*~*If one word - 'Mellon' or 'friend' - can open the doors of Moria,
language itself is the passkey to the world of Middle Earth. ~ Michael N.
Stanton "Hobbits, Elves, and Wizards"*~*
THE FAERIE GOBLET
Chapter 13 ~ "The Power of Words"
[Dearest Alede,
There is fourteen years worth of misunderstanding between us. I scarcely know where to begin. But allow me to start with that which I know has hurt you the most.
I did not simply 'end' my connection to you. I wrote a long and very painful letter to you explaining why I must cease our song. I have only recently discovered from Elrohir that the letter never reached you. I do not know what became of my messenger. I fear that he must have perished on the journey to Rivendell. I regret that you have spent all these years wondering what happened. I can only imagine how that must have hurt you. Believe me when I say that I am deeply sorry.
I wrote to Elrohir at the same time, begging him to look after you. I was and have always been concerned for your welfare. I also admit that I hoped your old affection for him might blossom anew. Elrohir is one of the finest Elves I know. He could make you happy, as I fear that I could not. His Noldor blood makes him far more immune to the call of the sea than I. I would not have you suffer because of something that is uncontrollable for me.
As to my reasons for ending our connection . . . My first concern was for you. You were not happy, Alede. I know that you would argue with me on this subject. But I felt your bone deep sorrow. My song was enslaving you and I could not bear to harm you. I hoped that by ending our connection you would forget me and make a life for yourself. Indeed, when I received no reply to my letter, I assumed you were through with me. I ceased to hear your song only a few weeks after I sent the letter, so I'm afraid it never occurred to me that you had not received it. I am sorry for that. And I am sorry that I felt it necessary to hurt you in order to heal you. But I knew of no other way.
My other reason, as you may have guessed, is because of the sea longing. It has grown even more powerful than when we last met. There are times when I scarcely know my own mind. I am fragmented. Alede, I would make you miserable, just as I have become miserable. You do not deserve that and I will do anything to protect you from such a fate. You must move on. Any feelings you have for me will only cause you grief. I do not want that for you.
I should never have shared song with you but I did not foresee the results. At the time I only wanted to share myself with you. I did not realize how greatly it would affect both of us. It was wrong of me.
I do care for you, Alede. More than you probably realize. But I cannot fall in love as easily as you have or as quickly. Elvin hearts are not made that way. I am sorry for the pain that causes you and for the pain I have caused you in the past. But this time, I do not ask for your forgiveness. I do not I deserve it. I am not myself. I am merely a shell of who I once was. I cannot halt the sea longing or what it does to me. I am Silvan, Alede. I cannot change that, not even for you.
Make a life for yourself, one which does not include me. You deserve happiness. You deserve love.
Forget me.
Sincerely,
Legolas]
~ ~ ~
*Forget me.*
Two days later on the road to Rivendell, Legolas' words were still burning in Alede's mind. She would never, ever forget him. That he even suggested it proved how little he understood her affection. As for the rest of his letter, she felt some relief and regret. Relief, that he had not really abandoned her as she had supposed and regret, that she had ever doubted him. She should have realized that something was terribly amiss when he had so abruptly ended their song. She knew in her heart that he would never treat her so cruelly. Legolas did not have it in him to be cruel and she felt awful that she had had so little faith in him.
Oddly enough, his letter had the opposite effect of what Legolas had intended. His statement that he intended to protect her from himself, proved that he already might love her and she was more determined now than she had ever been. In any case, Legolas needed her. Her heart told her that she was meant to help him.
Nevertheless, fourteen years was a long time to be angry with someone and it would take a while for her to get around that. Alede was mature enough to know that she could be angry and in love at the same time.
During the previous days preparation Alede had dropped her haughty manner and instead simply avoided Legolas. There had been enough to do as it was. She'd said her goodbyes to Betsy and received and earful of advice in return. Alede hadn't stopped blushing for ten minutes after that whispered conversation.
She had also ventured to the smithy and said goodbye to a recalcitrant Baird. He was offended and stiff and people whispered behind their hands as Alede had walked away shaking her head.
*Several months I gave to him and he treats me like a traitor. Perhaps it is time that I faded away with the Elves. I do not seem to understand the way of mortals anymore. They are changing just as Middle Earth is.*
Today, as their horses stretched their legs easily upon the road, Legolas appeared as haughty as Alede had been. She did not know the cause of his irritation. Perhaps it stemmed from her avoidance of him. He himself had suggested that she forget him, yet Alede had no doubt that he'd be very displeased if she did so. One thing she had learned about Legolas was that what he thought was best and what he wanted were usually two entirely different things.
So, she ignored his haughtiness. Elves were known to take offence easily and young princes even more so. She imagined that Legolas thought his letter would have settled everything between them.
He has something to learn of women, she thought irritably to herself.
Of more immediate concern to her was Gimli. The Dwarf obviously resented her. She strongly suspected that he felt protective of his friend and no doubt considered Alede harmful to Legolas.
Little does he know, she thought and as they trotted along their road she pondered how best to break down the Dwarf's barriers.
~ ~ ~
Legolas urged Aransûl forward. Beside him, Faunlend stretched her elegant legs to keep pace.
Alede still played her games. She had avoided him the previous day with a skill that surpassed that of the Elves. He had assumed that his letter would make everything clear and that they might even have the chance to discuss it before they ended their relationship. Though it was a thought that made him quite unhappy, but he knew it was for the best. He could not go on hurting Alede as he had been.
But Alede had been nowhere to be found. She'd gone off to make her purchases and even once she returned to the inn, had disappeared. He strongly suspected her of using magic and that made him angry. That she might be avoiding him as a way of forgetting him was a thought he did not wish to examine.
He was also angry that she could have doubted him all these years. That she had assumed he cut off their connection without an explanation proved that she knew him far less than she thought.
*She should at least have had enough faith in me to know that something was seriously wrong!*
~ ~ ~
After a long morning of little conversation, Alede broke the silence hesitantly.
"Master Gimli, do you ever have tidings of your kin in the Iron Hills?"
Legolas slowed Aransûl so that the Dwarf might more easily answer.
"Occasionally," Gimli answered suspiciously.
"I ask because I lived there for nearly twenty years and wonder how they fare."
