Bakura: Master Party Planner from the Stars and Beyond!
A Yu-Gi-Oh Fanfiction by SpookyChild
Author's Notes:
Goddamn it, this story is really starting to piss me off. I have so many others, and much better, stories I could be writing. The reason this chapter took so long was because my computer broke TWO TIMES and I had to get it fixed. Then I got grounded, so I can only type when my parents aren't here! And another thing-! Oh, wait, I'm sorry. They put me on a new medication, and it kind of makes me over react to a lot of things. And cough up blood…Oh well. Enjoy…OR DIE!
Disclaimer: Yes! I own Yu-Gi-Oh! And what a glorious feeling it is! I have a penthouse in New York, a mansion in Malibu, a yacht in Miami, and…THE RATS! THE RAAAAAAAAATS!!!
---
"Sometimes I feel like this is only chemistry /
Stuck in a maze, searching for a way to /
Shut down, turn around, feel the ground beneath me /
You're so close, where do you end, where do I begin?" –Savage Garden
"Where are you coming from? What are you running from? Is it so hard to see? /
And if you're feeling scared, remember the time we shared /
You know it meant everything, you know that it meant everything to me." –Blink 182
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Chapter Four: "Ryou's Ecstasy! Bakura's Proposal?!"
Day Four: Friday, 6:35 A.M.
Ryou groaned and rolled over abruptly, expecting, in his semi-conscious state, that the other half of the bed would be vacant. Almost instantly, his fist connected with something.
"Ow! Somebody hit me!" Bakura complained, holding his nose. He rolled over to see a half-asleep and very disorientated Ryou looking around. "Oh, good morning!" He smiled, instantly awake. Ryou, however, was not so energized. He immediately fell back in the bed.
Bakura started to shake him, urging him to wake up. Fitfully, Ryou's hand flew up and punched Bakura on the side of his face. Ryou groaned again, this time angrily, and immediately pulled the covers over his head. Bakura frowned. He leaned down as close as he could to Ryou's ear and screamed.
"WAKE UP!"
Ryou screamed himself and shot up so fast that his and Bakura's foreheads smacked into each other. Bakura fell over the side of the bed. He grumbled angrily and pulled himself back up and faced Ryou, whose eyes were half closed and was looking around confused.
"Finally! Jeez, you sleep like you're dead!" Bakura exclaimed. "That is, except for the punching part. You have a mean left hook." Bakura rubbed his face. Ryou ran a hand through his disheveled hair, using the other one to rub his eyes.
"What time is it?" He croaked, still looking around disorientated. Bakura looked at the digital clock on the bed stand.
"6:35." Bakura stated, as if it was no problem. Ryou groaned again. "And you need to wake up, my little light."
"But why?" Ryou whined, slamming back down on his pillow.
"Because today is a special day, my Hikari." Bakura smiled. Ryou shuddered and pulled the cover over his head.
Bakura growled and got out of bed. He took one last glance at his sleeping Aibou before walking out of the room. Ryou sighed and settled down into the comfy silence of his pillow. Just as he was drifting off to sleep, there came the unmistakable clatter of pots and pans from down in the kitchen. Ryou stuck a pillow over his ears as the clanking became louder. Then there came a long string of Egyptian curses, then the sound of Bakura screaming. Almost instantly, the scream died down, and Bakura was laughing nervously.
"Oops, false alarm." Bakura's voice called from the kitchen.
What an idiot. "Yami, do you need help? I'm coming to help." Ryou swung his legs over the bed, and got ready to stand up. Bakura immediately started yelling.
"Get your ass back in that bed, before I make it MINE!"
Ryou blinked. "Okay…" He crawled back in the bed and pulled the covers up. Is him owning my ass a good thing or a bad thing? As tempting as it sounded, Ryou figured it was a bad thing and decided to stay in the bed until his Yami told him he could get up. After a while, Bakura bounded up the stairs with a big smile on his face. Ryou stared at him from the bed.
"Look, Aibou, I made you breakfast in bed!" Bakura exclaimed. Ryou stared at him some more before looking around.
"Um, where is it?" Ryou asked, dumbfounded. Bakura seemed to freeze before groaning and smacking his forehead.
"Oh Ra, I left it downstairs!" Bakura quickly rushed out. The sound of Bakura's stomping down the stairs grew fainter until Ryou knew he was in the kitchen. There was another loud moan.
"Oh no, I left the stove on!" Bakura's voice sounded distressed. There was some fumbling around, and then a loud crash sounded. Then came the ominous sound of Bakura chanting 'no, no, no…' over and over again. Finally, everything was silent. That was, until there was a loud explosion. Finally, Bakura appeared at the door holding a gigantic plate with food on it. His face was covered with black smoke-smudges, and his hair was wild. Nevertheless, he was smiling.
"Happy anniversary, Aibou!" Bakura exclaimed. Ryou sat still before a smile appeared on his face. HIS Yami had woken up at around 6:30 to make him breakfast. HIS lazy Yami, who seldom got up until two in the afternoon. Bakura quickly jumped up onto the bed and pushed the plate into Ryou's hands, watching while he ate. Ryou looked over at him.
