Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami-sensei. Predilection isn't mine but sung by Kappei Yamaguchi. (I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU!)
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 29 - Boku no tame ni. (For my sake.)
But by the time I got to the front, the crowd outside of the gates of my home were waning. I watched the ambulance leave. It became smaller and smaller as I felt myself finally give in.
My body finally told me, "You've had enough."
And I fell to the ground and kneeled on my knees still reaching with my hand like a man looking for an oasis in a desert. "Ryuichi...please hold on..."
I cringed deep inside.
But _I_ wouldn't give in.
I wouldn't give up!
While pushing myself up, I felt my side throb in more pain than a thousand pricks pressed upon it.
"What the hell did I do to deserve this?" I asked as I bit my lip in pain.
My eyes closed as I tried to push myself off the ground again.
"You fell for a man. No actually, a man wasn't good enough," someone told me with endearment mixed with sarcasm. "You had to pick THE idol of Japan."
Opening my eyes, I smiled weakly, "As blunt as always, aren't you, Aniki?"
"You betcha."
I wanted to laugh, but it would hurt too much. So I just said, "You talk like Shuichi now."
"I've been around that baka for too long." He smirked to himself as he helped up while I was trying my best not to show that I was bleeding a little. "I know I've been tainted since the first time I fell in love with that boy."
"Where'd you come from?" I asked him with an odd look on my face.
"Where the hell do you think?" He took my arm and tried to help me towards his car. "Tokyo."
"Then, where is Shuichi?" I looked at the backseat which was filled with pens, notebooks, and pictures.
"In the ambulance with Ryuichi."
"How'd you get-" I asked as I was seating myself into his car.
"You ask too many questions. Think to yourself for a while and then you'll know," he said irritated beyond belief.
"What about Touma and Sakano-san?" I asked as I put on my seatbelt.
He then closed my door and went to his side and sat down. He then turned on the engine while pulling out his trademark cigarettes from his pocket. Aniki then commented, "When did you _ever_ have to worry about them?"
"Good point," I nodded.
Putting his arm over my chair, he put on his shades, placed the burning cig into his mouth and looked at the back.
"I'm surrounded by idiots, I swear," he mumbled to himself.
Vroom! And off we were to that old familiar hospital.
"That doesn't make you any better," I added in a humph.
He nodded nonchalantly. "I fell for a psycho teacher and a pink-haired ball of genki embodied in something resembling a human. Both in the same lifetime. Yeah, I think you've made a valid point."
As we rode to the hospital, I couldn't help but look at Aniki and think of Touma at the same time. "You took Yuki away from me once before," replayed in my mind over and over.
His eyes, his tone...
These tips of desparation were not Touma at all. And to go into zero-mode for it...
What did Touma-san mean by this? That was what I was dying to ask him.
But from the looks of it, I knew better. Putting this single lingering thought into his head would make it work in a frenzy. Of course, Aniki would never tell you that he was thinking about it hard with his poker face. But, you knew he was.
And as honestly brutal as he was with words, he and our sister would hit a note of discord.
Damn.
But what would knowing do-
"What are you thinking about?" He took a puff as he watched the road meticulously. "And you'd better not shut up when I ask you a question because I've been trying to find you for weeks already. I don't have time to go all over Japan just because Father is worried about you." He took another drag as he kept his eye on the road.
Explains why you're grumpier than usual.
I sighed. Then, I gulped as I blurted out, "Do you know why Touma-san couldn't talk to you after 'the incident'?"
He was the one that unusually became silent.
"Yes," he answered finally.
He had known...
"Father didn't want me associating with a murderer," he said as he nervously took another puff.
"That's it?" I asked surprised.
Was that really all?
No, it couldn't be. Father's and Touma's eyes filled with hatred towards one another could not have such a simple solution.
I guess everyone has their faults. I can't believe my aniki was a little blind after all...
"But I couldn't stop," he began to say. "He had saved my life. And for that, I'll be forever grateful."
He put out his cigarette in the car ashtray.
"But Aniki-" I tried to persist not satisfied with the way this was going.
"We're here," he announced harshly. And that indicated to me that the conversation was done.
But did you know or not? Not...
I could tell by his eyes. He didn't get what Touma was trying to tell him and I could only have so much as a small clue to help me by.
I guess I was trying to make small talk as my mind was traveling in all different directions and not the one it should have been going towards: Ryuichi.
As I got up from the seat, my brother just let me without flinching an eye at how pained I looked. He didn't try to help me out.
