. I just looked at him unable to walk past the threshold.
"You have an heir! Good job, Tatsuha." He coughed as he laughed at the same time. "I don't like this unmarried business, so you're going straight up to that young woman and marrying her as soon as possible."
I just looked at him.
"Then, your future is secured." Then, he proudly stabbed me, "I'm glad you left Ryuichi Sakuma."
I then smiled with the numbness that seeped through my blood as it ran cold. I nodded my head and went to my room.
When I closed the door, I put my hands on the wall and broke down. Closing my eyes, I pushed my cheek on the poster, but it was all in vain.
They were cold.
Very cold…
I kissed the piece of smooth paper trying to imagine the lips that I had kissed a million times.
As I sobbed, I tore the picture. I ripped pictures, articles, and whatever I had accumulated all these years about him. Even if it was just a word or a sentence about him.
And then, I chuckled to myself like the mad man I already was.
Opening the window, the pieces of paper danced on the floor. I quietly opened my door and left it all there for them to pick up.
Everything I had ever saved.
I know I was the one who shattered it anyway…
Quickly and shrewdly, I found my way out of the house without the guards finding me. I tried to make it the main streets and luckily found a taxi.
After an hour, the driver announced, "Here's your stop, sir."
"Thanks." I handed the driver his pay and a very generous tip.
As he drove away, I turned around to Ryuichi's beach house's door. It wasn't something big because we hated anything that was too spacious.
I don't know why I came here.
I should be going to Tsuki.
But…when everything is mixed up, nothing makes sense anymore.
I don't know what's wrong and right anymore.
All I know is that I don't like any of it.
I don't want any of it…
I took my key and put it in through the lock. "Please forgive me…"
As I put down my stuff, I looked around in the darkness. It was very late anyway. And I laughed as loudly as I could.
I couldn't cry, so I was laughing out my sorrows.
"And this is how the world is…" I started to sing some unknown song.
Looking around the place, I started to break down. I could see memories everywhere and I couldn't stand it. I just came here because I wanted the closest thing to Ryuichi.
"Come here whenever you like. It's ours," he said as he dropped the key into my hands. "Don't miss me too much. I'll be dying in the States."
"It's only a three-day trip!"
"Same thing. Three days, one week, a year." He shrugged his shoulders. "It's all the same if I can't see you."
I sighed. "You know. At the rate we're going, we'll never leave each other even to go to the bathroom."
He winked at me. "You say it like there's a problem Tatsuha."
I smirked.
You want him…You don't want him…Make up your damn mind…
My thoughts were just pure nonsense now.
That's when I began to really cry.
I opened the sliding door of the balcony and looked up to the promising sky. The wind blew and I looked at the moon.
A flash of Ryuichi came back to me as his words did. He had said with sad eyes, "I don't know what I'd ever do if I couldn't have you, Tatsuha...""
Holding out my hands, I laughed with tears in my eyes already losing my mind. "How could you have ever loved this unworthy human, Ryuichi?! You're as stupid as I am for forgiving me so many times!!"
I love you and it was too much, wasn't it?
I was scared of us suffocating one another.
And we did.
"But you never thought about if you were taken from me…" Slowly, I stood on the ledge and looked at the ocean crashing below me.
"I told you once. While you were sleeping, I said it to you…but did you hear me? I said if you were ever taken away from me, I'd go crazy."
I'd rather die than give you up.
Is there no one but you, Ryu, that understands that?!
I continued to watch the waves as a calm smile appeared upon my face. "A mermaid is very possessive…"
And I began to lean forward while closing my eyes while his voice began to plague me and I didn't know if it was real or not.
"Would you jump off the ledge for me?"
I nodded my head.
"Yes, Ryu…
You know I'd do anything for you…
Anything…"
To be continued.
--
Author's note: Whoa! Thanks guys! No matter how many times I say thank you, you can't understand how much your support means to me!! Whenever I think, "Oh shit, I really am going to get creamed for this one. Demo, demo…I want to do it! If I stay in my little niche that I've built for myself, I'll never learn to improve…", that's when I find out that it is okay. I actually love making this fic. It really has a different feel to it than when I wrote 'Infatuation'. I will attempt to make another fic, but with Hiro and Shuichi next time.
But, * sighs * because I've made this very long and we're only about ½ - 2/3's done, I can't believe I made this a soap opera. * sighs again * I wanted to make it believable. And to tell you the truth, * rolls eyes * I've actually seen this happen, even if I twist the events a lot or at least, I tried to make it as realistic as possible.
As for the angst… "…" Damn, didn't know I was that awful. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; I'm being called 'evil' every few chapters. * smiles * I love you guys! It doesn't help when you fall in love with the song 'Ningyo Hime'. @_@
And…* sniff * I hope you aren't too mad at me my Chibi for torturing Tatsuha! * sighs *