"You want some?" He asked. Bakura immediately pulled out a fork from God-knows-where and began eating with him. Ryou looked closer at his Yami. "You know your hair's on fire?" He asked, noticing that a few strands of Bakura's hair were, indeed, on fire. Bakura seemed to think about this for a moment.
"…I do." Bakura answered, trying to look dignified. Ryou smiled and patted down those pieces of hair, extinguishing them.
"What's with the sudden hospitality? With you hanging out with Yuugi's Yami these past few days, I thought you had forgotten our anniversary." Ryou said quietly, hoping this wasn't the 'reject Ryou' part of the conversation.
~Well I thought I'd give you a farewell breakfast, for I am running off with the Pharaoh! Ciao! ~
Ryou's eyes filled with tears. Bakura blinked. Oh shit! I knew I shouldn't have put jalapenos in the eggs! Now his eyes are watering; it's too hot for him!
Ryou started sobbing and mumbling incoherent things. Bakura was officially confused. What the hell? He's crying? What did I do now?
Tears were now streaming down Ryou face. "Please…please Yami…don't leave me. Don't leave me…for…Yuugi's Yami…" Ryou flung himself at Bakura, wrapping his arms around Bakura's neck. "Please…Yami…I…I…Don't leave me!"
Ryou was crying frantically now, unable to control his emotions. Bakura was in shock. I'm such an idiot! Unable to do anything else, Bakura patted Ryou's back awkwardly.
"Silly Light," Bakura smiled. "I'm not leaving you for anyone. You're my Hikari. I lo…care about you." Ryou continued his uncontrolled sobs. Bakura lifted his hand to Ryou's face, and cupped his chin. He leaned forward to lay a kiss on Ryou's forehead when…
The door to Ryou's room swung open. "Hey Ryou! Are you awake…oh…heh…"
"Do you mind? The Hikari and I are having a moment!" Bakura growled, glaring at Ryou's dad with all the hate he could muster.
Ryou's father smiled hesitantly and closed the door. Ryou sighed and got out of bed, heading out the door after his dad.
"Where…where are you going?!" Bakura cried.
"It's time to wake up." Ryou stated. Bakura didn't say anything as Ryou walked out of his bedroom.
"…Damn." Bakura groaned and fell back onto the bed.
***
Friday, 11:00 A.M.
(RING!)
Bakura reached for the phone, his hands covered with soap from cleaning up the mess he made at breakfast.
"What?!" He snapped, irritated.
"Don't get all bitchy with me! If it wasn't for me, you're ass would be in a sling by now!" Yami snapped back.
"Yeah, well, everything's all about you! Your life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews, and nobody has to plan parties, or put up with teenage hormones, or clean and dust!" Bakura was angry with Yami, now that he realized it was because of him that Ryou had been so mad at him the last couple days.
"Someone's grouchy this morning."
"Yeah, well…" Bakura put a soap-covered hand to his forehead. "I've had a long day."
"…It's only 11:00." Yami stated.
"What do you want?!" Bakura demanded, using a towel to wipe the soap off his forehead.
"What time do you want me to come over to set up the party?" Yami asked. Bakura froze for a moment before giving a girlish shriek. In doing so, he dropped the cordless phone into the dishpan. He stood there for a moment before rushing into the other room and grabbing the other phone.
"Damn it, Pharaoh! I forgot all about that! How am I going to get Ryou out of the house?!" Bakura shrieked.
"Well…" Yami started. "I have an idea, but you're not going to like it. It might traumatize him."
Bakura raised an eyebrow. "I'm desperate."
"Anzu…"
Bakura collapsed into a fit of screams. Ryou came running into the room, a terrified look plastered on his face. "What is it, Yami?"
Bakura stopped rolling immediately and blushed. "Um, it's…OH, MY OVARIES!" He cried, in fake pain. Ryou raised his eyebrow.
"…I'm going into my room." He slowly backed away.
"You do that." Bakura got up and brushed himself off. He picked up the phone.
"Hello?" He whispered into the receiver.
"Ovaries?" Yami questioned, a smirk crossing his features.
"…Could you have come up with something better?" Bakura sneered.
"This is me we're talking about. Of course I could've come up with something better. Anyways, call up Anzu and ask her to take Ryou out on a date for a few hours."
"Ah! No! He can't date her! I won't let him. He's better off with Yuugi!" Bakura cried, griping the phone tightly.
Yami frowned. "No one's dating MY Hikari, except for me!"
"…" Bakura was silent for a minute.
"I didn't say anything, Thief."
"…Sure…" Bakura grinned.
"Call Anzu all ready or I'm not helping." Yami growled.
"Yes…Pharaoh." Bakura pressed flash and began to dial Anzu's number.
"Why is there a phone in the sink?" Ryou's voice came from the kitchen.
"…It was your dad!" Bakura called back. On the other line, the phone clicked.
"Yeeeeeees?" Came the sickening voice. Bakura and Yami both shuddered involuntarily.
"Um, hey Anzu." Bakura stammered. "W-would you consider doing a favor for me?"