"You did this to yourself," he told me. "You get yourself out of it."
At that, he took the cigarette from his mouth and dropped to the ground to crush it with his black shoes. Then, he turned around and I followed him as he walked without discretion towards the room where Ryuichi was.
I always had to keep up my pace with him.
He never stopped for anyone. Except Shuichi, of course.
Ryu was in the IC unit.
"Intensive care..." I mumbled in something that resembled shock and anger at the same time. I took a deep breath before going through the threshold of the private room.
Silly as it was, I wanted to scream, "Who did this to my honey?!"
(Shu's influence, I swear! * winks * Maybe not.)
The wound to my side felt heavier and ached as if it resonated with Ryuichi's body. But I guess my brother had not noticed with all the confusion.
Because I had been wearing black, the little splatters of blood didn't show as it would have on any other material. But it was running cold down one side over my hip.
What could have caused all this? I didn't even want to ask anyone.
I was avoiding what should have been-
Ryuichi.
My eyes wouldn't stop staring at him lying on a bed looking half-dead.
A chill went down my spine as fear began to encompass me.
My brother entered the room as the nurse just bowed her head and closed the door politely after herself. But I couldn't quite get myself past the back of the door. I stood there frozen as Shuichi looked at me while standing parallel to the white curtain that was needed in case a patient changed their clothing.
Ryuichi had an oxygen mask with bandages wrapped on his head. His fingers were all covered with white bandages, but I could see the scratches that peaked through.
His eyes were closed but no matter how much Shuichi had tried to clean his face before I came, it still had lots of cuts.
Cuts that were still bleeding.
He was dying...
Why?
"He's very unstable right now," Shuichi gravely said trying not to cry though his voice betrayed that he had already been doing that. "We won't know what's going on until a few hours."
I watched him as he touched the linen of Ryuichi's bed and grasped it in his hand as he closed his eyes tightly.
"H-how..." was all that I could say.
"We were going to your father's when I found a crowd of people in front of our house." Shuichi said as he looked at the ground. Then, he came over me and squeezed my shoulder. "We went through the crowd to find Ryuichi in the middle of it. He was badly injured. And Sakano was going to get Touma, who was inside the house."
"How did you know we were there?"
"Touma," my brother answered as he looked at me. "He said to come immediately."
Leave it to Touma to order Aniki without a reason.
"Please don't think I'm rude, but can I be alone with Ryuichi right now?" I looked at both of them as they both nodded at me solemnly. When they exited, I said thank you. But without looking at me, Aniki patted my head and left without a word.
Closing the door softly behind them, I locked it.
Then, I walked towards Ryuichi's bed. Standing next to him, I ran my fingers through his hair. I placed my cheek close to it as I smelled his familiar scent and whispered to his ear, "I'm here, Ryu."
Taking his hand in mine, I softly squeezed it as I found myself instantly crying.
I was frustrated at the way things were and the way they were going.
I was angry at why did this have to happen.
I was feeling pity for both of us. Trying so hard to make ourselves part of each other's
world when they were so different.
I was happy that he loved me so much and that I loved him as much.
I was fearful at what would happen if I lost him. Where would I go? Who would I be without him?
He was the man I had been obsessed for so many years. My obsession was a part of me and to kill that...
To kill that...
My heart ached and I couldn't finish my thought.
I started to sing softly to his ear, "Can't get enough...Don't let me down...Just one more night..."
After some silence, I then whispered, "I know I've asked you for so much, Ryu. But please. Even when I was a kid, I thought you could do anything. I still believe that."
I didn't want to ask why this had to happen.
I only wanted to tell you how sorry I was for getting you into such a mess.
Kissing his forehead, I stared at him with my blurry eyes.
I couldn't even ask you, "Please. You need to stay alive. For me."
I already asked this of you.
In fact...
You had volunteered it without me ever asking.
I cried even harder at my offense.
I could no longer see him through my tears as they fell on his cheek.
And because of that, he was dying in front of me ever so slowly...
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: My God. You guys should tell me that my grammar is terrible! ;_; I'm so horrible with that and proofreading! I'm glad you guys are so patient with me!
Well, we're nearing the end. Even I wouldn't read this if this were too long. But, I guess I can't just get this done at 30...ack. I feel that if I rush it, important parts will be just glossed over.
* blink, blink * How can you guys stand reading this when it's so long? Are you sure you aren't bored?* smiles *
Thank you for being there...
