Royal Academy

"Three more days! I am so excited!" Relena clasped her hands before her and Duo stole a look at Heero. He was rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, his head lowered like a beaten dog.

"Heero!" Relena threw herself at him, and he was unable to avoid her attack. If only he could use the zero system against her! She was tugging on his arm. "Heero, you did order a corsage for me!?"

"I did," piped Quatre.

Relena frowned at Heero before looking at Quatre. "Not too big, not too small?"

"You will love it!" exclaimed Quatre.

Then he launched into an explanation containing such words as baby's breath - Duo couldn't imagine such a thing!

When he had finished, Relena clapped her hands. "Good!" Relena looked around. "Where is Catherine?"

"I believe she maneuvered Trowa into the supply closet," said Wufei. "I heard a few brooms fall over, but nothing in the last two minutes and thirty seconds."

Duo laughed. "I know for a fact Trowa can only hold his breath for three minutes. She had better let him up for air!"

Relena turned to look at Heero. "How long can you hold your breath?"

Heero shot Duo an angry glare that made him chuckle, then told Relena, "I can't. Any prolonged oxygen deprivation makes me vomit."

The disappointed look on Relena's face made Duo snort with laughter. She turned to him. "Who are you taking to the Stardust Ball?"

He sobered. "I am leaving my options open."

"And you Wufei?"

"I have no time for such ridiculous activities!"

"Just as I thought! No date!" Relena smiled smugly. "One of you is taking Trynity Stryfe."

Wufei's expletive was lost when the supply room door opened and Trowa stumbled out gasping for air. Shiny lipgloss smeared his face and his hair was oddly parted. Heero shook with silent laughter as Trowa ducked into the men's room.

Catherine came to stand by Relena.

Relena raised a brow. "Did he go in there to vomit?"

"What are you talking about?" Catherine was obviously annoyed by Relena's implication. Duo was almost hoping for a fight, even it was nothing more than flinging insults. "Why do you think he is vomiting?"

Heero managed to slip away to the men's room, and after a moment there was raucous laughter. Relena realized she was the butt of a joke and smiled apologetically at Catherine. Quatre sighed and left after mumbling something about finding Hilde. Good old Hilde, thought Duo. At least she wasn't a man-eating beast like Relena and Catherine.

"Well?" Relena turned a stare on Duo and Wufei. "My brother asked if Trynity Stryfe will be attending the ball. Neither he, nor Sally, will be pleased if Miss Stryfe has to sit home alone that night."

Duo looked at Wufei.

Wufei looked him in the eye.

And without words they began the ritual.

Wufei laughed. "Ha! Rock beats scissors!"

"How delightful!" Relena hugged Duo. "I know you and Trynity will have a wonderful time!" She marched to the men's room door and pushed it open. "Heero Yuy! Walk me to class!"

"I have math! I can't! There isn't enough time!" He was still giving excuses as Relena dragged him away.

Catherine didn't wait for Trowa. She was obviously annoyed by his behavior. Lucky Trowa! Wufei walked ahead chuckling as he congratulated himself on his victory.

"What amuses him?" asked Trowa as he fell into step beside Duo. When Duo explained, Trowa sighed.

"I don't know whom I feel more sorry for: you or me." Trowa moved ahead to talk to Wufei.

As he came to the door to the math classroom, Duo found himself face to face with Trynity. There were curls hanging in her eyes, her glasses were on the end of her nose, and looking down, he saw that once again he was standing on her shoelace. One of her brows shot up.

Duo took his foot off her lace, then hopped in the room. Wufei spun quickly to reach behind Duo. He slammed the door in Trynity's face just as the bell was ringing. He received several high fives before Trynity walked stiffly in. Her gaze for Wufei was deadly, and Duo felt a twinge of guilt to be caught congratulating him.

"Class, please take your seats!" called Miss Dimster. "Class! I said take your seats!"

In a brief moment of quiet as they obeyed, Duo heard Heero say, "Miss Stryfe one, Wufei two."

Duo chuckled until he noticed Trynity glaring at him from over the rim of her glasses. A sobering sight indeed!