"What favor?" Anzu chirped giddily. Bakura held in the urge to scream.
"Get Ryou out of the house while the Pharaoh and I get the party ready."
"Um, I don't know…I don't like going out on dates with someone more girlish than I am…" Anzu began.
Bakura frowned. I like his girlishness… "I'll do anything." Bakura stated.
"Hmmm…fine, but only if I can get a date with Yami!" Anzu squealed. Yami started to protest, but Bakura answered for him.
"Deal. Now, make sure you take him someplace nice. I will kill you if you don't treat him nicely. KILL YOU!" Bakura grabbed the phone as if to strangle it.
"Well I guess I could take him to a movie." Anzu thought for a minute. (Emphasis on a minute. There can't be much brainpower in her bubbly head.)
"No rated R movies! He has virgin eyes and ears. Oh and not too many sweets, he doesn't need cavities, but you better buy him some sweets. Don't be a cheap date!" Bakura went on and on, listing all the things Anzu could and could not do with his hikari. "And NO touching, especially kissing! If there is one mark on his pure body, you are so dead!"
Yami was completely out of it. He checked out long ago. When he heard the deal about his date with Anzu, Yami collapsed in a heap of…dead stuff.
Anzu giggled to herself. "I'm touched that you are worrying about Ryou taking advantage of me, but really, there is no cause for concern. I know Ryou has a thing for me, but surely he wouldn't do something like that. I do think it's cute you think of me that way, but my heart belongs to another; my dark prince…"
Bakura raised an eyebrow. Does she honestly think that Ryou or I…? "Are you just hearing what you want to hear?"
"Aww, I love you too, Bakura! Just not in that way." Anzu answered. Bakura shuddered.
"Just be ready in an hour!" He yelled.
"Okay! Byyyyyye!" Anzu giggled once more before hanging up. Yami groaned loudly before hanging up also. Bakura shrugged and put the phone back on its handle. He walked into the living room, where Ryou sat on the couch using a hair dryer to dry the phone off.
"Aibou, what are you doing?!" Bakura screamed with fake distress. "Aren't you supposed to get ready for your date with Anzu?!"
Ryou raised his eyebrow. "What date?" He asked, turning the phone over.
"Don't you remember?"
Ryou shook his head skeptically. "No, I don't."
"Oh you must have made the date during one of your black outs." Bakura stated matter-of-factly.
"Black outs? Do I usually black out?" Ryou asked, scratching his head.
"All the time. You probably don't remember because, well, you're blacked out."
"I guess that's possible…" Ryou mumbled, looking as if it was making sense to him. "But I want to spend the day with you."
"I want to spend the day with you, too, but you know how Anzu is." Bakura smiled at his light.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I wouldn't want her mad at me." Bakura nodded his head.
"Yes, now hurry up and leave." Bakura began to push Ryou to the door.
"But I have to get ready!" Ryou broke away from him and started for the bathroom.
"No you don't!" Bakura cried, damned if his Aibou was going to dress up for Anzu.
"At least let me take a shower." Ryou asked, in a rather pleading voice.
Bakura sighed. "All right."
Ryou walked up stairs to the bathroom, and opened the door. He opened up the cabinets and grabbed a towel. Ryou turned the knobs on the faucet, and began to undress. I sure don't want to go on a date with Anzu, but a date's a date. I just want to spend time with Yami.
Ryou opened the shower door and stepped in, letting the hot water wash away his Anzu troubles. Thoroughly soaking himself, he reached for the shampoo just as the shower door opened to reveal Bakura.
"Yami!" Ryou blushed, creating a whole new shade of red. "What the Hell?!"
"Don't say bad words, Hikari, or I'll have to come in there and wash your mouth out." Bakura smiled. Ryou blinked at Bakura, waiting for him to say something. Anything.
"What do you want?!" Ryou finally screamed.
"Don't use the smelly
shampoo; I don't want Anzu smelling you." Bakura reached out and grabbed the
smelly shampoo out of
Ryou's hand and replaced it with the non-smelly shampoo.
Ryou flushed at his Yami's disregard of his personal privacy. "Do you, uh, mind?" Ryou asked, trying to look modest. Bakura blinked, and then waved his hand dismissively.
"Relax, I'm not looking at you."
Ryou stood there, and then looked down shyly. "Why…why not?"
Bakura stared at his reddened Aibou, as his light realized what he said. Bakura laughed and closed the door. Ryou looked down at the non-smelly shampoo and grimaced, "I don't like this shampoo."
***
Friday, 12:04 P.M.
A now fully clothed Ryou stood in front of his bedroom mirror and was blow-drying his hair. Bakura walked into the room and sniffed the air.
"I smell something good." Bakura started walking around the bathroom, looking for this 'good' smell. He stopped in front of Ryou. He then began to sniff Ryou's hair.
"You used the smelly shampoo; didn't you?"
Ryou lowered his head. "Yes."
Bakura twitched, "Didn't I tell you not to? Anzu is going to be all over you now. The smell is irresistible." Bakura stated, still smelling Ryou's hair.