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
By Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 29 - Boku no tame ni. (For my sake.)
But by the time I got to the front, the crowd outside of the gates of my home were waning. I watched the ambulance leave. It became smaller and smaller as I felt myself finally give in.
My body finally told me, "You've had enough."
And I fell to the ground and kneeled on my knees still reaching with my hand like a man looking for an oasis in a desert. "Ryuichi...please hold on..."
I cringed deep inside.
But _I_ wouldn't give in.
I wouldn't give up!
While pushing myself up, I felt my side throb in more pain than a thousand pricks pressed upon it.
"What the hell did I do to deserve this?" I asked as I bit my lip in pain.
My eyes closed as I tried to push myself off the ground again.
"You fell for a man. No actually, a man wasn't good enough," someone told me with endearment mixed with sarcasm. "You had to pick THE idol of Japan."
Opening my eyes, I smiled weakly, "As blunt as always, aren't you, Aniki?"
"You betcha."
I wanted to laugh, but it would hurt too much. So I just said, "You talk like Shuichi now."
"I've been around that baka for too long." He smirked to himself as he helped up while I was trying my best not to show that I was bleeding a little. "I know I've been tainted since the first time I fell in love with that boy."
"Where'd you come from?" I asked him with an odd look on my face.
"Where the hell do you think?" He took my arm and tried to help me towards his car. "Tokyo."
"Then, where is Shuichi?" I looked at the backseat which was filled with pens, notebooks, and pictures.
"In the ambulance with Ryuichi."
"How'd you get-" I asked as I was seating myself into his car.
"You ask too many questions. Think to yourself for a while and then you'll know," he said irritated beyond belief.
"What about Touma and Sakano-san?" I asked as I put on my seatbelt.
He then closed my door and went to his side and sat down. He then turned on the engine while pulling out his trademark cigarettes from his pocket. Aniki then commented, "When did you _ever_ have to worry about them?"
"Good point," I nodded.
Putting his arm over my chair, he put on his shades, placed the burning cig into his mouth and looked at the back.
"I'm surrounded by idiots, I swear," he mumbled to himself.
Vroom! And off we were to that old familiar hospital.
"That doesn't make you any better," I added in a humph.
He nodded nonchalantly. "I fell for a psycho teacher and a pink-haired ball of genki embodied in something resembling a human. Both in the same lifetime. Yeah, I think you've made a valid point."
As we rode to the hospital, I couldn't help but look at Aniki and think of Touma at the same time. "You took Yuki away from me once before," replayed in my mind over and over.
His eyes, his tone...
These tips of desparation were not Touma at all. And to go into zero-mode for it...
What did Touma-san mean by this? That was what I was dying to ask him.
But from the looks of it, I knew better. Putting this single lingering thought into his head would make it work in a frenzy. Of course, Aniki would never tell you that he was thinking about it hard with his poker face. But, you knew he was.
And as honestly brutal as he was with words, he and our sister would hit a note of discord.
Damn.
But what would knowing do-
"What are you thinking about?" He took a puff as he watched the road meticulously. "And you'd better not shut up when I ask you a question because I've been trying to find you for weeks already. I don't have time to go all over Japan just because Father is worried about you." He took another drag as he kept his eye on the road.
Explains why you're grumpier than usual.
I sighed. Then, I gulped as I blurted out, "Do you know why Touma-san couldn't talk to you after 'the incident'?"
He was the one that unusually became silent.
"Yes," he answered finally.
He had known...
"Father didn't want me associating with a murderer," he said as he nervously took another puff.
"That's it?" I asked surprised.
Was that really all?
No, it couldn't be. Father's and Touma's eyes filled with hatred towards one another could not have such a simple solution.
I guess everyone has their faults. I can't believe my aniki was a little blind after all...
"But I couldn't stop," he began to say. "He had saved my life. And for that, I'll be forever grateful."
He put out his cigarette in the car ashtray.
"But Aniki-" I tried to persist not satisfied with the way this was going.
"We're here," he announced harshly. And that indicated to me that the conversation was done.
But did you know or not? Not...
I could tell by his eyes. He didn't get what Touma was trying to tell him and I could only have so much as a small clue to help me by.
I guess I was trying to make small talk as my mind was traveling in all different directions and not the one it should have been going towards: Ryuichi.
As I got up from the seat, my brother just let me without flinching an eye at how pained I looked. He didn't try to help me out.
