Story: The Eye of the Needle

Author: trickygrin

Disclaimer: I haven't slept in days. I own me, myself and I. Nada else. I need a break from physics. Don't sue me.

Note: This story takes place after the anime has ended.

The man sat near the window, staring out the sand-blasted glass rattling in its pane, watching the people outside. He didn't know who they were, or what they were about, but he was sorry for them. Forced to grovel at the feet of the jealous geoplant owners, they were the victims of the system that his partner had always spouted on about.

A sip of his coffee worked its way towards soothing his tattered nerves, winding it's way around his nervous system, down his spine to his legs. Another sip and he could almost forgive the damned greedy landowners their numerous indiscretions. These days it seemed that coffee was the only thing that got his sympathy rising. Now that was a crime. It wasn't even that good of coffee.

"Did you want another cup of coffee?" a friendly voice off to his right started him from his reverie. He looked up to see a pair of deep grey eyes, liquid graphite that reflected his soul back at him. Flinching involuntarily, he tried his best at nonchalance, and shrugged.

"Is there any decaf?" He really should be laying off the caffeine altogether. He knew that the excess of any kind was bad for you, but it seemed that caffeine was the only thing that got him up some days. It was a good thing he'd never started smoking. Wolfwood had, and look where that had gotten him. An early grave, that's what.

"Sure thing," the waitress who looked nothing like Meryl after all, turned around and headed back to the coffee machines behind the counter. "It's a free refill, mister." Returning once more to the dingy little table, she slapped down a new cup and saucer, sloshing a little coffee off to either side. "Want some cream?" Magically, three cream containers appeared in her hand. "They're free too."

"No, that's okay. Black is fine."

"Okay," she nodded, stowing the cream containers back in her apron with her pad and pencil. Scooping up his dirty cup, she paused for a minute before frowning at him. "Just yell if you need anything else." She swayed back to the counter, calling out to the stranger who opened the door to the tiny café. However, every now and then he caught her looking at him strangely from the corner of her eye. It wasn't that surprising. He must look like death itself.

Vash sighed. It always came back to that, didn't it? Death seemed to be the way the world worked now—had always worked. Why should he be surprised that he was the last to pick up on it? He was always the last one to pick up on anything anymore, it seemed.

Outside, the wind had picked up and seemed to be trying to blow the people over. Children were darting in between the buildings, using the gusts that flew through the alleyways to propel themselves forward, giggling like maniacs. He almost smiled at that, watching them run and play in the dust, falling and laughing and falling again… but somehow, whenever he tried to smile anymore, something wouldn't let him.

Something seemed to have settled over his features. Eyes that were one bright had faded to a dim green, almost hazel. Hair that had once had seemed to have a mind of its own had settled over his features in soft tangles that he rarely seemed to even brush anymore. And his smile? The one that had charmed the children and made the ladies blush despite their protests? The smile had died. It had gone away one Spring day, and just never come back. He hadn't known the day it had gone missing, and when he had discovered it was gone, it was too late to recover. She had it. She had it, and he had no chance of getting it back.

But that was unfair. When did he become so bitter? Was it the day he lost his taste for sweets? The day that he realized that she would never look at him that way again? The day he realized he had squandered his once and forever? He might have saved his soul, if indeed he had one, but he had damned himself to a life of eternal loneliness.

Which is what he had been afraid of all along, to be perfectly honest. When he'd left his gun behind after the stand off with his brother, he had been hoping for an end to all of this. Yet here he was, five years later, still wandering the roads, still fighting for money and the like…. And yet, something was different than it had been before. He no longer wanted to stay in one place and live among the humans. Oh, he wanted to, that wasn't completely accurate, but only if it was her. Meryl. Only her. But he couldn't.

And he…. HE was back there with her…. Living life—as a human. Living life—loved by someone. Living life—with her by his side. Living and loving and kissing and—

He was going to drive himself nuts if he kept this up. Glancing down at his now-cold coffee, he noticed that his knuckles were white against the pale ceramic of the mug. But maybe he already was insane. Maybe.

He certainly hoped Knives was pleased. He had everything that Vash had ever wanted, and Vash had even given it to him. Freely. …naively…. …stupidly…

Not that Knives would ever know. Not now, anyway. Because wasn't that the whole point? That Knives would never know Vash existed, and neither would Meryl. Vash only complicated things. Things that should be simple, things like love and family. …and love and love and love….

Something hot hit the hand holding the mug, and he touched it reflexively with his spare hand, checking to see if the coffee had burned. But the coffee was cold, and he realized that for the third time that week he was sobbing like a baby in a public area. He was so weak, so bitter. So full of anger that he could not rightly direct at anyone besides himself. …so stupid…

'They had better be happy,' he thought as he sunk further into himself. For his sake, they had better be happy together.

Next chapter: Vash meets up with a blast from his past. Heh, blast alright.

Author's note: Doesn't make sense? Well, the basic deal is that this was written on no sleep and with my poor fragile psyche recovering from an Electromagnetic Theory final and an Egyptian Art and Culture. But that's not to say that there's no plot. I hope to do a chapter a night until I leave town, so expect regular updates. It's gonna possibly be a VxM (but which one? Wooooo…..) tale. But I like Knives, so expect to see him later on too. It might be kinda dark and vaguely angsty, and it is kinda AU, so DON'T BITCH AT ME IF YOU DON'T LIKE THESE THINGS!!!!! I am sick of puds reading stuff and flaming me with stuff like: 'God you suck… why do you write this stuff?'