"Miss Stryfe, I believe you entered after the bell. I am afraid I will have to issue you a demerit for tardiness." Miss Dimster leaned over her paper-strewn desk, shoving aside a potted plant Quatre had given her. A teddy bear rolled of the edge of her desk to land at Trowa's feet.

"Now where did I put my pen?" Miss Dimster asked no one in particular as she turned around to look on her file cabinet.

Trowa kicked the bear in the air and batted it toward Heero who spiked it at Wufei. Wufei snatched it and hid it in his lap as Miss Dimster turned around with her hands on her hips. Without a word she marched to her bookshelf in the back of the room, and Wufei half stood as he fired the bear at Quatre. The bear hit him in the face and bounced back, flipping end over end towards Duo. Duo quickly pulled up his book and deflected it. As Miss Dimster turned around, the bear landed upright on Trynity's desk.

"Miss Stryfe!" The teacher's screech made Duo jump and everyone else squirm. She stood holding her pen, a shocked look on her face. "What are you doing with Master Cuddles?"

Trynity was staring at the bear nose to nose. "I'm not exactly sure, Miss Dimster."

"Return him to my desk immediately! You can expect to meet with the headmaster!"

Duo watched her walk with quiet dignity to the teacher's desk where she placed the bear facing Trowa. If Duo didn't know any better, he'd say the bear was accusing him with his button eyes. Trowa dropped his chin to stare at the floor.

Miss Dimster returned to the front of the classroom oblivious to the whispers and soft laughter. She seized the bear and held it close, her cheeks pink with anger. But she took a few deep breaths, then said, "Miss Stryfe, Master Cuddles forgive you."

"I am so relieved," murmured Trynity.

Still holding the bear, Miss Dimster began class. "I realize many of you feel intense anxiety when we work on word problems, so today we will begin by doing some relaxation exercises."

Quatre's hand shot in the air. "Miss Dimster, I do yoga when I want to relax."

Duo prayed Dimster wouldn't make them get on the floor to do yoga.

"That is very nice to know, Mr. Winner, but we are going to do some simple relaxation exercises. Now, everyone close your eyes and take a deep breath.

Miss Dimster closed her eyes and inhaled noisily. Quatre turned quickly and raised his middle finger at Wufei. Wufei started to rise, but dropped back in his seat as the teacher opened her eyes.

"Much more relaxing! Now, do it again and imagine yourself in a comforting, pleasant place."

Duo shrugged his shoulders and closed his eyes just to avoid trouble. He expected to see the cockpit of his beloved Deathscythe Hell, but instead he saw a moonlight beach and shimmering water rippling as a rock skipped across the surface.

Horrified, he opened his eyes and spun to look at Trynity, and he saw her glaring straight ahead at Master Cuddles. She looked at him then. Their eyes met. His stomach did a flip, and he looked quickly away.

"Looking a little green," whispered Wufei. "Were you picturing the Stardust Ball with your enchanting date?"

Duo did not look at Trynity again although he had to fight the urge. Why did he want to? She was messy! She chewed her nails! Her glasses were crooked! Her hair was a disaster! Her damn shoes were untied! What kind of person walked around with untied shoes?!

"Now count back from ten slowly," droned the teacher.

She was anti-social! She was rude! She had no sense of humor! She was a perfectionist! She stared! She glared!

Her smile was heaven!

Duo shot to his feet. "Miss Dimster! May I be excused? I don't feel well!" Duo had to get out of there!

The dreamy teacher frowned. "Mr. Maxwell, please sit down. I am sure you are merely hungry. If you wish, I can pass crackers to the class. Do you think that might help?"

"I do!" exclaimed Quatre who jumped from his seat and hurried to take the box of Triscuits she took from her desk drawer. He began to pass them out with enthusiasm.

Trynity looked at the clock. Twenty minutes and no sign of any math again. She questioned Miss Dimster's ability to teach even basic equations. The only reason Trynity was placed in this sorry excuse for a classroom was because Sally Po wanted to keep her charges together. No doubt Duo Maxwell was responsible for their demotion in math. A Triscuit dropped on her desk, and when the teacher looked away to find a page in the book, Trynity flicked the cracker at Duo. It landed in the middle of his desk.

