Snow

by Zelda6

zeldasix@hotmail.com

Dedicated to Ani K., Rokusan, oishii, and Rachel.

Chapter 1: The neighbor

It was a couple of days before Christmas, and Zack was staring blankly at his suitcase and a few packages laid out on kitchen table. Everything was to go in the trunk, so that he could be off to see his parents in Gongaga. So that he would be out of Cloud and Tifa's hair this year, and not intrude on their special Christmas. So that Cloud could finally... propose to her...

He grabbed the packages and kicked his front door open--his hands were full, after all. And when he arrived at his mud splattered car, he fumbled for his forgotten car keys. His sigh slowly unfurled in the cold, brisk air, as he carelessly tossed the packages on the hood--he'd be back for them in a minute.

When he returned with suitcase and keys in hand, someone was standing beside his car. She'd picked up the packages that had fallen down, and was gently brushing snow from the festive bells and holly wrapping papers. Her other arm seemed laden with something...

Yep. She was definitely trying to figure out if the little package was the digital camera he had gotten his mom. It was one of the presents she'd helped him pick out, after all.

He grinned, glad his choice of wrapping paper had pleased her. She was smiling, but looking a little perplexed.

She didn't know he was going away this year. He hadn't said anything about it; she had been planning on another Christmas with him and Cloud.

"Hi." Zack flashed a smile at his lovely neighbor.

"Hey. You look like you're going somewhere." Tifa smiled, glancing at the suitcase in his hand.

"Yeah. I'm gonna drive to Gongaga tonight. It's a surprise for my parents. They don't know I'm coming. I wasn't sure I was gonna go, so I told them not to expect me this year," he explained, wishing he hadn't sprung it on her like this. But he'd only recently made up his mind to go.

"They'll be so thrilled," she said, walking up and wrapping one arm around him in a loose embrace. Now he could see that her other arm was clutching a full bag of groceries. "But that means you won't join us this year." Her voice was just a little wistful.

"You'll have fun without me. Three's a crowd, right? Or are there other folks coming this year?"

"No. Cloud wanted just us three this year." She sounded disappointed. More disappointed than he thought she should be.

"Well... I thought you two would want to be alone this year..." He had dropped his false cheer, and was looking rather crestfallen himself.

She shook her head furiously, as though trying to snap out of her funk, to focus on the big picture.

"But you should go! Your parents deserve to see their studly son, right?"

She winked and smiled brightly at him, but he had caught that note of melancholy in her voice. And it was enough to make him toss his suitcase promptly into the trunk and pull her tightly into his arms. He was so absorbed holding her he didn't even jump on that studly' comment.

"Tifa... I should've mentioned it sooner. Sorry."

"No! I'm sorry for making you feel bad about going to see your parents! We've been lucky... you've wanted to be with us the last couple of years..."

"I do want to be with you," he said quite honestly. But by you' he meant Tifa. Not Tifa and Cloud, the couple who lived next door.

"But remember when you said you thought Cloud might want to... take the next step? I thought he might do that this Christmas... if you're alone with him..." He swallowed hard, biting his lower lip. "I wanted that... for you..."

She dropped her grocery bag and wrapped both arms tightly around him. She just held him wordlessly for a while, as he pressed his cheek into her hair, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. Memorizing how she felt in his arms. Praying Cloud wouldn't dash her hopes, now that he'd carelessly raised them.

Then she pulled back a little, and smiled at him. "You still remember that? That was what... 9 months ago? I was... just dreaming, that's all. That's not what he wants at all. He wanted you to come by this year, I'm sure."

"You're disappointed for Cloud, huh?"

"I'm disappointed for both of us. But we have no right to just _assume_ you'd want to be with us again this year! Your parents deserve to see you just as much! Even more so... much more so..."

He reached a hand up to lightly caress her cheek. "I'll be back the day after--I'm not staying til New Year. So unless you're planning a romantic New Year with Cloud, I'll come over and eat you out of house and home like I always do, ok?"

"You'd better," she fisted her hands on her hips and tried to look stern with him.

He grinned at her, the usual warmth filling his heart.

"I should let you go back to packing the car," she said, a little regretfully, bending down to retrieve her groceries.

"Want me to come over and help you? What are you making this year?" He asked, inspecting her groceries.

"Just a roast," she said. "I'm also making turkey, because Cloud loves turkey, but I'm a little sick of it. We made too much at Thanksgiving, and..." She avoided his eyes, guiltily.

He chuckled a little, having suffered his share of post-Thanksgiving turkey. Of course, he didn't _have_ to come over. But he wanted to, even though it meant having more turkey sandwiches foisted on him. For your lunch, just take it,' she'd plead, slipping her arms around him, lulling his senses into stupefied bliss. And he'd ended up with a fridge full of turkey.

She gave him a chagrined smile, obviously still guilt-stricken about it, so he forgave her with a magnanimous grin. When she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, his eyes dimmed a little--he already wished he didn't have to leave her side tonight. But he still had a few more hours.