Ryou shooed Bakura away, "So, it's not like I like her or anything. So what does it matter?"
Bakura shrugged, "I guess it doesn't." He paused and looked at Ryou. "You're not wearing that, are you?!" He half-shrieked.
"What?" Ryou looked down at his dark blue shirt and jean pants.
"You're showing skin!" Bakura shrieked again.
"What?"
Bakura grabbed Ryou's arm and pointed. "Look! Skin!" Ryou snatched his arm away as Bakura began to pull clothes out of Ryou's closet. He finally found what he was looking for and began to pull up Ryou's shirt.
"Hey!" Ryou cried. "I can dress myself!" He pushed Bakura away and looked at the clothes he selected, which consisted of a long sleeved, black turtleneck sweater, and black pants.
"I'm not wearing that! It's too hot for long sleeves, and turtle necks are so…gay!" Ryou protested.
"I don't care what you think, you'll wear what I tell you to wear or you'll…you'll…get it!" Bakura stumbled, not knowing what threat would apply in this situation.
"That was lame…" Ryou started to say, but Bakura had already dismissed it and was striping off Ryou's clothes. Ryou tried to push him off but Bakura was already pulling on the turtleneck.
"And now for the pants…" Bakura reached for the button.
"What the Hell!" Ryou screeched. "If you so much as touch anything below the belt, without my permission, I'll break the ring! I swear it!" Bakura looked up and Ryou in awe.
"Well Mr. 'I Need Permission', can I take off your pants?"
Ryou began fidgeting and poking at his fingers. "…NO!" Ryou shoved Bakura and ran into the bathroom with his pants.
Spaz…Bakura thought, shaking his head. Bakura smirked, "It's not like I haven't seen it before!" He called out to Ryou in the bathroom. The bathroom door immediately swung open to reveal a rather flushed and angry Ryou.
"YOU WHAT?!" Ryou glared daggers at Bakura. Bakura slowly backed up.
"I mean, our bodies are identical so in a way I have seen…it." Bakura awaited the inevitable blow. It never came. He looked up at Ryou.
"I never thought of it that way…" Ryou said, scratching his head. "Still," Ryou smacked Bakura on the head, "…don't be a pervert!" Ryou walked out of the bathroom and walked down the stairs, with Bakura at his heels. Bakura stopped him at the door.
"So, are you going to be okay? You need some money?" Bakura asked. Ryou shook his head.
"No. How about you? Need some money?" He asked. Bakura smiled.
"Aww, that is so sweet, you trying to take care of me-well, yeah, I might want to get a hotdog later…" Bakura stated. Ryou pulled out his wallet and began shuffling through it, pulling out a few one-dollar bills. "No, just give me the five…" Bakura told him. Ryou handed it to him and walked out the door. Bakura entered the kitchen and stopped.
"Where the Hell is the phone?!" He complained. He walked over to the sink and tried to look in it, but couldn't see anything because of the soapy water. He groaned heavily. "I can't see anything! Damn it, I guess I have to wash them!" He groaned again and began to wash the dishes. When almost all of the dishes were done, he stuck his hand back into the dishpan and pulled out a large butcher's knife. He paused for a moment then smiled.
"Hey! I was wondering where that's been! I better take this with me, in case the Pharaoh gets fresh." He thought about this. "Then again…" He put the knife down. "The Pharaoh has fast reflects." He suddenly grinned gleefully and pulled out a gun from God-knows-where.
"Now, I know the Pharaoh doesn't have fast enough reflects for this!" He began to put it in his pocket, and then hesitated. "Oh, then I'd get blood on my clothes." Bakura put then gun back onto the counter, then realized something. He grinned evilly. "Wait, these aren't even my clothes!" He paused again, and then put the gun into the cabinet. "They're Ryou's. Ryou hates when I get blood on his clothes. Ah…" Bakura smirked. "That takes me back to the days when I used to beat the kid. Ah, memories. Those were some fun times." Bakura thought for a moment. "How come I don't beat him up any more?" He shrugged to himself. Bakura used his hand to feel around on the bottom of the sink. When he didn't feel the phone, he sighed and looked at all his finished dishes. "All that work for nothing." He picked up the stack of clean dishes and dumped them back into the sink.
Bakura sighed and pulled on his jacket. Although he didn't want to, he had to go to Yuugi and Yami's house. Without a phone, he couldn't call the Pharaoh and tell him to come over. He stepped outside and immediately felt the Sun's blaze on him. Bakura drew back and held a hand over his eyes until he could see.
"Damn, I shouldn't have made Ryou wear that turtle neck. He's going to over-heat, or something." Bakura walked over to the garage and opened it. He moaned when he saw that Ryou had taken the new car. Since they had left their old station wagon on the side of the road, Ryou's dad had bought a brand new car and Ryou drove it every chance he got, even though he only had a learner's permit. Bakura looked off to the road and sighed. He took off his jacket, tied it around his waist and began the long trek to the Pharaoh's house.
***
Friday, 1:35 P.M.