That caught the Dwarf's attention. "You lived in the Iron Hills? I was not aware of any the Maiar living amongst them!"
"I was there as a healer. I did not advertise my status as an Istari." Alede cleared her throat a little uncomfortably. She very badly wanted to ease the tension between Gimli and herself. Not only did she like the stout dwarf, but also she wanted him to realize that she was no danger to Legolas. "I lived with one particular family," she continued. "His name was Barin, son of Haran. I . . ."
"I know of him," Gimli exclaimed. "He is one of the finest miners of gems! He visited the Lonely Mountain just before I and my people left for the Glittering Caves."
Alede smiled with relief. "He and his family were well, I hope?"
"Aye! He has two sons almost grown and a daughter just born."
"Oh, I am pleased!" Alede exclaimed. "His oldest son, Aldain is named for me . . ."
"Indeed? That is most unusual." Gimli slewed around on Aransûl's back to stare at Alede so suddenly that Legolas thought he was going to fall. He grabbed the Dwarf's thigh, much to Gimli's annoyance. "I am fine. Leave off," Gimli slapped the Elf's hand away. He directed his next words to Alede in astonishment. "Are you the one who cured the barrenness?"
"Yes," Alede said humbly.
"Barrenness? What do you speak of?" Legolas asked.
"The women of the Iron Hills were barren for a good many years . . ."
"Sixty one years," Alede supplied.
"Yes, sixty one years," Gimli agreed excitedly. "The healers could do nothing about it or find any cause. The people despaired and we all assumed that the population of the Hills would eventually fail. But then I heard that a foreign healer came and found a magical cure."
Alede shook her head smiling. "It was no magic. A new cavern had been opened up with a strange mold growing on the walls. The mold emitted a slightly toxic fume causing infertility in the dwarves who worked it and thus there were no children . . ."
"Dwarves!" Gimli sputtered. "I had heard it was the women who were barren, not the dwarves."
"Nay," Alede laughed, "I'm sorry to tell you it was the male of the population who were effected."
"Mmph!"
"Well, no matter . . ." Alede said diplomatically. "The mold caused temporary sterility. Unfortunately, it took me years to identify the problem. But once I did and the mold was burned from the wall, the women began to be with child again."
"Ha! Amazing! I had no idea it was you who affected the cure. We now joke that the Dwarves of the Iron Hills are the most prolific of any of us. They have far more young ones than any other of our realms."
"Well, that is because I told the women of a certain herb that they could add to their husband's food. It . . . uhm," she cleared her throat uncomfortably, "increases their uhm . . . stamina and desire."
Legolas chuckled softly at the embarrassed look on Alede's face but said nothing.
"So," Gimli began, hastily changing the subject and almost as uncomfortable as Alede, "they named their son for you. He is a very sturdy and promising lad. I imagine he will fill his father's boots quite well someday."
"I am pleased to hear it," Alede said. "The last time I saw him he was only about so big . . ." she held her hands only a few inches apart, "had a mop of curly brown hair and promptly peed on the front of my robes when I picked him up."
Gimli roared with laughter. "I will remind him of that next time I see his family!"
"I had no idea midwifing was so fraught with danger," Legolas said joining in his friend's laughter.
Alede laughed, "Yes, it . . ." She suddenly paused, realizing belatedly that she was still not on friendly terms with Legolas. Turning away, she urged Faunlend into a canter, leaving the Elf fuming behind her.
~ ~ ~
Gimli watched his two companions and shook his head. Legolas was in his "offended Prince of Mirkwood" mood. All Elves were haughty, but Legolas could take it to new heights when he thought he'd been slighted.
And Alede had certainly slighted him. She wasn't exactly ignoring Legolas, but she was avoiding him. At least verbally. Physically, however. . .
Gimli tried to decide just what she was doing physically.
She had taken her hair out of its braid before their simple supper, letting the long tresses tumble over her back. After they had eaten she offered to clean up. As Gimli watched, Alede bent over Legolas to retrieve his plate. Her hair slipped over her shoulder to fall against the Elf in a tumble of golden waves. When Legolas glanced at her, she ignored him, yet as she straightened up with the plate her breast brushed against Legolas' arm. Gimli was quite certain she'd done it deliberately.
And from the look of surprise on the Elf's face, he didn't have a clue what she was up to. Gimli did however and grumbled into his beard.
"Feminine wiles, no less."
Legolas heard him and cast a sharp glance his direction. Gimli waited until Alede had gathered up all of their dishes and gone down to the stream before he stumped over to sit down beside his friend.
"She's using feminine wiles on you."
Legolas shook his head. "I do not think Alede knows the meaning of the word, much less how to use them."
"Nonsense! She is a woman and it is bred into them!"
"Nay, Alede is not artful."
"Then I suppose you are going to tell me that that intimate little brush against your arm was accidental?" Gimli growled.
Legolas cast a puzzled look toward the stream. "It is so unlike her though. Alede has never been artificial . . ."
"Then perhaps someone has taught her the art of snaring an Elf."
Legolas gave him an affronted scowl. "I have not been snared."
"Mmph! It looks like a near thing to me."
"Do not be so lofty, my friend. You warmed to her today. Do not deny it."
"She is an interfering woman and a wizardess besides!" Gimli grumbled, ignoring Legolas' accusation. "She is nothing but trouble and if you'll listen to me, you'll have as little to do with her as possible."
Legolas patted his friend's shoulder. "I hear you, Gimli. But I must finish my relationship with her. I owe her that at least . . ." He trailed off, lost in thought. When he spoke again his voice was soft with regret. "I fear that I have little power to stay away from her though. Even now, when I am angry with her, when I know that I must forget her, I am drawn to her as a moth to a flame."
"And with the same results, I'll wager! You will walk away with your wings singed, if you walk away at all."
"Is it better to have them singed or clipped, I wonder? For the past fourteen years, my wings have been clipped."
"Bah!" Gimli shook his head regretfully. "Perhaps it would be better for you if you did not dwell so close to the sea. If you were to return to Mirkwood . . ."
"Nay, I am where I am needed. And the wind does not blow from the sea very often."
