Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravi.
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
by miyamoto yui
Chapter 35 – in your eyes.
It had been a week since I gave my honey my challenge, and in return, he had told me something that I could have never possibly imagined. Even in my wildest dreams, when I looked at Ryuichi, the possibility had never occurred to me at all.
For how could a rock superstar wait for someone to grow up? The years between us, one of the things that I thought was an obstruction to my path, was also equally his.
But I could tell. His wait was harder, longer, and even more treacherous.
I felt like my eyes were more open to seeing that.
He knew who I was, where I lived, and how I was growing up because he was watching me slowly and quietly from the shadows. It sounded almost like he was stalking me, but I guess that never bothered me because I had drunk every bit of information that I could ever get of him too.
Ryuichi had more obstacles in his way. He had more people to deal with, both kinds that weren't so kind and those that became his true friends.
He had told me all of that. Touma had told me that it had taken him the number of years I had been alive to get from Ryuichi the facts about his life that had only taken me two years to perfect and ingest into my very being.
When Ryuichi was in the hospital, I talked to Touma. Touching his arm as he and my sister were leaving, I asked him something that had bothered me.
"What did Suguru mean by Ryuichi being so much worse than he is now?" I looked from side to side.
Hadn't Ryuichi always been the Ryuichi that I had always known? Ryuichi could never lie to me. If he did, he was trying to hide a present from me.
Onee-san smiled as she folded her hands. "Before he met you, Ryuichi was so stubborn. He would never listen to anyone but Touma. You can't imagine all the things we had to go through to get him to do concerts, recordings, etc. without a protest."
"Why?" I looked at both of them.
"He had no confidence in his singing." Touma looked to the ground almost ashamed. Something I had never seen before.
Not have confidence? My Ryuichi???
Touma nodded his head at my sister as she smiled and understood what was going on. He took my shoulder and led me to the patio of the hospital. Sitting on a bench, we both sat there quietly looking up at the sky.
"Ryuichi? Not have confidence in his singing?" I laughed at the absurdity at such a prospect. "That's so ridiculous."
Touma-san shook his head with his hands folded while his elbows leaned on his knees. Leaning forward, I focused on his black hat because he wouldn't let me look into his eyes.
So that's how he got whenever it was truly serious…
How odd…
It was so weird to watch him. How he looked liked his father and that same person had loved my own father.
"You'd be surprised how many times Ryuichi looked like he was going to quit." He smiled. "Yeah, it's true. The man that took Japan and made it fall to its knees for him."
"And what made him change?"
Touma's grin widened as he turned his head to me with his head leaning on the palm of his hand. "You."
"Ryuichi told me about that, Touma-san. That he waited for me to grow up."
"Finally." He sighed while rolling his eyes. "He told you."
I nodded.
"The day he met you, I knew he had changed a little. I couldn't figure out what had gotten into him. After all, he had met one of my friend's little brother." Touma looked at me intently. "I wanted to know what it was that made you special to Sakuma Ryuichi."
I blinked as I looked at him seriously with nothing to say.
"And I figured it out. Ryuichi had something to focus on. All these years, he was singing for fun and there was no challenge." Laughing, Touma looked up to the sky. "Just what do you get the man who had everything by age twenty-eight?"
Glancing at me, he winked his eye at me. "Nothing. I couldn't think of a single thing."
Getting up with his hands in his pockets, his eyes still focused on me. "He went crazy once. Ryuichi didn't know what to do with his life before and after his music debut. I thought it was because he was pressured. But when he said your name while he was napping as we were having a tour, I knew it was you, Tatsuha.
"You were the one who could reach into him. Ryuichi didn't want things given to him and so he was content on watching you grow even though it tore him up inside. He didn't want you to like him because he was mad, close to insanity, over you. He wanted you to freely love him not as a rock idol, but as an ordinary person."
Then, in silence, we walked to my sister's and his car. My sister hugged me as she left, but whispered into my ear tenderly, "Tatsuha, no matter what you do, I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wished for you."
Touma patted my head and they left.
And now, here I was at a playground in front of the stadium as Ryuichi was practicing for his concert the next day.
I watched the dark sky with the stars twinkling and I sat on a swing.
Back and forth, I sighed as I smiled at my good fortune. How things ever worked out this way, I could never understand.
"Can I sit here?" a voice asked politely with a bell-like ring to it.
I shook my head with a smile. "When we were kids you used to push me off the damn swing even if they were all open."
"I've matured a little." Tsuki laughed as she patted my back. "Okay, so I've only grown about one foot since third grade, but that's beside the point."
Silence.
"What's wrong, Tatsuha?" She stroked the back of my head as she held a look of concern on her face.
"It's just a mesh of stuff in my head. I don't know where to begin."
"Then…let's start with me."