Bakura burst through the doors of Yuugi's house, screaming his head off. He bombarded up the stairs and banged open the door to Yami's bedroom, to see Yami lying in bed. With a gigantic leap, he cleared the space between the door and the bed and dove under the covers with Yami.
"Pharaoh! Thank Ra you're here! I was walking, and this lady with a poodle was on the other side of the street, and the poodle kept staring at me! I tell you, that dog knew things about me!" Bakura rambled on. Yami raised his eyebrow; afraid to find out what kind of things the poodle 'knew' about Bakura.
"…And then there was this squirrel! And it began to chase me! And finally I lost it, but then I saw the mailman! I tell you, that guy had a .38 pistol hidden between the Life Magazine and a Shonen Jump Weekly subscription! I tell you, this world's a scary place when your Aibou isn't there-," Bakura suddenly froze and raised his eyebrow. He looked under the covers. "Ewww, Pharaoh! Put some clothes on!" He shrieked. Yami looked surprised and looked under the covers too.
"I thought I did have clothes on…" Yami replied, scratching his head. He suddenly seemed to get an idea, and his head jerked around to Yuugi. "Aibou…" He growled accusingly. Yuugi smiled and put his hands over his mouth in fake surprise.
"I have no idea what happened." Yuugi said in his most innocent voice. Yami sighed and turned to Bakura.
"Do you think you can leave for a minute so I can get dressed?"
Bakura shrugged and jumped out of Yami's bed, he gave one last glance at the two, and grinned. Yami threw a pillow at him as Bakura ran out the door.
***
Ryou and Anzu stood outside the ticket booth of the theater. "Which movie are we seeing?" Ryou asked, scratching his head. He was still trying to figure out what he was doing here and when he agreed to go out with her.
Anzu surveyed the list of available movie titles, and chose the longest movie possible, giving Yami and Bakura as much time as possible. "Umm, how about Lord of the Rings?" She said, with a fake smile. To her, Ryou was no substitute for her true love, Yami.
"But I've already seen that movie." Ryou frowned, he would really rather be at home right now.
"So, it's Lord of the Rings! You have to see it ten times!" Anzu was really starting to get into this. She had seen it nine times and was ready for her tenth viewing of the movie.
"But it's THREE hours. I want to be with my Yami." This was really starting to piss Ryou off. Not only did he have to go on a date with the biggest slut in Domino ON HIS ANNIVERSERY, but also, he had to watch a three hour movie that he had already seen…TWICE.
Anzu obviously didn't notice Ryou's displeasure; she had already bought the tickets and was grabbing his arm to pull him into the theater.
***
Friday, 2:41 P.M.
Bakura smiled evilly at the balloon that he had just blown up. He wasn't about to tie the balloon off; he had much bigger plans. Yami was inflating his share of balloons when Bakura snuck up behind him and released the air of his balloon into Yami's ear.
"EHHH!!!!" Yami jumped nearly three feet in the air, startled by Bakura's little air trick. Bakura rolled over, laughing.
"Oh, Pharaoh, you should have seen your face. You were afraid, you, the Pharaoh, afraid of a little air!" Bakura was grabbing his sides and trying to control himself to no avail.
Yami growled and began blowing up his balloons, mumbling something about stupid thieves and damn air. Yami smiled and stood up. "I'll be right back; I have to go…to the kitchen." He walked out to said room, taking his balloons with him.
Bakura raised an eyebrow. Can he be that stupid? I'm so not going to fall for the 'I'm going into the kitchen, but when you're not watching, I'll sneak up on you and release air in your ear.' That is so overused.
Bakura continued to blow air into his balloons, all the while, keeping a close eye on his back. Yami was no fool. He had no intension of releasing air into the Thief's ear; he had much bigger plans. Yami turned on the kitchen faucet and began to fill his ordinary balloons into super water balloons. The Thief would pay. He slowly crept up behind Bakura until he was at his side. The stupid Thief was looking in the opposite direction. Yami smiled evilly.
"Take your medicine like a man." Yami whispered in Bakura's ear and, before Bakura had the chance to respond, Yami slammed a water balloon over his head. Bakura jerked his head around, his hair plastered to his face. He looked royally pissed.
"I hope you know, this means war." Bakura warned Yami. Yami smirked.
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
***
Friday, 4:57 P.M.
"Cobra to base; Cobra to base, over! Do you copy?" Bakura whispered loudly into his hand. The two Yami's had moved around the furniture in Bakura's house, so now the living room was divided into two separate regions. The two couches were turned over onto their sides, with numerous chairs and pillows around them, creating little forts. Bakura peeked around the corner of his fort and made the unmistakable sounds of a cracking radio.
"Uh, roger that, Cobra." Bakura mimicked. Yami's head poked up from inside his fort, revealing that the great Pharaoh was wearing a toy army hat.
"I thought I was Cobra!" he shouted.
"No, I'm Cobra." Bakura explained. Yami looked confused.
"Then, who am I?" Yami asked.
"You're Dinah." Bakura stated.
"What?! Why can't I have a cool name like Cobra?" Yami whined.
"Because you're Dinah." Bakura explained slowly. Yami frowned.