"But what then?" Gimli asked. "Does the longing simply grow in you or did something trigger it. You seemed to be coping with it after hearing the cry of the gull and then suddenly it became much worse after your adventure in Orthanc all those years ago. Did the woman somehow . . . ?"
"Nay, it was not Alede," Legolas sighed remembering that fateful day so long ago. "Though she inspired it in a way."
When Gimli gave him a questioning look, Legolas continued. "When Alede healed me in her tower house, she made a talisman for me." He pulled it out of his tunic.
"Of course, it is the one that saved you from the goblet's spell," Gimli said. "Though I have seen it before. You finger it constantly when you think no one is watching you."
Legolas sighed. "An unfortunate habit. But look at the intricate workmanship. It is glass, yet it is barely the size of my thumb." He leaned over so Gimli might examine it more closely. "She had many such bottles, all of them exquisitely made and it occurred to me once I returned to Ithilien that my people would excel at such a skill. And not only that, but we had a perfect supply of fine sand not far from us."
"Ah," Gimli said knowingly. "The beach sand at the mouth of the Anduin."
Legolas nodded. "Yes. According to the maps, the Anduin opens into a wide delta and I surmised that the sand would be of excellent quality . . ."
"You did not journey to the shore, did you?" Gimli asked in alarm.
"Nay," Legolas answered with a regretful shake of his head. "I would not dare go within sight of the sea. But I sent those of my people with Noldor blood in them down the Anduin to investigate it. The sand they brought back was indeed of the highest quality and . . ."
"And it smelled and felt of the sea," Gimli finished for him.
"I must have stood there for hours running my fingers through it," he said sadly. "I did not even respond until my steward actually dragged me away." He sighed, the sound full of irony. "But our glass is of the highest quality."
"I wish I'd known," Gimli said. "I knew that something had changed. I suppose, I thought it was the woman."
Alede came into sight and Gimli forestalled anything else he'd been about to say. "Just remember what I told you about her," he whispered before moving back to the other side of the fire.
~ ~ ~
Alede waited until Gimli and Legolas had settled down for the night. She knew that sleep would not come to her anyway, so it was no trouble to wait for it to claim them. Her day had been perfectly miserable. Not only was she unused to riding so long after her sojourn in Bree, but the tension of avoiding Legolas had put a strain on her like nothing ever had. Then her attempts to follow Betsy's instructions . . .
Alede's face warmed just at the memory of brushing against Legolas. Never had she done anything so brazen. Yet, she pondered, remembering the heat of his arm and the strength she'd felt in it . . .
If she were alone with him and he was receptive, Alede thought that she might learn to be quite bold. Despite her anger with Legolas, she still loved him and her desire to reconcile with him was growing.
Rolling over on her side quietly, she watched Legolas. He lay on his back, his hands peacefully folded upon his chest, his eyes turned up to the stars. The slight breeze that plucked at his light bedroll did not seem to bother him. Though it made Alede tuck her own bedroll more securely about her shoulders. Gimli soon began to snore; the sound so loud above the chirring of the crickets that Alede thought it alone would have kept her awake even if her thoughts did not.
She watched Legolas blink and turn his head toward his friend. A smile of amusement touched his lips and then he settled more comfortably into his bedroll and his eyelids half closed. His expression softened and his eyes took on the distant hazy look of a sleeping Elf.
Alede stayed still for several more moments before crawling carefully out of her bedroll. She knelt beside Legolas and very gently leaned down to touch her lips to his temple.
"I have never stopped loving you," she whispered, her voice the barest of sighs. "Even now, you are everything to me. I will never forget you, though an eternity could pass. Can we not find a way to help each other?" She straightened up, catching a tear as it threatened to fall and wiped it from her face. With infinite caution, she rose and tiptoed away from the camp.
Because she did not look back, she did not see that both Legolas and Gimli sat up and watched her leave.
~ ~ ~
Alede went down to the stream and washed the tears from her face. She absolutely hated what she was doing to Legolas. It would be far easier to shout at him, to tell him how much he had hurt her and then to drop all the pretence and find a way back into his heart. But she had been frank with him in the past and it had done little good. She must at least continue giving Betsy's method a try no matter how awkward it felt.
I have nothing to lose either way, she thought miserably. *He means to push me away for good now. I can feel it.*
She stumbled slightly over a root as she made her way slowly back to the camp. When she looked up, she caught a soft glimmer, like starlight in the clearing ahead.
But it was not starlight.
"I did not mean to wake you," Alede said softly to Legolas.
He patted the fallen log that he sat on. "I was never asleep. Wait . . . Alede, please join me."
"You looked like you were asleep. You deceived me," she whispered angrily.
"As you have been deceiving me," he said softly. "Alede, you need not use feminine wiles on me." The corner of his mouth curled up in gentle smile. He had realized that Gimli was right and it amused him that Alede would do such a thing. It was so unlike her.
She turned away in embarrassment and started to leave.
"Please stay," his voice was soft and beseeching, a tone that she could barely resist. "Stay and let us speak of this."
She hesitated. "We have spoken of this many times and it seems to accomplish little."
"Yet there is the power to understand and to heal in words. I would invoke that power if I could."
Still she hesitated.
"Please," Legolas said again. Rising, he caught her hand and pulled her gently down on the log beside him. "If you run away, I'll be forced to become as domineering as your lover in Bree," he teased softly postponing what he did not want to say.
"Baird was not my lover."
"Hmm, I am glad to hear it. For the woman who takes that man into her bed is likely to suffer serious hip injury. Never have I seen any man so wide. Would be like riding a horse, I imagine."
Alede's eyebrows shot up as she realized Legolas' meaning. She tried to hide her slight embarrassment and laughter, but it was no use. "It is not fair that you always make me laugh!"
Legolas gave her a quick grin. "Is not laughter better than tears? But seriously, Alede, he was very domineering, wasn't he? Did he hurt you?" he asked worriedly.
"No. But he had an awful temper once he was roused, as you saw. What he would have done if he'd caught Elrohir in my bed, I don't know . . ."
"Oh! Elrohir was in your bed, was he?" Legolas exclaimed, relieved that he might tease her again and avoid the true subject of their conversation. "You are to be congratulated then. I have heard tell that Elrohir is quite the skilled lover. Of course, it was Elrohir who was doing the telling at the time . . ."