"I'll be over in a bit, ok?" he asked, and watched with a hang dog expression as she nodded, waved, and then went inside her home.

He stood, still watching, although she'd already disappeared inside. The bright house where she lived with Cloud.

The way it had been for more than a year now. She and Cloud were in that nebulous state of being friends and lovers, neither of them having had the guts to ask the other what they really wanted. 9 months ago, she'd said she wished Cloud would tell her where things stood -- whether he wanted her to move out, or move things to the next level. But she'd also said it was her own fault -- she never could ask Cloud how he felt; maybe it was easier to hope that this month, this year, would be different, rather than ask Cloud straight out and face rejection. I'm just a coward,' she'd said, and he'd pulled her into his arms, half-wanting to promise her he'd press Cloud about it, half-wishing she'd just give up on Cloud. Longing with all his heart to be the one in Cloud's place.

So he lived next door to them, and came by pretty much every day, to do something or other for her. Cloud didn't mind him doing it. Cloud had been taking long and longer trips lately. And right now, Cloud was in Midgar with Reeve. Probably planning another Aeris memorial.

A wry smile crept across his face.

Aeris. He remembered Aeris. Sweet in her own way, but by no means the saint Cloud made her out to be. She knew her way around the slums, around men. But she couldn't live up to her flirtatious promise, so he'd ditched her. Still, she was a good person, and he was sorry to hear she'd died.

But the way Cloud was making Tifa suffer over it...

Aeris was steel under frosted sugar. Tifa hid her fragile, impulsive heart under that tough-gal facade. God, she needed looking after, and he wanted to be the one to take care of her.

He still remembered the day he joined up with them. Tifa watched him like a hawk, afraid he would hurt himself in grief over Aeris. She made sure he ate and slept; kept Barret and Cid from unloading their Shinra hatred on him. Not that he couldn't have handled them, but he appreciated her caring. And he was so enthralled with this girl with the warm molasses eyes hovering over him that he never told her he hadn't been serious about Aeris. To this day, he'd never told her--because that would reveal he'd taken advantage of her concern to get a little more time with her.

At first he was stunned to learn who she was-- he thought for sure Sephiroth had killed her. Then he was floored to find himself so attracted to Cloud's childhood friend. The girl Cloud used to love. Used to. Past tense. He was damn sure of that. Until Cloud asked her to come live with him. Until he realized they were lovers.

God, he'd felt so jealous. But he'd rather see her with Cloud than not see her at all. So he'd rented this house, so he could be near her.

They hadn't talked much about her relationship with Cloud. That conversation 9 months ago was the only time she'd admitted how hurt she was that Cloud still couldn't let go of Aeris. But she'd also said she was starting to accept that. And she might not wait any longer for Cloud. He'd felt a little surge of hope then.

But in the subsequent months nothing had changed. She still hadn't pressed Cloud for an answer. She'd made no plans to move out. And she still turned down every guy who asked her out.

Then there was the day Cloud told him he'd been thinking about proposing to her. Maybe this Christmas,' Cloud had said. He'd asked if Cloud loved her, and Cloud could only say I don't know.'

He didn't think Cloud loved her, but she'd be so thrilled if Cloud proposed. So for her sake, he decided he was going to clear the way for Cloud this Christmas.

But would marrying Cloud really make her happy?

He didn't have the courage to broach that subject. He didn't want to ruin her surprise or hurt her feelings. But he slept more fitfully as Christmas neared, and he held her in his arms a second too long more and more often. Good thing she simply returned his embrace as though it were the most natural thing in the world. She didn't know he loved her dearly.

But Cloud suspected something. Once, he'd thought Cloud was going to ask him straight out, demand to know whether he liked Tifa. And when Cloud told him he'd been thinking of proposing... It had crossed his mind that Cloud was only doing this to warn him off, to be territorial. Cloud wanted to keep her without loving her. Wasn't that greedy of Cloud?

He'd felt ashamed of his jealousy towards Cloud. But he couldn't help it, because the past 14 months by her side were the happiest he'd ever been. Even despite the jealousy, the aching need. Because when she smiled at him, held him, plopped o-nigiri into his mouth, or ran her fingers through his hair, he'd never felt so cherished, so... loved, even though it wasn't love like she held for Cloud.

Would it all collapse this Christmas? His fragile card-house, his little dream world where they played house and ate together, and argued over the difference between capellini and spaghettini. Thank goodness his mother had made him help with her catering business way back when--Tifa had a thing for guys whose testosterone didn't fizzle in the kitchen.

Or maybe it was just him?

Right. A hunk of snow thumped his upturned face, courtesy of an overhanging branch. He shot back a withering glare, defying its feeble attempt to snap him back to humbling reality. The reality that his time with her was rapidly nearing an end.

Well, he still had a few hours by her side--he was going to wait until the traffic lightened up before taking to the highway anyway. So he threw his stuff into the car's trunk and ran his hand through wild dark locks once, before knocking on her door.