Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Gravitation.
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 36 – Agony.
"Tatsuha? Tatsuha?" I heard my name being called again and again.
I turned over and blinked my eyes to look at Ryuichi. "Yes, yes?"
He threw his Kumogorou at my forehead and laughed. I looked at him in confusion. "Wha-what?"
"Good morning, Tatsuha," he said in English.
I then smiled as I replied back. "Ohaiyo gozaimasu, Ryuichi."
He was beaming at me and I sighed. "Oh no…we just went through a long, long, _long_ session of-MMM!"
Ryuichi grabbed my shoulders and wrapped his arms around my naked body. I looked down at him and shook my head. "You know you shouldn't do this after coming out of the hospital only three days ago."
He sighed with a glimmer in his eyes. He then grabbed Kumogorou and pouted as he bit the ear.
"Demo, demo," he said in muffled protest.
"You waited for me to grow up so you can have my body!" I laughed as I fell onto him gently and pointed at him accusingly. "That was your intention. I know how you work!"
He smirked at me playfully. "I swear it was all pure until I undid your shirt that night."
I closed my eyes with a twitch in my eye. "Ryuichi…"
"You can't fight temptation." Then, he ran his fingers through my hair. "I've waited for you for thirty-one years! No one ever believed I was a virgin."
True, true! Ryuichi the sexiest man alive never had sex before? That was unheard of!
He sweatdropped as if reading my thoughts while I analyzed him.
"You were repressed," I said with a dead-pan look.
"Naw, I'm all for you," he smirked again while kissing my lips. Then, he hugged me. "It was really hard trying not to seduce you whenever I saw you."
"You're making up for it just fine…honey." I grinned as he shook his head.
He smiled as he lifted his eyebrows. "Hey, that's below the belt!"
"That's what I'm aiming for…"
I then got up to go take a shower. And there he just sat on the bed feeling rejected.
I poked my head out of the doorway. "I didn't say we had to stop at the bed."
Ryuichi shook his head and grinned. "Ooh! Shower!"
After we had our shower, we dressed up and ate breakfast. Ryuichi thought it'd be nice to make me fried eggs.
He may have been the idol of Japan, but he still couldn't master making an omelet. When it came back to me almost all burned, I smiled, ate it, and thanked God that I was the only one he cooked for. Then again, I'd be the only one who'd eat it.
When breakfast was over, he took me to his car and we drove to the stadium so that he could practice.
"I have a surprise for you, Tatsuha!" he excitedly announced as he pulled my hand as soon as I closed the car door.
"Wasn't the omelet the surprise?"
"No, no!" He then gave me Kumogorou to hold in one arm. "It's a little late, but this was your present."
"Present?" Bewildered, I looked around as we found our way to the stage from the back door.
There was no one there yet. Then again, it was only eight in the morning and everyone was supposed to come at nine for final set-up.
He turned on some of the equipment and looked at me like a little kid on a field trip, even though he was so familiar with the place.
"What are you so happy about, Ryuichi?" I smiled at him with wild curiosity. "Tell me."
"Your present!" he said again.
I put Kumogorou down on the stage to survey the audience's seats.
"Look around, Tatsuha. Remember."
I shook my head with no idea on what was going on.
Ryuichi then took my hand and led me to the seat in somewhere in the middle of the stadium. It was one that had the perfect view of the stage. Not too far and not too close either, but just enough to see his face.
I opened my eyes wider. I began to remember after all the concerts I had gone to…
I mumbled in realization, "This was my seat when I went to my first concert…"
Ryuichi nodded slowly. "Wait here."
He ran down to where Kumogorou was on stage. Ryuichi stood in the middle of the stage and held the microphone stand in his hands. Then, he looked up and held his hands out to me as he sang into the microphone,
"…Long sleepless nights, I spent them without you
Starving for your breath
I resolved to saying 'I love you'
To a photograph…"
"Do you remember now, Tatsuha?" he said into the mic as soon as he finished the stanza.
Then, he walked back to me.
"You were really singing it for me that day," I sighed while showing all my surprise.
And I remembered that day when I was laughing as I watched him so contentedly. He winked in my direction, but I never knew it was a code for me to get.
He nodded his head. "Those tickets you got from Touma weren't from him. They were from me. And I wanted to look at you clearly."
Ryuichi looked up to the sky and then back at me. "Since I couldn't touch you, my flirting could go well with the crowd, and it'd mean no harm, right?"
I looked at the ground and then at him again. "All this for me…wow. I…really am honored."
"Yes…all of it was just for you."