"He is not my lover either!" Alede exclaimed blushing. She realized almost immediately that Legolas was teasing her again. "Curse you," she said softly and without anger.
"I know Elrohir did not make love to you, Alede. I am only jesting."
"Really? And how do you know?" she asked quickly. "Are you so certain of your own charms, that you think I took no lovers in your absence?"
"Nay. But I am very certain of your character and of the depth of your love. I know that you have had no lovers, though it might have been best for you if you had."
"I hate it that I am so predictable to you!"
"Do not hate it, Alede. You and Gimli are the only constants in my world."
Alede could think of no reply to that. At least none that she wished to voice at the moment so they sat in silence.
The breeze stirred the trees above them and tossed Legolas' gleaming hair over one shoulder. He brushed the strands away from his face and Alede had to clench her hands together so that she did not reach up to touch those silken locks.
"How could you have doubted me so, Alede?" he asked sadly, finally voicing that which had hurt him so much. "How could you think that I would abandon you without a word of explanation? Do you really think so ill of my character that you think me capable of such unkindness?"
"Nay. But I know that you have never sought my love. I have sometimes felt that I was an imposition to you, a nuisance."
"I have never felt that about you."
"At first," she reflected, "I thought that perhaps some misfortune had befallen you and I discreetly enquired of Elladan if all was well in Ithilien. He corresponds with his sister, Arwen, a couple of times a year. When I found out that you were still alive and apparently prospering . . ." she shrugged. "What else could I think, Legolas? You did abandon me without a word. It matters not that you sent a letter. That letter never reached me and for fourteen years I did not know what had caused the breech. Elrohir guessed that it was the sea longing and instructed me to quiet my song. I . . . I had to tell someone," she said looking up at him guiltily. "I didn't know what to do and Elrohir kept pestering me . . ."
"I know," Legolas interrupted. "He told me and I am glad that there was someone to instruct you."
"Yes, but that was all I had, were Elrohir's instructions. I never truly knew what was in your mind. I could only guess . . . and grieve."
Legolas shook his head sadly beside her. "You might have flown to Ithilien . . ."
"And humiliated myself once again?" she asked with some heat. "I have been throwing myself at you since we met! How could I possibly come to Ithilien when I was certain you did not want me? And for that matter," she continued, "why did you not deliver the letter yourself? You must have known how much it would hurt me!"
"I did not trust myself to see you again," he said quietly, "for when I am with you, I cannot resist you, just as you cannot resist me."
"Is that such an evil thing?"
"Yes, Alede, it is. How many times have I hurt you? Have you forgotten that night only a few weeks ago when I broke down and opened up my song to you? I felt your sorrow! It nearly felled me with its intensity. And then the hobgoblin attacked the prince and I cut you off again. I cannot even imagine how that must have hurt you. I am not good for you. Surely you must see that!"
Alede remained silent, for in truth she had no answer. He had hurt her, over and over. Her relationship with him had been the most painful she'd ever known.
And the most important.
Deciding to follow another thought, she said, "Well then, why did you not write to me after you sent the letter to see how I fared after receiving it? If you had, this misunderstanding would have been cleared up years ago."
He sighed. "For the same reason you did not come to Ithilien. I thought that my letter had angered or hurt you so much that you chose not to reply to it. I assumed that you despised me and I thought it best to leave you alone."
Alede shook her head sadly. "When I think of all the sleepless nights . . . Legolas, I cannot continue like this."
"I agree. Neither can I."
"When we are together," she ventured, "we seem to understand each other. It is when we are parted that the misunderstandings begin. That is when we hurt each other."
Legolas picked up a twig and began idly drawing patterns in the dirt. When he did not answer, Alede spoke again.
"But you do not want us to be together, do you?"
"It is not right for you, Alede. I am harmful to you."
"That is ridiculous, Legolas! Do you think that I do not know what is best for me?"
"Truthfully, I do not," he answered. "That is why I seek to protect you . . ."
Alede interrupted furiously. "I am not the child that you think me to be! You may be many centuries older than I, but my people mature more quickly. And I am a perfectly good judge of what is best for me and what is not! I do not need your protection! If you despise me then say so. Do not use some noble deed as an excuse!"
Legolas dropped his eyes. He could think of no honest answer, at least none that she would accept.
After several moments of uncomfortable silence, Alede forced herself to calm down and try another line of reasoning.
"I thought that the sharing of song was something . . ." she groped for the right word, "permanent," she finally said. She dared not mention that Elrohir had said it was a declaration of love. "I thought that only those with very strong feelings toward each other shared song."
"They do," he answered. "Have you forgotten the kiss I gave you when last we parted?"
"Nay, I have not forgotten! Nor have I forgotten that in the letter you gave me yesterday, you told me to forget you."
"I am not very consistent, am I?" he said with a rueful smile.
"Nay, you are not. You tell me to forget you and you admit that you practically cast me off, hoping that Elrohir would take pity on me . . . Legolas, how could you think such a thing? I love Elrohir but not in that way! I do not wish to spend all of eternity with him, or to bear his children, or listen to his troubles. Your letter made me feel like some tavern wench that you had finished with and were passing off to your best friend!"
"Alede, I never thought that! Nor did I intend it to sound that way! You know how great my respect for you is."
"Yes, I know. But what the mind knows and the heart feels are often two different things!"
Legolas nodded. "Never have you spoken more truly." Even now his troubled heart was feeling things that his mind knew were not for the best.
Alede watched him for a moment thoughtfully. "If you truly wanted me to forget you, then why did you come to Bree? Why did you not simply wait for me to return to Rivendell? Surely Elrohir told you I was due back before the end of the month. You could have stayed and helped my father with his investigation of the goblet."
Legolas turned to her, his eyes dark as the night around them. "Elrohir also told me about Baird and that the man intended to marry you, with or without your consent."
"So, you were worried that I was no match for one human?"
"I was concerned that he would force the issue," he said quietly.
"So, you were worried for my safety?" she persisted.
"Yes, I was very frightened for you. I came prepared to slay him if he had harmed you. And . . ." he admitted slowly, "I wanted to see you one last time."
"You are not very consistent, are you?" she asked sadly.
"Nay, not where you are concerned."