"You did this to yourself," he told me. "You get yourself out of it."
At that, he took the cigarette from his mouth and dropped to the ground to crush it with his black shoes. Then, he turned around and I followed him as he walked without discretion towards the room where Ryuichi was.
I always had to keep up my pace with him.
He never stopped for anyone. Except Shuichi, of course.
Ryu was in the IC unit.
"Intensive care..." I mumbled in something that resembled shock and anger at the same time. I took a deep breath before going through the threshold of the private room.
Silly as it was, I wanted to scream, "Who did this to my honey?!"
(Shu's influence, I swear! * winks * Maybe not.)
The wound to my side felt heavier and ached as if it resonated with Ryuichi's body. But I guess my brother had not noticed with all the confusion.
Because I had been wearing black, the little splatters of blood didn't show as it would have on any other material. But it was running cold down one side over my hip.
What could have caused all this? I didn't even want to ask anyone.
I was avoiding what should have been-
Ryuichi.
My eyes wouldn't stop staring at him lying on a bed looking half-dead.
A chill went down my spine as fear began to encompass me.
My brother entered the room as the nurse just bowed her head and closed the door politely after herself. But I couldn't quite get myself past the back of the door. I stood there frozen as Shuichi looked at me while standing parallel to the white curtain that was needed in case a patient changed their clothing.
Ryuichi had an oxygen mask with bandages wrapped on his head. His fingers were all covered with white bandages, but I could see the scratches that peaked through.
His eyes were closed but no matter how much Shuichi had tried to clean his face before I came, it still had lots of cuts.
Cuts that were still bleeding.
He was dying...
Why?
"He's very unstable right now," Shuichi gravely said trying not to cry though his voice betrayed that he had already been doing that. "We won't know what's going on until a few hours."
I watched him as he touched the linen of Ryuichi's bed and grasped it in his hand as he closed his eyes tightly.
"H-how..." was all that I could say.
"We were going to your father's when I found a crowd of people in front of our house." Shuichi said as he looked at the ground. Then, he came over me and squeezed my shoulder. "We went through the crowd to find Ryuichi in the middle of it. He was badly injured. And Sakano was going to get Touma, who was inside the house."
"How did you know we were there?"
"Touma," my brother answered as he looked at me. "He said to come immediately."
Leave it to Touma to order Aniki without a reason.
"Please don't think I'm rude, but can I be alone with Ryuichi right now?" I looked at both of them as they both nodded at me solemnly. When they exited, I said thank you. But without looking at me, Aniki patted my head and left without a word.
Closing the door softly behind them, I locked it.
Then, I walked towards Ryuichi's bed. Standing next to him, I ran my fingers through his hair. I placed my cheek close to it as I smelled his familiar scent and whispered to his ear, "I'm here, Ryu."
Taking his hand in mine, I softly squeezed it as I found myself instantly crying.
I was frustrated at the way things were and the way they were going.
I was angry at why did this have to happen.
I was feeling pity for both of us. Trying so hard to make ourselves part of each other's
world when they were so different.
I was happy that he loved me so much and that I loved him as much.
I was fearful at what would happen if I lost him. Where would I go? Who would I be without him?
He was the man I had been obsessed for so many years. My obsession was a part of me and to kill that...
To kill that...
My heart ached and I couldn't finish my thought.
I started to sing softly to his ear, "Can't get enough...Don't let me down...Just one more night..."
After some silence, I then whispered, "I know I've asked you for so much, Ryu. But please. Even when I was a kid, I thought you could do anything. I still believe that."
I didn't want to ask why this had to happen.
I only wanted to tell you how sorry I was for getting you into such a mess.
Kissing his forehead, I stared at him with my blurry eyes.
I couldn't even ask you, "Please. You need to stay alive. For me."
I already asked this of you.
In fact...
You had volunteered it without me ever asking.
I cried even harder at my offense.
I could no longer see him through my tears as they fell on his cheek.
And because of that, he was dying in front of me ever so slowly...
Tsuzuku...
--
Author's note: My God. You guys should tell me that my grammar is terrible! ;_; I'm so horrible with that and proofreading! I'm glad you guys are so patient with me!
Well, we're nearing the end. Even I wouldn't read this if this were too long. But, I guess I can't just get this done at 30...ack. I feel that if I rush it, important parts will be just glossed over.
* blink, blink * How can you guys stand reading this when it's so long? Are you sure you aren't bored?* smiles *
Thank you for being there...