***
I cheered with the crowd with Tsuki next to me as the first half of the performance was ending.
"I'll be right back," I said to her as she waved at me with a smile.
"I won't be going anywhere!" she shouted back while holding her Kumogorou in her lap. The one that Ryuichi had recently given a ski outfit.
(No, I won't understand how they both agree on such things.)
I lifted my pass to get to the back and knocked on Ryuichi's door.
"Come in!" he shouted.
I went inside and locked the door behind me. I ran to him and smiled. "You're doing great out there! I think this was one of the best concerts I've ever given!"
"It'd better be!" he commented as he took off his shirt.
I took a towel and wiped his upper body. "Why's that?"
"Because I'm taking a hiatus again."
"Why so suddenly? You were gone because of your voice." I cleared my throat. "My fault and all."
"Well, we've got to take care of Tsuki and the baby."
I nodded. "Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to take a hiatus."
"Yes I do," he answered as he took a white shirt and pulled it over himself. "We have to find a house and everything."
"House?"
He laughed, "I'll tell you later. Tsuki and I were thinking of some stuff."
"You guys are making plans without me again!"
Ryuichi again chuckled. "No…don't worry about it Tatsuha. That could never happen."
He sat in a chair facing a mirror. Ryuichi then pulled me to sit in his lap as he wrapped his arms around me. I put my head on his shoulder.
"I'll take good care of you as I promised," he softly whispered. "Or else."
He shuddered. "I've only seen you half mad and I don't want to even know how your dad is when he's really pissed either."
I laughed, then, I looked up to his face as I softly poked my finger on his Adam's apple.
"Ryuichi, sing for me."
He then sang for me,
"Cold fingers and icy touch,
Tell me that this is life
Because I can tell you this is love.
Reach for me,
I reach for you,
But we're two realities,
Separated by a mirror."
I then kissed his throat as he sang. His Adam's apple jumped up and down, but I kept on feeding on the skin of his throat.
Mine…
This is mine.
When he finished singing, I leaned on his shoulder again.
"How did you ever explain to Touma-san that you fell in love with someone?" I asked.
"I didn't." He laughed. "He could just tell through the changes in my music. They weren't as cold as they used to be. There was someone behind them now.
"What I did tell him when asked me why my songs had changed, I honestly said that it was agony. And if this was the way love really was, I didn't want it."
He held me even tighter. "Did Touma ever tell you I lost my head after a concert and how we had to cancel some of Nittle Grasper's tour?"
"Somewhat, but not the details."
Ryuichi looked away in shame. "A year later after your first concert, I gave Touma another ticket to give to you. It was for that very same seat you were in so that I could see you clearly again. But you didn't stay all throughout the concert that time."
Bitterly, I remembered that very clearly too. "I was sick, but I really wanted to see you. In the end, Aniki had to take me home because I had caught pneumonia."
"Did you know how hard it was for me to sing knowing that I couldn't help you in any way?" He shook his head and sighed heavily.
"You can't imagine that behind that stage, Touma and I were fighting during the intercession.
'You can't go to him!' he shouted at me while trying to restrain me.
'I have to go to him, Touma!' I protested back.
'You cannot leave in the middle of this concert, Sakuma Ryuichi! That isn't how professionals work!'
His blood was boiling and he breathed slowly while giving me a hard look.
'What am I supposed to do, Touma?!' I took his collar and shook him.
'You can't do anything, Ryuichi!' he shouted back at me while staring me down. 'To him, you are just someone he looks up to! Nothing more!'
I let him go and sat in my chair holding my head in defeat. With tears in my eyes, I looked at him while smiling wistfully. 'You're right. I'm nothing more to him."
Wiping my tears away, I gave my serious look and patted him. 'Sorry, Touma.'
'Ryuichi…' he started to say, but it was time for the performance."
While there was chaos outside of his door, we snuggled there quietly on the chair.
I looked at Ryuichi and I shook my head sadly.
The more and more I knew about everything, the more I realized the depths of our loneliness for one another...
Then, he broke the silence with, "Do you know how helpless you can feel when you can't do anything for the person you love?"
I closed my eyes painfully and nodded silently.
"When I realized that,
that was the day I knew I could never live without you, Tatsuha."
"Why?"
Before he could answer me, the stage crew knocked on his door to let him know it was time to perform again.
Tsuzuku…
--
Author's note: yea~! Almost the end. One chapter to go!!!
Woohoo! Have you been enjoying this immensely long fic! Hope you have! Me too!