~ ~ ~
A/N: Oh dear. It may take them a little while to get this sorted out. Any guesses on who will win? ;) Chapter 14 will be up Friday! :D
THE FAERIE GOBLET
Chapter 13 ~ "The Power of Words"
[Dearest Alede,
There is fourteen years worth of misunderstanding between us. I scarcely know where to begin. But allow me to start with that which I know has hurt you the most.
I did not simply 'end' my connection to you. I wrote a long and very painful letter to you explaining why I must cease our song. I have only recently discovered from Elrohir that the letter never reached you. I do not know what became of my messenger. I fear that he must have perished on the journey to Rivendell. I regret that you have spent all these years wondering what happened. I can only imagine how that must have hurt you. Believe me when I say that I am deeply sorry.
I wrote to Elrohir at the same time, begging him to look after you. I was and have always been concerned for your welfare. I also admit that I hoped your old affection for him might blossom anew. Elrohir is one of the finest Elves I know. He could make you happy, as I fear that I could not. His Noldor blood makes him far more immune to the call of the sea than I. I would not have you suffer because of something that is uncontrollable for me.
As to my reasons for ending our connection . . . My first concern was for you. You were not happy, Alede. I know that you would argue with me on this subject. But I felt your bone deep sorrow. My song was enslaving you and I could not bear to harm you. I hoped that by ending our connection you would forget me and make a life for yourself. Indeed, when I received no reply to my letter, I assumed you were through with me. I ceased to hear your song only a few weeks after I sent the letter, so I'm afraid it never occurred to me that you had not received it. I am sorry for that. And I am sorry that I felt it necessary to hurt you in order to heal you. But I knew of no other way.
My other reason, as you may have guessed, is because of the sea longing. It has grown even more powerful than when we last met. There are times when I scarcely know my own mind. I am fragmented. Alede, I would make you miserable, just as I have become miserable. You do not deserve that and I will do anything to protect you from such a fate. You must move on. Any feelings you have for me will only cause you grief. I do not want that for you.
I should never have shared song with you but I did not foresee the results. At the time I only wanted to share myself with you. I did not realize how greatly it would affect both of us. It was wrong of me.
I do care for you, Alede. More than you probably realize. But I cannot fall in love as easily as you have or as quickly. Elvin hearts are not made that way. I am sorry for the pain that causes you and for the pain I have caused you in the past. But this time, I do not ask for your forgiveness. I do not I deserve it. I am not myself. I am merely a shell of who I once was. I cannot halt the sea longing or what it does to me. I am Silvan, Alede. I cannot change that, not even for you.
Make a life for yourself, one which does not include me. You deserve happiness. You deserve love.
Forget me.
Sincerely,
Legolas]
~ ~ ~
*Forget me.*
Two days later on the road to Rivendell, Legolas' words were still burning in Alede's mind. She would never, ever forget him. That he even suggested it proved how little he understood her affection. As for the rest of his letter, she felt some relief and regret. Relief, that he had not really abandoned her as she had supposed and regret, that she had ever doubted him. She should have realized that something was terribly amiss when he had so abruptly ended their song. She knew in her heart that he would never treat her so cruelly. Legolas did not have it in him to be cruel and she felt awful that she had had so little faith in him.
Oddly enough, his letter had the opposite effect of what Legolas had intended. His statement that he intended to protect her from himself, proved that he already might love her and she was more determined now than she had ever been. In any case, Legolas needed her. Her heart told her that she was meant to help him.
Nevertheless, fourteen years was a long time to be angry with someone and it would take a while for her to get around that. Alede was mature enough to know that she could be angry and in love at the same time.
During the previous days preparation Alede had dropped her haughty manner and instead simply avoided Legolas. There had been enough to do as it was. She'd said her goodbyes to Betsy and received and earful of advice in return. Alede hadn't stopped blushing for ten minutes after that whispered conversation.
She had also ventured to the smithy and said goodbye to a recalcitrant Baird. He was offended and stiff and people whispered behind their hands as Alede had walked away shaking her head.
*Several months I gave to him and he treats me like a traitor. Perhaps it is time that I faded away with the Elves. I do not seem to understand the way of mortals anymore. They are changing just as Middle Earth is.*
Today, as their horses stretched their legs easily upon the road, Legolas appeared as haughty as Alede had been. She did not know the cause of his irritation. Perhaps it stemmed from her avoidance of him. He himself had suggested that she forget him, yet Alede had no doubt that he'd be very displeased if she did so. One thing she had learned about Legolas was that what he thought was best and what he wanted were usually two entirely different things.
So, she ignored his haughtiness. Elves were known to take offence easily and young princes even more so. She imagined that Legolas thought his letter would have settled everything between them.
He has something to learn of women, she thought irritably to herself.
Of more immediate concern to her was Gimli. The Dwarf obviously resented her. She strongly suspected that he felt protective of his friend and no doubt considered Alede harmful to Legolas.
Little does he know, she thought and as they trotted along their road she pondered how best to break down the Dwarf's barriers.
~ ~ ~
Legolas urged Aransûl forward. Beside him, Faunlend stretched her elegant legs to keep pace.
Alede still played her games. She had avoided him the previous day with a skill that surpassed that of the Elves. He had assumed that his letter would make everything clear and that they might even have the chance to discuss it before they ended their relationship. Though it was a thought that made him quite unhappy, but he knew it was for the best. He could not go on hurting Alede as he had been.
But Alede had been nowhere to be found. She'd gone off to make her purchases and even once she returned to the inn, had disappeared. He strongly suspected her of using magic and that made him angry. That she might be avoiding him as a way of forgetting him was a thought he did not wish to examine.
He was also angry that she could have doubted him all these years. That she had assumed he cut off their connection without an explanation proved that she knew him far less than she thought.
*She should at least have had enough faith in me to know that something was seriously wrong!*
~ ~ ~
After a long morning of little conversation, Alede broke the silence hesitantly.
"Master Gimli, do you ever have tidings of your kin in the Iron Hills?"
Legolas slowed Aransûl so that the Dwarf might more easily answer.
"Occasionally," Gimli answered suspiciously.
"I ask because I lived there for nearly twenty years and wonder how they fare."
That caught the Dwarf's attention. "You lived in the Iron Hills? I was not aware of any the Maiar living amongst them!"