"You seem to need it more than I!"

"Miss Stryfe!"

Trynity clutched her math book, mortified by what she had done. But the surprised looks she got from Quatre and Wufei coupled with the thumbs up from Heero and smile from Trowa were oddly satisfying. Somehow she thought her father would have approved. She could hear Duo munching on the Triscuits and didn't bother to hide her smile. He started to cough until Wufei pounded his back.

Miss Dimster waited until he was breathing again to start class. "Now that we have satisfied some basic needs, let us all turn to page one hundred and thirty-three. Do problems number one and…" She stopped speaking, her startled eyes gazing in the direction of Duo Maxwell. "Yes, Mr. Maxwell? What do you need now?"

"I have the answer."

Trynity had not even opened the book she still clutched in her hands. She looked over at Duo. Neither had he! What was he up to now?

Miss Dimster was obviously disconcerted. "Well, then you may share it with the class."

"Four hundred twenty-six kilometers per hour."

Miss Dimster looked down at her own book scratching her head, then turned back to Duo. "Amazing as it seems, you are correct!"

Flipping open her book, Trynity found the page.

"I am very disappointed in you, Mr. Maxwell!" Miss Dimster was almost hyperventilating. "I can only assume you have gotten the answer from my book when I was not looking."

Trynity stared at the problem. A supersonic transport leaves new city at twelve o'clock… Trynity could not help herself. She began to giggle.

"Miss Stryfe! Since you think cheating is a laughing matter, you may accompany Mr. Maxwell to the headmaster's office immediately. I will not tolerate your disrespect!"

Trynity picked up her books, and on the way to the door, she paused at Miss Dimster's desk. She lifted Master Cuddles and gave him a hug, and then with as much dignity as she could muster she walked to the door, her lips twitching with laughter. Heero nodded to her. Trowa smiled.

Duo was right behind her until she headed the wrong direction. Well acquainted with the path, Duo had to show her the way. They didn't speak until they were in the corridor near the headmaster's office. Duo reached out to catch her arm, and she turned to face him.

"I am sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to drag you down with me."

His big blue eyes seemed sincere. "It was not your fault - for once."

Duo reached out to tuck a curl behind her ear. "Maybe you should just cut this mop off."

Trynity reached behind him and grabbed his long braid. "Maybe you should cut yours."

"Let go of my hair, Miss Stryfe!" His tone was playful and Trynity suddenly felt weak at the knees.

She tugged on the braid. "Maybe I will cut it off myself while you are sleeping."

Duo moved closer and her back came up against the wall. "My, my, my, Miss Stryfe, what would Miss Sally say if she caught you sneaking into my room in the deep dark night."

"I would just have to find out," she replied breathlessly.

He reached out again to tuck back the same curl and the touch of his fingers against her cheek made butterflies flutter in her stomach. "Trynity Stryfe, would you attend the Stardust Ball with me?"

She didn't detect mockery in his eyes. "I can't dance," she confessed.

"Neither can I. We can laugh at everyone else."

"We don't need to go to a dance to do that," she pointed out.

Before he could reply, the door to the headmaster's office opened and the stern man stepped out.

"Mr. Maxwell! I was expecting you several minutes ago. Please bring Miss Stryfe immediately."

They walked to the office together, and before Duo stepped in with the headmaster, Trynity said, "I will do it. I will go with you, Duo Maxwell."

After a silly grin, he disappeared inside.

As far as reprimands were concerned, this one had been fairly mild. Duo suspected that Ironfist Mr. Himmler was more eager to tear into Trynity. Duo felt a little sorry that she was coming under the ax, but when she passed him in the outer office, she rolled her eyes and he just knew she would handle herself well with Ironfist.

Lunch was already in progress. His arrival didn't cause any comment in the quiet cafeteria, so Duo paused to study the menu, then stepped before the stern-faced women. Their hair was plastered back by nets; their expressions were hard as rocks. The food was already tucked away and hidden by metal covers, yet Duo knew his rights that he was entitled to a meal despite the evil glares of the harridans behind the counter. He and these women, they were old friends due to his frequent forays to the headmaster's office. One of them raised a ladle as if defending the kitchen.