"You're always so ego-centric," I sarcastically remarked.
"No, seriously, I'm trying to help you out here. Why call me best friend if you're just going to be a big quiet lump over there?" She laughed as she pointed at the little magenta rice grain in front of us. "And with that cute guy as your lover, who could be sad? Are you out of your freakin' mind?!"
I bursted out laughing.
"That's better," she said proudly as she nodded her head while folding her arms.
"Honestly, Tsuki," I sighed as looked at her, "I've been meaning to ask you this."
"Yes?" She blinked at me and took out a lollipop from her pocket and handed me one but I waved my hand with a no.
"Why are you doing this for me? I haven't been able to ask you this after all this commotion." I looked at her seriously. "I'm sorry that you had to go through all this with me."
Tsuki smirked at me. Taking my chin, we looked at each other's eyes.
We stared at one another in silence.
Taking out the lollipop from her mouth, she then answered, "Do you know how irresistible you are, Uesugi Tatsuha?"
"Huh? What's that got to do with anything?"
"Tatsuha, I've been in love with you ever since the day you threw sand in my eye in the sandbox," she laughed as she rubbed her small belly. "Being your best friend was one of the perks to be close to you. To be next to you."
"Tsuki…"
"Your charm isn't because we both admired Sakuma Ryuichi for so long. It's that you accept people for who they are. Not what they are. Do you understand?" She leaned closer to me so that we touched forehead to forehead. "I was the outcast of our class. I was rich, but I was always doing things that no one would dare think of doing. But you never let that bother you. You even helped me in my crazy schemes."
"I still can't believe we snuck out of our houses to go stand in line to go and preorder stuff. Anything for Ryuichi…" I tilted my head and smiled.
"Why are you so unconfident?" She then got off her swing and threw her finished lollipop stick into the trash can. Then, Tsuki embraced me from behind. "For as long as I've known you, you're always so genki in front of people and then you're so quiet when you're by yourself, except when you're singing a song."
I leaned back a bit trying to not to harm her and the baby in a way.
I looked at the sand below us.
"Why do you love Ryuichi so much, Tatsuha?" She hugged me tightly. "Why is he so special to you?"
"Because…" I smiled as I held her hands warmly. "…he…he…"
What was it?
I couldn't find the right words to describe it.
Not because he made me laugh…
Not because he made me smile…
Not because he always knew what to do…
"Why would you sacrifice so much for him, Tatsuha?" Tsuki held me while pushing her cheek to mine. "Why is he doing the same for you?"
It made sense to me.
Weird and sappy as my answer would be…
"It's because…" I turned my face to meet her eyes with a soft smile. "…he's breathing and I know it's for my sake."
I instantly felt warm all over at the thought.
She smiled as she had tears in her eyes. "See? That's why I didn't ever think you were crazy when you said you liked him so much."
Tsuki whispered into my ear with her eyes closed, "You didn't love him because he was a singer. You loved the soul he gave to his songs. You didn't love a woman or a man, for that doesn't really matter in this world. Overrated as it is.
"But if there was ever a day that you'd have to give him up to anyone else, I knew you'd do it, Tatsuha. You cried on the letter you gave me even though you tried to hide it from me." She pounded softly on my shoulder. "Because you loved him that much even though you were only thirteen."
Burying her head onto my shoulder, she cried and I started to have tears in my eyes again just like when I had promised Ryuichi never to say goodbye again.
Then, she said the words that I could never say to anyone before. How she said them so clearly as Hiro, I would always be amazed.
"You loved Ryuichi for being himself. Ryuichi isn't a woman or man in your eyes, he's a person that you've watched for so long that you can't bear to be with anyone else."
I closed my eyes.
It was true. It was all true.
That's why I had not wanted to give Ryuichi that poem I made for him in the end. I was going to keep it with me.
I said that even though I was doomed to love someone I could never reach, I'd never regret it.
In silence, we stayed at the playground for a long while watching Ryuichi practice. His voice echoed the song 'Yoru no naka ni',
"…Long sleepless nights, I spent them without you
Starving for your breath
I resolved to saying 'I love you'
To a photograph…"
Tsuzuku…
--
Author's note: One or two chapters to go!
Wow…as we near the ending, I'd have to say that I keep on thinking, "I came up with that?"
I'm very proud of this fic despite the fact that my one complaint is that it is too long. ^^;;;
But making that chapter with Tatsuha's father…it was worth writing all 30+ parts before it.
I'm happy to find you guys are enjoying this fic. Thank you for your support and your kind words. I don't know if I can finish this for Christmas, but please consider this my gift to you for the holidays. (And don't worry TB fans! I'll be sure to make a gift for you too! How can I not show my love and devotion to my two sexy boys??)