"I was there as a healer. I did not advertise my status as an Istari." Alede cleared her throat a little uncomfortably. She very badly wanted to ease the tension between Gimli and herself. Not only did she like the stout dwarf, but also she wanted him to realize that she was no danger to Legolas. "I lived with one particular family," she continued. "His name was Barin, son of Haran. I . . ."
"I know of him," Gimli exclaimed. "He is one of the finest miners of gems! He visited the Lonely Mountain just before I and my people left for the Glittering Caves."
Alede smiled with relief. "He and his family were well, I hope?"
"Aye! He has two sons almost grown and a daughter just born."
"Oh, I am pleased!" Alede exclaimed. "His oldest son, Aldain is named for me . . ."
"Indeed? That is most unusual." Gimli slewed around on Aransûl's back to stare at Alede so suddenly that Legolas thought he was going to fall. He grabbed the Dwarf's thigh, much to Gimli's annoyance. "I am fine. Leave off," Gimli slapped the Elf's hand away. He directed his next words to Alede in astonishment. "Are you the one who cured the barrenness?"
"Yes," Alede said humbly.
"Barrenness? What do you speak of?" Legolas asked.
"The women of the Iron Hills were barren for a good many years . . ."
"Sixty one years," Alede supplied.
"Yes, sixty one years," Gimli agreed excitedly. "The healers could do nothing about it or find any cause. The people despaired and we all assumed that the population of the Hills would eventually fail. But then I heard that a foreign healer came and found a magical cure."
Alede shook her head smiling. "It was no magic. A new cavern had been opened up with a strange mold growing on the walls. The mold emitted a slightly toxic fume causing infertility in the dwarves who worked it and thus there were no children . . ."
"Dwarves!" Gimli sputtered. "I had heard it was the women who were barren, not the dwarves."
"Nay," Alede laughed, "I'm sorry to tell you it was the male of the population who were effected."
"Mmph!"
"Well, no matter . . ." Alede said diplomatically. "The mold caused temporary sterility. Unfortunately, it took me years to identify the problem. But once I did and the mold was burned from the wall, the women began to be with child again."
"Ha! Amazing! I had no idea it was you who affected the cure. We now joke that the Dwarves of the Iron Hills are the most prolific of any of us. They have far more young ones than any other of our realms."
"Well, that is because I told the women of a certain herb that they could add to their husband's food. It . . . uhm," she cleared her throat uncomfortably, "increases their uhm . . . stamina and desire."
Legolas chuckled softly at the embarrassed look on Alede's face but said nothing.
"So," Gimli began, hastily changing the subject and almost as uncomfortable as Alede, "they named their son for you. He is a very sturdy and promising lad. I imagine he will fill his father's boots quite well someday."
"I am pleased to hear it," Alede said. "The last time I saw him he was only about so big . . ." she held her hands only a few inches apart, "had a mop of curly brown hair and promptly peed on the front of my robes when I picked him up."
Gimli roared with laughter. "I will remind him of that next time I see his family!"
"I had no idea midwifing was so fraught with danger," Legolas said joining in his friend's laughter.
Alede laughed, "Yes, it . . ." She suddenly paused, realizing belatedly that she was still not on friendly terms with Legolas. Turning away, she urged Faunlend into a canter, leaving the Elf fuming behind her.
~ ~ ~
Gimli watched his two companions and shook his head. Legolas was in his "offended Prince of Mirkwood" mood. All Elves were haughty, but Legolas could take it to new heights when he thought he'd been slighted.
And Alede had certainly slighted him. She wasn't exactly ignoring Legolas, but she was avoiding him. At least verbally. Physically, however. . .
Gimli tried to decide just what she was doing physically.
She had taken her hair out of its braid before their simple supper, letting the long tresses tumble over her back. After they had eaten she offered to clean up. As Gimli watched, Alede bent over Legolas to retrieve his plate. Her hair slipped over her shoulder to fall against the Elf in a tumble of golden waves. When Legolas glanced at her, she ignored him, yet as she straightened up with the plate her breast brushed against Legolas' arm. Gimli was quite certain she'd done it deliberately.
And from the look of surprise on the Elf's face, he didn't have a clue what she was up to. Gimli did however and grumbled into his beard.
"Feminine wiles, no less."
Legolas heard him and cast a sharp glance his direction. Gimli waited until Alede had gathered up all of their dishes and gone down to the stream before he stumped over to sit down beside his friend.
"She's using feminine wiles on you."
Legolas shook his head. "I do not think Alede knows the meaning of the word, much less how to use them."
"Nonsense! She is a woman and it is bred into them!"
"Nay, Alede is not artful."
"Then I suppose you are going to tell me that that intimate little brush against your arm was accidental?" Gimli growled.
Legolas cast a puzzled look toward the stream. "It is so unlike her though. Alede has never been artificial . . ."
"Then perhaps someone has taught her the art of snaring an Elf."
Legolas gave him an affronted scowl. "I have not been snared."
"Mmph! It looks like a near thing to me."
"Do not be so lofty, my friend. You warmed to her today. Do not deny it."
"She is an interfering woman and a wizardess besides!" Gimli grumbled, ignoring Legolas' accusation. "She is nothing but trouble and if you'll listen to me, you'll have as little to do with her as possible."
Legolas patted his friend's shoulder. "I hear you, Gimli. But I must finish my relationship with her. I owe her that at least . . ." He trailed off, lost in thought. When he spoke again his voice was soft with regret. "I fear that I have little power to stay away from her though. Even now, when I am angry with her, when I know that I must forget her, I am drawn to her as a moth to a flame."
"And with the same results, I'll wager! You will walk away with your wings singed, if you walk away at all."
"Is it better to have them singed or clipped, I wonder? For the past fourteen years, my wings have been clipped."
"Bah!" Gimli shook his head regretfully. "Perhaps it would be better for you if you did not dwell so close to the sea. If you were to return to Mirkwood . . ."
"Nay, I am where I am needed. And the wind does not blow from the sea very often."
"But what then?" Gimli asked. "Does the longing simply grow in you or did something trigger it. You seemed to be coping with it after hearing the cry of the gull and then suddenly it became much worse after your adventure in Orthanc all those years ago. Did the woman somehow . . . ?"