Duo took a breath. "I see by the menu that there are turkey club sand…"

"We're all out of it!" snapped one cook.

Duo bent back to consult the menu again. "Then I will have a Chef Sal…"

"None left!" The woman spoke so harshly a wad of spit hit Duo in the eye.

"Okay, okay! No need to get testy." Duo wiped his eye with the back of his hand. "Let's try the Tasty Turkey Toes!"

"Gone!"

"Peanut Butter Sandwich?"

"No more!"

"Bread and water?"

"Not today!"

Duo stared at the woman at the head of the line. Her dark eyes seemed to pierce his soul. What he wouldn't do to have Deathscythe Hell with him at this very moment! Didn't she realize he was the God of Death?

But he hunched over his shoulders, defeated.

"I'll have the meal," he mumbled in a small voice.

"I didn't hear you," goaded the cook.

"I said…" Duo swallowed the Triscuit that was creeping up his throat. "I will have the meal!"

Several students paused in their quiet conversations and he realized he had almost shouted. A sound that was suspiciously like a cackle turned his attention back to the cooks who stood ready to prepare his tray.

The first woman took a scoop, dug deep into a kettle and drew out a glob of what appeared to have been mashed potatoes at one time, but there were angles and shapes in the opaque grayish white matter that he did not want to speculate about. The potatoes hit his tray with a thwack! that brought a brief silence to the quiet cafeteria. Duo tried to save his plate from the gravy lady, but she snatched it from his reaching hand.

"You asked for the meal," she reminded him in a flinty voice. "Now you are going to get it."

His toes curled as she spooned on thick goo that contained chunks of something brown that he supposed was meat, and Duo was unpleasantly reminded of the last time that he had the flu. The Triscuits were trying to escape again, so he pounded his chest and forced them back down.

Taking a deep breath, he watched his tray move further down the line. The veggie lady piled on so many cooked sliced carrots that they overflowed, then she snorted as she doused it with what was being passed off as cheese sauce. A thick scum had developed and the carrots were trapped beneath. Too bad, thought Duo. He had considered eating them.

"I don't need dessert," he squeaked as his tray headed down the line.

"I insist." The snaggle-toothed woman's low, deadly voice warned Duo to back off. So he stood helplessly by as she unloaded a spoonful of chocolate pudding. For a moment it appeared to be normal: a rich brown color, smooth tempting texture. But it was only an illusion! Suddenly an air bubble emerged from the dessert, popped and a quivering antennae poked through. Duo's knees knocked.

"Oops!" The hag chuckled. "I wondered where that thing had gone off to" Using her bare fingers, she sifted through the pudding until she picked out the unidentifiable creature. Squishing it between her fingers, she tossed it over her shoulder, then grinned at Duo and handed him the tray.

His hands were shaking as he accepted it. The group of women crowded together and looked at him expectantly. Oh God, please no! Not the special treat! His eyes flew to the menu. It was special tray day! Those who had a mark on the bottom of their tray received an additional treat from the kitchen. Holding his breath, Duo slowly raised his tray to see if it was marked. It was blank! He heaved a sigh of relief, then grinned at the disappointed cooking crew.

"Thank you very much, my dear lovely ladies. I shall be seeing you again tomorrow."

He started to leave.

"You forgot your milk!"

Slowly he turned back.

"A growing boy like you needs milk!"

Duo reached out to take the milk carton she was holding out for him. "Thank you for reminding me," he managed to say although the contents of the carton rattled.

As he walked away, he heard the women chortling and snorting with laughter. They were having way too much fun! He paused to get his bearings and received a dark glare from one of the lunch monitors patrolling, so he quickly moved away. The monitors were quite scary women! There were only three, but they wore uniforms, were solidly built, and looked as if they wouldn't take crap from hardened criminals in prison. Their presence was more than enough to keep strict peace in the cafeteria. No one dared speak above a whisper as they walked with their hands clasped behind their backs, their bushy brows drawn together to form a perpetual frown. Duo wasn't quite sure what would happen if anyone acted up. No one had ever tried.

