Chapter 5:
Soul Cry
"I don't really want to tell you, you know."
"I know. You don't have a choice."
They sat in a room, on separate chairs, a glass-topped table in-between them like a barrier wall. To keep them from knowing each other. Akane could see the ragged carpet through the table, like a mop of unwashed hair. She shifted her booted feet among the dirtied strands of yarn. The room was cold… no, lifeless.
"Where should I begin…?"
"What is this room?"
It bothered her. Beneath the dirt and torn walls the room was clean. Stainless, like a knife of steel. Ranma didn't look at her. He hadn't since they came into the room. He was staring through the table. He knew what it was.
"Ranma is my given name. Ranma Saotome. But… I think you're the only one that knows that anymore."
He sat with his legs spread apart, his hands clasped between his knees, leaning forward. One of his hands tightened convulsively around the other, until the knuckles turned white like the face of a ghost.
"I was born here. In Nerima. My family moved to China when I was young. But before that, my father knew a man. I never knew his name – I never met him. My father… he…"
Ranma paused. His fists clenched.
"Was a fool. He had some sort of business with this man. I don't know what it was. He was such a fool… and so was I…"
Akane bit her lip. He was hurt, by those memories. And so was she.
"Your father, what was his job?"
He chuckled, a dry, sardonic sound.
"He was a detective."
"Oh."
Her eyes slid from him to one of the battered walls.
"We moved back to Japan. I was sixteen, and for a few years we were like any other family. Normal. Then… they… they died."
He unclenched his fists, letting the tension from his hands and a sigh from his lips.
"I killed them."
He took deep, measured breaths.
"I killed them."
His fist slammed into the glass tabletop and it jumped. Akane watched him in silence.
"I killed them…"
She couldn't find it in herself to be disgusted with him. And she certainly could not fear him. She could never fear him. Her eyes widened. The table… it was wet. With his tears. She could see a distorted image of his face in the tiny mirror of water. His expression was perfectly neutral, as if he didn't notice he had begun to cry.
"Why?"
Her voice was a breathy whisper, as soft and light as the caress of a feather. He didn't answer, not right away. He stared at the table, or maybe at his tears, broken on the glass. Akane was watching her hands where they sat in her lap when he spoke.
"They were crying."
She raised her head.
"They were crying for death."
"W-what…?"
"That man… who knew my father… he cursed me. There is a toxin, with the power to change the genetics of whoever ingests it. I was the first. A prototype. Only because it was convenient."
She hated watching this. It hurt. Watching him relive his past, through memory. While the human mind could not remember pain of the body, emotional pain was always an open wound. Scarred over by time and reopened by life.
"It didn't quite work like it was supposed to. I didn't change. So a different type was developed. This time my father was the test subject."
There was something resembling a smile in his expression.
"It hurts, you know, to go through the change. It's unbelievably painful. I thought I would die the first time… but I'm never the one to go. The first time, it was my father."
He twisted his lips thoughtfully. Why was she watching his lips? They were more expressive, at the moment, than the dead blue of his eyes.
"Once the toxin has entered the body, it takes some time to begin its effects. They are very subtle, for the first few hours before the actual change occurs. If the change is completed the victim will never change back. But my change is different. I was born wearing the form you're looking at. This is me. But… the toxin in my body… reacts when the toxin begins to take effect on anyone else."
"So… that girl…"
"Was me."
His voice was dull, like the half-dead look in his partway-lidded eyes. Like the lifeless atmosphere in the room. She glanced around the room with its beaten walls, sparse furnishings, shoddy carpeting. The glass table was out of place. In a room of bad memories. This was where he hid his pain.
"The victims themselves don't notice any of the effects until the change begins… but I do. Their souls cry out for death… its almost deafening…"
His hands were shaking.
"And then the change comes… hurts like hell… then I'm on the outside looking in until the change comes again."
His shoulders trembled.
"I've killed everyone I've ever known. They're trying to draw me out… because they can't track me."
"How… did you know Xian?"
His bitter laugh rang in her ears.
"She asked me for directions once. That's all it takes."
Akane bit her lip.
"You saved my life… didn't you?"
"No. I only prolonged it. You'll die too, eventually… probably by my hand…. You can't run forever."
So he was alone. Isolated. She was too, in a different way.
"And you didn't want to know me because you knew that. You knew I would die."
They were similar, on the basest levels. But in saving her, he had caused them both more pain.
"You should have let me die. You should have spoken to me, and tracked me. Maybe you could have found them."
He raised his head and his shocked eyes met hers. She was mesmerized by the blue flames. The quickening tattoo of her heart pounded in her chest under his intense gaze.
"I will never throw anyone's life away, if I can help it."
His voice was fierce. He bit off the end of each word with vicious severity. He was childish then, not to sacrifice one life for the sake of others. Or maybe… he was more adult than she could ever be. It didn't matter. She wasn't intimidated.
"You could have saved us both pain!"
He looked at her. As if he was sorry for her. As if he felt pity.
"Would you really like that? To have no pain? Without pain… there is no happiness."
Her breath caught in her throat. This was what she was afraid of. This was what she wanted most.
"Are you… are you happy, then?"
"With you? Of course."
Then there was no pity, only warmth. Her shoulders began to shake. Was she laughing, or crying? There were no tears. And she wondered, as raspy coughs escaped her throat, how he was so pure.
"Use me."
He raised his brows in question. As if he hadn't heard. He had heard, she knew, but he didn't want to.
"Use me."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Do you want to die?!"
"I don't want to… but if there's a good reason, I will."
The look on his face made her want to reconsider.
"Please… don't…"
He wanted her to live more than she did herself. That alone made it harder.
"You can't keep me forever. You said so yourself."
"But…"
He couldn't argue. There was no reason to prolong the inevitable…
"But I don't want you to die."
Except for that. That bothersome thing called humanity.
"You can't get everything you want."
"Don't you think I know that…?"
He tore his eyes from her face. She wanted to cry. But she had no tears left.
"Fine. You leave tomorrow."
She wondered… if he could hear her soul weeping for him. For them.
A/N: It's been so long since I updated this… well long for me. I just couldn't make Ranma a total baddie… Umm, last chapter I only got two reviews. So, since I am getting so few, I decided to start answering them. But if you only say that it's a good fic or something I probably won't reply cuz there isn't much to say to that except thanks. Longer the review, longer the reply. Okay…
Socchan: You always leave such long reviews. I love it! Anyway, I can't believe that was a physics problem… weird… guess I can't use it then. That quote was great though! I think I heard it before somewhere…
Akane_Girl13: Oh, wow… I don't get threatened very often… heh. But I'll try to update faster, so don't hurt me!!
Well that was easy. The reason I never did this before was… well I'm a lazy person. And it took me ten minutes just to do those to. I'll start no though. C ya next chap.