"Nay, it was not Alede," Legolas sighed remembering that fateful day so long ago. "Though she inspired it in a way."
When Gimli gave him a questioning look, Legolas continued. "When Alede healed me in her tower house, she made a talisman for me." He pulled it out of his tunic.
"Of course, it is the one that saved you from the goblet's spell," Gimli said. "Though I have seen it before. You finger it constantly when you think no one is watching you."
Legolas sighed. "An unfortunate habit. But look at the intricate workmanship. It is glass, yet it is barely the size of my thumb." He leaned over so Gimli might examine it more closely. "She had many such bottles, all of them exquisitely made and it occurred to me once I returned to Ithilien that my people would excel at such a skill. And not only that, but we had a perfect supply of fine sand not far from us."
"Ah," Gimli said knowingly. "The beach sand at the mouth of the Anduin."
Legolas nodded. "Yes. According to the maps, the Anduin opens into a wide delta and I surmised that the sand would be of excellent quality . . ."
"You did not journey to the shore, did you?" Gimli asked in alarm.
"Nay," Legolas answered with a regretful shake of his head. "I would not dare go within sight of the sea. But I sent those of my people with Noldor blood in them down the Anduin to investigate it. The sand they brought back was indeed of the highest quality and . . ."
"And it smelled and felt of the sea," Gimli finished for him.
"I must have stood there for hours running my fingers through it," he said sadly. "I did not even respond until my steward actually dragged me away." He sighed, the sound full of irony. "But our glass is of the highest quality."
"I wish I'd known," Gimli said. "I knew that something had changed. I suppose, I thought it was the woman."
Alede came into sight and Gimli forestalled anything else he'd been about to say. "Just remember what I told you about her," he whispered before moving back to the other side of the fire.
~ ~ ~
Alede waited until Gimli and Legolas had settled down for the night. She knew that sleep would not come to her anyway, so it was no trouble to wait for it to claim them. Her day had been perfectly miserable. Not only was she unused to riding so long after her sojourn in Bree, but the tension of avoiding Legolas had put a strain on her like nothing ever had. Then her attempts to follow Betsy's instructions . . .
Alede's face warmed just at the memory of brushing against Legolas. Never had she done anything so brazen. Yet, she pondered, remembering the heat of his arm and the strength she'd felt in it . . .
If she were alone with him and he was receptive, Alede thought that she might learn to be quite bold. Despite her anger with Legolas, she still loved him and her desire to reconcile with him was growing.
Rolling over on her side quietly, she watched Legolas. He lay on his back, his hands peacefully folded upon his chest, his eyes turned up to the stars. The slight breeze that plucked at his light bedroll did not seem to bother him. Though it made Alede tuck her own bedroll more securely about her shoulders. Gimli soon began to snore; the sound so loud above the chirring of the crickets that Alede thought it alone would have kept her awake even if her thoughts did not.
She watched Legolas blink and turn his head toward his friend. A smile of amusement touched his lips and then he settled more comfortably into his bedroll and his eyelids half closed. His expression softened and his eyes took on the distant hazy look of a sleeping Elf.
Alede stayed still for several more moments before crawling carefully out of her bedroll. She knelt beside Legolas and very gently leaned down to touch her lips to his temple.
"I have never stopped loving you," she whispered, her voice the barest of sighs. "Even now, you are everything to me. I will never forget you, though an eternity could pass. Can we not find a way to help each other?" She straightened up, catching a tear as it threatened to fall and wiped it from her face. With infinite caution, she rose and tiptoed away from the camp.
Because she did not look back, she did not see that both Legolas and Gimli sat up and watched her leave.
~ ~ ~
Alede went down to the stream and washed the tears from her face. She absolutely hated what she was doing to Legolas. It would be far easier to shout at him, to tell him how much he had hurt her and then to drop all the pretence and find a way back into his heart. But she had been frank with him in the past and it had done little good. She must at least continue giving Betsy's method a try no matter how awkward it felt.
I have nothing to lose either way, she thought miserably. *He means to push me away for good now. I can feel it.*
She stumbled slightly over a root as she made her way slowly back to the camp. When she looked up, she caught a soft glimmer, like starlight in the clearing ahead.
But it was not starlight.
"I did not mean to wake you," Alede said softly to Legolas.
He patted the fallen log that he sat on. "I was never asleep. Wait . . . Alede, please join me."
"You looked like you were asleep. You deceived me," she whispered angrily.
"As you have been deceiving me," he said softly. "Alede, you need not use feminine wiles on me." The corner of his mouth curled up in gentle smile. He had realized that Gimli was right and it amused him that Alede would do such a thing. It was so unlike her.
She turned away in embarrassment and started to leave.
"Please stay," his voice was soft and beseeching, a tone that she could barely resist. "Stay and let us speak of this."
She hesitated. "We have spoken of this many times and it seems to accomplish little."
"Yet there is the power to understand and to heal in words. I would invoke that power if I could."
Still she hesitated.
"Please," Legolas said again. Rising, he caught her hand and pulled her gently down on the log beside him. "If you run away, I'll be forced to become as domineering as your lover in Bree," he teased softly postponing what he did not want to say.
"Baird was not my lover."
"Hmm, I am glad to hear it. For the woman who takes that man into her bed is likely to suffer serious hip injury. Never have I seen any man so wide. Would be like riding a horse, I imagine."
Alede's eyebrows shot up as she realized Legolas' meaning. She tried to hide her slight embarrassment and laughter, but it was no use. "It is not fair that you always make me laugh!"
Legolas gave her a quick grin. "Is not laughter better than tears? But seriously, Alede, he was very domineering, wasn't he? Did he hurt you?" he asked worriedly.
"No. But he had an awful temper once he was roused, as you saw. What he would have done if he'd caught Elrohir in my bed, I don't know . . ."
"Oh! Elrohir was in your bed, was he?" Legolas exclaimed, relieved that he might tease her again and avoid the true subject of their conversation. "You are to be congratulated then. I have heard tell that Elrohir is quite the skilled lover. Of course, it was Elrohir who was doing the telling at the time . . ."
"He is not my lover either!" Alede exclaimed blushing. She realized almost immediately that Legolas was teasing her again. "Curse you," she said softly and without anger.