"I'm not Dinah! From now on, my name's Panther!" Yami yelled. Bakura shrugged.
"Fine. Whatever. Now, are we playing or what?" Yami smiled and reached for the ammo. He hurled a water balloon at Bakura's fortress, barely missing his head.
"ENGAGE BATTLE!" Bakura cried out, ducking into his fortress for cover. Yami kept up the assault, and soon Bakura screamed.
"Mayday, mayday, SOS! Man down, man down!" Bakura called out to his imaginary radio. He collapsed onto the ground, clutching his soaked chest.
Yami smiled. "I'm going in." He made a flying leap over his stronghold and closed the gap between his fort and enemy territory. He then jumped over Bakura's couch and onto the fallen soldier. Just then, the front door open and Malik stepped in.
"Are you playing Army without me?" Malik cried, seeing the two Yami's in army hats, wrestling on the ground. "Who's winning?"
Yami raised his hand. "I am." Malik grinned. "Then I'm on your team!" Malik then jumped right on top of Yami and Bakura, causing a string of Egyptian curses to escape the Thief's lips.
"Oh Dinah, you're crushing my…"
"Thief!"
"…Pocket."
Yami pushed Malik off and climbed off of Bakura. "I thought I told you to stop calling me Dinah?"
"But it suits you!" Bakura cried in protest. Malik smiled.
"Who am I?"
"You can be Panther." Bakura said.
"But I'm Panther!" Yami screamed.
"No, Malik already called Panther, Dinah. You can't be both."
"But I don't want to be Dinah!"
"Well you should have thought of that before." Bakura stated.
***
Friday, 5:23 P.M.
"Wow, wasn't that movie just great?" Anzu squealed as they stepped out of the movie theatre.
"No." Ryou grumbled. Anzu squealed again.
"I know! I loved it!" She looked around. "Where should we go next?"
"Home."
"Starbucks it is!" Anzu smiled, grabbing Ryou's arm and leading him down the street.
"But I don't like coffee!" Ryou protested.
"Then get a Starbucks water!"
"Starbucks has water?"
"Oh, yeah! Coffee flavored water!"
"Then that just defeats the whole purpose of getting a water in the first place…" Ryou muttered. Anzu disregarded his protest and dragged him into the nearest Starbucks.
***
"DAMAGE REPORT! DAMAGE REPORT!" Bakura screamed, racing down the hallway with Yami and Malik in hot pursuit. Bakura quickly jumped into his and Ryou's room and locked the door. Yami and Malik hurled themselves against it.
"Damn it, Thief! Quite being a wuss and get your ass out here!" Yami shouted, banging his fist on the door. The door was suddenly jerked open and Bakura ran at them, bearing a Super Soaker.
"RETREAT!" Yami and Malik screamed as Bakura began to spray them. They rushed down the stairs and into the kitchen. Yami ran over to the sink, pulled the little hose out and faced Bakura.
"Ha ha! I have you beat now, Thief!" Yami snickered. Bakura smirked and stepped back a few feet and held up his Super Soaker.
"I know this house better than you do, and I know that this Super Soaker has a farther range and that dinky little hose."
"…RETREAT!" Yami screamed. Malik shrieked and ran after Yami. They ran around in circles from the kitchen to the living room before a thought crossed Yami's spiky head. Just as he passed the refrigerator, he turned around and slammed the freezer door into Bakura's face. Bakura fell to the ground, his eyes staring fuzzily up at the ceiling. Yami stood over him and smirked.
"How does it feel to be defeated, Thief?" he asked slyly.
"Ask me when my vision comes back, and the ringing in my head stops." Bakura groaned.
"Quick, disarm the Enemy! Take his Super Soaker!" Malik shouted to Yami. Yami smirked again and grabbed the Super Soaker from Bakura's hand.
"I'd stop you, but I can't feel my legs." Bakura gave another moan before closing his eyes. Malik smiled down at him.
"Awww, he's unconscious. QUICK! SEARCH HIS POCKETS!" Malik yelled. Bakura opened one of his eyes.
"I'm not out yet."
"…SEARCH 'EM ANYWAYS!" Yami and Malik began happily emptying Bakura's pockets.
***
Friday, 6:07 P.M.
"…So then, Yami looked at me! And I was all 'Oh my GOD!' and he was sooooo in love with me…" Anzu rambled on for now half and hour. Ryou sighed and tapped the edge of his coffee cup.
"And he's like, 'hey Anzu', and I'm like, 'he spoke to me'! Then I got Bakura to set me up on a date with Yami if I got you out of the house. I'm like, 'date with Yami'!" Anzu was ecstatic, not realizing she had 'spilled the beans'.
"Hold on a second, backtrack. What did you say?" Ryou asked, not sure if he heard correct.
"I have a date with Yami." Anzu smiled. Ryou shook his head.
"Farther back."
"Oh, umm, the deal with Baku…oh…nothing." Anzu suddenly clamped up. Ryou was a little agitated.
"Tell me! NOW!" He slammed down his water. Anzu smiled nervously. He's going to kill me. Oh well, as long as this doesn't hinder my date with Yami.