Duo spied his friends at a far table. Seemed they had arrived late for lunch as well because they had trays of food before them. Catherine was sitting so close to Trowa that they appeared to be joined at the hip. Trowa was trying to feed the carrots to her, so she was keeping her hands busy trying to defend herself. Relena was whispering in Heero's ear as he stared at his mashed potatoes and gravy with intense interest. Wufei appeared to be dissecting the pudding while Quatre sat at the end of the table facing Hilde. Their hands were clasped on the table and they gazed silently into each other's eyes.

Duo caught himself wondering how long Trynity would be with the headmaster.

Why did he just have that thought?

As he walked toward the group, he heard a whoosh, and he turned to the double door opening of the cafeteria, and Duo's knees almost buckled.

Into the cafeteria strode a girl, her long blond hair swinging with her confident gait. She paused and began to survey the room, her piercing eagle eyes catching every movement under eyebrows that formed sinister vees.

She was back! Quatre Raberba Winner was a dead man!

Sacrifice was noble, thought Duo as he stepped into the girl's direct view to the table she sought. Duo had seen the oblivious Quatre kissing Hilde's fingers.

"Duo Maxwell," sneered the girl. Her gaze fell to his tray, and he felt lower than a dog.

"D…D…Dorothy Catalonia." She scarred the crap out of him.

"Step aside!" she ordered imperiously.

"I…I can't do that," he said in a peevish voice. He had wanted to warn Quatre somehow, but her cold, menacing eyes reduced him to a jellyfish.

Dorothy took a step forward, and Duo did the only thing he could think of.

She stopped when a carrot coated in orange goo hit and stuck to her white blouse. She stared at it for a moment in disbelief, then slowly raised her eyes to his. But a movement behind him caught her eyes, and he saw by the murderous gleam that Quatre had been discovered.

"Time to liven things up around here," he announced, then shouted, "Food fight!" and launched the rest of his carrots at Dorothy.

"You stupid…" A dinner roll hit her in the back of the head, and Duo ducked to avoid the ricochet.

"What is going on?" demanded one of the matron monitors. But a glob of pudding hit her cheek. When it was obvious she could not or would not retaliate, food began to rain in the cafeteria from many directions. Girls ran screaming as the remnants of almost untouched meals threatened to destroy their makeup and hair. Duo dropped his milk carton on the floor, and the look of sheer terror in Dorothy Catalonia's eyes was worth any fallout later on. He slammed down his foot on the carton, and the sour, curdled contents showered her.

Spinning, she spied her quarry. "Quatre Raberba Winner!"

"Hilde!" cried Quatre as he tried to push her toward a back exit. "Save yourself!"

But Dorothy catapulted herself at them and the three tumbled to the floor, fingernails clawing, clumps of hair flying. Dorothy snarled, Hilde growled, and Quatre whimpered as he tried to hold them apart.

Catherine scurried away but was pelted with an open-faced peanut butter sandwich that tangled in her hair. Relena was wailing with dismay and left the table where they had all been sitting to go to the center of the cafeteria.

"Please!" she cried. "Everyone stop this nonsense! We must have peace in here!"

The table she had been sitting at was flipped to its side and Duo saw Trowa leap over to land beside a ducking Heero. Occasionally one of their heads popped up as they ejected what food they could get their hands on.

Duo looked at his tray, glanced at the women at the kitchen staring with horror at the apocalyptic cafeteria. They saw him.

He grinned and lifted his tray. "You've got a date with your maker!"

Then he flung the tray with deadly precision toward the startled group. It hit the ledge about the serving area and flipped forward, dumping the contents over the women who shrieked with outrage. They took their spoons and began digging into their pans, hurling food into the fray. Duo took a pudding shot in the back, and he spun as he slipped on peach cobbler. As he crawled through the food, Duo saw Dorothy and Hilde covered in all manner of slop wrestling, and Quatre knelt by watching with a delighted, wicked leer on his pretty face. Wufei stood by with one hand filled with mashed potatoes, the other with pudding.