"I know Elrohir did not make love to you, Alede. I am only jesting."
"Really? And how do you know?" she asked quickly. "Are you so certain of your own charms, that you think I took no lovers in your absence?"
"Nay. But I am very certain of your character and of the depth of your love. I know that you have had no lovers, though it might have been best for you if you had."
"I hate it that I am so predictable to you!"
"Do not hate it, Alede. You and Gimli are the only constants in my world."
Alede could think of no reply to that. At least none that she wished to voice at the moment so they sat in silence.
The breeze stirred the trees above them and tossed Legolas' gleaming hair over one shoulder. He brushed the strands away from his face and Alede had to clench her hands together so that she did not reach up to touch those silken locks.
"How could you have doubted me so, Alede?" he asked sadly, finally voicing that which had hurt him so much. "How could you think that I would abandon you without a word of explanation? Do you really think so ill of my character that you think me capable of such unkindness?"
"Nay. But I know that you have never sought my love. I have sometimes felt that I was an imposition to you, a nuisance."
"I have never felt that about you."
"At first," she reflected, "I thought that perhaps some misfortune had befallen you and I discreetly enquired of Elladan if all was well in Ithilien. He corresponds with his sister, Arwen, a couple of times a year. When I found out that you were still alive and apparently prospering . . ." she shrugged. "What else could I think, Legolas? You did abandon me without a word. It matters not that you sent a letter. That letter never reached me and for fourteen years I did not know what had caused the breech. Elrohir guessed that it was the sea longing and instructed me to quiet my song. I . . . I had to tell someone," she said looking up at him guiltily. "I didn't know what to do and Elrohir kept pestering me . . ."
"I know," Legolas interrupted. "He told me and I am glad that there was someone to instruct you."
"Yes, but that was all I had, were Elrohir's instructions. I never truly knew what was in your mind. I could only guess . . . and grieve."
Legolas shook his head sadly beside her. "You might have flown to Ithilien . . ."
"And humiliated myself once again?" she asked with some heat. "I have been throwing myself at you since we met! How could I possibly come to Ithilien when I was certain you did not want me? And for that matter," she continued, "why did you not deliver the letter yourself? You must have known how much it would hurt me!"
"I did not trust myself to see you again," he said quietly, "for when I am with you, I cannot resist you, just as you cannot resist me."
"Is that such an evil thing?"
"Yes, Alede, it is. How many times have I hurt you? Have you forgotten that night only a few weeks ago when I broke down and opened up my song to you? I felt your sorrow! It nearly felled me with its intensity. And then the hobgoblin attacked the prince and I cut you off again. I cannot even imagine how that must have hurt you. I am not good for you. Surely you must see that!"
Alede remained silent, for in truth she had no answer. He had hurt her, over and over. Her relationship with him had been the most painful she'd ever known.
And the most important.
Deciding to follow another thought, she said, "Well then, why did you not write to me after you sent the letter to see how I fared after receiving it? If you had, this misunderstanding would have been cleared up years ago."
He sighed. "For the same reason you did not come to Ithilien. I thought that my letter had angered or hurt you so much that you chose not to reply to it. I assumed that you despised me and I thought it best to leave you alone."
Alede shook her head sadly. "When I think of all the sleepless nights . . . Legolas, I cannot continue like this."
"I agree. Neither can I."
"When we are together," she ventured, "we seem to understand each other. It is when we are parted that the misunderstandings begin. That is when we hurt each other."
Legolas picked up a twig and began idly drawing patterns in the dirt. When he did not answer, Alede spoke again.
"But you do not want us to be together, do you?"
"It is not right for you, Alede. I am harmful to you."
"That is ridiculous, Legolas! Do you think that I do not know what is best for me?"
"Truthfully, I do not," he answered. "That is why I seek to protect you . . ."
Alede interrupted furiously. "I am not the child that you think me to be! You may be many centuries older than I, but my people mature more quickly. And I am a perfectly good judge of what is best for me and what is not! I do not need your protection! If you despise me then say so. Do not use some noble deed as an excuse!"
Legolas dropped his eyes. He could think of no honest answer, at least none that she would accept.
After several moments of uncomfortable silence, Alede forced herself to calm down and try another line of reasoning.
"I thought that the sharing of song was something . . ." she groped for the right word, "permanent," she finally said. She dared not mention that Elrohir had said it was a declaration of love. "I thought that only those with very strong feelings toward each other shared song."
"They do," he answered. "Have you forgotten the kiss I gave you when last we parted?"
"Nay, I have not forgotten! Nor have I forgotten that in the letter you gave me yesterday, you told me to forget you."
"I am not very consistent, am I?" he said with a rueful smile.
"Nay, you are not. You tell me to forget you and you admit that you practically cast me off, hoping that Elrohir would take pity on me . . . Legolas, how could you think such a thing? I love Elrohir but not in that way! I do not wish to spend all of eternity with him, or to bear his children, or listen to his troubles. Your letter made me feel like some tavern wench that you had finished with and were passing off to your best friend!"
"Alede, I never thought that! Nor did I intend it to sound that way! You know how great my respect for you is."
"Yes, I know. But what the mind knows and the heart feels are often two different things!"
Legolas nodded. "Never have you spoken more truly." Even now his troubled heart was feeling things that his mind knew were not for the best.
Alede watched him for a moment thoughtfully. "If you truly wanted me to forget you, then why did you come to Bree? Why did you not simply wait for me to return to Rivendell? Surely Elrohir told you I was due back before the end of the month. You could have stayed and helped my father with his investigation of the goblet."
Legolas turned to her, his eyes dark as the night around them. "Elrohir also told me about Baird and that the man intended to marry you, with or without your consent."
"So, you were worried that I was no match for one human?"
"I was concerned that he would force the issue," he said quietly.
"So, you were worried for my safety?" she persisted.
"Yes, I was very frightened for you. I came prepared to slay him if he had harmed you. And . . ." he admitted slowly, "I wanted to see you one last time."
"You are not very consistent, are you?" she asked sadly.
"Nay, not where you are concerned."
~ ~ ~
A/N: Oh dear. It may take them a little while to get this sorted out. Any guesses on who will win? ;) Chapter 14 will be up Friday! :D