"Um Bakura wanted you out of the house so he could…" Can't tell him about the party… "…Spend time alone with…with…Yami!" Anzu immediately knew she made a mistake. "Oops."
Ryou was furious. His Yami had lied about being with the Pharaoh. Of all days, Bakura ditches him for the PHARAOH! Ryou grabbed his water and hurled it at the nearby waiter.
"Ack! It burns!" The waiter screamed, falling on the ground, twitching obviously from the fact that the Starbucks employee was now highly sensitive to everything but Starbucks coffee. Ryou stormed out of the Starbucks like as Bat Out of Hell who's boyfriend was cheating on him. Well, not really boyfriend, but the principle was still the same. Plants withered and children screamed as Ryou ran by. Anzu grabbed her cell phone and called for help.
***
(RING!)
"Hello?" Yami whispered from his hiding place under the table.
"Yami! Bad news! Ryou knows what's going on, and he's not happy!" Anzu practically screamed. Yami's eyes bugged out.
"HOLY SHIT!" Yami quickly hung up the phone and screamed to Bakura. "BAKURA! BAKURA!" Bakura poked his head in, now wearing camouflage with war paint on his face.
"Yes?"
"That was just Anzu-," Yami started. Bakura immediately started screaming. Yami shook his head. "No, that's not the worst part! She said that Ryou's on his way home, and he's angry!" Bakura immediately went a few shades paler, and his eyes glazed over.
"Oh, Pharaoh. We are in big trouble, this time." Bakura groaned, looking like he was going to throw up. Yami gripped Bakura's shoulders and shook him roughly.
"Snap out of it, Thief! If you want this party to go off without a hitch, than you better get a hold of yourself!" Bakura shook his head suddenly and stood up.
"You're right, Pharaoh!" Bakura stated.
"Of course I am. Now, get over to that phone and call everyone Ryou knows, while Malik and I get the party stuff ready." Yami turned around to see Malik sneaking out the door. "Damn it, Malik, get your ass back in here!"
"Fine, fine, jeez." Malik frowned, stepping back in and shutting the door. Bakura picked up the phone and started dialing numbers. Yami grabbed the party favors and started to throw them in various places while Malik ran into the basement to get the cake.
Bakura dialed Kaiba's cell phone first. "What?" Kaiba's voice called through the phone.
"Kaiba!" Bakura yelled. "You are coming to Ryou's party!"
"Who the Hell is Ryou?" Kaiba asked.
"The little, white haired, cherubic boy."
"…THAT'S A BOY?!" Kaiba shrieked. "Whoa! I always though it was girl; I was working up the nerve to ask her out. Hey, if he's a guy, that's even better."
Bakura clenched his fists. "Well you're not asking him out, and you are coming to the party."
"I'd rather not. I'm busy."
"Go suck a briefcase, money bags!" Bakura slammed down the phone on the receiver. Yami sighed.
"Give me the phone." Bakura shrugged and handed over the phone. Yami called Kaiba back and Bakura began to hang the party favors.
"Oh my God, what do you want?" Kaiba answered the phone, again. Yami held back his pride and faked a pleasant sounding voice.
"Hello, Kaiba, it's Yami."
"Should I bow to you?" Kaiba snickered. Yami frowned.
"Enough, Kaiba. I didn't call to put up with your shit. I just need you to come to Ryou's party."
"I said I was busy." Kaiba was about to hang up when Yami pleaded with him.
"Please, Kaiba. I'll do anything." Yami lowered his head in defeat.
Kaiba smiled, "Anything?"
"Anything."
"Duel me." Yami raised an eyebrow.
"That's it?" Yami couldn't believe it; this would be so easy. "All right, Kaiba." Yami then hung up the phone.
Bakura had managed to tie himself in knots with the party strings. Yami shook his head and helped Bakura untie himself. Malik came in, having finished setting up the kitchen.
"What can I do now?" He asked. Yami looked over at the phone.
"You can call everyone else for us." Malik nodded his head and grabbed the phone.
***
Friday, 6:45 P.M.
Ryou was standing right outside his door. He was preparing for what he would see, and say.
He's probably making out with that no good, home wrecking, Pharaoh! He promised me he wasn't with the Pharaoh. True, he's not with me but a promise is a promise and he broke his! I think I'll kill the Pharaoh first. He has the eye of Horus, but surely, he won't use it on one so innocent. I love my face. He'll never see it coming and then, BAM! I'll rip him in two. Then of course there is my dear Yami. His death will be slow and painful. I think I'll cut open his head, take a piece of his brain and cook it. Then I will feed it to him. Heh, I saw that on Hannibal.
Ryou turned the knob and pushed the door open. The house was pitch black. They're probably making out on the couch. He stepped in and shut the door.
Bakura could feel his Hikari's anger flood through their link, but he remained calm. He didn't want to ruin the surprise by giving away his position from behind the couch.
All of a sudden the light flickered on and everyone jumped up, yelling, "SURPRISE! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!" Ryou stood dumbfounded at the group of friends smiling at him. Forgetting his ill intensions, Ryou screamed like the girl Seto thought he was, and lunged at his Yami. Bakura toppled over, Ryou in his arms and a smiled plastered across his face.