"People!" wailed Relena Peacecraft, throwing out her arms wide. "Please! Listen to me!"

Trowa looked at Heero.

Heero nodded grimly. "Mission accepted."

"You must stop this senseless violence!" cried the princess of total pacifism.

Suddenly a ball formed of mashed potatoes and gravy and pudding hit her forehead, flattened and slithered down her face.

Heero and Trowa stood.

"Mission complete," declared Heero, then turned to take Trowa's high five. They did a victory dance until Relena began wailing again.

"Heero! Heero Yuy!"

Trowa and Heero dived behind the table again.

The doors to the cafeteria suddenly swung wide open. Duo spun to see Trynity standing in the middle, her brows raised slightly. Duo glanced at Wufei. Wufei took aim and fired. Duo didn't think he could save her, but he had to try. He dashed and leapt.

Trynity bent back slightly one way, and the mashed potatoes pelted the headmaster in the chest. She ducked the pudding, and it splattered the headmaster's face just as Duo slid to a stop at Trynity's feet.

Duo lifted his head to look at her.

Her brows were raised high. "It's not every day I find a guy at my feet."

Before Duo could respond, the headmaster shouted.

"Chang Wufei! Come with me this minute!"

As he walked with a stiff back, his glare on Trynity, Duo heard Heero and smiled.

"Miss Stryfe: two. Wufei: two."

The limousine ride from the Royal Academy was achieved in complete silence. Trynity was amazed that the boys respected Sally Po so much that they were actually ashamed of their misbehavior. Trynity sat as far away from the food encrusted boys as possible and was quite proud that she had remained unscathed.

When they reached the Seaside Lab, each started to head to his own room until Sally Po's voice stopped them in their tracks.

"Just one minute! Get right back here now!"

They fell into a line before her, almost as if they were soldiers, thought Trynity. She stood apart from them with her arms folded.

"I cannot tell you how shocked I am by your behavior today! I have received not one, not two, but three phone calls about your behavior!" Her gaze fell upon Duo, Wufei and finally Trynity. Then she looked at Trowa and Heero. "You two are not innocent either!" Then Quatre. "You surprise me!"

Their heads hung.

Trynity felt her cheeks redden.

Sally Po put her hands on her hips. "Do you realize how foolish I will feel trying to explain your behavior to Prince Miliardo? You are wards of his kingdom! Your behavior today reflects badly on him."

"I didn't ask to be here," muttered Heero.

Trynity heard the resentment in his voice and saw that sentiment on the faces of the others. She didn't ask to be here either!

"That school is for weaklings and women!" declared Wufei, shooting Trynity a glare.

Sally gave an exasperated sigh. "I know this is difficult for you all, but you must try to lead as normal a life as possible." Now she smiled at them, and Trynity saw laughter sparkle in her eyes. As a guardian, she was seriously lacking authority. There would be no punishment! "So, now you have the afternoon to yourselves. The kitchen staff at the academy has been fired, and they will need at least a day to clean the cafeteria. I can think of something that you might enjoy doing. We will discuss any appropriate punishment later."

The boys quickly left, and Trynity started to go, but Sally put her hand out to stop her.

"Trynity, I was quite surprised to receive a call from the headmaster concerning your behavior. I realize this is all very new to you, having been educated by your father and by satellite classrooms far removed from other students, but you seem to be making no attempt to fit in."

"I don't fit in!" snapped Trynity. "I have no one. They have…"

"They have only each other, and now you have us." Sally put her hands on Trynity's shoulders. "Believe me, Trynity, that they have had difficulty adjusting, more than you can possibly know."

Trynity saw kindness in the woman. She softened towards her and shyly admitted, "Duo asked me to the Stardust Ball."

"Well!" Sally was obviously surprised. "Then we should go into the city to find you something suitable to wear."

"We aren't inviting Relena Peacecraft, are we?" Trynity would refuse to go if that were the case.

Sally put her arm around her shoulders and they headed to the door. "I think Princess Relena is still quite upset by the experience today. Now you must tell me about math class! Who is Master Cuddles?"