Yoru no naka ni – in the night
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
by miyamoto yui
Chapter 35 – in your eyes.
It had been a week since I gave my honey my challenge, and in return, he had told me something that I could have never possibly imagined. Even in my wildest dreams, when I looked at Ryuichi, the possibility had never occurred to me at all.
For how could a rock superstar wait for someone to grow up? The years between us, one of the things that I thought was an obstruction to my path, was also equally his.
But I could tell. His wait was harder, longer, and even more treacherous.
I felt like my eyes were more open to seeing that.
He knew who I was, where I lived, and how I was growing up because he was watching me slowly and quietly from the shadows. It sounded almost like he was stalking me, but I guess that never bothered me because I had drunk every bit of information that I could ever get of him too.
Ryuichi had more obstacles in his way. He had more people to deal with, both kinds that weren't so kind and those that became his true friends.
He had told me all of that. Touma had told me that it had taken him the number of years I had been alive to get from Ryuichi the facts about his life that had only taken me two years to perfect and ingest into my very being.
When Ryuichi was in the hospital, I talked to Touma. Touching his arm as he and my sister were leaving, I asked him something that had bothered me.
"What did Suguru mean by Ryuichi being so much worse than he is now?" I looked from side to side.
Hadn't Ryuichi always been the Ryuichi that I had always known? Ryuichi could never lie to me. If he did, he was trying to hide a present from me.
Onee-san smiled as she folded her hands. "Before he met you, Ryuichi was so stubborn. He would never listen to anyone but Touma. You can't imagine all the things we had to go through to get him to do concerts, recordings, etc. without a protest."
"Why?" I looked at both of them.
"He had no confidence in his singing." Touma looked to the ground almost ashamed. Something I had never seen before.
Not have confidence? My Ryuichi???
Touma nodded his head at my sister as she smiled and understood what was going on. He took my shoulder and led me to the patio of the hospital. Sitting on a bench, we both sat there quietly looking up at the sky.
"Ryuichi? Not have confidence in his singing?" I laughed at the absurdity at such a prospect. "That's so ridiculous."
Touma-san shook his head with his hands folded while his elbows leaned on his knees. Leaning forward, I focused on his black hat because he wouldn't let me look into his eyes.
So that's how he got whenever it was truly serious…
How odd…
It was so weird to watch him. How he looked liked his father and that same person had loved my own father.
"You'd be surprised how many times Ryuichi looked like he was going to quit." He smiled. "Yeah, it's true. The man that took Japan and made it fall to its knees for him."
"And what made him change?"
Touma's grin widened as he turned his head to me with his head leaning on the palm of his hand. "You."
"Ryuichi told me about that, Touma-san. That he waited for me to grow up."
"Finally." He sighed while rolling his eyes. "He told you."
I nodded.
"The day he met you, I knew he had changed a little. I couldn't figure out what had gotten into him. After all, he had met one of my friend's little brother." Touma looked at me intently. "I wanted to know what it was that made you special to Sakuma Ryuichi."
I blinked as I looked at him seriously with nothing to say.
"And I figured it out. Ryuichi had something to focus on. All these years, he was singing for fun and there was no challenge." Laughing, Touma looked up to the sky. "Just what do you get the man who had everything by age twenty-eight?"
Glancing at me, he winked his eye at me. "Nothing. I couldn't think of a single thing."
Getting up with his hands in his pockets, his eyes still focused on me. "He went crazy once. Ryuichi didn't know what to do with his life before and after his music debut. I thought it was because he was pressured. But when he said your name while he was napping as we were having a tour, I knew it was you, Tatsuha.
"You were the one who could reach into him. Ryuichi didn't want things given to him and so he was content on watching you grow even though it tore him up inside. He didn't want you to like him because he was mad, close to insanity, over you. He wanted you to freely love him not as a rock idol, but as an ordinary person."
Then, in silence, we walked to my sister's and his car. My sister hugged me as she left, but whispered into my ear tenderly, "Tatsuha, no matter what you do, I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wished for you."
Touma patted my head and they left.
And now, here I was at a playground in front of the stadium as Ryuichi was practicing for his concert the next day.
I watched the dark sky with the stars twinkling and I sat on a swing.
Back and forth, I sighed as I smiled at my good fortune. How things ever worked out this way, I could never understand.
"Can I sit here?" a voice asked politely with a bell-like ring to it.
I shook my head with a smile. "When we were kids you used to push me off the damn swing even if they were all open."
"I've matured a little." Tsuki laughed as she patted my back. "Okay, so I've only grown about one foot since third grade, but that's beside the point."
Silence.
"What's wrong, Tatsuha?" She stroked the back of my head as she held a look of concern on her face.
"It's just a mesh of stuff in my head. I don't know where to begin."
"Then…let's start with me."