Ryou looked up at his Yami. "You through me a party? This whole time, hanging out with Yuugi's Yami was all for me?" Bakura nodded his head.
"Yep."
"Oh I almost forgot!" Ryou smiled and ran upstairs. Within a few seconds, he was back downstairs with a gift wrapped in silver, shiny paper. Bakura eyed it with interest.
"This is for you." Ryou smiled, handing the gift to his Yami. Bakura unwrapped the gift and opened the box. Inside was a pen.
"A pen?" Bakura raised an eyebrow. Ryou shook his head.
"Not just any pen. It's a pen with a clock on it. Then when you're writing, you'll look down and say, 'Whoa! Time to hang out with Ryou!'"
Bakura's eyes almost bulged out of his head. He could no longer contain his joy. He was going to burst. Bakura let out a squeal of joy and hugged Ryou. He then ran over to the Pharaoh to show of his new 'time telling' pen. The Pharaoh was uninterested, as usual, but reminded Bakura that he, too, had a gift for Ryou. Bakura smiled and ran behind the couch to get it. He was about to just hand the ring to Ryou, when Yami stopped him.
"Hey, you can't just give him that." Bakura blinked.
"Why not?"
"I haven't told you how to give it to him." Yami gave him the 'I'm superior' look.
"There is a special way to give him the ring?" Bakura gave him the 'you can stick your superiority up your ass' look.
Yami rolled his eyes. "Yes there is. First you have to get on one knee and then you ask him to marry you."
Bakura looked confused. "Why do I get on one knee and what does 'marry you' mean?"
"Don't worry about it. I bought a ring for my Aibou and I said the same thing." This seemed to have reassured Bakura because he took the ring and went to find his Aibou.
***
Yuugi could feel his Yami smiling and walked over to see what was so funny. He couldn't believe the sight before him. Bakura was getting down on one knee in front of Ryou. Ryou looked slightly confused by his Yami's actions. Bakura surprised everyone in the room by what he did next, everyone except Yami that is. Bakura pulled out a diamond ring and slipped it onto Ryou left, ring finger. Yuugi couldn't figure out what was keeping Ryou standing. The sheer weight of that rock was enough to topple the Eiffel Tower. Only Seto could afford something like that. Something gave Yuugi the sneaking suspicion that Seto did indeed pay for the ring. Of course, unless Bakura was back to his old, and I mean OLD, thieving ways.
***
"Will you marry me, Aibou?" Bakura looked up at Ryou, seeing the shocked expression across his face. This is a hell of a gift!
Ryou couldn't believe it. Hell, he wouldn't believe it! If this was some joke, it wasn't funny. But the look in his Yami's eyes…
"Um, I, um…" Ryou stuttered with his words. He wasn't sure if he was ready for this kind of commitment. "I don't, I think it's, it's just too sudden, Yami. I mean, I, you, I'm just not ready for marriage."
Bakura was getting impatient. What the Hell was this moron going on about? You take the ring, you thank me, you give me hugs, give me kisses, give me cookies, STOP TALKING…
"What the Hell are you talking about?" Bakura growled, obviously pissed about not getting the response he wanted.
Ryou blinked, "You asked me to marry you!"
"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, RYOU?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?" Bakura screamed. Damn his lack of modern terms!
Ryou looked confused, "You asked me to marry you and you don't know what that means? It's a commitment. If you love someone, you make it known and legit through marriage."
Bakura thought for a second, "You mean I asked you to be my partner, in more ways than you already are?"
"Yes." Ryou laughed at his Yami's stupidity.
"…But the Pharaoh…THE PHARAOH!" Yami smiled, nervously as Bakura came running up to him at full speed. He grabbed Yami by his shirt and lifted him up.
"You said you bought one for your Aibou, too!" Bakura growled.
"I did." Yami gave him an annoyed look.
Yuugi walked up to Bakura and held out his left, ring finger. "We're getting married in the fall."
Bakura gave them a disgusted look and dropped the Pharaoh. Ryou was laughing his ass off. Bakura frowned.
"You're laughing at me, Aibou?" Bakura gave him the death glare. Ryou was still laughing.
"Sorry, Yami, but I'll have to decline your offer. I'm just not ready for marriage, but ask me in a few years and you never know." Ryou smiled, "But I'll keep the ring anyways."
"Hey," came Seto's voice. "Has anybody seen my credit card?"
-----------------
(A/N)
Oy, I've just about had it up to here with this story. I apologize about the corny kissy-kissy moments in here. I absolutely despise mushy crap, especially writing about them. DAMN YOU, WORLD! YOU'VE TURNED ME SOFT! But, I promise to redeem myself with this skit.
Bakura: (walks in a smacks Ryou over his head)
Ryou: OW! What was that for?!
Bakura: Oh, this and that.
Woo, that felt good. Stay tuned for the Epilogue, kiddos.
Until the future happens (which it often does), LOVE, PEACE, and other such concepts.