^_^
Aching Desire
(Nagareboshi 3)
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 36 – Agony.
"Tatsuha? Tatsuha?" I heard my name being called again and again.
I turned over and blinked my eyes to look at Ryuichi. "Yes, yes?"
He threw his Kumogorou at my forehead and laughed. I looked at him in confusion. "Wha-what?"
"Good morning, Tatsuha," he said in English.
I then smiled as I replied back. "Ohaiyo gozaimasu, Ryuichi."
He was beaming at me and I sighed. "Oh no…we just went through a long, long, _long_ session of-MMM!"
Ryuichi grabbed my shoulders and wrapped his arms around my naked body. I looked down at him and shook my head. "You know you shouldn't do this after coming out of the hospital only three days ago."
He sighed with a glimmer in his eyes. He then grabbed Kumogorou and pouted as he bit the ear.
"Demo, demo," he said in muffled protest.
"You waited for me to grow up so you can have my body!" I laughed as I fell onto him gently and pointed at him accusingly. "That was your intention. I know how you work!"
He smirked at me playfully. "I swear it was all pure until I undid your shirt that night."
I closed my eyes with a twitch in my eye. "Ryuichi…"
"You can't fight temptation." Then, he ran his fingers through my hair. "I've waited for you for thirty-one years! No one ever believed I was a virgin."
True, true! Ryuichi the sexiest man alive never had sex before? That was unheard of!
He sweatdropped as if reading my thoughts while I analyzed him.
"You were repressed," I said with a dead-pan look.
"Naw, I'm all for you," he smirked again while kissing my lips. Then, he hugged me. "It was really hard trying not to seduce you whenever I saw you."
"You're making up for it just fine…honey." I grinned as he shook his head.
He smiled as he lifted his eyebrows. "Hey, that's below the belt!"
"That's what I'm aiming for…"
I then got up to go take a shower. And there he just sat on the bed feeling rejected.
I poked my head out of the doorway. "I didn't say we had to stop at the bed."
Ryuichi shook his head and grinned. "Ooh! Shower!"
After we had our shower, we dressed up and ate breakfast. Ryuichi thought it'd be nice to make me fried eggs.
He may have been the idol of Japan, but he still couldn't master making an omelet. When it came back to me almost all burned, I smiled, ate it, and thanked God that I was the only one he cooked for. Then again, I'd be the only one who'd eat it.
When breakfast was over, he took me to his car and we drove to the stadium so that he could practice.
"I have a surprise for you, Tatsuha!" he excitedly announced as he pulled my hand as soon as I closed the car door.
"Wasn't the omelet the surprise?"
"No, no!" He then gave me Kumogorou to hold in one arm. "It's a little late, but this was your present."
"Present?" Bewildered, I looked around as we found our way to the stage from the back door.
There was no one there yet. Then again, it was only eight in the morning and everyone was supposed to come at nine for final set-up.
He turned on some of the equipment and looked at me like a little kid on a field trip, even though he was so familiar with the place.
"What are you so happy about, Ryuichi?" I smiled at him with wild curiosity. "Tell me."
"Your present!" he said again.
I put Kumogorou down on the stage to survey the audience's seats.
"Look around, Tatsuha. Remember."
I shook my head with no idea on what was going on.
Ryuichi then took my hand and led me to the seat in somewhere in the middle of the stadium. It was one that had the perfect view of the stage. Not too far and not too close either, but just enough to see his face.
I opened my eyes wider. I began to remember after all the concerts I had gone to…
I mumbled in realization, "This was my seat when I went to my first concert…"
Ryuichi nodded slowly. "Wait here."
He ran down to where Kumogorou was on stage. Ryuichi stood in the middle of the stage and held the microphone stand in his hands. Then, he looked up and held his hands out to me as he sang into the microphone,
"…Long sleepless nights, I spent them without you
Starving for your breath
I resolved to saying 'I love you'
To a photograph…"
"Do you remember now, Tatsuha?" he said into the mic as soon as he finished the stanza.
Then, he walked back to me.
"You were really singing it for me that day," I sighed while showing all my surprise.
And I remembered that day when I was laughing as I watched him so contentedly. He winked in my direction, but I never knew it was a code for me to get.
He nodded his head. "Those tickets you got from Touma weren't from him. They were from me. And I wanted to look at you clearly."
Ryuichi looked up to the sky and then back at me. "Since I couldn't touch you, my flirting could go well with the crowd, and it'd mean no harm, right?"
I looked at the ground and then at him again. "All this for me…wow. I…really am honored."