"You're always so ego-centric," I sarcastically remarked.
"No, seriously, I'm trying to help you out here. Why call me best friend if you're just going to be a big quiet lump over there?" She laughed as she pointed at the little magenta rice grain in front of us. "And with that cute guy as your lover, who could be sad? Are you out of your freakin' mind?!"
I bursted out laughing.
"That's better," she said proudly as she nodded her head while folding her arms.
"Honestly, Tsuki," I sighed as looked at her, "I've been meaning to ask you this."
"Yes?" She blinked at me and took out a lollipop from her pocket and handed me one but I waved my hand with a no.
"Why are you doing this for me? I haven't been able to ask you this after all this commotion." I looked at her seriously. "I'm sorry that you had to go through all this with me."
Tsuki smirked at me. Taking my chin, we looked at each other's eyes.
We stared at one another in silence.
Taking out the lollipop from her mouth, she then answered, "Do you know how irresistible you are, Uesugi Tatsuha?"
"Huh? What's that got to do with anything?"
"Tatsuha, I've been in love with you ever since the day you threw sand in my eye in the sandbox," she laughed as she rubbed her small belly. "Being your best friend was one of the perks to be close to you. To be next to you."
"Tsuki…"
"Your charm isn't because we both admired Sakuma Ryuichi for so long. It's that you accept people for who they are. Not what they are. Do you understand?" She leaned closer to me so that we touched forehead to forehead. "I was the outcast of our class. I was rich, but I was always doing things that no one would dare think of doing. But you never let that bother you. You even helped me in my crazy schemes."
"I still can't believe we snuck out of our houses to go stand in line to go and preorder stuff. Anything for Ryuichi…" I tilted my head and smiled.
"Why are you so unconfident?" She then got off her swing and threw her finished lollipop stick into the trash can. Then, Tsuki embraced me from behind. "For as long as I've known you, you're always so genki in front of people and then you're so quiet when you're by yourself, except when you're singing a song."
I leaned back a bit trying to not to harm her and the baby in a way.
I looked at the sand below us.
"Why do you love Ryuichi so much, Tatsuha?" She hugged me tightly. "Why is he so special to you?"
"Because…" I smiled as I held her hands warmly. "…he…he…"
What was it?
I couldn't find the right words to describe it.
Not because he made me laugh…
Not because he made me smile…
Not because he always knew what to do…
"Why would you sacrifice so much for him, Tatsuha?" Tsuki held me while pushing her cheek to mine. "Why is he doing the same for you?"
It made sense to me.
Weird and sappy as my answer would be…
"It's because…" I turned my face to meet her eyes with a soft smile. "…he's breathing and I know it's for my sake."
I instantly felt warm all over at the thought.
She smiled as she had tears in her eyes. "See? That's why I didn't ever think you were crazy when you said you liked him so much."
Tsuki whispered into my ear with her eyes closed, "You didn't love him because he was a singer. You loved the soul he gave to his songs. You didn't love a woman or a man, for that doesn't really matter in this world. Overrated as it is.
"But if there was ever a day that you'd have to give him up to anyone else, I knew you'd do it, Tatsuha. You cried on the letter you gave me even though you tried to hide it from me." She pounded softly on my shoulder. "Because you loved him that much even though you were only thirteen."
Burying her head onto my shoulder, she cried and I started to have tears in my eyes again just like when I had promised Ryuichi never to say goodbye again.
Then, she said the words that I could never say to anyone before. How she said them so clearly as Hiro, I would always be amazed.
"You loved Ryuichi for being himself. Ryuichi isn't a woman or man in your eyes, he's a person that you've watched for so long that you can't bear to be with anyone else."
I closed my eyes.
It was true. It was all true.
That's why I had not wanted to give Ryuichi that poem I made for him in the end. I was going to keep it with me.
I said that even though I was doomed to love someone I could never reach, I'd never regret it.
In silence, we stayed at the playground for a long while watching Ryuichi practice. His voice echoed the song 'Yoru no naka ni',
"…Long sleepless nights, I spent them without you
Starving for your breath
I resolved to saying 'I love you'
To a photograph…"
Tsuzuku…
--
Author's note: One or two chapters to go!
Wow…as we near the ending, I'd have to say that I keep on thinking, "I came up with that?"
I'm very proud of this fic despite the fact that my one complaint is that it is too long. ^^;;;
But making that chapter with Tatsuha's father…it was worth writing all 30+ parts before it.
I'm happy to find you guys are enjoying this fic. Thank you for your support and your kind words. I don't know if I can finish this for Christmas, but please consider this my gift to you for the holidays. (And don't worry TB fans! I'll be sure to make a gift for you too! How can I not show my love and devotion to my two sexy boys??)
Yoru no naka ni – in the night