"Yes…all of it was just for you."
***
I cheered with the crowd with Tsuki next to me as the first half of the performance was ending.
"I'll be right back," I said to her as she waved at me with a smile.
"I won't be going anywhere!" she shouted back while holding her Kumogorou in her lap. The one that Ryuichi had recently given a ski outfit.
(No, I won't understand how they both agree on such things.)
I lifted my pass to get to the back and knocked on Ryuichi's door.
"Come in!" he shouted.
I went inside and locked the door behind me. I ran to him and smiled. "You're doing great out there! I think this was one of the best concerts I've ever given!"
"It'd better be!" he commented as he took off his shirt.
I took a towel and wiped his upper body. "Why's that?"
"Because I'm taking a hiatus again."
"Why so suddenly? You were gone because of your voice." I cleared my throat. "My fault and all."
"Well, we've got to take care of Tsuki and the baby."
I nodded. "Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to take a hiatus."
"Yes I do," he answered as he took a white shirt and pulled it over himself. "We have to find a house and everything."
"House?"
He laughed, "I'll tell you later. Tsuki and I were thinking of some stuff."
"You guys are making plans without me again!"
Ryuichi again chuckled. "No…don't worry about it Tatsuha. That could never happen."
He sat in a chair facing a mirror. Ryuichi then pulled me to sit in his lap as he wrapped his arms around me. I put my head on his shoulder.
"I'll take good care of you as I promised," he softly whispered. "Or else."
He shuddered. "I've only seen you half mad and I don't want to even know how your dad is when he's really pissed either."
I laughed, then, I looked up to his face as I softly poked my finger on his Adam's apple.
"Ryuichi, sing for me."
He then sang for me,
"Cold fingers and icy touch,
Tell me that this is life
Because I can tell you this is love.
Reach for me,
I reach for you,
But we're two realities,
Separated by a mirror."
I then kissed his throat as he sang. His Adam's apple jumped up and down, but I kept on feeding on the skin of his throat.
Mine…
This is mine.
When he finished singing, I leaned on his shoulder again.
"How did you ever explain to Touma-san that you fell in love with someone?" I asked.
"I didn't." He laughed. "He could just tell through the changes in my music. They weren't as cold as they used to be. There was someone behind them now.
"What I did tell him when asked me why my songs had changed, I honestly said that it was agony. And if this was the way love really was, I didn't want it."
He held me even tighter. "Did Touma ever tell you I lost my head after a concert and how we had to cancel some of Nittle Grasper's tour?"
"Somewhat, but not the details."
Ryuichi looked away in shame. "A year later after your first concert, I gave Touma another ticket to give to you. It was for that very same seat you were in so that I could see you clearly again. But you didn't stay all throughout the concert that time."
Bitterly, I remembered that very clearly too. "I was sick, but I really wanted to see you. In the end, Aniki had to take me home because I had caught pneumonia."
"Did you know how hard it was for me to sing knowing that I couldn't help you in any way?" He shook his head and sighed heavily.
"You can't imagine that behind that stage, Touma and I were fighting during the intercession.
'You can't go to him!' he shouted at me while trying to restrain me.
'I have to go to him, Touma!' I protested back.
'You cannot leave in the middle of this concert, Sakuma Ryuichi! That isn't how professionals work!'
His blood was boiling and he breathed slowly while giving me a hard look.
'What am I supposed to do, Touma?!' I took his collar and shook him.
'You can't do anything, Ryuichi!' he shouted back at me while staring me down. 'To him, you are just someone he looks up to! Nothing more!'
I let him go and sat in my chair holding my head in defeat. With tears in my eyes, I looked at him while smiling wistfully. 'You're right. I'm nothing more to him."
Wiping my tears away, I gave my serious look and patted him. 'Sorry, Touma.'
'Ryuichi…' he started to say, but it was time for the performance."
While there was chaos outside of his door, we snuggled there quietly on the chair.
I looked at Ryuichi and I shook my head sadly.
The more and more I knew about everything, the more I realized the depths of our loneliness for one another...
Then, he broke the silence with, "Do you know how helpless you can feel when you can't do anything for the person you love?"
I closed my eyes painfully and nodded silently.
"When I realized that,
that was the day I knew I could never live without you, Tatsuha."
"Why?"
Before he could answer me, the stage crew knocked on his door to let him know it was time to perform again.
Tsuzuku…
--
Author's note: yea~! Almost the end. One chapter to go!!!
Woohoo! Have you been enjoying this immensely long fic! Hope you have! Me too!
^_^